Women Who Get Really Heavy After Marriage

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  • #592692

    I have seen this happen in many a marriage and I wonder, isn’t the woman motivated to stay slim to be attractive to her husband or are BY girls so clueless as to what make men tick?

    #712398
    Sacrilege
    Member

    Seen the same thing happen to men (and they arent having kids)

    #712400
    WIY
    Member

    Sacrilege

    True but in general the weight usually doesn’t bother women as much as it bothers men and I think most wives will still be just as attracted to their husbands with the extra pounds while the male psyche…well it justs works differently.

    #712401
    Ben Torah
    Participant

    The men are usually heavy beforehand already.

    #712402
    WolfishMusings
    Participant

    Sad to say, it happens to men too.

    I, myself, have gone from thin to fat to thin to fat again in the course of my marriage.

    The (now so-fat-that-he-causes-earthquakes-when-he-jogs) Wolf

    #712403
    wanderingchana
    Participant

    We know darn well what makes men tick but we are either idealistically hoping that by that point in our marriage, our husbands love us, weight and all, or we are too exhausted to deal with anything but their kids, their laundry and their food.

    This has nothing to do with BY. If you want more attention from your wife, hire cooking, cleaning and babysitting help so that she doesn’t feel like a wrung-out rag at the end of every day. If you can’t do that, help her. If you can’t do that, thank Hashem repeatedly that you are blessed with a woman not only enabled you to have children who is still willing and able do all those things for the sake of you and your family.

    #712404
    SRPsych
    Member

    Not only does the same thing happen to men, but at least women are AWARE that they might be somewhat unattractive (and might even feel bad about it, and try to do something about it – successfully, or not), while men assume they are the same stud-muffins they were 50 pounds ago… :o)

    #712405
    WIY
    Member

    Wolf

    So that was you jogging? I thought it was a truck driving by at high speed 🙂

    #712406
    SJSinNYC
    Member

    After marriage, a woman’s responsibilities explode. A man, depending on his thoughts on marriage, may have more responsibility (my husband takes on 50% of the household tasks, more when I am pregnant).

    So, a woman who had time to excersize and eat healthy pre-marriage/children, not barely has time to shower.

    Also, weight is not the only thing that changes. Hair often looks worse for wearing after being covered, wrinkles and crows feet begin to appear…we age. Heaven forbid we don’t all look like pre-pubescent little girls without an ounce of fat on our bodies right?

    #712407

    ummm… do you have any clue just how much pressure and stress is on the women of today???? they are running the house (taking care of kids, cooking, cleaning, laundry, etc) many are also bringing in some sort of parnasa, which means they are at work for a nice chunk of the day, and on top of having a house full of children they have to be extremely conscious of their weight, to stay that same perfect size as they were when they got married. this just doesn’t sound fair. Yes, a women must look good for her husband… yes she should try her hardest… but imagine all that stress on the HUSBAND, on top of which he has to stay slim.

    i definitely don’t think it’s healthy,i don’t think its good to be heavy, you just have to see the flip side of the coin sometimes to get the whole picture

    #712408

    Not all men mind that very much… (to their credit) although it’s actually sometimes a demotivator for the woman needing to lose weight…

    From one such a wife

    #712409

    Grow, Mrs Goldfarb

    by Allan Sherman

    Grow, Mrs. Goldfarb, fatter, fatter

    Pile the potatoes on your platter

    Listen to me, ’cause I’m your hubby

    I just adore you plump and chubby

    I got a letter from the state, Dear

    You’re gonna need a license plate, Dear

    My little elephant joke come true

    Chew, Mrs. Goldfarb, chew!

    There is so much more of you,

    More to adore of you,

    ‘Cause you’re not slender

    In your white dress, you’re a doll,

    Big as the Taj Mahal,

    In all its splendor

    When you’re in department stores,

    Don’t use revolving doors,

    You might get stuck, Dear

    When you use the telephone,

    Go in the booth alone,

    And lots of luck, Dear

    You had for breakfast: two pounds bacon,

    Three dozen eggs, one coffee cake, and

    Then you had something really awful,

    Four kippered herrings on a waffle

    Nine English muffins, one baked apple,

    Boston cream pie, Philadelphia scrapple

    Seventeen bowls of Crispy Crunch

    Then you said, “What’s for lunch?”

