August 23, 2010 3:45 pm at 3:45 pm #694199popa_bar_abbaParticipant
The second proposal being made is that people compensate shadchanim after a certain number of dates for having produced a “good potential”. The effect on the age gap is said to be that older girls will pay more.
I will respond based on my three points.
A. I am not convinced this will have an effect on the current age gap.
I am a guy, and I have dated. I always had multiple people I could go out with. I went out with whoever I thought had the best potential to lead to marriage. If a shadchan had bad ideas, I ignored him/ her and spoke to a different shadchan. If I felt a shadchan was being misleading, I would never deal with them again.
But really, the premise is faulty. If younger girls began to feel they were being ignored by shadchanim, they would also pony up the cash! Do we want to turn this into a bidding war?
B. This idea is achievable. Girls could start offering shadchanim money. But, as stated, it may not have the hoped for effect.
C. This idea is very dangerous. If singles are to pay shadchanim after a certain amount of dates, it would cause a pressure to not go on those further dates. A so-so third date would often result in a rejection if the fourth date will cost money. Witness how different the dating dynamic is when the parties are traveling to meet.
To summarize, the benefits are questionable, while the danger is real.August 23, 2010 4:17 pm at 4:17 pm #694200
Regarding your three points.
1. it would have a tremendous impact on the musical chairs becuase People/Shadchanim would not set up “bad ideas” they would naturally focus on the ones where they would be appreciated and recognized. This concept has and is being tested with tremendous results.
2 is achievable and intially it would start with communities/orgs/schools doing it on behalf of the singles. it is a very cost effective program as they only pay for results produced.
3. your concern for downside is not merited becuase so long as communities are doing it there is no “pressure” on the individual to take it into account as to whether to go ahead with the next date. Addtionally the comminities/orgs/schools can set guidlines that it only offers it for girls who are 20+.August 23, 2010 6:23 pm at 6:23 pm #694201
In thinking about the choice of title “musical chairs” I like the idea for a different reason.
Right now, much of what drives the litvishe shidduch market is the fear factor (I might not get married if a don’t dress a certain way… I may not get dates if a fess up to a certain non-conventional ideal which I believe in… all the good boys are going quick, so I better take the 1st one that askes, even though as things stand now, this one shows no indication of being able to support his family, ect)
In an open contest (which is necessary to play musical chairs) the most nimble players would win. Not yichus, not money. Your own abilities, your own talents would assure you a fair shot. And, before you enter the ring, you could see who the players are and decide if you want to try this round or look for another where you think you’ll find folks more similar to you (or at least how you see yourself)
And if this idea sounds familiar, it is. Its called a singles weekend. Pehaps not the right venue for 18-21 year olds (or 25 year old who can only relate to 18-21 year olds), who want others to do their homework for them, and are prepared to settle for whatever the market allocates them. But for young adults who have the confidence to earn their own rewards, this is an idea whose time has come (again)August 23, 2010 6:51 pm at 6:51 pm #694202
Nice idea but a singles weekend neither adds chairs nor decreases participants. As such please explain how it changes the cruel game going on. Perhpas it will change which participants land chairs and which are left out when the music stops, but it won’t/doesn’t change the nature of the game.August 23, 2010 8:06 pm at 8:06 pm #694203
AZ, it will change who meets which means men may marry older women. Isnt that what you are aiming for?August 23, 2010 8:53 pm at 8:53 pm #694204
There’s a stigma for a guy to marry a girl that is older than him, but it’s much easier for him to reject a name on paper than a person he met. I don’t know how well the singles weekend idea will fly but I do agree that if it worked there will be more guys marrying girls older than them.
By the way- How’d you celebrate your anniversary?August 23, 2010 9:06 pm at 9:06 pm #694205
It sure will change the nature of the game. Here’s how:
1 – the boys will not be led to believe that there is a inexhaustable supply of girls, so they can be as lackluster as they want an still win
2- girls who are led to believe that they “dont stand a chance” becuase of some imaginary defect will realize they can control the game to a greater extent than they currently do (right now, its the shadchanim who hold the whole deck)
3- it will make parents set realistic support terms. Right now, if a so-so boy ahs a great agent, he can swing a better deal than someone with real talent (and girls / girls parents bite down hard an swallow this travesty because of the fear factor
And contrary to popular believe, there are EXACTLY the same ammount of boys to girls out there. Hashem see to that. What He does not control is our societies warped attitude.
