January 15, 2014 12:53 am at 12:53 am #611856Yellow123Member
I’ve only been married five months and my cousin who I am not very closed to asked me if some friends of hers could come live by me for a week because there may or may not be mold in their rented apartment. Aside from the fact that I do not know these people – is it just me or is it weird that she is basically asking me to be a hotel? What would you respond to this without sounding rude?January 15, 2014 1:03 am at 1:03 am #1121907WolfishMusingsParticipant
Are you upset because you’re being asked to do a favor for a stranger or because you’re a newlywed and this has the potential to intrude on your privacy?
The WolfJanuary 15, 2014 1:38 am at 1:38 am #1121908popa_bar_abbaParticipant
You would have to be crazy to agree to that. Tell them no way.January 15, 2014 1:47 am at 1:47 am #1121909from Long IslandParticipant
It is terribly inappropriate to ask a newly wed to share her apartment.
Sorry, tell your cousin NO !!January 15, 2014 1:51 am at 1:51 am #1121910Chaim37Participant
That is a big NO NO on many levels.
They should be able to find some other place to stay.January 15, 2014 2:12 am at 2:12 am #1121911amichaiParticipant
no! no! no! just say its not gonna work out. no other explanation needed.January 15, 2014 2:13 am at 2:13 am #1121912funnyboneParticipant
There are people with basements who gladly lend them out lshem mitzvah. Maybe contact a bikkur cholim in your neighborhood.January 15, 2014 2:13 am at 2:13 am #1121913SaysMeMember
you’re worried about sounding rude? Why not a simple, sorry i’m not comfortable doing that?January 15, 2014 2:25 am at 2:25 am #1121914☕ DaasYochid ☕Participant
Tell them that you may or may not have mold in your apartment.January 15, 2014 3:52 am at 3:52 am #1121915🍫Syag LchochmaParticipant
I think that (if this even really happened) she is way off to ask you to house people for a week. Even one person for a week would be off. But I do think your attitude is off too. What do you mean a hotel? Do you really think helping out by having people over is wrong? Well it isn’t. It is only wrong in this particular case because you are newly married.January 15, 2014 5:17 am at 5:17 am #1121917🍫Syag LchochmaParticipant
Because people shouldn’t be asked to house multiple guests for a week during shana rishona when they are still getting used to each other unless they are exceptional types who can do it happily. After that, it is something we, as Jews, do. If you can’t, fine. But to think of hachnosos orchim as offensive and being asked to “be a hotel” is not our way.January 15, 2014 5:18 am at 5:18 am #1121918Mr SfardiParticipant
Very inappropiate to ask a newlywedJanuary 15, 2014 8:42 am at 8:42 am #1121920rebaMember
I don’t see what the big deal is. Why shouldn’t we be open to doing chasadim. One whole week of having guests is not too much to ask. They won’t be by you for 24 hours a day – I’m sure they work etc. Just make some rules – ie: you need to have certain hours free etc as you are in shanah rishonah. In my experience these things tend to be difficult if the person doing the chesed doesn’t make reasonable conditions.January 15, 2014 12:32 pm at 12:32 pm #1121921Yellow123Member
It’s not doing chessed that is bothersome to me. I think we should always have a good attitude towards helping others and I have no problem with hosting people for shabbos meals and dinners. I guess I was just surprised that someone would ask a newlywed to have her two female friends come live by her. It’s just something that I wouldnt do.January 15, 2014 4:17 pm at 4:17 pm #1121922interjectionParticipant
It’s very not appropriate and not tznius. You should say no.
But I do agree with this: “But to think of hachnosos orchim as offensive and being asked to “be a hotel” is not our way.”January 15, 2014 7:44 pm at 7:44 pm #1121923miritchkaMember
interjection: +1!January 15, 2014 8:28 pm at 8:28 pm #1121924notasheepMember
yose, are you married? Because you clearly don’t understand the importance of shana rishona. To have more than one person staying in the house for that length of time is a huge invasion of privacy, and also the new husband would feel very uncomfortable with multiple single females staying in his house. Once a couple is older and already has children it is less of an issue. Having said that, I still feel very uncomfortable having males staying in the house if they tend to hang around the house when I am home. It is really a breach of tznius.January 15, 2014 10:28 pm at 10:28 pm #1121925apushatayidParticipant
How big is your place, is it a small apartment? A split level duplex with 4 guest bedrooms on a different floor? Are you being asked to house them (IE provide a place for them to sleep) or host them (have supper on the table for them every day too)? I have to assume your cousin, even if you are not close, is not an idiot and has a fairly good reason for asking you. However, as someone else pointed out, you clearly dont want to do it, as evidenced by your little gripe about being used as a “hotel”. just say no. If you arent comfortable saying no, say no anyways, blame it on your spouse.January 7, 2016 9:27 pm at 9:27 pm #1121926HashemisreadingParticipant
When I got married me and my wife lived in Eretz Yisroel (Arzei area) for shana rishona, and my wife’s sister in seminary was constantly coming over with her friends for meals, to hang out, to sleep over. of course I wouldn’t have minded it was just my sister in law, but our tiny apartment was always flooded with girls and it was shana rishona! Does anyone think that the seminary teachers should advise the girls to maybe stay away from couples in shana rishona?
And this can be a notice to for all you girls in the CR that are in seminary or applying. Young married couples in E”Yoften have no privacy and its bad for shalom bayis.January 7, 2016 10:09 pm at 10:09 pm #1121927technical21Participant
Hashemisreading- my seminary spoke to us about not going to young couples, especially shana rishona. It’s a breach of tznius.January 8, 2016 12:24 pm at 12:24 pm #1121928from Long IslandParticipant
There is a huge issue of Yichud that would be problematic.
Young newlyweds need their privacy to forge a relationship.
Just say, I’m so sorry, but we are uncomfortable hosting people as newlyweds.January 8, 2016 2:19 pm at 2:19 pm #1121929JosephParticipant
fLI: What is the yichud issue if both spouses are home?January 8, 2016 2:53 pm at 2:53 pm #1121930flatbusherParticipant
There are newlyweds who seem to want company even in shana rishona. So should they be discouraged?January 8, 2016 3:00 pm at 3:00 pm #1121931☕ DaasYochid ☕Participant
What type of company?January 8, 2016 3:26 pm at 3:26 pm #1121932flatbusherParticipant
friends and strangersJanuary 8, 2016 3:32 pm at 3:32 pm #1121933HashemisreadingParticipant
They should be discouraged! From my personal experiences I am saying that it is anti-climactic to building the foundation of your marriage when there are constantly other people underfoot in your own home the whole year!
- You must be logged in to reply to this topic.