February 20, 2009 7:59 pm at 7:59 pm #1150423
ames: wow thank you for the blessing!!! AMEN!!
kiruvwife: thanx u too!!! AMEN!!!
moish: you are a tzddik nistar like joe says!!! wow!!!February 20, 2009 8:05 pm at 8:05 pm #1150424JustAGirlMember
People have come to rely on segulot and that is not how we are supposed to be.
I also disagree with the people just say, “daven..” obviously!! We all daven. Sometimes it feels like that’s not enough.
I did TWO cycles of the shmiras halashon and i am still single…so tell me it “wasn’t my time,” so tell the same to pushutayid.
We can try what we want. Hashem is the one in charge. Hishtadlus obviously is important, too, but I don’t want to broach the bechira argument…February 21, 2009 8:43 pm at 8:43 pm #1150426noitallmrParticipant
asdfghjkl- A Bracha that one really means usually is Mekuyim…all the best!February 22, 2009 12:54 am at 12:54 am #1150427
noitallmr: thank you so much!!! all the best to you as well!!!February 22, 2009 12:58 am at 12:58 am #1150428
Can I also get a beracha too pleeeeaaassseee???February 22, 2009 1:00 am at 1:00 am #1150429
ames, rabbi of what??
asdfghjkl, yeah nistar.
you people are really funny. where do you come up with these strange ideas??February 22, 2009 1:19 am at 1:19 am #1150430tzippiMember
In last week’s Yated (the one that came out ten days ago) there was an article in the center section, the regular shidduch column that linked Shabbos with shidduchim.February 22, 2009 1:26 am at 1:26 am #1150431
If you look up the source of mitoch shelo lishma, you will find that it only works if your intention is to become lishma. It’s not supposed to be bogus. If your intention is only to help yourself, then, yes, like moish said, you’re a fake and it won’t work. You can start doing it for other reasons, as long as your intention is to do it for the other person’s sake not just to get what you want. It’s like an incentive.
~a~February 22, 2009 1:35 am at 1:35 am #1150432ChanieEParticipantFebruary 22, 2009 1:45 am at 1:45 am #1150433
ames my friend-Amen! Thank you for your beautiful bracha!
I have a question for everyone in the coffee room with the concept of davening for one’s friend.I daven for my friend first and then I daven for myself is that the wrong thing to do?Someone told me that you are only suppose to daven for the other person, however I feel that I still need to daven for myself.
I am worried that I may be a bit selfish that I might have more kavana when I am davening for myself then when for my friend.
I have to be honest that one of the reasons that I am davening for myis friend because I want to get shidduch also .However even if I was married I would still daven for my friend. However if I was married I would daven for her just for the sake of her without any ulterior feelings of if i daven for her then Hashem will listen to my Tefilos .
Am I doing the wrong thing, I am worried that my reasoning for davening for my friends is not 100% purley for the sake of them.
Although I daven for people who don’t have children, parnasa without expecting to get anything from it except to help another yid.February 22, 2009 2:21 am at 2:21 am #1150434oomisParticipant
oomis, if you’re doing it so that you’ll be answered, i doubt it will “work.” i’m sure hashem can see through that.
It does not matter that you are doing it so you will be answered. You are still davening sincerely for the other person. The reward for that is that Hashem answers you first when you are in need of the same bracha. You think you can pull some spiritual wool kivyachol over G-d’s eyes???? NAH!
Ames, I loved your bracha.
Every time I hear of a friend’s child becoming a chosson or kallah, I am emesdig happy for them all. Y.es, I have two daughters who have not yet been zochos to meet their zivugim, but whether or not that happens soon (and I truly pray that it does), it does not take away from another person’s simcha. I daven for my friends’ daughters, and some have gotten married in the past year or two. I hope to see the same thing happen in my family, but I will never be unhappy to hear someone else is happy.February 22, 2009 2:35 am at 2:35 am #1150435AL2Participant
Thanks again everyone for the Berachos. It’s very encouraging. I happen to not rely on ANY segulos. Been there done that. I just work on my connection to Hashem. I feel much closer to Him now than when I was doing a Segula.