    Sweetheart, you are giant size

    You are Lane Bryant size,

    My darling Myrtle

    Last Thanksgiving I was thrilled

    You ate so much, you killed

    Your living girdle

    Have another dozen shrimp,

    My lovely little blimp

    Don’t count a calorie

    I have just received a stub

    I owe the Diner’s Club

    A whole year’s salary

    Eat, Mrs. Goldfarb, daily, nightly

    Eat, though your chair is bending slightly

    Love of my life, I’m glad I found you,

    Each day I take a walk around you

    I can’t forget when we got married

    Over the threshold I got carried

    No other bride would be so sweet

    Eat, Mrs. Goldfarb, Eat!

    #712410
    cofeefan
    Member

    this is a ridiculous thread i’m sorry i read it

    #712411
    Sacrilege
    Member

    “True but in general the weight usually doesn’t bother women”

    WIY

    Believe what you want.

    Woman are just less shallow.

    #712412
    WolfishMusings
    Participant

    Woman are just less shallow.

    Actually, the point of the thread is that married woman aren’t very shallow at all… in fact, they have quite a bit of depth. 🙂

    :: ducking and running ::

    The Wolf

    #712413

    OK, seriously.

    People are very aware of what they look like, but there are usually many factors that can result in weight gain:

    -Having kids.

    -Stress.

    -No time to exercise.

    -No time to prepare healthy meals.

    -Exhaustion.

    A concerned and helpful husband can:

    -Set up time to go walking together.

    -Watch the kids occasionally, so she can go to the gym, or use a home treadmill.

    -Housekeep occasionally, for the same reason.

    -Help prepare and shop for healthier foods.

    -Be encouraging instead of critical.

    -Diet together.

    #712414
    LAer
    Member

    Thanks a bunch, ICOT. Now that song’s going to be in my head for the rest of the week. And Hello Muddah, Hello Faddah too.

    #712415
    Sacrilege
    Member

    Since this thread was started by Yoish I think we can all chalk it up to his inexperience with relationships on the marriage level (big talker, I know).

    But seriously, if you feel that you have to look perfect 1,000% of the time or your husband wont be attracted to you, you have bigger problems than weight.

    #712416
    miamimiami
    Member

    what EXACTLY do you mean by “really heavy” ?

    #712418

    Yes they are motivated (both to keep their husbands happy and to keep themselves happy)

    But why are men under the impression that their wives must be wonderwoman???

    Maybe you should try working, cleaning, cooking, caring for kids, having kids….and still make time for dieting, preparing healthy meals and excersizing.

    Then you can come back and make a complaint

    #712419
    apushatayid
    Participant

    Sigh.

    #712420
    Poster
    Member

    ICOT, I never heard that poem…I think it is adorable!!!

    #712421
    sms007
    Member

    wandering chana, you said it perfectly

    #712422
    tzippi
    Member

    “Yoish” is right.

    How fast is this happening? After umpteen kids?

    And don’t forget about misdiagnosed and undertreated thryoid problems.

    And are you sure the husbands really mind? And if you are, how do you know? I doubt you should be the confidant of choice of so many people to accurately assess the situation.

    #712423
    bpt
    Participant

    I was told the female metabolism changes after childbirth, so all things being exactly equal (diet, excercise, ect) the wife will gain more than the husband.

    On the flip side, many women work like mad to lose the weight (and succeed) yet men gain it and keep it.

    #712424
    popa_bar_abba
    Participant

    BP:

    Women diet their whole lives. Men who want to lose weight do so.

    Men do things. Women talk.

    (To humor myself, by getting people mad. Also, so I could feel like I have willpower and other people don’t. Although, by ascribing it to gender, I’ve negated any credit I could claim. I’m still posting it, so I can look introspective. Although, how does posting it further that goal, since you don’t know me? Maybe I am doing it for the few readers who do know me?)

    #712425
    cherrybim
    Participant

    WolfishMusings – and you can add Bald to the list of men’s changing appearance after marriage.

    I can only try – Grow, Mrs Goldfarb is sung to what tune?

    The fact is women were not created to take on men’s worries and jobs, or to be outside in the sun. I believe is these things are the types of things responsible for many women aging before their time, especially in Israel.

    #712426
    blueberrymuffin
    Participant

    Excuse me- but this thread is highly offensive! Haven’t any of you ever heard of the concept of women gaining weight after giving birth?! They can’t do anything about it other than wait till they get their strength back and start having the energy to diet. Most women i know, do not gain weight right after marriage- it is after GIVING BIRTH that they gain weight!

