Social anxiety

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  • #1033793

    YW Moderator-127
    Moderator

    Shopping, I understand your feelings, but we cannot possibly do that every time.

    I will not approve any more posts on this matter.

    #1033794

    Shopping613 🌠
    Participant

    Just this time……………………………………………

    Fine, make me rewrite the whole entire THING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1

    HAPPY?!?!?!?!

    SO,

    Dreft #2

    Dear keepclimbing!!!

    I totally understand how you feel, being teens we get the most amazing ability to switch feeling faster than we can think or comprehend….must be a super power or something, huh?

    It’s perfectly normal to feel many things or switch feelings 24/7, It’s normal!!!! If you weren’t feeling these things, then that would be a problem….

    I think you are really amazing, cuz what you are going through is making you strong, have sympathy, understanding, you know your struggles, your feelings on them, you are open to getting help, you are nice to others, you are open to many things….

    Unlike the boys that are bothering you.

    In 5 years, 10 years, all of you willl enter the big wide world, where things don’t quite work the way they do now. You will have tools, you have all THAT!!!! MANY THINGS THEY DON’T KNOW AND HAVE YET TO LEARN!!!

    And it will take them a while to learn…if ever.

    You are an amazing person, and trust me, you have NOTHING WRONG WITH YOU!!!!

    Just a million things wrong with his envirment.

    One who has problems, and these type of disorders,is in denial, blames it on his envirement, it’s not his fault, he dosen’t have it, he’s perfectly normal…actually, he with a personality disorder would not even realize or understand that they are different.

    On the other hand, I read a study that most people in their teenage years beleive they have some disorder which they don’t have, the most popular disorders that people think they might have are anxiety, personality disorders, aspregers, and ADHD.

    I have a few friends that beleive themselves to have aspergers and/or a personality disorder becuase they are bullied. But they are my friends, I tell them AGAIN AND AGAIN that they are lovely people, and people love them, they are fun, daring…and their class is sure missing out….

    Later in life, things will change.

    I know someone who was bullied through grade school. It’s her first week of high school, and she is the most popular kid in her grade, she was always happy, funny, cute, stylish….I wonder what the problem was before….well she was like you, physically she felt inferior, less, but she dosen’t focus on it, and neither does anyone else….

    After you finish reading this, go make yourself a list, of all your good qualaties…..and everytime things get hard, or that tape recorder in your brain repeats something negetive, look back and replace it with something positive….

    Please talk to your parents, are they nice, loving, understanding???

    If you have no valid reason (besides your fears…like a bad expirience) talking to them about something like this, than do it!!!!

    If it’s too hard at first to talk, try sending them an email or leaving them a note…..

    Good luck!!!

    Thinking about you!!!!!!!!!

    #1033796

    business1
    Participant

    @ shopping613, that was beautifully written. Irs obvious that whatever you went through helped you to become a person with a mature outlook. Good for you that you turned obstacles into triumphs.

    @keep climbing, I seriously felt your raw pain when i read your post. Youre very upset. I agree with you about what you said about doing jewish things when youre depressed. You feel like you were cheated in life by hashem because you seem to struggle more than anyone else.

    However, im sure that there are some mitzvos that you feel more of a connection to. Try excelling in those and thatll hopefully extend to you being able to do other mitzvos that you find harder.

    Being a guy and crying arent mutually exclusive. Good for you that you cry. Thats the healthiest way to release all your anger and sadness. Dont feel sorry that you cry.

    Nobody is given a life that they cant handle. Im not just preaching. Im telling you that based on my own experience. At the time it seems impossible but once its over, hashem makes it up to you.

    I once saw a quote that says: whats impossible? Its really saying im possible.” Youre not a failure or anything of that sort. Youre getting stronger with each challenge that you face.

    I cant answer why your life is the way it is. I wish I had the power to make it better. I actually have some amazing rabbis in seminary this year and I plan on asking them some of your questions. Ill write their answers as soon as I get them.

    In the meantime, try to focus on your good qualities. Take one day at a time and make the most of each day.

    I still say that you should tell your parents. Writing a letter might be a good idea because sometimes we can express ourselves in writing in a way that we can’t when we speak.

    Wishing you luck. Im thinking of you all the time. Please keep me posted

    #1033797

    (I didn’t read the entire thread, but one thing disturbed me – shopping, NOT all teens are suicidal! That’s crazy. Having existential questions are normal, but suicidal? I think keep climbing should definitely talk to a professional about suicidal thoughts.

    Keep Climbing, you are in therapy and here you have sympathy from kind strangers.

    BUT I want you to know that you are the only one that can help yourself. You need to take the reins and make some decisions. Your title is quite revealing – you DON’T want to give in to your depression. So DON’T. There was plenty of great advice given here, and climbing to the top is a process. You need to build yourself up from the inside out. You need to stop relying on other people to feed your self worth. It’s addictive and destructive. What does Hashem consider valuable? The desire to be close to him and the effort made to fulfill that desire.

    Self pity never helped anyone. You might feel comfortable being in the state of mind you are in – depression. You need to make a conscious decision to get out of it. That will be harder than staying depressed but so worth it.

    #1033798

    Thank you so much to both shopping613 and to buisness1 for your replies.Thank you also for the support and caring you have for me. I wont tell you exactly what happened,but in the last few days the situation has gotten better and is hopefully on the right track. Thanks for davening for me especially at the kvaros.I always like when at the end of your posts you right thinking of you. It makes me feel so good when someone shows that they care so much.May both of you have all the brachos in the world and may you also overcome your struggles and challenges. (Thank you so much also to the starters of the coffee room. you have helped me out so much by offering this amazing service)

    #1033799

    What do you mean that i have to make my own self worth thechoiceismine?

