February 25, 2013 5:19 pm at 5:19 pm #608345ilikecheeseMember
if you have anything funny and not said before then post
what did Beethoven do in his grave
decomposeFebruary 25, 2013 5:28 pm at 5:28 pm #1027253
The world stands on three things, torah-the man sits and learns in kollel all day avodah-the women works in the kitchen, gamilias chasadim- the parents support themFebruary 25, 2013 5:32 pm at 5:32 pm #1027254
Yidesh….-very funny!!!!!!?February 25, 2013 5:53 pm at 5:53 pm #1027255
superme,thanks i thought so to hahaFebruary 25, 2013 6:34 pm at 6:34 pm #1027256
Great one!February 26, 2013 12:20 am at 12:20 am #1027257Luna LovegoodParticipant
Two drums and a cymbal fall off a cliff.
Duh dum chh.
An engineer dies and goes to heck. He’s hot and miserable, so he decides to take action. The A/C has been busted for a long time, so he fixes it. Things cool down quickly. The moving walkway motor jammed, so he unjams it. People can get from place to place more easily. The TV was grainy and unclear, so he fixes the connection to the Satellite dish and now they get hundreds of high def channels.
One day, God decides to look down on Heck to see how his grand design is working out and notices that everyone is happy and enjoying umbrella drinks. He asks the Devil what’s up?
The Devil says, “Things are great down here since you sent us an engineer.”
“What?” says God. “An engineer? I didn’t send you one of those. That must have been a mistake. Send him upstairs immediately.”
The Devil responds, “No way. We want to keep our engineer. We like him.”
God demands, “If you don’t send him to me immediately, I’ll sue!”
The Devil laughs. “Where are You going to get a lawyer?”February 26, 2013 1:07 am at 1:07 am #1027258
I love the Sherlock one. Oldie but goodie.February 26, 2013 1:21 am at 1:21 am #1027260
So I’m driving around in my car, and I come up to a stop sign. There’s no one around, so I just kinda slow down, but don’t come to a complete stop. I hear a siren, and it turns out the cops are behind me, and they ask me to pull over.
A cop gets out of the car and tells me he has to give me a ticket because I didn’t stop at the stop sign. I tell him I did stop, but he says, “No, you just slowed down.”
So I say,”Stop, slow down, there exactly the same!”
Then he pulls out his nightstick and starts beating me across the head with it. And then he says, “Now, do you want me to SLOW DOWN, or do you want me to stop?”February 26, 2013 1:29 am at 1:29 am #1027261
There were two sisters, one called Petal and one called Fridge. One day, Petal asks her parents, “Why did you call me Petal?” and they replied “Because when you were a baby, a petal fell on you.” And then Fridge says “bllaaarrarararraraaarg”.February 26, 2013 2:14 am at 2:14 am #1027262ehrlicheyidParticipant
Two bochurim, an Israeli and a chutznik (non-israeli) are arguing whether Israelis or chutnikim learn better. They argue until the chutznik says, “H-Shem gave the Torah in chutz la’aretz so that proves it!” The Israeli then quotes him a medrash that says that H-Shem uprooted Har Sinai and moved it to Eretz Yisrael and then gave bnei yisrael the Torah. “So you see,” says the Israeli, “H-Shem obviously prefers Israelis.” The other bachur replies, without beating any eyelash, “there’s a reason He chose a chutznik.”February 26, 2013 2:29 am at 2:29 am #1027263
how many by girls does it take to change a light bulb?
100, one to screw it in and ninty nine to say tehilimFebruary 26, 2013 2:43 am at 2:43 am #1027264
Yiddsheamadle613- ur jokes r the best!!!!!
Wiy- ow the police one is funny but painful!February 26, 2013 11:43 pm at 11:43 pm #1027265
superme- thank you very much, im glad you enjoy 🙂
the reason this one is one of my favs is because my by principal went there for school…
how many Yavneh girls does it take to change a light bulb?
none, the let of torah keeps them goingFebruary 27, 2013 2:16 am at 2:16 am #1027267
What thisbdoesnt make senseFebruary 27, 2013 1:59 pm at 1:59 pm #1027269AbeFParticipant
A German doctor says, “Medicine in my country is so advanced that we can take a kidney out of one man, put it in another, and have him looking for work in 6 weeks.” A British doctor says, “That is nothing; we can take a lung out of one person, put it in another, and have him looking for work in 4 weeks.” A Canadian doctor says, “In my country, medicine is so advanced that we can take half a heart out of one person, put it in another, and have them both looking for work in 2 weeks.” An American doctor, not to be outdone, says, “You guys are way behind…We just took a man with NO brain, made him President, and now the whole country is looking for work.February 27, 2013 8:14 pm at 8:14 pm #1027272on the ballParticipant
If there’s something strange in the neighbourhood – who you gonna call?