And yes, I have see the “age gap data” that was released early this summer. My friends and I spent hours discussing and analyzing it. Yes, there are a small percentage of girls that are still stingle after being in the shidduch market for 5-10 years. But I’ll venture a guess and say there are the same number of single boys out there as well. Its just that they seem to have a longer shelf life (or so they think / are let to believe).
If we were to hold our youth accountable for their “marketabiity” we’d be pleasantly superprised at the results.August 23, 2010 10:30 pm at 10:30 pm #694206
Dr Pepper, I think the stigma is slowly eroding. My 27 year old cousin just married a 26 year old guy. I married a guy 31 days my junior 🙂
I agree with BP Totty.
Oh and Dr Pepper – how did you remember it was my anniversary? We celebrated by going to a mutual friend’s wedding and we reminisced while we were there.August 24, 2010 12:09 am at 12:09 am #694207
“And contrary to popular believe, there are EXACTLY the same ammount of boys to girls out there. Hashem see to that. What He does not control is our societies warped attitude.”
As i posted at the earlier those who don’t get it/don’t believe/or are otherwise uncomfortable with the concept of there being more participants than chairs they are more than welcome to disagree. If i can ask to keep this thread to focusing on solutions to that point.August 24, 2010 12:15 am at 12:15 am #694208
SjSinNYC & DR Pepper:
If having singles meet on there own would encourage boys to date girls w/o paying attention to ages (and thus to date girls close to their won age,) then it definatly has potential.
From what I’ve heard it’s quite difficult to get the chairs to come to those events becuase they are sitting pretty with plenty of participants to choose from.
If you can make it happen GO FOR IT!!
As for the stima being broken B”H, to date that has been a very siginificant achivement that has come about from the awareness and edcuation of the Age Gap concept.August 24, 2010 12:40 pm at 12:40 pm #694209
2 points if you figure it out on your own.
Actually, let’s make it 5 points since it’s kind of wacky.August 24, 2010 2:05 pm at 2:05 pm #694210
“there being more participants than chairs”
AZ – The chart I refer to listed data from 22 bais yaakovs, for a 10 year period. Has anyone done a chart like to track boys? If that were done, I’m pretty sure the soloution would present itself. And the “crisis” would be much less ominous.
Putting everyone on a level playing field would also solve much of the problems. But as long as you have 3rd (and 4th)parties running the show, there will always be those who are taken advange ofAugust 24, 2010 2:33 pm at 2:33 pm #694211
BP Totty: please re-read the data (it will be re-printed this week on the back page of the Flatbush Jewish Journal). The data on boys from similar families who started dating at the same time (5-10 years ago) are 3% still single, the girls 13% still single.
However, as i have requested previously I ask not to debate the existence of the musical chairs phenomena in this thread. If you don’t agree/believe/accept-fine. The goal of this thread is to productively suggest,debate, fine tune various suggestions for dealing with that situation. If you feel it doesn’t exist, feel free to ignore.August 24, 2010 3:27 pm at 3:27 pm #694212
2 points if you figure it out on your own.
Actually, let’s make it 5 points since it’s kind of wacky.
You looked at OnlySimchas – big deal 🙂August 24, 2010 4:10 pm at 4:10 pm #694213
There is no doubt that we have a problem; even if its only 2% girls that are struggling. Its just not as bleak as it seems, once you look at the data.
And yes, I do believe I made a very concrete suggestion to bridge the gap for singles 22-25. Let them start taking control of their own destiny, instead of being run around by the system. They do this for their carrear, so I see no reason why dating should be any different.
Back to the numbers, the chart that I saw showed data for girls schools only. Some schools have a much better rate than 13%, so some schools are doing a great job, while others need to rethink their approach. In fact, the school that had a 22% single rate should be meeting with the school that had an under 10% rate to see what they could learn from them. Clearly, someone’s approach is working, while the others are not.
Is the reprint going to show data for 22 boys schools in the same demographic areas? For the same timeline? That would be a real eye-opener.August 24, 2010 4:21 pm at 4:21 pm #694214
An old thread? Or you actually know me?
Squeak, did you look for me on onlysimchas?August 24, 2010 4:33 pm at 4:33 pm #694215
Dr Pepper did you do the math? I said I met my husband in college (most people start in september), knew him for 9 months before we started dating, dated for 1.5 years and got married 9 months later. Did you assume August then with a September start? If so, I’m impressed LOL.