    #712427
    cshapiro
    Member

    @Yoish Im Telling you What about men who begin to bald before or after marriage….that too can be viewed as turn off, if your marriage is superficial and based exclusively on looks.

    I hope you mature before you get married if you want a satisfying and long lasting marriage that is…because you sound extremely demanding and degrading towards woman!!!

    #712428
    Ben Torah
    Participant

    This whole thread demonstrates the shallowness of those who marry primarily based on physical attraction.

    #712429

    LAer

    It’s my pleasure ?

    I heard this on my car radio about 25 years ago (don’t remember the program), and was literally laughing out loud before the acronym existed.

    Poster

    Glad you got a chuckle out of it.

    cherrybim

    It has its own tune.

    I think youtube has the writer singing it – it’s actually much funnier when you hear his voice and the tune he sings it in.

    #712430
    sms007
    Member

    sheesh talk about the pressure the world puts on the women! Raise the kids, cook for them supper. separate the fights, cushion the blows. clean the laundry and have it all folded. Clean the house- don’t forget to mop those floors! And of course the errands- renew the insurance (i think i can start a thread on how annoying Medicaid is and how many things they messed up)- for some reason i feel like i always have insurance to renew. Shop for food, and toiletries and all that the kids need. run to the bank. pay the bills. juggle WORK into the picture. vacation blessedly comes- for all but the woman. anyone ever notice the women never get a vacation??? Even on a family trip she is packing cooking cleaning and cooking. and cooking. not everyone can afford to eat out for every meal! Oh, and planning for the trip…. and dealing with teh kids fighting in the car…. last vacation i was over stressed – on vacation!!! (i was working while everyone else was dunking in the pool- boys only don’t worry) And we’re supposed to keep up looking slim? If the husband doesn’t appreciate his wife for all that she does as she runs the household (notice how when the husband doesn’t feel well everyone tippy toes around the house. but when the women gets sick she can’t rest for a minute! and i’m not just talking about a mild virus…) at the very least… they’re in trouble. sorry for ranting. it was a rough day…(at least i didnt’ have to worry about gaining weight…i didn’t have time to eat today lol)

    just as a PS- I’m not complaining, chas veshalom! Baruch Hashem we have such responsibilities, but my point is WERE NOT SUPERWOMEN!!! and a note to the men out there- recognizing your wife’s efforts and saying thank you will mean a whole load to her! Women have the biggewst job, yet taken for granted . if women were to all go on strik eone day i wonder what would happen….

    #712431
    minyan gal
    Member

    The Mrs. Goldfarb tune is to “Glow Little Glowworm”. All of Allan Sherman’s songs were sung to tune of another song that sounded very much the same – the title, that is.

    #712432

    minyan gal-

    Live and learn – I stand corrected.

    Thank you for the info.

    #712433
    WIY
    Member

    Sacrilege

    Men aren’t shallow or shallower than women, we are visual there’s a difference. Does it make someone shallow just because looks is important to them? If its the only thing then yes Id say that is shallow but if its not the only thing I wouldn’t call that shallow.

    #712434
    apushatayid
    Participant

    You can google allen sherman and listen to most of his songs online. I’ve heard Al and Yetta dozens of times, and still laugh. The Wrong Way ole King Louis. Harvey and Sheila.

    #712435
    ronrsr
    Member

    “I’m called Little Butterball,” to the tune of I’m called Little Buttercup from Gilbert & Sullivan’s HMS Pinafore.

    Lyrics, also, by Alan Sherman. Subject: Fat

    I’m called Little Butterball,

    Dear Little Butterball,

    ‘Though I could never tell why.

    My calories mount.

    My cholesterol count

    Is as high as an elephant’s eye.

    They told me to diet.

    I promised I’d try it,

    Yet somehow my weight would not budge.

    Each Metrecal cookie

    To me tasted ookie,

    So I covered it with hot fudge.

    I ate watercresses,

    And other such messes,

    And pushed all my favorites aside.

    I said to the caterers,

    “No more mashed potaterers,

    Just baked, and hash browned, and french fried.”

    I sing this sad song

    ‘Cause my diet went wrong,

    ‘Though I honestly tried to pay heed.

    I don’t care how high

    Is an elephant’s eye,

    But an elephant’s rear I don’t need!

