June 7, 2011 3:03 am at 3:03 am #597310alwaysmachmirParticipant
I was recently asked by a female student in my college for a ride home… what would you do in my situation?June 7, 2011 3:06 am at 3:06 am #775816yid.periodMember
Jewish? Religious? Shayach?June 7, 2011 3:09 am at 3:09 am #775817walter sobchskMember
give her a ride.let her sit in the back.June 7, 2011 3:11 am at 3:11 am #775818☕️coffee addictParticipant
well since you are always machmir I would say sorry, but no.
but seeing that you go to a co-ed college it doesn’t look like you are.
but what does that have to do with the title (unless this would be date #1)June 7, 2011 3:12 am at 3:12 am #775819Pac / ManMember
Call a car service for her.June 7, 2011 3:18 am at 3:18 am #775820popa_bar_abbaParticipant
Ask if she needs a seatbelt extender- that should do it.June 7, 2011 3:19 am at 3:19 am #775821alwaysmachmirParticipant
The question is… should I turn this into a shidduch? is that untznius?June 7, 2011 3:19 am at 3:19 am #775822whatelseisleftMember
If you know her – friends with your sister, family friend , cousin, neighbor really anyone who is somebody you really should be — drive them home.
if its some random girl who isn’t really connected to you, maybe think about it, try to say yes unless it’s super out of your way cause really, you never know she just might know somebody ~~June 7, 2011 3:25 am at 3:25 am #775823
I’d happily give her a ride home. That’s what I would do. Just wondering, why is the title of this thread “Shidduch”? This seems to have nothing to do with a shidduch.June 7, 2011 3:26 am at 3:26 am #775824appleParticipant
I think if you really have that in mind (that it might be your type for a shiduch) then why not but only you can be 100% sure of that- if you have no intentions of dating right now you should prob. stay away!!!June 7, 2011 3:26 am at 3:26 am #775825popa_bar_abbaParticipant
The question is… should I turn this into a shidduch? is that untznius?
If you want to date her, ask her out. But that is unrelated the ride. Once you are dating, you can certainly give her rides.June 7, 2011 3:55 am at 3:55 am #775826☕️coffee addictParticipant
If you want to date her, ask her out. But that is unrelated the ride. Once you are dating, you can certainly give her rides.
and if it gets broken off you have this awkward feeling when you’re in classJune 7, 2011 4:05 am at 4:05 am #775827real-briskerMember
What does the fact of her asking you for a ride have to do with wanting to date her?June 7, 2011 4:08 am at 4:08 am #775828am yisrael chaiParticipant
Quite a few successful marriages resulted from meeting in college. One has the added advantage of seeing the other under pressure (exams, deadlines, etc.), their behavior towards friends & others, punctuality (or not), reliability, etc.
It seems as if you are interested in her (this thread’s title is a teeny giveaway) so by all means, give her a ride.
btw, remember to send us the invitationsJune 7, 2011 4:11 am at 4:11 am #775829shlishiMember
“Asking her out” for a date is most certainly and very much not tznius.June 7, 2011 4:19 am at 4:19 am #775830dunnoMember
If u think it can be a shidduch then go for it but like coffee addict said, it could get awkward.June 7, 2011 5:23 am at 5:23 am #7758312qwertyParticipant
did she already ask you for a ride? what did you do/answer?June 7, 2011 7:10 am at 7:10 am #775832sof davar hakol nishmaMember
In the case taht you’re in i would have her sit in the back seat, give her a ride if its not too far and see what happens from there, DO NOT ask her out during the ride. (asking out is considered untznius in certain circles and “normal” in others, it matters where you grew up , what you’re used to.June 7, 2011 12:32 pm at 12:32 pm #7758336HZ1W3JParticipant
its interesting, while reading this i came to the conclusion that he absolutely should not give her a ride home at all.
think about it, it is not a ride home when he is sitting there thinking about shidduch, i can imagine if the girl just wanted a ride home and then the guy is sitting there trying to turn it into shidduch which seems to happen 100% of the time “out there”.
it automatically turns the entire situation into some type of off balanced weazel plank
seriously, tell her she can sit in the trunk.June 7, 2011 12:34 pm at 12:34 pm #7758346HZ1W3JParticipant
if she gets in the trunk where she belongs: then introduce yourself to her father and tell him how well she behaved, she’s a prime candidate for shidduch next time and a very powerful and intelligent girl.June 7, 2011 3:52 pm at 3:52 pm #775835
I really find it ridiculous that people think if a guy is offering a ride to girl that it somehow will always end up with dating or marriage. Why does that have to be the case? Why can’t a guy give a girl a ride home just for the sake of being a nice person? Do you think every girl I talk to or deal with every day will result in a love affair? Of course not! I don’t think about marriage every time I talk to a woman.