    #1033800

    business1
    Participant

    Im so happy that thongs have gotten better!! I hope it continues that way!

    Remember that if you have a hard day, were still here for you. Dont get discouraged if that happens. Its part of the process.

    Thinking of you. Have a great night…

    #1033801

    Shopping613 🌠
    Participant

    @buisness1, Thanks…I feel very ggod, that’s the 3rd person this week who told me I got much more mature and stronger…

    @thechoiceismine, the first time I had a suicidal thought I thought I must be crazy, I spoke to all my friends, truns out it is normal to have them one in a while, 24/7, or more than once a day, is NOT okay!!!!

    If everytime you pass something, you think of a way to use it to commit suicide, than you need to see someone immediately.

    I meant that everyone is struggling, and everyone has the same thoughts of suicide, low self esteem, self pity, self hate a lot.

    A lot but not extremely often….it really depends on the situation, but I repeat, if you are getting suicidal thoughts one a day or more than 4 times a week and they are strong, takes at least a few minutes to pass, than that is bad….

    And about depending on other for self worth, I also beleive that it isn’t good, but sometimes there is no other option! He has no support from friends or family….

    leave it alone, it’s true keepclibing must first love himself, and figure out, list the parts of himself he likes, and help his self esteeem but with no support that’s impossible. Currently this is his support, until he gets something else, like someone in real life who can help him and he can trust.

    I know what I’m talking about, from expirience, you can check up past threads on me and see.

    @KEEP CLIMBING, have you listened to the song keep climbing? just wondering. I’m happy to hear things are better, and remeber, don’t let anyone tell you you are not normal, its shttoyot, and keep being strong!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    #1033802

    Im not happy. I dont enjoy life and i dont know why.its not like something bad is happening when i feel like this. i just foot have that enjoyment from living and i dont know where to get it from. i dont like learning so much and i kpn dont like talking either. and i get bullied sometimes also and since im tiny i want do anything about it what should i do?

    #1033803

    business1
    Participant

    Sorry to hear that youre feeling that way. Its so depressing when you feel like one day just blends into another and theres no purpose in your existence.

    Very often when I feel that way I make a countdown to something im looking foward to or I create something to look foward to.

    Its important to fake it till you make it. Sometimes by acting happier then you really feel, you actually begin to feel better. Another thing I recommend is exercise. A morning run or lifting weights… anything! Especially now when the air is heaven! It automatically boosts your energy.

    Getting to bed on time is essential!!!!!!

    I have a few suggestions of things to do when you get bullied. Please try them even if you’re afraid to. Remember that anything worth doing is worth doing badly. Meaning, if it doesn’t work out the first time, look at it as a learning experience and then try again!

    1) ever heard of the expression “kill them with kindness?” I know they hurt you when they bully you but make believe they can’t get to you. Go further than that. Give them a compliment or do something nice for them and after that theyll back off pretty quickly!

    2) if they start taunting you, just tell them that you feel bad for them that they need to pick on someone smaller than themselves in order to feel good.

    3) keep a list of all your virtues with you to look back on when you need to.

    I dont know where youre learning but if you aren’t enjoying it then maybe its better to switch to a yeshiva which is part time learning and part time studying towards a BA or something like that.

    Good luck! Keep me posted!!!! Thinking of you. ..

    #1033804

    just wanted to tell you that i called the hotline tonight and it was a big help

    #1033805

    business1
    Participant

    Good for you!!! Im so happy to hear that!

    #1033807

    business1
    Participant

    Hey! Didn’t hear from you in ages… hows everything?

    #1033808

    My height is killing me. i cant change it. it causes me so much pain and suffering .why did hashem do this to me? im so upset at him. im weaker than everyone else i look weird who is going to marry me. every day it causes me so much pain sometimes i even feel suicidal because of it.and this is besides alot of other issues.

    #1033809

    Keep climbing,

    How about listing 5 things you DO like about yourself right here, in the CR? No-one knows who you are anyway, and I believe it may be good for you. What do you think? Up to the challenge?

    #1033810

    business1
    Participant

    You mentioned that this is besides for alot of other issues. So allow me to say this-could it be that theres something in your life thats bothering you alot but you cant express it so you project that onto your height which is an easy target?

    Im not trying to put down the fact that youre upset about your height. I just think that theres something deeper.

    Theres someone whos going to marry you… I can promise you that! If someone says no because of your height then they dont deserve you. It doesnt mean though that there’s something wrong with you. Theyre just too shallow.

    I agree with thechoiceismine. You don’t need to post it here if you don’t want to but I think its a good thing to carry around with you.

    Its good to know what were bad at so we know what to correct but its even more important to know our talents and virtues so that were aware of what were capable of. Your life doesn’t end with your height. Really not! It might seem that way but stay strong and one day youll see how it shaped you.

    #1033811

    Business, I do think keepclimbing should list it here. Then he really needs to do it. Otherwise he might never do it.

    #1033812

    ChizukGedarim
    Participant

    I just came upon this thread and wanted to tell keepclimbing that although it is really hard to always see your own self worth, you have to remember that you are a part of G-d and He ALWAYS loves you. You feel like He gave you the hardest life, but you will come out more pure from it.

    We are a religion and a people that is all about celebrating life and using our lives to make a difference, you can make a difference too. Every day that you live adds something special and unique to the world that only YOU can bring. Know that those that will judge you by your externals are not people that you want in your life and that the people that you will ultimately find will be uniquely special in their own ways as well.

    Gmar Chasima Tova,

    Keep Climbing

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