    #712436
    ronrsr
    Member

    also by Alan Sherman, who suffered from a lifelong weight problem,

    “Hail to thee, Fat Person” not sung to any particular tune.

    I would like to explain how it came to pass that I got fat.

    Ladies and gentlemen, I got fat as a public service.

    When I was a child, my mother said to me,

    “Clean the plate, because children are starving in Europe.”

    And I might point out that that was years before the Marshall Plan was ever heard of.

    So I would clean the plate, four, five, six times a day.

    Because somehow I felt that that would keep the children from starving in Europe.

    But I was wrong. They kept starving. And I got fat.

    So I would like to say to every one of you who is either skinny

    or in some other way normal–

    When you walk out on the street, and you see a fat person,

    Do not scoff at that fat person. Oh no!

    Take off your hat. Hold it over your heart.

    Lift your chin up high. And in a proud, happy voice say to him,

    “Hail to thee, fat person!

    You kept us out of war!”

    #712437
    oomis
    Participant

    Ya know what? Men have to eat twice as many calories per day as women do, for basic metabolism. If the men are getting heavier (and they are, and it ain’t pretty), they have to be really scarfing it down and pigging out, in order to be gaining that weight. So who is kidding whom? And btw guys, after you have been pregnant six billion times, let’s see how great YOUR shape is. Oh weight (pun intended) – you did NOT carry any pregnancies and STILL some of you look really heavy! Whoops! What’s YOUR excuse? Sympathy fat? Don’t YOU need to be attractive for your WIVES (at least as attractive as you expect them to be for you)?

    #712438
    tzippi
    Member

    WIY, again, there’s no way of knowing how the husband feels.

    And re Harvey and Sheila: if you know anything about the background of Hava Nagila, that doesn’t give me nachas…

    #712439
    mamashtakah
    Member

    Maybe we should start an Allan Sherman Appreciation thread. I have all these songs (and more) on my MP3 player.

    #712440
    Sacrilege
    Member

    WIY

    In this example where they are married for a while and she needs to be slim in order for her husband to be attracted to her (AKA he still cant be attracted to her based on her inner beauty) Yes, I’d call that shallow.

    #712441
    WolfishMusings
    Participant

    An Allan Sherman Appreciation thread would be go. So would a Tom Lehrer Appreciation Thread. I’m a fan of both.

    It’s funny… Lehrer’s stuff is far more dated than Sherman’s, but yet Lehrer is still more popular all these years later.

    The Wolf

    #712442

    I’m really shocked that this is allowed on YWN. Since when is this an issue in the frum world????

    If the thread was about health consequesnes of obesity in married women, ok. But what is the Toeles of this except making women feel pressured??

    (from an unmarried skinny person.)

    #712443
    squeak
    Participant

    Double post.

    #712444
    squeak
    Participant

    (i think i can start a thread on how annoying Medicaid is and how many things they messed up)

    Please do. I’d love to see the direction that takes.

    Maybe we should start an Allan Sherman Appreciation thread

    Again, please do. But be prepared – not everyone is a fan.

    #712445
    WIY
    Member

    Sacrilege

    This may be a new concept for you but phsical attraction isn’t about inner beauty. Mother Teresa had lots of inner beauty but I don’t think any seeing male would be physically attracted to her. Yes after a few years of marriage your husband will love you for who you are and will be attracted to you even if you are a little overweight but don’t think it wont effect the attraction if you get very fat. Its just human nature. He’s out there all day and if he sees your skinny friend, or the neighbors wife…looking pretty and a healthy weight and then comes home and sees you with your 50+ extra pounds its going to bother him. That’s reality.

    #712446
    tzippi
    Member

    Ah, Paschabchachma, so young and innocent…

    Maybe she could lose some weight via exercise (doing the Vatican Rag) and diet (Irish stew).

    Or maybe not…

    #712447
    artchill
    Participant

    YOISH:

    If you’re married and it bothers you, speak with your wife. Get marriage counseling if you wish, but don’t air your marital problems in public.

    If you are single, grow up and stop looking around so much at married women.

    This thread reminds me of an older frum single who takes up more than one seat in order to fit, and complained to the shadchan for setting him up with a size 6 girl who this zhlub thought was TOO FAT!!

    #712448
    tzippi
    Member

    “WIY: that’s reality”

    Not necessarily.

    I think that every choson shmuz should end with the boys being given some required reading, a copy of “Johnny Lingo’s Eight Cow Wife.”

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