Also, in regard to Davening for someone else in the event that I should get answered first, I asked my Rav about it and he told me not to concentrate on that and just Daven for myself and other people because I am not at the level to Daven only for another person putting myself aside. I felt fake when I was doing it only for another person because deep down I knew it wasn’t wholehearted. Everyone has to know themselves.February 22, 2009 2:42 am at 2:42 am #1150436
I’m very insulted no one gave me a beracha, thank you guys
🙁February 22, 2009 2:46 am at 2:46 am #1150437
syriansephardi: ames’s Bracha was to the whole cr(you included)!!!February 22, 2009 3:01 am at 3:01 am #1150438
ames, that wasn’t my point. my point was that the passuk uses one’s self as the basis. it doesn’t say “love for your friend what you love for hashem” or “for the torah” or any other person or thing. shows how much one really loves himself. that’s all i was trying to say.February 22, 2009 3:08 am at 3:08 am #1150439
Can someone please answer me if I am doing the wrong thing-look at my post above-
Thanks!February 22, 2009 3:17 am at 3:17 am #1150440coke not pepsiMember
by2-i dont tihnk u are doing a/t wrong….is your friend davening for u? maybe it will be easier if u both say ok we are going to daven for each other…or maybe by shachris daven for your friend and by mincha daven for yourselfFebruary 22, 2009 3:47 am at 3:47 am #1150441
BasYisroel2: i don’t see anything wrong with doing it like that!!!February 22, 2009 3:48 am at 3:48 am #1150442
ames & coke not pepsi-Thanks!
coke not pepsi-That is a very good idea for me to try and focus one tefillah on my friend and another tefillah on myself!February 22, 2009 5:28 am at 5:28 am #1150443
I agree with moish. I think the point is that every person loves him/herself the most and should strive to have a similar love for others.
~a~February 22, 2009 9:53 am at 9:53 am #1150444kapustaParticipant
syrian you were included in ames bracha and in mine too. and if you want a specific one I wish that at the right time your zivug should come and you be zoche to build a bayis neeman b’yisrael!
just a girl firstly dont be so cynical, I cant imagine its helping (dont take that the wrong way) and secondly, the shmiras halashon, I’ll repeat to what I told areivim, shmiras halashon is good as a segula or not, it may have brought your zivug closer, and it may have not, but I’m sure it didnt hurt you. May you be zoche to meet your zivug at the right time and build a bayis neeman b’yisraelFebruary 22, 2009 4:45 pm at 4:45 pm #1150445
Kapusta: thank you, amen!February 23, 2009 12:46 am at 12:46 am #1150446
Umm… I think that’s what he said, or at least what it sounded like he meant to say. Moish? Is that right?
~a~February 23, 2009 1:36 am at 1:36 am #1150447
well i never actually said the second half but i do agree with it. i think ames missed my point, though.February 23, 2009 5:01 am at 5:01 am #1150448chunchieMember
when i hear of a friends simcha i am happy for them but i don;t really feel their happiness!.. what could i do to achieve REAL happiness for them?February 23, 2009 5:08 am at 5:08 am #1150449
That’s what I understood from your post, moish. Did you mean to say that people are naturally selfish, hence the passuk ve’ahavta…komocha, and that’s why when they daven for others with a similar need, it’s often insincere? Was that your point?
~a~February 23, 2009 5:20 am at 5:20 am #1150450
yeah that’s much better, anonymisss.February 23, 2009 2:56 pm at 2:56 pm #1150451
got it, moish. that’s settled
~a~February 23, 2009 4:36 pm at 4:36 pm #1150452oomisParticipant
Of course one should daven for himself or herself in ADDITION to davening for others. There is nothing selfish about that, and we do say, “Imm ain ani li, mi li?” Hashem doesn’t view us as self-centered for having our own bakashos pertaining specifically to ourselves. It becomes a negative when we are ONLY for ourselves and don’t think of others.February 23, 2009 6:08 pm at 6:08 pm #1150453
oomis, agree, 100%! People should deff daven for others in addition to davening for themselves. People should not daven for others with the intention of getting what they themselves want/need.
