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Yup! It’s another shidduch thread 🙂
B”H nothing too bad for me. Just a few bad attitudes. Persevered for an hour or two or three.
This happened on a date of a female relative:
Guy talked on his cellphone during date, ranked out Lakewood Roshei Yeshiva, said money makes the world go round and how everyone is in love with money, talked about fantasizing he’s on a beach and his desire to go to Florida in middle of the zman, left to watch a ball game in middle of date… What a sweetie, he’s a Chassan now.
guy took me to the airport!
In my opinion, unhealthy.
tbt, the girl forgot about it long ago, but I as an analytical adult wonder what kind of husband he’ll make. Shoot me, but his behavior was rather unique.
i have ALOT of them….
1. i went out with someone who picked me up on L and Ocean Parkway at a friends apartment because I lived alone at the time. he asked if I mind a bit of a walk to the cafe, I didnt know in advance so I was wearing heels but he said its a five minute walk so I agreed. We walked to kings highway and east 15th. after that, we walked back to the apartment.
2. I went on a date with someone who picked me up and asked me what I wanted to do. I am VERY against pool halls and we had discussed that on our first date. this was the second date. he took me to a pool hall, and in the middle of the date wanted to know if i would mind going to his friends sheva brachos/vurt (dont remember which one) for a bit. he looked insulted when i said ok but that i would not go into the affair with him.
3. he picked me up 45 minutes late and it was absolutely pouring outside. he did not get out to open the door for me, which i did not mind, but he leaned over the seat and pushed the door open, in my opinion, a bit tacky. after a half hour of being lost he threw his cell phone into the back seat and said “i guessed this date wasnt shayach from the start”. he took me to a lounge and ordered himself a wide array of nosh, and then offered me a water bottle. we sat for about three minutes and then he got up and said ok, lets go. When i spoke to the sshdachan after he said…and i quote…”how did you expect him to act, he knew he wasnt interested. maybe you should loose some weight”…this is a well known shadchan, and I paid him ALOT of money to set me up!
Wow,those are horror stories.
It seems that the only guys who stay humble are those who have gone thru something.
The arrogance of a guy who gets redt too many girls is nauseating.
eclipse, let’s not start with guy bashing. not every girl i went out with was an angel and I have to say that I think I gave every girl at least a fair shot and tried to make it work. I treat everyone with respect. I was on a date with a girl who was obviously annoyed at the idea of being on a date with me for some reason. I am a pretty good conversationalist and I tried so hard to get her to have a convo with me but she barely looked at me gave me these one word type of answers which indicated strongly that she had no interest. I tried to keep it going for almost 3 hours. It was one of the worst dates I had. Come on! be a big girl for a couple of hours and just treat the person at least like you would treat a friend even if you aren’t interested!
You are 100% right,bochur24,but since I also redt people shidduchim(by personal request of friends),you cannot imagine the arrogance I encounter from the “List Boys”– in their 30s mind you.It’s appalling.
I won’t quote them bec.they may be in the CR for all I know.
It comes from “knowing” the world of girls is seemingly at their fingertips.I will reiterate that while HUMILITY is not an EZ-PASS
directly to your basherte,it sure goes a long way.Confidence with humility is healthy.
I was waiting for a date in a restaurant i was sitting at the bar, i see a girl peeking through the door she sees me and guesses correctly that i am waiting for her she quickly ducks out of view and walks down the block and i go to the door and see her down the street whispering on her cell phone i guess i was so repulsive she just wanted to cancel the date b4 it began but she came back to the restaurant (maybe she couldnt reach the shadchan) and we ate lunch but she seemed entirely disinterested in anything i had to say i tried to keep it light and interesting but to no avail she couldnt wait till the check came.
Its ok if someone is not your type but to just barely go through the motions when u have no interest is wrong, well at least the day wasnt a total loss for her she got a free lunch
Ofcourse: Didn’t mean to attack you. However, what good can it do for you to even remember him, or furthermore, think and analyze how his life will turn out??
dunno: Finding a difficult situation humorous is a great attitude. But, wouldn’t people rather not have had to go through these humorous situations? Maybe reliving it humorously helps. IDK
This was my first date with a girl. Keep in mind that this was nearly twenty five years ago.
I didn’t have a car at the time, so I borrowed one from a friend. Since it wasn’t in such great condition, I had to promise him that I wouldn’t take it out of Brooklyn. It wasn’t a great car, but hey… beggars can’t be choosers right?
I was going to pick the girl up after Shabbos and we were going to go miniature golfing on a nice spring night.
