Should The Wife Have Total Control Of The Home Internet?

No, its prudent. No one watches a husband like a wife

Women may not have the taiveh as men do, but it can be addicting even on Kosher sites…

I think that the passwords should be in joint control, the husband can put in his half and the wife hers 😀

“should the wife have total control of the home internet?”

I dont think it is a good idea for any one person, male or female, to have sole control.

I think that’s a great setup. I was actually just thinking about it yesterday. I guess there has to be a mutual understanding in place as well.

should the wife have total control of the home internet?

Shouldn’t the wife have total control over everything?

I see that the current western attitude was already adopted by us. You hear this talk of uncontrollable men, only the women are stable, all men this, all men that, yeah that’s a man…

I would say that it’s actually the other way around. Women are more vulnerable, and are easier to fall pray to someone trying to get her. While the Nisayon for a man is instant and all over, the danger for a woman is deeper and with bigger consequences.

This is in regard to one topic. Regarding the Nisayon of Dei’os, loss of Emuna and seriousness there is little doubt that it is a much bigger danger for women, who aren’t as well prepared, amongst other reasons. Once ideas like there creep into the mind, they are very hard to get out. There are many people around today who walk the walk and do the dos, and have no Emuna, or are very cooled off inside. Attitudes like these are very easy to come by.

So, no. I don’t think it is that safe for her to have exclusive access without oversight. The second issue is more prevalent than is noticed. If you watch comments on Yiddish sites, you start to wonder where did all these people get their Chinuch.

RuffRuff:

“I see that the current western attitude was already adopted by us. You hear this talk of uncontrollable men, only the women are stable, all men this, all men that, yeah that’s a man… I would say that it’s actually the other way around. Women are more vulnerable, and are easier to fall pray to someone trying to get her. While the Nisayon for a man is instant and all over, the danger for a woman is deeper and with bigger consequences.”

True, a woman developing a relationship with another man is much more dangerous long-term then a man seeing inappropriate images of other women. However, the initial pull of inappropriate images is far, far stronger than that of a chat-room (or of kefira). Therefore, women tend to have an easier time initially controlling themselves than men do.

That said, the best idea is always the one-two punch: Have an internet filter (such as K9, available free online) that only the wife has the password to, and have a second program that records a history of every site the computer goes on and sends it to a respected third party (Rav, Rebbi, etc.) for them to go through.

Yes, as I said, the Nissayon is instant, and the problem is instant, too. The main thing is to have a filter that would block those images from appearing.

It doesn’t have to translate into thinking of yourself as a Rasha. I don’t see anything wrong with having the password, unless you know yourself and suspect that at a weak moment you will go on a clicking rampage. As long as your history is open and you’re not sneaky, just make sure the filter settings are properly set and go to where you are familiar.

In regards to Kefira, don’t underestimate it. There are attitudes about Yiddishkeit floating about, sometimes very subtly, that allow a coldness to everything seep in. Discussions are constantly brought up about Ikrey Emuna and all differing opinions are voiced. Someone with a weak backing in Torah, or someone who is more easily won over, will have those ideas creep into their mind. I can see on people who after being exposed to all these sites, seem like they just ate from the Eitz Hadas, and their eyes are suddenly open and they question much more than they did or should. But, I think I’ll agree that it isn’t as drastic.

I have K9 and it does not block everything it should. No filter does. I spent some time once testing it by entering all kinds of words into Google and was able to access a lot of things I would prefer not to have seen. That’s why only I have the password and my husband doesn’t. We’re both calmer this way.

I can’t understand why a woman trusts herself.

Both spouses should always be present when internet is in use.

I have no time for trouble. Nor do I have any desire to get into trouble.

SHOULD THE WIFE HAVE TOTAL CONTROL???????

WOW!!!! i wasnt even aware there was an option!!! when does the wife NOT have control of everything??

the husband is just a guest and should do as he is told!!!

INTERNET??? whats it doing in the house anyway??!!!

A woman will only fall prey to another man if and only if there is trouble in her own home. That will happen with or without internet. Women are very loyal beings first to Hashem and then to their Husbands and that is why women are trusted with mitzvos that are b’shtika while men’s mitzvos are b’farhesya. There are many frum men that don’t think twice about going for a massage in a hotel or in the city and low and behold, the masseuse was a woman. How many frum women will allow themselves to get a massage from a male? Very, very few. That is out of respect to their husbands and most importantly out of respect to Hashem. That is the difference.

RuffRuff, it is true that you will find a wide array of hashkafa issues on the net. Yes, the pure yeshivish hashkafa which I grew up with was very warm, and I sometimes long for the days when I thought along those lines. Everything was very rosy. Yet, I don’t think it is the internet which changes people’s thinking. It is very difficult life experiences that do. In addition, some of the behavior of kannaim which I began to read about in the last few years, as the frum news sites came into being made me simply nauseous. No need to repeat the various stories here, but there were probably close to half a dozen, including the dibbuk fiasco, etc. If the people who think that way can act so repulsively, then it requires a rethinking of one’s hashkafa.