~a~February 23, 2009 7:18 pm at 7:18 pm #1150454myshadowMember
shkoyach for the brachos!!February 23, 2009 10:29 pm at 10:29 pm #1150455squeakParticipant
ames, kapusta, you are mistaken. I assure you that I have not taken on a different sn to be sneaky. My posts will continue to go up as “squeak” when they go up. I have had different screen names in the past, but that was before either of you were around (oy, I remember when you two were that small, I wish I had pictures). In any case, I changed screen names because I forgot my passwords, not because I wanted to sneak around (I’m squeak, not sneak). That’s what comes from getting older, but it’s better than the alternative!
The only exception to that was when areivim stated that he could spot a squeakish post under a different name. So I posted something about enjoying a fifth anytime (someone was complaining about getting a fifth of bagel, ahem Mr. know it all) but no one caught it; not even the detective areivim who posted right after me. Maybe no one gets it; but most likely is that you don’t normally grasp squeakish humor unless you know to look for it.
Anyway, that was a one timer. I don’t need to hide my fake identity.February 24, 2009 12:47 am at 12:47 am #1150456JosephParticipant
That was gleegish humor.
It appears that sn was created expressly for the purpose of politely critiquing a wise man in riddles:
The “other”:February 24, 2009 1:27 am at 1:27 am #1150457chunchieMember
any suggestions to make my self REALLY happy for a friends Simchas?February 24, 2009 5:22 am at 5:22 am #1150458beaconParticipant
any suggestions to make my self REALLY happy for a friends Simchas?
Yes- imagine yourself in your friends position. Think of the happiness, the excitement,etc… This might help you.February 24, 2009 5:38 am at 5:38 am #1150459qwertyuiopMember
joseph: that was great, are you by any chance a detective, if not you seem like you would b a good one.$February 24, 2009 12:28 pm at 12:28 pm #1150460JosephParticipant
qwerty, I wish I could answer you, but the rules of the road, er CR, do not allow me to answer personal questions.
SherlockFebruary 24, 2009 4:38 pm at 4:38 pm #1150461JotharMember
Chunchie, I wish I could answer you. As someone who got married later, I tried, and failed, to be happy for my friends, or even for younger siblings who got married or engaged before me. I was able to be happy for older guys who got married. I will tell you that once I was married, I was able to be happy for them retroactively. If you’re a bachur, I would recommend a small amount of shnapps (NOT a whole bottle) to enable you to focus on your friends instead of yourself at their wedding. It also enables you to ignore the daggers of “im yirtzah Hashem by you” that people so careless toss in your direction. It could be you can try thinking to yourself, “If I was married would I be happy for them?” But again, I have no claim of success here. Hatzlacha rabba.February 24, 2009 5:28 pm at 5:28 pm #1150462baal kishronParticipant
Not to make light of the situation and i know that people just dont realize how much damage they are doing by saying the casual iy”h by you with the big fake smile but i saw this joke once and it really made my day so i thought id share it
as a young man at every wedding i would attend all the old aunts and uncles and various other annoying relatives would come over and tell me oh your next i cant wait it should happen soon etc etc so naturally i wanted them all to stop so at the next funeral i went over to all those older relatives and said OH your next!!! 🙂February 24, 2009 6:38 pm at 6:38 pm #1150463MaybeyouknowmeMember
There is a segulah to hang a picture of a fish on your front door the entire chodesh Adar. This is because the mazal of Adar is Dagim and we hope to have the brocha that we should be zoche to reproduce like fish (among other reasons).It does not have to be an actual photograph of the big one that almost got away but any poster that decipts fish should work. I know quite a few people for whom this worked,(my sister and myself included).
I’m sure some will dismiss this as fishy but those in the parsha who are willing to try it, it certainly can’t hurt. If you do get engaged please pass it around so that others can be zoche to find their proper zivug.February 24, 2009 6:48 pm at 6:48 pm #1150464charlie brownMember
we SHOULD have caught that gleegish comment about the fifth of a bagel. It was indeed very squeakish.February 24, 2009 7:16 pm at 7:16 pm #1150465Syag LechochmaMember
Ok. so I am a few posts behind.