The local authorities.
There once was a man from Dundee.
Whose limericks always ended on line three.
I don’t know why.
How many Poles does it take to change a light-bulb?
Light-bulbs cannot be changed. They simply are. Do you mean replace a burnt-out bulbed with a new one. Well, with design, logistics, manufacturing and marketing etc. it could be argued that many people play a small part in the process but the exact number is dependent on the particular circumstances.March 1, 2013 4:34 am at 4:34 am #1027273
a man goes to a orthodox rabbi and says”rabbi please i will make a big donation to the shul,can i please be a cohen”the rabbi looks at him and says”no,of course not,i cant make you a cohen no matter how much you give” the guy then goes to a reform rabbi and says”rabbi please can you make me a cohen i will pay you what ever it takes” the rabbi replys”im sorry,no i cant, but you can still donate money” the man finally goes to a conservative rabbi adn says”rabbi please i so want to be a cohen,i will pay you what ever you want,just please make me a cohen”the rabbi says”of course i will help a fellow jew i will make you a cohen,just tell me one thing,why do you want to be a cohen so much? the man looks at him and says”well my father was,my grandfather….i want to be one to!”March 1, 2013 12:25 pm at 12:25 pm #1027274ChortkovParticipant
I was at a sheva brochos last night and somebody spoke about the connection between Marriage and Kabolas Hatorah (Rashi this week says “K’Chaloso” means “K’caloso”).
Both of them have ???? ?????. By Matan Torah, first Naseh, we do, then Nishma, we understand. By marriage, however, we do, but we’ll never understand. But even marriage – Na’aseh, we do – and then Nishma – we’ll never stop hearing about it!March 17, 2013 3:57 am at 3:57 am #1027275
Im sorry and my bad mean the same thing unless your at a funeral.March 17, 2013 4:04 am at 4:04 am #1027276shnitzyMember
haMarch 17, 2013 4:13 am at 4:13 am #1027277
Sammy16- one of the best I’ve ever heard
Mods- I am taken aback by it.
editedMarch 17, 2013 4:17 am at 4:17 am #1027278
A cop stops an old lady for knitting a sweater while she’s driving-
Cop: “Pull Over!”
Lady: “No, Button-down”March 17, 2013 4:40 am at 4:40 am #1027279ChaimyParticipant
Why do some people have big noses?
Because they have big fingersMarch 17, 2013 4:41 am at 4:41 am #1027280yeshivaguy45Participant
There was a man who tried finding every kula (leniency) he could find. When he went up to shamayim they told him “You’re going to Gan Eden.” When he got to Gan Eden, he saw a dark prison cell with bread and water. He said “This is Gan Eden?!” They answered him, “According to some shitos.”March 17, 2013 4:59 am at 4:59 am #1027281
If seeing is believing, then how come looks are decieving?March 17, 2013 5:47 am at 5:47 am #1027282
light travels faster than sound. Thats why pple look bright before they speak!!!March 17, 2013 5:50 am at 5:50 am #1027283
a lady dies. She goes to heaven. An angel comes to her and says “here is your life video. plz make it shorter so god wont have to waste so much time looking at it.” The lady takes the video and edits it until only the good bits remain. Then she puts all the rubbish bits of the video in the bin. She calls back the angel and says ” Here is my life video in 3 hrs.” The angel says ” Thanx. That’s for you. I just need this. ” Then he picks up the bin and leaves.March 17, 2013 6:19 am at 6:19 am #1027284
need seminary help- FUNNY 😀March 17, 2013 11:02 am at 11:02 am #1027285
ThanxMarch 17, 2013 11:05 am at 11:05 am #1027286
FDR sent out a new line of stamps with a picture of him on it. After a few weeks people were complaining that the stamps didnt stick. Roosevelt made a full research inquiry and figured out the reason why the stamps werent sticking. Everyone was spitting on the wrong side!!!!!March 17, 2013 4:45 pm at 4:45 pm #1027288
need seiminary help- again funny! nice im still laughing!!
a jewish man was going to be knighted by the king of france and was very excited until he relized that he was expected to say something in french! so he went to a friend of his and asked him to teach him something french to say to the king,the friend replies” your jewish,just say something in hebrew” the jewish man ws very happy with this solution,he decided to say mah nisthnana, so it came the night when he owuld become a knight, the king knights him and the jew procededs to say mah nishtana when he finishes the king turns to his adviser and asks”why is this knight diffrent then all others”????March 17, 2013 7:37 pm at 7:37 pm #1027290on the ballParticipant
What would Mozart do if he were alive today?
