April 19, 2009 8:19 am at 8:19 am #1009008April 19, 2009 8:20 am at 8:20 am #1009009JaxMember
kapusta: actually some do say that! we give weekly tours!April 19, 2009 11:35 am at 11:35 am #1009010
I loved having the sedar at home vs. a hotel. So quiet!April 20, 2009 2:45 am at 2:45 am #1009011
We had a very interesting Pesach. I had invited a couple whose grown children were all away for Pesach to come to both sedarim. I have done this for several years now – it is not so easy for the wife to prepare for the sedarim anymore. They live within walking distance, but it is hard for the wife to walk too much, so she was dropped off by car before we bensched licht, and had a wheelchair to use for the walk home. Unfortunately, the wheelchair turned out to be not in the best state of repair, and she could not sit in it, so she ended actually walking home holding onto the wheelchair for some support. By the middle of the night she was in terrible pain from back and leg ailments from the walking, and her husband came by to tell us that there was unfortunately no way she could walk over for the second seder. So, we packed up all the food that I had prepared for the next seder, put it in my granddaughter’s stroller that we keep at my house as a backup, and brought the seder to our friends. We had a wonderful time, and they were so happy not to have to be alone. I would not trade the look on their faces, for all the free hotel accommodations in the world.April 20, 2009 2:55 am at 2:55 am #1009012JaxMember
oomis1105: that’s really so nice of you all!April 20, 2009 3:19 am at 3:19 am #1009013
Thank you for the kind words. It was my pleasure and zechus, and we benefited as well, from having an even more meaningful seder that night.April 20, 2009 1:43 pm at 1:43 pm #1009014cantoresqMember
I didn’t have nearly as impressive a Seder as oosmis1105, but my sedarim were exactly as I planned. I made Kiddush, my six year old daughter said Mah Nishtana, I read about a third of the maggid, and my eight year old son read the rest. He prepared a Haggadah in school with a number of comments and chassidic stories to tell during the Seder. He said it all over the course of both Sedarim. I make it a point not to prolong the Seder in order to enable my kids to stay up for all of it. As such I asleep by midnight both nights. The fringe benefit of that is my son came with me to schul all three days, and davened rather nicely I might say.April 20, 2009 2:07 pm at 2:07 pm #1009015
I don’t know about that, Cantoresq. Sounds pretty impressive to ME!!!! Yasher Koach to your son, in particular. I think you have the right idea. It’s more important for the kids to be ABLE to stay up for the whole seder, than it is to prolong it. I still laugh when I remember how we all came to shul bleary-eyed, everyone trying to “my-seder-was-longer-than-yours” each other. Yes, it is commendable when talmidei chachomim sat until shacharis time telling over their D”T, but for most little kiddies, for whom the seder is expressly designed, if they are up until chad gadya by midnight, that is a wonderful accomplishment. (just a note, I nearly fell asleep in the middle of shfoch chamoscha). This Daylight Savings Time thing just doesn’t work for me until AFTER Pesach. We did start the Shul time a 1/2 hour later than usual both mornings, in order to make it a tad easier for everyone to catch a few extra zzzzs. My hubby was up for hashkama, anyway.April 20, 2009 4:51 pm at 4:51 pm #1009016cantoresqMember
Daylight savings before Pesach cramps the Seder horribly; especially the second night. Even though my wife fed the kids at 6:00 the first day, and thus was able to prepare much of the food for the second seder early, until I got home from schul, arranged the matzah, put on my kittel, etc we didn’t start the 2nd seder until after 9:00 p.m. I doubt I would have made the Seder any slower had we started earlier though. My kids are young and have limited patience. But eating a big meal at 10:00 p.m. is difficult. And I would have much preferred to get to sleep earlier. I foresee very late sedarim into the future as my kids become more and more educated. Naches too has its price.April 20, 2009 8:01 pm at 8:01 pm #1009017mdlevineMember
we were supposed to have a few guests from a group home however, there was a little bit of problems there and some of the people had rashes so they couldn’t come. one person has been our steady guest for all the Holidays for many years already. we delivered goodies before Yom Tov, however, it wasn’t the same. the first night we were alone.
I tell over the Hagada and let each child tell a few thoughts from what they learned however, I save most of the D’vrei Torah from the kids for the Afternoon Seuda.