If you do know me, are you related to the Peppers that made my sister’s shidduch?August 24, 2010 4:54 pm at 4:54 pm #694216
Vidi.August 24, 2010 4:59 pm at 4:59 pm #694217
The statement that the school at 22% should learn from the school at under 10% is a clear misunderstanding of the problem.
In musical chairs there are only so many chairs. if the school at 22% “did things differently” then their numbers would perhpas get better and a different schools numbers would get worse. There are only so many chairs to go around. However, this is not a point i have any interest in debating in this thread.
Re: your suggestion, Pls clarify how “taking charge of there own destiny” will increase chairs or decrease participants.August 24, 2010 5:08 pm at 5:08 pm #694218
Solution – if all the chairs in the room get taken, then the remaining participants move into the next room. There they find other chairs (perhaps not the ones that they first would have considered, but solid & sturdy ones nonetheless), would that help all the participants win the game?August 24, 2010 5:11 pm at 5:11 pm #694219YW Moderator-80Member
for those who dont understand mr squeaks cryptic comment:
“Veni, vidi, vici”
i came, i saw, i conqueredAugust 24, 2010 5:26 pm at 5:26 pm #694220
“their numbers would perhpas get better and a different schools numbers would get worse”
Not necessarily so. There ARE enough boys on the planet for each and every girl (unless you don’t believe in hashgacha protis, and if so, the conversation ends right here.)
That of course cannot be the case, so its just a question of finding / matching the “overlooked gems” that are oout there. Do the “hard cases” (older, less glamorous, less than perfect dress size, not enought money / yichus) require more work? Of course they do. Will shadchanim work as hard as the single will work for themselves? Not so sure. So the best soloution for those facing an uphill battle is to do the work themselves.
But I’d still love to see the data on the boys.
As lakewood fellow said, there are plenty of chairs, just not in the room you’ve locked yourself into. Think out of the box and soloutions will present themselvesAugust 24, 2010 5:47 pm at 5:47 pm #694221HelpfulMember
Doc, Pepper is your real last name?
Maybe he IS the Pepper that made the shidduch?August 24, 2010 5:53 pm at 5:53 pm #694222
No, he is too young. But his parents may have. The question is – do his parents live in Monsey and did they recently recieve flowers for their shidduch who celebrated their 10 year anniversary?August 24, 2010 6:08 pm at 6:08 pm #694223
Lkwd: the answer to your question – NO.
Taking into account all the second tier chairs etc. there are still not enough chairs for the participants. Here’s a trial excersize for a lkwdfellow. Please find out how many boys total came to BMG 7 years ago (lets pretend they started dating immediately-which they didn’t) and please let us khow many of them are still single. in other words, how many BMG boys are still single after dating seven years. (obviously not all boys go to/are in BMG but it would be a telling excersize.)
As i’ve asked numerous times. This thread is to discuss solutions to the numbers problem. If you believe there are equal number of boys/girls in the dating pool and therefore don’t see the cruel game of musical chairs going on, feel free to ignore the thread. Please don’t take away from the legitamate attempts to end the cruel game.August 24, 2010 6:36 pm at 6:36 pm #694224
AZ – you came here looking for solutions, which I’m trying to offer. By focusing only on BMG, you’ve overlooked the solution that I’ve proposed.
Yes, there’s very few boys that remain single in BMG after 7 years.
But…… that’s my point!!!
A girl enters shidduchim only looking for a certain type of boy. As she starts getting older, there are very few of that type boys that remain for her to date.
Thus, as she gets older – she has to broaden her search. That means, now she must start looking for boys who perhaps she wouldn’t have considered earlier in her shidduch search. This may include a boy from a different Yeshiva, a working boy, a divorcee, an almon, a Baal T’sheva, etc., etc. She’s not sacrificing on the important things like middos, etc. She is just looking at ideas that she would have never considered before.
You have reffered to them as “second tier chairs” – which in my humble opinion – is cruel. I’d rather use the term alternative chairs. And, as I wrote – sturdy & solid chairs, just different from the ones that you saw in the first room.
Speak to those who deal with older singles. They focus on different ideas for older singles. They work to come up with shidduchim for older singles that are on target, but ones that the single may have never considered when they began dating.