But I noticed a lot of discussion about whether or not davening for someone else will “work” if you really have in mind for yourself to be answered, or whether a person should daven for themselves before/ after davening for a friend.
I have one recommendation:
Daven to Hashem with all your heart. Daven for yourslef. Daven for your friend. Dont worry about the order , don’t worry about the intentions.
Just Daven with heart felt emotions. Show Hashem your pain. Work on building a relationship with Hashem. Work on understanding that your Yeshua can only come from Him.
Did you ever see a little kid fall on the side walk and hurt themselves? Did you watch the way they cry to a parent? They don’t worry about what they are supposed to say, in what order. They just cry. They express their pain completely without holding anything back.
You are all children of Hashem in pain!
Daven to Him like a child to a father! Don’t hold back anything!
I really believe that this is how davening should be! So how do you understand Kol Hamispalel bead chavero.. ? I don’t think its an inyan limited to tefila. I think what its referring to is that you should feel the other persons pain. Not just daven for them, but feel their pain , a whole day, ever day. Then when you daven and you pour your heart out to Hashem, you will automatically daven for them.
Therefor, I beeve if someone is trying to reach thelevel of Kol Hamispalel… they should work on this in the context of feeling another persons pain. Not necessarily in the context of tefila, but , in the context of life.
However, if one is strictly looking to work on their tefila, I believe the key lies in what I mentioned before.February 24, 2009 8:11 pm at 8:11 pm #1150466areivimzehlazehParticipant
very nice- thank youFebruary 25, 2009 5:09 am at 5:09 am #1150467
balkishron, that is perfectly awful!
~a~February 25, 2009 5:52 am at 5:52 am #1150468
Syag Lechochma: nice!!!February 25, 2009 11:46 am at 11:46 am #1150469I can only tryMember
It also enables you to ignore the daggers of “im yirtzah Hashem by you” that people so careless toss in your direction.
“Im yirtzah H-shem by you”, “May you and your family also be zoche to simchos” and similar statements are not casual, careless, unthinking, or flippant remarks. They are sincere brachos, wishing the one(s) they are directed at success in finding a zivug, becoming a parent, marrying off a child and so on. We have a family friend who has been looking for a shidduch for a while who we actually discussed this with at a Shabbos seuda once. My wife and I both weren’t sure if “IY”H by you too” and the like might be hurtful (especially to one who had been “in the parsha” for a while) and would be better left unsaid. The response was, “No, of course say it. It’s a brocha, and who wouldn’t want a brocha?” Obviously, if you know a person who would find this hurtful, you should be sensitive enough not to do so to them (or anything else that may cause them pain).
I know it’s a joke, but still it’s a pretty strong “shtruf”.
Why is it worse than the old expression “Ir zult vaxen vi a tzibileh – mit di kup in drerd”? I’m not sure it is, but I’m just saying how it struck me.February 25, 2009 2:57 pm at 2:57 pm #1150470kiruvwifeMember
syag lachochma-very well said.
Maybe you can post on the other thread that talks about how to really feel someone’s happiness. (I think it’s on a different one-not 100% sure)February 25, 2009 3:52 pm at 3:52 pm #1150471baal kishronParticipant
Anonymiss: while i definately agree that it would be a horrible thing to do it would get the point across no??? 🙂February 25, 2009 4:51 pm at 4:51 pm #1150472JotharMember
I can only try, I know it’s a sincere bracha. but when you’re at someone’s wedding and trying to focus on the simcha instead of on yourself, each mention of it is a reminder that you’re still single. If you have never been in that situation you can’t understand. Some people were sincere, many just said it to be polite. Trust me, the bracha would be more appreciated by many singles if it was said silently. I’m sure childless couples at brisos feel the same way.February 25, 2009 5:20 pm at 5:20 pm #1150473
baal kishron, yup, 100% get the point across. Still disgusting.
- You must be logged in to reply to this topic.