The second night we had a single fellow over. my girls like to sing so we had a bit of a seder and a half. after our guest left, we went back into the hagada and I gave my girls an opportunity to sing various parts.April 20, 2009 8:25 pm at 8:25 pm #1009018
Our Rov told our shul that we should not make an elaborate meal for shulchan aruch so everyone should have room for the afikoman. It is too late at night to eat such a big meal and after all the marror and matzah, a bowl of chicken soup and afikoman was enough for me.April 20, 2009 8:40 pm at 8:40 pm #1009019mazal77Participant
oomis, what a wonderful chessed you did. Kol Ha’kavod!! That is a beautiful way to have a seder. By giving of yourself in such a way.April 21, 2009 1:39 am at 1:39 am #1009020
Thanks, Mazal. Now enough with the compliments. I am blushing already. I am certain that there are countless people who likewise give of themselves, and not just at the sedarim. B”H there is much chessed being done by so many.April 21, 2009 2:18 pm at 2:18 pm #1009021SJSinNYCMember
So I was thinking about this a lot over Chag.
I sort of did go away to a hotel. We packed up, sold our house, and went to my sister. Then we went to my mother. I was not responsible for any cooking or cleaning or anything like that.
I had a wonderful Chag. Not doing the cooking and cleaning didnt take away from my enjoyment. And, I was just as tired as those who scrubbed and cooked LOL.April 21, 2009 2:50 pm at 2:50 pm #1009022tzippiMember
SJS, you did get a likely well deserved break, but you also didn’t have the pressure of dressing to impress, nor the food. (I take that back; your family may be gourmet cooks, but YKNWIM.) Your seder may have been large and noisy, but nothing like sharing a ballroom with dozens of other families. This isn’t to say that there aren’t hotels with clientele who aren’t superficial, or pressured to cater to their superficial sides, just that hotels do tend to bring that out.February 17, 2010 2:58 am at 2:58 am #1009023nathan21Member
im staying home!February 17, 2010 3:29 am at 3:29 am #1009024
I’m also home…unless moshiach comes!February 17, 2010 3:37 am at 3:37 am #1009025
Home it is! And inviting the usual suspects…February 18, 2010 2:41 am at 2:41 am #1009026aries2756Participant
I have done both in the past, and last year due to a torn rotator cuff and had to order in. This year I am home again due to guests that I am lucky to have, my mom (she should be well till 120) and her sister (same brocha) as well as their aid. Today I just heard that my daughter and family and my son and family want to come as well. I will let them figure out how everyone will fit.
Pesach costs big bucks no matter what you do and you have to clean no matter where you are. Although it is great not to be in the kitchen, you have to trade that with getting dressed up for every meal and waiting to be served (getting the waiter’s attention etc) and still making sure that everyone at the table has what they need.
It is really no one’s business or concern to tell anyone else how they should make Pesach or comment on anyone’s decision. Each one of us make our decision’s according to our own needs and variables. Whatever you choose to do, whomever you choose to spend Pesach with, may it be a joyous and meaningful experience for all.February 18, 2010 11:04 am at 11:04 am #1009027haifagirlParticipant
When I once said I wish I could afford to go away for Pesach, my neighbor (at that time) said if I could afford to go away, I could afford to stay home. Hire a cleaning crew and hire a cook. I’d have all the advantages of staying home with the advantages of not having to do any work.
Now all I have to do is find a way to afford the cleaning crew and the cook. 🙂March 23, 2014 5:17 pm at 5:17 pm #1009028achosidParticipant
I am staying home. Going away to a hotel is despicable. That is my personal opinion, which I am entitled to.
But feel free to call me names, and yell at me.
Let’s discuss this.March 23, 2014 5:32 pm at 5:32 pm #1009029☕ DaasYochid ☕Participant
If I am staying home, can I still call you names?March 23, 2014 11:13 pm at 11:13 pm #1009030
achosid: After such a nice and non-confrontational opener, I’m just thrilled to open up to you about how I go to a hotel for part of Pesach.
Try again, please, from the top.March 23, 2014 11:55 pm at 11:55 pm #1009031
I am with achosid on this one. Some people have legit reasons for going to a hotel for Pesach but I really feel it is the wrong thing to do. Besides the fact that cleaning for chametz is supposed to be a process equal to ridding ourselves of our yetzer hora, and how we clean is sometimes very telling about how we go about ‘cleaning’ ourselves.