Well, Saturday night rolls around, and it’s pouring. I don’t mean just pouring, but POURING… sheets of rain, gusts of wind, lightning, the whole bit. Needless to say, miniature golfing was out — and, being a typical young man, I had no backup plan.
So, I arrive at her home, pick her up and we get in the car. We quickly decide that since miniature golfing was out, the next best bet might be bowling. We head over to Maple Lanes on 60th Street, only to find out that they had no available lanes and, due to league bowling, were not likely to have any for a while. We then tried Elmwood Lanes (no longer around) and Avenue M Bowling (also no longer around)… no such luck. It seems that bowling was out as well.
Worse, each attempt required us to get out of the car… and get soaked anew.
After a few attempts we decide to give up on bowling. She offers up ice skating as a possibility. Desperate to do *anything* fun that evening, I quickly agree and ask her if she knows of a place. The girl gives me an approximate location and off we go. After a few more minutes of rain soaked driving, we arrive… only to find that there is no ice skating rink in the area. As it turns out, the place closed down long ago.
Defeated and hungry, we decide to simply go out for pizza. We park near Avenue J, run through the pouring rain (on a night like that, even umbrellas didn’t help very much) to a local pizzeria. We’re just wiping the dripping water from our hair out of our eyes when we hear a bunch of cheers… a number of her classmates are there and are cheering for us. No, it was done nicely and in the spirit of friendship, but being a laid-back type of people, it was disconcerting for both of us.
At least I managed not to get my food and drink all over myself.
We finished our meal and, after another rain-soaked dash to the car, I drove her home.
Oh, and yes… we did get married. For a long time afterwards, we would talk about our two “first dates:” the one where none of our plans went right and the next one (to the Statue of Liberty) where things ran a lot more smoothly.
The Wolf
tbt, what good can it do for you to analyze my post?
Unfortunately, at the time, it caused anguish and heartache to those involved, because the girl refused to date for quite a bit of time!
I already have posted about this, so I won’t do it again. But, I do have a story from a friend of ours. She had a date, and when she opened the door to the guy, he took one look at her said, “Oh no!” and left. I doubt he is married, such a bulvan. While she is not a beauty, she is not homely, either, and was put-together nicely. It was such an appalling lack of menschlechkeit.
Note to guys AND girls: Whatever you think when you open that door, if it is a negative reaction, don’t let it show on your face, except as a pleasant “hi, nice to meet you,” or you will hurt the other person’s feelings.
I agree with truth
This thread should be removed
Dating is not a Science and nobody’s perfect. We all make mistakes, we’re all Human
You didn’t like the date?! MOVE ON
I can also share what I felt were “the worst dates ever”
What does that say about me? That I’m a Baal Gaava?
No, the girls were wonderful girls, i just didnt feel they were for for me, for whatever reason (and it wasn’t looks, I’d like to think I’m not so shallow)
These threads are not healthy, they objectify people and there are two sides to every story
Best
1day
Anyone else here for allowing this thread to remain untouched?
i dont see a good reason to remove it at this point
I know a girl who went out with a guy who’s the late type. She’s a very on time girl, so it bothered her that he always came to the dates late. So the shadchan told the boy that the fourth date is at 7:30, and she told the girl that the date is 8:00, so the boy will come late, but the girl will think he’s being on time.
It ended up being the boy felt bad that he always came late, and decided to come on time! So he came at 7:30 and the girl’s family was totally not ready yet. The kids were outside playing and the mother was inside getting the food ready to put on the table. The father was in the shower and the girl herself was in the middle of putting on make-up!!!
So the girl’s younger sister runs into the house and yells, “he’s here”!!!! And then the house went flying……. It was a funny site!!! And guess what?! They are happily married now!!!!! 🙂
oomis1105~ that story you related is horrific, hurtful, & sad.
” It was such an appalling lack of menschlechkeit.”– you’re not kidding!!! :/
“She had a date, and when she opened the door to the guy, he took one look at her said, “Oh no!” and left.”
Who says it was because of her looks? Maybe he realized he was at the wrong house…
o come on! Everyone experiences life and believe it or not, dating is part of life! Just as people like to share different aspects of their life, there is no reason why one cant share their dating experience!
For those that are married, its something to laugh about! For those that are not, it gives dating a little bit of spice to hear and share in others funny, scary, daring dates!
I had one crazy first date that i would love to share but cannot cuz then my identity will be out there…
“i dont see a good reason to remove it at this point”
The damage was done, run for your lives, ahhhhhh
🙂
Who says it was because of her looks? Maybe he realized he was at the wrong house…
Proper ettiquette would have been to apologize and say something like “I’m sorry, I must be at the wrong house…”
In any event, assuming that he truly was at the wrong house, don’t you think it’s quite a coincidence that (a) he chose a house where another girl was waiting for a date at approximately the same time and (b) that girl’s date never showed up (as I’m assuming to be the case… otherwise there would be no point in telling the story)?
