Men and Makeup

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  • #596637

    My husband can’t watch me putting on makeup without making a comment about “sheloi asani isha” ex. liplock is like nail polish and he claims it smells (Though once its on he doesn’t mind if I wear as long as it looks natural) I don’t know why but these comments bother me- how can I explain to him that its a normal thing to do and not a weird shtick of mine?

    #766801

    cshapiro
    Member

    so dont wear makeup for a day and see if he still recognizes you….and if he minds??

    #766802

    popa_bar_abba
    Participant

    Talk to him. Tell him the comments bother you.

    #766803

    am yisrael chai
    Participant

    Why not apply your makeup in a different room from him?

    This reminds me of R Miller’s tape on the Ten Commandments of Marriage where he says that one doesn’t need to share one’s weaknesses if that decreases the spouses image (this is the abridged form; listen to the original for entire content).

    May this be your toughest shalom bayis problem.

    #766804

    Clairvoyant
    Member

    If your husband doesn’t want you to wear makeup, you shouldn’t.

    #766806

    A lot of guys say such things. They simply don’t get it. Every time I wear make-up i get the same thing.

    #766807

    yeah let him see what you look like without makeup!! no not that your not gorgeous without just he most probably is most used to you with……

    #766811

    Y.S.G.F.K.
    Member

    does he not want you wearing the makeup or he does not like seeing you put it on? maybe you should put it on in a different room and see if he says anything

    #766814

    why dont u try to go for a more natural look. like dont use lip lock and all that stuff…just but on the basics and i am sure u will look great. happens to be i like a natural look in makeup and i never use all the fancy things like lip liner and lip lock and all that.

    #766815

    mdd
    Member

    Gemora in Moed Katan says that it is the way of the women to like to beautify themselves. (It is not a heter, however, for a married woman to appear in places where strange men are present wearing a lot of make-up).

    #766816

    kapusta
    Participant

    Maybe when the herring comes out say “She’asani Kirtzono”. I’m kidding I’m kidding!!

    If he doesn’t mind you wearing it, then as other people mentioned, do it in a different room (or when hes out of the room).

    *kapusta*

    #766817

    true. colorful eyeshadows IMHO give off a trashy and not-even-pretty look

    #766819

    bpt
    Participant

    I’m ok with my wife’s makeup habits. If she wants to pencil her eyes, more power to her. I’m even ok (but slightly baffled) by her insistence to put on makeup when she goes to the gym.

    But tweezing eyebrows? Yeouch!

    #766820

    adorable
    Participant

    bpt- you make me roll. guys and girls are just so different there is no way to explain us to the guys… about the gym I cannot understand but I would not walk out of my house if I wasn’t wearing makeup but that might also be because I would like to get married in the near future!

    #766821

    Sacrilege
    Member

    Tweezing *shudder*

    Laser and electrolysis, a couple of appointments…. done and done.

    #766822

    cherrybim
    Participant

    Very simple Boro Park Girl, just tell your husband to mind his own business and not be so controlling.

    #766823

    adorable
    Participant

    cherrybim- bad advice to tell someone that you dont know. you want to cause shalom bayis issues there?

    #766824

    dunno
    Member

    Sacrilege

    I’m thinking of doing that. Besides the actual pain, it’s annoying to have to constantly take care of them.

    #766825

    blinky
    Participant

    But tweezing eyebrows? Yeouch!

    Would you rather her have a unibrow? Just curious….:)

    #766826

    cherrybim
    Participant

    “cherrybim- bad advice to tell someone that you dont know. you want to cause shalom bayis issues there?”

    ok, so tell him nicely that it’s none of his concern, and to shut up.

    #766827

    adorable
    Participant

    cherrybim- Im happy you are not being my kallah teacher! I have a co worker whos husband does not like when she wears makeup. She stopped cold turkey- from one day to the next. I admire her so much you cannot imagine. she went from heavy makeup every day to a tiny mascara (she is blonde!) for a wedding!

    #766828

    s2021
    Member

    adorab- thats a BIG change. She did it all for him -or she didnt mind?

    #766829

    adorable
    Participant

    she is a wonderful person and I cannot imagine how she did it but she knew that it meant the world to him. She was the type who wore makeup from a very young age- house full of older sisters….always loved playing around with their stuff…

    #766830

    Pac-Man
    Member

    cherrybim: What got you to be a misandrist?

    #766831

    s2021
    Member

    She loved it so much, and suddenly stopped cold turkey?

    I hope CHOSE to stop……..

    #766832

    adorable
    Participant

    she decided to respect her husbands wishes. I would never be able to do that but….I think in the back of her mind she always wanted to be able to stop but not sure if it was a conscious thought

    #766833

    am yisrael chai
    Participant

    There’s a difference if the husband requested it or ordered it.

    And if he also gives on things that bother the wife.

    #766834

    s2021
    Member

    My thoughts too am..

    #766835

    adorable
    Participant

    I think he told her straight out that he does not like makeup- like why dirty your face with all this stuff? he likes to see her pure face

    #766836

    Englishman
    Member

    “There’s a difference if the husband requested it or ordered it.

    And if he also gives on things that bother the wife.”