While I used to take every medrash 100% literally, one is led then to believe that the world of Chazal was extremely supernatural, with sheidim and all kinds of miracles happening on a regular basis. (There is an aggadeta about the nachash and Chava, and another about snakes chasing women for carnal purposes.) That presents the problem then, that since I have never experienced those things, nor has anybody else here, to the best of my knowledge, that the gemara would then be chas veshalom irrelevant, since our world runs according to the laws of nature. (Of course to a maamin, that is the biggest miracle.) So, if in the days of Chazal the world was completely different and supernatural, then how does Chazal’s advice benefit us, who don’t have those experiences ever? It is therefore sometimes better for us to view the world of Chazal as being natural, just like ours, not supernatural. They excelled, because they persevered with the same nisyonos as we have and faced the same challenges. They were able to sit and learn despite it all, and one can see their scholarship and dedication to learning in their words and ability to quote and ask a kashya from anywhere. I.e., they had Shas on their fingertips without CD ROMS.

In addition, the Rambam who says sheidim do not exist is not only offering an opinion on an interpretation of an aggedata, he is saying that he personally never saw one, either. (If he did, he never would have written that.) He is making a statement on the metzius of his time. Now, he lived only 750 years after the close of the Talmud. In his time, therefore, the world was probably like ours. So even the Rishonim lived in a natural, not a supernatural world. That leads one to believe it was the same way in the time of the gemara, too. So the gemaras about sheidim were probably meshalim for deeper concepts, but not meant to be taken literally. Of course, this is not the Yeshivishe hashkafa, which says that these aggadetas are all to be taken literally, exactly as they say.

Another problematic area is Kabbala. The Yeshivishe hashkafa says that the mekubalim have deep and secret knowledge of how Hashem runs the world and how to predict the future and intercede in the mysteries of hashgacha pratis to change the outcome. But many of these people have been shown to be fraudulent, or simply to be unable to produce results that differ in any way from what one would expect in the natural course of events. And if one asks to be shown a proof or explanation of how they arrived at their conclusion, one will invariably be told that he is a nothing, and can’t possibly fathom the wisdom of these people.

I personally find it difficult to conduct myself in these areas if I can’t understand it. Should one say a Lshem Yichud Kudsha Brich Hu uShechintai (joining the RBSH with his Shechina) or joining the letter Yud Kay with Vav Kay before performing a mitzva, when one has no idea what in the world that is supposed to mean? Now, if one says I am not on the level to understand it, I can accept that, but how do I know that the mekubalim understand it either? When it comes to rocket science, I may not understand it, but I know it works, because the GPS system tells me where I am, and how to get to someplace else. When it comes to these mekubalim, what is their track record?

So for various reasons, my thinking has become much more rational, and the warmth I get now comes from chesed, not what I used to consider Ruchniyus in my Yeshiva days.

PY, thank you for that tip. I’m going to go check it out.

I don’t mind that it blocks You Tube. I use my computer to run a business and don’t use it for much other than that and an occasional visit to the CR.

RuffRuff, as a female, I honestly do not have any desire or interest in seeing or reading things that I shouldn’t be. Maybe it’s like aries said or maybe it’s just my nature. If I accidentally stumble across something, I immediately close it without a second thought and delete it from my history so that nobody else should accidentally come across it. My husband does not have extra time and does not want to do anything he shouldn’t, but he happens to have been born male at no fault of his home, and he himself has told me not to trust him in this area and to do anything I can to safeguard him. We’ve had this system in place for years and it’s been working beautifully.

mw13, seriously? Frum women will not be tempted outside the marriage when their marriage is happy, fulfilling and satisfying! Obviously you are NOT a woman, and if you know of anyone who ran off with another man, there was something wrong with their relationship whether he admits to it or not.

As far as mitzvos b’shtika vs b’farhesia ask your Rav, what and why?

“women have no mitzvos aseih she’hazman grama at all” I disagree, women’s most private mitzvas are also time sensitive. You can not compare so don’t even try.

“while women have more of a tayvah to be looked at.” So YOU know women so well, that you can make this statement? How do you qualify this statement, did you take a poll? Did you do some survey on this topic? Let me just tell you FYI, you are wrong!

If you want to discuss tzniyus that is a whole other thread and topic but we can touch on it. Tzniyus is not only about dress it is also about attitude and behavior. So yes there are many Frum men who do not act appropriately. They are loud and vulgar. They do NOT dress appropriately and are way too showy for a Frum person. They smoke in people’s faces and they don’t care if it bothers you or not. That is not considered tznius behavior. Any behavior that draws attention to yourself is also not tznius whether you are male or female. In addition, MEN should take more of a responsibility in how their wives’ dress. Although YOU MEN might find their outfits desirable you must gather your courage to tell your wives that it is not appropriate nor tznius to go out in public or in front of the children in clothing that are either too tight or too short.

Women do not necessarily have more of a tayvah to be looked at than men do. Women have a need to feel pretty or as pretty and fashionable as everyone else. Some women more and some women less than others as I am sure is the case with men. Some men control their tayvahs better than others as I am sure is the case with women.

At any rate whatever works for the Shalom Bayis and the Marriage that is what should be implemented in the home.

“women are more natrualy loyal, and thus are far less likely to run off with someone else, then are men.”

Every time a man runs off with some other woman, a woman is running off with someone else’s man. So the numbers must be about equal.

TNB, on the face if it, that simplistic explanation may make sense. However, once you factor in the age gap and countless other factors that nobody understands, the math changes totally.