Those who have made shidduchim for older singles will confirm what I’ve wrote. I assume you haven’t & therefore you may not be able to appreciate what I’ve written.August 24, 2010 6:51 pm at 6:51 pm #694225
I gave you a solution.. a few times. You just seem bent on focusing on the problem.
And there is a VAST world beyond BMG. The system would have us believe otherwise, but it aint so. Like I said, break out of the box, and you’re halfway home. And bli neder, this is the last post I make on the age gap topic. You see the problem, I see the soloution. But I will add this: since whoever put the list of 22 schools together does know who the “under 10%” rate is, THAT should be made public, becuase for whatever reason, their grads ARE getting married. Perhaps not pulling from the BMG pool, but fact is, they are going down the aisle. And hooray for the mechanchim / mechanchos who are at the helm of those ships.. they are doing their job!
And don’t say, “if one wins, its at the expense of another single. If the 20% single rate school knew what the under 10% school knew, THEY WOULD FIND THEIR BASHERT because he is out there. HASHEM GUARRANTEES THAT, so its not me who has a problem with your theoryAugust 24, 2010 6:53 pm at 6:53 pm #694226
The only cruel game is the one AZ is playing.August 24, 2010 7:17 pm at 7:17 pm #694227
lkwdfellow: I prefer to think of every individual as a gem. There are posters here who refer to various segments as less than top tier. I apologize for any reference otherwise that i may have implied. I certainly didn’t mean anything other than to respond to previous posters.
Now to the issue at hand.
Lkwdfellow/BP Totty: you continue to argue that there are equal chairs for the participants, if only participants would consider other chairs, in other rooms etc. I once again will posit that that is simply incorrect and that is the premise of this thread. If you disagree with that premise so be it – but denying the premise doesn’t serve as a solution to it.
I repeat, i would like this thread to stay focused on that premise and solutions to it. Those who disagree/deny or are otherwise bothered by it are free ignore the thread.August 24, 2010 7:49 pm at 7:49 pm #694228
AZ – you obviously haven’t spoken to shadchonim who focus on older singles. They aren’t saying that there’s a lack of boys for the older girls to marry. Rather – they say that the older girls need to look for alternative ideas.
After you’ve done your research – by speaking to those who deal with older singles (as I’ve done) – get back to me.August 24, 2010 9:00 pm at 9:00 pm #694229mw13Participant
AZ – “denying the premise doesn’t serve as a solution to it.”
As they say; if it ain’t broke, don’t fix it.August 24, 2010 9:02 pm at 9:02 pm #694230
Lkwdfellow: As i said, this forum is not the place for this discusion, but suffice it to say that i have spoken to tens and tens of shadchanim all across the spectrum. The cruel fact is that there simply aren’t nearly enough chairs around for the participants, and the older participants the more lobsided the game becomes.(yes, a individual girl definately has some options, and she can do herself a lot of good by being open to things she may have not previously considered, however as a whole there’s simply a lack of chairs.)
There isn’t much that can be done for the older participants as a whole other than create a trickle up effect.
The focus of this thread is to prevent the game from continuing (and the solutions suggested will create the desired trickle up effect that will be somewhat of a help to the already older participants).August 24, 2010 9:23 pm at 9:23 pm #694231popa_bar_abbaParticipant
Hmmm. What is the real purpose of this thread? Mod 80?August 24, 2010 9:31 pm at 9:31 pm #694232YW Moderator-80Member
the real purpose of this thread is to let AZ state and defend his agenda, ignoring any other possible suggestions or solutions, so that he doesnt hijack every other potential thread on shiduchimAugust 24, 2010 9:38 pm at 9:38 pm #694233mw13Participant
AZ – “denying the premise doesn’t serve as a solution to it.”
As they say; if it ain’t broke, don’t fix it.August 24, 2010 11:27 pm at 11:27 pm #694234
When I read the “data” on the still single graduates it seemed that all the smaller schools had higher percentages of singles while the larger schools had smaller percentages. I wonder if people are simpmy stereotyping girls because of the schools they attended the way somepone not in BMG “must not be a good bachur”.August 25, 2010 12:10 am at 12:10 am #694235
AZ – I agree that the focus of this thread is to prevent the game from continuing.
However, I’d like you to agree as well that there are alternative chairs for the participants to sit on if they haven’t found their chair in the first round. If you agree to that point, then it would be unfair to state that girls will remain single.