    A wife has an obligation to adhere to her husband. A husband must take his wife’s wishes into account before making a decision.

    #766837

    adorable
    Participant

    I still dont think i would ever be able to do what she did. its a very big step especially for a women that it means so much to

    #766838

    cherrybim
    Participant

    Pac-Man, no I don’t hate kind, considerate, sensitive, giving, appreciative, loving husbands. But, you’re right, I do hate abusive husbands.

    #766839

    bpt
    Participant

    A unibrow? No, of course not.

    I’m talking about the differnce betwen eyebrows that are as normal as the next person, vs. a tweezed brow that you would think were drawn with a compass and a protractor.

    And as far as laser / electro being “done / done”, if I read correctly, that can run into the very high hundreds, and it lasts for 6 months.

    But on the topic of makeup as a whole, I ask you: is it really worth spending $2000+ a year on makeup/ treatments, that only your female friends will notice?

    You decide. (I already have)

    #766841

    s2021
    Member

    “A wife has an obligation to adhere to her husband. A husband must take his wife’s wishes into account before making a decision. “

    Englishman- ur scary.

    Thats the what my X said when he was told to give me a get.

    #766842

    HAKOL TOV
    Member

    adorable,

    i think your workmate is amazing! to be able to do this just for her husband without any complaints is amazing and something all woman should strive for!

    #766843

    am yisrael chai
    Participant

    Englishman

    It’s not unilateral

    Ask your rav

    Especially if he is controlling &/or abusive

    #766844

    Englishman
    Member

    s2021, I just cited the halacha. I’m not sure why you object to hearing what Hashem has to say about the issue.

    #766845

    s2021
    Member

    ha, thats what he said too

    R u him??

    #766846

    am yisrael chai
    Participant

    Hashem did not mean it in controlling/abusive situations.

    Speak to your rav.

    Torah lo bashamayim hee.

    #766847

    cherrybim
    Participant

    “I just cited the halacha”

    Englishman, since you’re citing, why don’t you cite for the CR what the RAMBAM says are a husband’s obligations to his wife?

    #766848

    adorable
    Participant

    ouch that would be scary if he was. is your ex from england or does he act (or think he does) like an englishman?

    #766849

    Englishman
    Member

    cherrybim: There are many obligations listed. You can cite whichever you refer to, though I don’t know why you would think one’s rights would invalidate one’s halachic obligations.

    #766850

    am yisrael chai
    Participant

    You have not addressed my posts.

    Kindly get back to us after discussing the issue with your rav if this is carte blanche.

    #766851

    mdd
    Member

    A wife has rights regarding certain things, which the husband may not violate. Besides these rights, it is like the Englishman said, however — the husband is the king. He should be a benevolent one at that.

    #766852

    cshapiro
    Member

    bpt…if u think tweezing uve never gotten threading, now thats a reason to cry!!

    idk if its just me, but once i didnt put eyeliner on and my mother didnt even recognize me. when i went to work without makeup my coworker told me i can commit a crime, wipe off my makeup and walk rite by the scene and no one would know….lol although from time to time i like the natural look i love black or blue eyeliner it just makes my eyes pop

    #766853

    Sacrilege
    Member

    bpt

    It depends on the skin tone to hair color, every one is different. I had it done about 2.5 years ago and havent had to go back, I know some people who have to go back every six months for touch ups…

    Regarding the price it also depends where you go (and what area of the body you are doing) in the end *I* think it ends up paying for its self.

    #766854

    adorable
    Participant

    I was thinking about just starting it…

    #766856

    goldenkint
    Member

    dear boro park girl. there are certain grooming tasks that while necesary and commendable are not necessarily pleasant to watch. i don’t enjoy watching people clean their noses or cut their toenails or even brush their teeth, its just not esthetic.. if your husband doesn’t mind seeing you with makeup, but just makes funny comments on watching the application, then don’t worry about it. put it on not in his presence. by the way, he may never have witnessed his mother or sisters do it so it may seem very weird to him. funnily enough after being married for over 30 years and wearing make up for almost every day , except yomkippur and tisha b’av. my husband one day asked what took me so long to get ready in the morning . i said i was putting on make up. he said “why do you need makeup” i laughed out loud. to me this meant that 1) he thought i looked good without it, and 2) he really thought i looked good cuz he didn’t realize that i was always wearing makeup.

    my married son who is the sweetest, kindest yeshiva guy, and grew up in a family where the women wear makeup, and nail polish says whenever the topic comes up. don’t talk to me, i’m a guy and i just don’t understand why you need it or want it. suffice to say Hahem made women like makeup, and our guys just have to accept that. of course it should always be tasteful and refined and tsanua.

    #766857

    i dont know much about makeup but do your husband a favor:

    when you are driving to a Chasunah, put your nailpolish on before you leave the house. NOT IN THE CAR!

    those fumes are TOXIC.

    especially since you probably wont let him open the car windows to let in some fresh air since it might disturb your hair.

    #766858

    adorable
    Participant

    Mod you make me roll. I also find those fumes horrible and hate the smell when i walk into a salon and it STICKS like nail polish in every corner of the room… at least their lotions smell good

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