But, if you actually do want to date this girl, I wouldn’t advise asking her out the first time you offer her a ride. That probably wouldn’t go over too well. I would develop a more comfortable relationship first, and then ask her out.
I feel that I should say that this is considered proper in my circles. If it’s not considered proper in yours, then don’t listen to me. I will respect your opinion, however much we may disagree on this issue.June 7, 2011 3:59 pm at 3:59 pm #775836YW Moderator-80Member
when someone respects someone elses opinion, usually they dont say it is ridiculous.
the concern is not that something will defininitely happen, or even likely to happen. we dont put ourselves in situations that might lead to transgressions, most Takanas Chochomim are based on this principle, muktzah, yichud, yayin nesech and on and onJune 7, 2011 4:14 pm at 4:14 pm #775837dunnoMember
It definitely depends what circles you associate yourself with. In yeshivish circles, guys and girls about the same age generally don’t talk to each other without the purpose of marriage in mind. (I’m not saying I agree; that’s just the way things are)June 7, 2011 4:15 pm at 4:15 pm #775838
Mod, what I find to be ridiculous is not anyone’s opinion. It is a concept that I think is ridiculous. We can have different opinions about something, but we can both think that a certain concept is ridiculous.June 7, 2011 4:34 pm at 4:34 pm #775839bptParticipant
Always machmir –
Don’t you see a hint when it comes knocking on your door? She obviously wants to study with you (ride home, yeah.. right!)
OK, seriously, if your’re in a co-ed college, and she is frum, (jewish is not enough in this case) then its ok.
If either of you are married, then its still OK, as long as the married person calls the spouse from the car.
Otherwise, this is a chesed that can go sour in a hurry.June 7, 2011 4:35 pm at 4:35 pm #775840
Mod- you are correct about Chazal instituting Gedarim. You are however quiet incorrect to extrapolate. You are not Chazal. I am not aware of any specific geder that prevents a young man from giving a young lady a ride home as long as yichud is avoided.
This kind of extrapolation breeds extremism, and is not Torahdig.June 7, 2011 4:38 pm at 4:38 pm #775841
“I really find it ridiculous that people think if a guy is offering a ride to girl that it somehow will always end up with dating or marriage. Why does that have to be the case? Why can’t a guy give a girl a ride home just for the sake of being a nice person? Do you think every girl I talk to or deal with every day will result in a love affair? Of course not! I don’t think about marriage every time I talk to a woman.”
Popa does. See HEREJune 7, 2011 4:45 pm at 4:45 pm #775842YW Moderator-80Member
pretty strong language veteran
try reading my post again
i stated no opinion suggesting he should not give her a ride and i certainly did not say it was a gezeirah
i extrapolated nothing.
i was responding in a general way to the post above mine authored by middlepath wherein he stated the ridiculousness of the concept of not doing something with the assumption that it will always lead to a problem, implying since an action doesnt always lead to a problem it should be okay to do it.
my explanation was that there is a Torah principle to protect ourselves from transgressions which the Chochomim did time after time.
i did not say i, in the manner of the Chochomim, hereby assur him from giving her a ride.
i dont know if ive explained this properly but i have no more time. i just am angered by your reply to me and felt a need to respond
as far as im concerned i will not carry this further after ShavuosJune 7, 2011 6:53 pm at 6:53 pm #775843
Mod80- I apologize for causing you to become angry. Have a good YT.June 7, 2011 8:54 pm at 8:54 pm #775844missfrizzleMember
Give her a ride, it’s possible that, she too, wants a shidduch from this. In regards to the shidduch, have someone redd it, and go from there. That way you can do a chessed and the shidduch can happen in the least awkward, most tznuis way.June 10, 2011 4:28 am at 4:28 am #775845nystatetrooperParticipant
Ask her out the WORST that can happen will be shell say noJune 10, 2011 8:55 am at 8:55 am #775846sem20Member
Give her the stupid ride, she’s waiting outside the car for your answer 🙂
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