You yourself wrote – a individual girl definately has some options, and she can do herself a lot of good by being open to things she may have not previously considered.
So, you agree that the lack of chairs in only in the first round.
That being the case – it’s quite hard to say that there’s a lack of chairs on the whole. It really depends on what round of the game you are talking about & what chairs you are willing to consider….August 25, 2010 2:52 am at 2:52 am #694236
If you feel it aint broke feel free to ignore this thread. This thread is positing that there are more, far more participants than chairs and looking for ways to solve that. if you don’t believe that to be the case feel free to ignore.
you either misread or didn’t understand what I wrote. It is of course true that any specific participant has a opportunity and the more open she is to things she may not think is a l’chatchila for her, the greater the chance that that specific participnat will find a chair. This is true for particpants at all stages of the game.
HOWEVER, so long as there are far more participants than chairs there is simply no way for all the participants to land chairs.
(just note the earlier on in the game the less cruel it is. If the first year in the game there are say 2200 participants and 2000 chairs, a few years later there may be 400 particpants and 200 chairs, and a few years later there may be 250 participants and 50 chairs.)August 25, 2010 12:26 pm at 12:26 pm #694237
So much to write- so little time to write it.
That math equation was too straight forward (and only worth 2 points). Also there was no way to pinpoint Aug 22nd.
I don’t know who you are, I picked up the information from a conversation I overheard when a neighbor came to bring her kids over and stayed to schmooze. (She is friends with either your sister or sister-in-law, and she mentioned something about you and your husband being engineers, having met at Polytech.) I knew it was a long shot but I decided to post it anyway.
My parents don’t live in Monsey and my fathers brother moved out about 4 years ago. His sisters still live there but they took on their husbands last name when they got married. (I’m also not aware of any shidduchim my parents made.)
Other relatives who came over at different times took on different spellings of the name- Pfeffer, Feiffer… Are they Kohanim? (If they’re not Kohanim they’re not related.)
Gotta go now and I’m going to be really busy today so don’t hold your breath waiting for a response.August 25, 2010 12:43 pm at 12:43 pm #694238
Wow, the Jewish world is small LOL.
So your wife is friend’s with my sister’s friend? Or was my sister the one at your house? How did we come up in conversation?
Good sleuthing! Incidentally, my brother in law also went to Polytech with us 🙂August 25, 2010 1:07 pm at 1:07 pm #694239
I think it started when one of them commented that the kids look like they want to be engineers when they grow up by the way they were building. Then the conversation led to “an engineering couple” she knows who met at Polytech, where he is a civil engineer and she works for Con Ed.
When my wife mentioned that she is due on Aug 22nd she said “That’s funny- that’s their anniversary”.August 25, 2010 1:21 pm at 1:21 pm #694240
LOL That’s a hysterical story. But my husband is a mechanical engineer (as am I) 🙂
Now I have to go figure out who that is. Do they live in Raintree?August 25, 2010 1:23 pm at 1:23 pm #694241HelpfulMember
I am curious. When you make a l’chaim, do you use soda instead of schnapps?August 25, 2010 2:26 pm at 2:26 pm #694242
That’s what threw me off at first. I also thought you were an electrical engineer.
Anyway, I have to prepare a speech for tomorrow, my wife will have my head if I get up and rant on how the age gap is causing global warming (although AZ will be proud).
Helpful- Feel free to swing by tomorrow and find out first hand.August 25, 2010 4:08 pm at 4:08 pm #694243
While I’m all for a l’chaim now and then, soda is not enough of an incentive. If the Kentucky Uncles and cousins are making an appearance, please drop me a line!
Back to shidduchim, while I like the analogy of musical chairs, it struck me this morning (yes, during shacris, sorry to admit, I know, I know, I need to work on that) that some readers may have taken offense to the idea that we refer to this serious business as a “game” So rather than think of this as the musical chairs game we played in kindergarden, I think a more appropriate comparison would be visiting a chair showroom.
You need to find one that fits your budget, your taste and most inportant, your needs. The finest chair is of little value to you, if it does not fit your lifestyle. And just like we don’t allow a salesperson to talk us into choosing something that we don’t feel right about, if they cannot show you what you have in mind, there are other stores to shop at.
And like all shopping experinces, you can drive yourself nuts by endlessly looking, or you can determine your needs before heading out and zero in on whats right for you.