I also see being in the hotel to be so indulgent and the activities are so contrary to what we should be spending our time on.
This year I don’t feel like I am coping, life has been a bit difficult lately and I believe Pesach will magnify my losses of family members. I would love to pick up and go anywhere for Pesach, but I would hope I could stay true to my beliefs if push came to shove. Instead I am wishing for an empty house in a new town where it still ‘just us’ but with a fresh feel. (a woman can dream, can’t she?)March 24, 2014 1:37 am at 1:37 am #1009032🐵 ⌨ GamanitParticipant
Syag Lchochma- You can rent a cleaned house for pesach. That way you don’t have to clean, but you are still in a house with only you and your family.March 24, 2014 1:46 am at 1:46 am #1009033
Where? I would still clean my house (see above post) but if the kids could be in new surroundings it might take the edge off the lonliness.March 24, 2014 1:56 am at 1:56 am #1009034🐵 ⌨ GamanitParticipant
I don’t know where you live, but in upstate New York there’s a place.March 24, 2014 3:07 pm at 3:07 pm #1009035
Syag: Have you ever been to a hotel?
Most people think that it’s all like those glossy ads in Mishpacha, with Pesach in Venice or on safari or what have you. Some are, some aren’t.
Do you know anyone who goes to a hotel, whether one of these or any other (and yes, there are others that are not like Versailles ignoring the poor of Paris, “let them eat sponge cake,” etc etc)? Happens to be, I do go to a hotel. I also clean and cook for Pesach every single year. (For full disclosure, I go with my father’s side of the family for two days of yom tov and chol hamoed and spend the other days of yom tov at home with my mother’s side.) As I experience both ends every single year, I can tell you that in my personal opinion, my yamim tovim at home are not inherently more spiritual in any way than are those at the hotel. At both I have had beautiful sedarim with various sides of the family. At both I have had amazing food- whether I made it myself or someone else did. At both I have experienced family meals and togetherness- and actually, as I’m sure you’ve realized over the years, all that the waiter service does is ensure that it’s more enjoyable. On Pesach the slaves were freed- there is no inyan that the women HAVE to be tied to the kitchen. There is nothing about the hotel experience inherently against anything that Pesach stands for- just against the image in people’s minds.
I have no problem with people who prefer the comforts of home- I can definitely see the appeal myself- but self-righteous condemnation of the way that someone else chooses to enjoy their yom tov is, IMHO, to quote your above phrase, “the wrong thing to do.”March 24, 2014 3:24 pm at 3:24 pm #1009037
but self-righteous condemnation of the way that someone else chooses to enjoy their yom tov
That’s very funnyMarch 24, 2014 3:48 pm at 3:48 pm #1009038apushatayidParticipant
we used to stay away, but then decided it would be best if we went home.March 24, 2014 11:51 pm at 11:51 pm #1009039☕ DaasYochid ☕Participant
We also find it despicable to go to a hotel for Pesach*, but find it too difficult to clean the house.
So we keep the house kosher l’Pesach, and go to a hotel for the rest of the year.
*and we do not find self-righteous condemnation of the way others choose to enjoy Yom Tov despicable.March 25, 2014 12:19 am at 12:19 am #1009040
Syag: I didn’t mean to be offensive, but calling something common that people do that is not objectively problematic “the wrong thing to do” (especially without any substantive reason why it is wrong) is condemnation, and the tone felt self-righteous. You bring up “staying true to your beliefs”- I can see how the whole Pesach cleaning thing may be a belief that is important to you, but I honestly think that what other people do should have nothing to do with your beliefs unless it is outright cheit. This isn’t.
I’m sorry- I’m not nearly as objective as I like to be (or, at least feel) when I comment. I’m sure everyone can relate to the feeling that it’s not pleasant to have someone say that something that you’ve been doing for many years is wrong or despicable (though I admit that that one sounded like a troll to me), especially when it absolutely is not. If that’s made me nasty (nastier than usual?) then I do apologize. I just don’t believe that something this innocuous should be blasted like this, apparently with little cause.
Here I step back, so feel free to have the last word.
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