The Wolf
truth be told:
I fully agree that the rules are for everyone,as I agreed with bachur24.
But in my experience being asked to intercede as shadchan I personally did not once experience that type of attitude from the girls.The contrast was hard to miss.
If you read my posts carefully,you will see that we are still on the same page.
Wolf
Shoot me, I was being Dan him Lekaf Zechus 😛
Shoot me
Wolves don’t use guns. 🙂
The Wolf
Bite me 🙂
Wolves don’t use guns. 🙂
As they say, the keyboard is mightier than the gun. 🙂
Sac~ I was waiting for that response, but was wondering if the Mods would let it thru… it’s a ‘teenage words’-worthy expression.
eclipse – just to play devil’s advocate here. How a guy acts on a date should be judged separately from how he is judged regarding his approach to the shidduch process since the latter may be his reaction to the way the system is set up. When you are given a list of 20 names in 2 weeks while you are dating someone else and you are 22, it can be hard to not try and look for the best one at least on paper. I am not saying it’s right, but it is somewhat natural. Similar to the fact that it is improper to dump a girl after one date simply because she is 10 pounds heavier than your ideal. It is not right, but it is very hard to avoid that if you know there are 20 prettier girls around the corner. This is one of the reasons I think the mother should be dealing with the shidduchim and giving her son one name at a time.
No is not a problem.
Rudeness is a problem!
I know how to say No nicely,even though I don’t wear tzitzis!
Was stranded in a city due to flight cancelation. It was suggested, that hey, since your here anyway, you might want to see a certain girl, really special blah, blah blah. I WAS stuck and had no plans so I figured, why not. The girl spoke in one word sentences, was agreeable to do anything, which meant she really didnt want to do anything (I showed her a skydiving brochure I picked up in a lobby and asked her if she wanted to try this activity and she mumbled something like “maybe” but not 100% certain). Is everything OK? Sure. Are you feeling well? Yeah. Want to go home? If you want to. Drink? Maybe. Cat got your tongue? Huh? Know of any nice place to visit, after all, this is your hometown, not mine. No. After what seemed like 9 hours, but was no more than 25 minutes I had enough and asked her for directions home. Even that, I couldnt get out of her. I pulled up next to a cop and got directions back to her house.
I told the one who set it up that I had a horrible experience and unless the alternative was was drinking molten lava, I would prefer to never see her again.
The upshot of this story, (as told to me by my hostess a few weeks later – it made no sense to her how the girl acted and he wanted to get to the bottom of it), the girls parents decided it was time for their daughter to start dating, they asked around for a sacrificial lamb or 2 for their daughter to practice on and it seems that after me, there was another bachur from another city who also went through the same torture the next night. This shadchan helped along with this charade. I threatened the shadchan I would take her to a din torah (and if you are reading this and recognize yourself, please note it took MONTHS, but I was finally mochel you when I said tefillas zakah that year) and asked that she reimburse me for all costs associated with the date which was basicly renting a car and the gas.
dunno – that’s what I was saying.
eclipse – I am not sure what rudeness you refer to. Do you have specific examples?
apushatayid, big deal! A quiet or nervous beginner at dating. Could be a lot worse, as in evidence above. Unless Im missing something, that is.
plenty–can’t quote,don’t know who’s gonna come back to bite me
Perhaps I should spell it out. I was lied to. The very least the girl could have done was make believe she wanted to be on the date.
How were you lied to?
What if she really ended up liking you? I doubt she wouldve acted like that even if that was the “plan”.
(Not that I’m condoning their behavior)
Dunno
Sorry Hon, but I disagree
When you title it “worst dates”
or “Horror stories” it sounds
like the guy showed up with an
ax or something
When people share their stories
about how “bored” they were by
their date or someother mundane
stuff, it can lead to gaava of
the person telling it
I can understand stories about lack
of Mentchlechkeit are upsetting
but, to call them “worst” or
“Horror”, what does that say
about us? That we expect
perfectionism?
Shmooze
1day
apy – Whats the need for practice?
apushatayid, possibly the parents were embarassed by and covering up for her extreme reticence. I cant believe any sane parents would allow their daughter to go out with any guy they had zero interest in. What if they would have liked one another? Could have happened, you know.
Because people remember hurt for long years,way longer than any compliment.We ALL have to keep that in mind.
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