Singles! Take it from us married folks.. you can do this! Don’t allow the fear factor to damper your attiude. We did it, and so can you. B’hatzlocha, and b’korov, mamash!August 26, 2010 8:25 pm at 8:25 pm #694244
Step #3. Further reduce the participants:
A. Will it actually make an appreciable difference?
B. Is it implementable; will people do it?
C. Will it create other problems; will it be worth it?
Downside is extremely limited if any. There are actually other huge huge side benefits thus- you question will it be worth it
Sum total of the 3 ideas presented.
If boys are starting to date at around 22/ they have an incentive to date girls who are 20+/ shadchanim are focusing on the slightly older girls because it is they who appreciate and compensate them for their time.
We have essentially solved the problem.August 29, 2010 12:24 pm at 12:24 pm #694245tzippiMember
Since we’re reprising/rehashing -l’toeles harabim, of course – I’ll so a brief best of myself and then ask a question.
First, Midwest2, good that you (and others) have brought up other factors. Let’s say that the age gap is the major issue. It’s a significant chunk of the pie to the shidduch crisis, let’s say a 40% factor. There is still 60% of other factors to consider and work on with as much energy and passion, IMO. There’s the chanoch l’naar issue, there’s the support issue, there’s all the other mishegos, there’s a lot to work with but since AZ is making the rules, I guess we can’t discuss it here. But we ignore it at our peril.
Now for the question. Say there’s a 23/24 y.o. guy and you know a girl for him who is simply perfect, absolutely what he needs and is looking for but she’s 3 or more years younger. Do we not suggest the shidduch? Ask the boy to wait till she’s 22? Does the rosh yeshiva decline to be mesader kiddushin, because if we’re not working on the solution we’re part of the problem? Should we feel guilty? I just know of a few great shidduchim wherein the girls are younger, and not within AZ’s guidelines to heal the demographics crisis.August 29, 2010 2:09 pm at 2:09 pm #694246
No demographics crisis. Just a lack of clarity on what type of chairs are being sought. Perhaps more of an identity crisis.
I think a more accurate description is The Dating Game or perhaps Charades, not musical cairs.August 29, 2010 3:42 pm at 3:42 pm #694247
1. support, “mishegos” etc. have a minimal if any impact on TOTAL number of shidduchim/participants who land chairs, simply who gets the chairs, same for a apushatayid’s comment.
2. However, this isn’t the thread where i’ll debate those points. If you have ideas for easing the numbers which you readily admit is a chunk of the problem we are all ears.
3. I don’t think any poster mentioned anywhere that it is “forbidden” to suggest a shidduch that isn’t close in age. The discussion is simply how to facilitate that far far more such shidduchim take place. Either by increasing chairs or decreasing participants.
4. and of course if you think/believe/have evidence of other contributing factors to the problem. BY ALL MEANS get to work and alleviate them. For whatever it counts I’ll be your biggest fan.August 31, 2010 2:58 pm at 2:58 pm #694249
“1. support, “mishegos” etc. have a minimal if any impact on TOTAL number of shidduchim/participants who land chairs, simply who gets the chairs, same for a apushatayid’s comment.”
Really? Tell it to all those who have been relegated to the sidelines as spectators because their fathers couldnt pony up the cash or didnt go along with the latest “mishegos”. Pull these specatators off the sidelines and add them to the pool of available players and lets see what happens to our “crisis”. I am willing to bet that a good majority of those single girls in the recently published data are girls who were denied player status due to money or some other “mishegos”.
“2. However, this isn’t the thread where i’ll debate those points. If you have ideas for easing the numbers which you readily admit is a chunk of the problem we are all ears.”
All ears? Increase the number of players by easing or forgoing the entrance fee (demanding support and adherence to the latest mishegos) and you are well on your way.
“3. I don’t think any poster mentioned anywhere that it is “forbidden” to suggest a shidduch that isn’t close in age. The discussion is simply how to facilitate that far far more such shidduchim take place. Either by increasing chairs or decreasing participants”
Nobody has forbidden a shidduch except for you. You are advocating NOT redding shidduchim where boy is year or two older than girls! everyone else is advocating redding shidduchim that make sense, no matter what the age.
“4. and of course if you think/believe/have evidence of other contributing factors to the problem. BY ALL MEANS get to work and alleviate them. For whatever it counts I’ll be your biggest fan.”
The biggest problem is that people have invented a problem! Until people get over this infatuation with “age gap” we will always have a problem.
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