Scream and scratch the lid of his coffin .March 17, 2013 8:01 pm at 8:01 pm #1027291
Listen I’m not an alchoholic, alchoholic go to meetings. In a drunk and we go to parties. (How bout that for my subtitle?)March 17, 2013 8:16 pm at 8:16 pm #1027293
Why does Cinderella always get kicked off the soccer team? Cause she’s always running away from the ball.March 17, 2013 10:13 pm at 10:13 pm #1027294SaysMeMember
this thread should be renamed “the corny jokes thread”March 17, 2013 11:12 pm at 11:12 pm #1027295
PATIENT: “Doc, every morning, right when I drink my coffee, I suffer excruciating pain in my left eye”
DOCTOR: “Remove the spoon from your cup”March 17, 2013 11:57 pm at 11:57 pm #1027296HLMMember
What is Mozart doing in his grave?
DecomposingMarch 18, 2013 3:07 am at 3:07 am #1027297
Very original HLMMarch 18, 2013 3:14 am at 3:14 am #1027298
Very original sammy16March 18, 2013 4:13 am at 4:13 am #1027300
I heard cannibals won’t eat clowns cause they taste funnyMarch 18, 2013 11:06 am at 11:06 am #1027301
Sally and Ben are married but haven’t spoken in yrs. one day Bens friend is making a bris and Ben wants to go but his alarm clock is broken. Not wanting to be the first to break the silence, he writes a note to his wife asking her to wake him at 6:00 am. He goes to sleep thinking that his wife will break the silence and he will ” win “. The next morning he wakes up and glances at the clock. It is 10:00 am. He is angry with his wife but then he looks up and sees a note from his wife. ” good morning! It’s 6:00 am”March 18, 2013 11:07 am at 11:07 am #1027302
Ur upset when I wake u and ur upset when I don’t.
Confused alarm clockMarch 18, 2013 1:07 pm at 1:07 pm #1027303notasheepMember
Some old friends are socialising when Mr Cohen suddenly has a massive heart attack and dies. No one wants to be the one who has to break the news to his wife. In the end, Jacobson and Hirsch decide that they will do it, so they go round to the Cohens’ house and knock on the door. Mrs Cohen answers it.
“Excuse me,” says Jacobson, “are you the widow Cohen?”
She looks at him strangely and says “Absolutely not!”
Jacobson replies, “Wanna bet?”March 18, 2013 1:08 pm at 1:08 pm #1027304notasheepMember
Two Irish men were sitting on the floor.
One fell off.March 18, 2013 4:59 pm at 4:59 pm #1027305SkypeMember
Mods- I am taken aback by it.
talmud: I didn’t understand why nobody seemed bothered by it.March 18, 2013 7:13 pm at 7:13 pm #1027307mitzvahgirl613Participant
If your joke is not posted, do not repeatedly post about it. It was deemed offensive by a mod.March 18, 2013 7:45 pm at 7:45 pm #10273082scentsParticipant
Wow, looks like no joking matter!March 18, 2013 8:14 pm at 8:14 pm #1027309mitzvahgirl613Participant
sorryyyyy-im soryy it seemed offensive! ok heres another one:(i hope no1 will seem offended!!)
whats the definition of ADHD?
attention deficit…hey donuts!!!!
and another 1:
LOLLLLLLLLLMarch 18, 2013 9:24 pm at 9:24 pm #1027310
mitzvahgirl-not that that isnt a funny joke,but its not funny to those of use twho have to deel with ADHD on a 24/7 basis in our lives,its funny for 10 seconds but can you i agine living like that your whole life?? ill tell you its not pleasant ,and its a nisayon from Hashem, just if you ever say that in public becarul cause not all think its funny,and many are hurt by it(not me i have a sense of humor B’H 😉 ) just a warning to you and all those who in the convo say “omh i soooo have ADHD rightg now” ,but again it is pretty funny thnx for posting 😀March 18, 2013 9:37 pm at 9:37 pm #1027311
Skype- secularfrummy is apparently more secular than a frummy.
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