Your thoughts on me and my background. Help!

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    Moreover, my father is a cohen, so he and my mother were never able to get a kesuva or married at all the jewish way, because no one will dare to legally jewishly marry a cohen and a convert.

    Moving on

    Sorry this is so long. But I really need help in this. I neeeed to know where I stand.


    WOW! what a story. I envy your Olam Haba.

    In term of Shidduchim I would probably stick with Baalei Teshuva. They probably understand what you have gone through and can relate. Are you “bound” to that? Not at all. But I think it will be easier on you in the long run. I would suggest you get in touch with the Rebbitzens, and tell them exactly what you want. There are a lot of great Baalei Teshuva out there who are big Talmidei Chachomim, believe me its not “settling”.

    Hatzlocha with everything!



    Your questions about your situation are light-years beyond what can be answered in this forum.

    I wish you much hatzlocha.


    Sweetheart, you sound like an amazing and extremely sensitive young lady, and I wish you every bracha and hatzlacha that Hashem will give you. Your issues are way beyond the scope of this CR, I think, so I am not sure what we can say that will help. You need to address these ptoblems with a rov whom you trust. If you had a kosher giyur at age one week, you still needed to officially re-affirm your commitment to Torah and Mitzvos when you became a BAs Mitzvah. It sounds like you have done exactly that.

    I am not a Rov, so I cannot tell whether or not your siblings are considered Jewish born. I further cannot tell you the complexities of the law as pertains to children born of a Kohein and a woman whom it may be, by law, he is not supposed to marry to begin with.

    Your questions are extremely pertinent and valid, and you DO need the answers, as they affect the course of your life. You have a lot going for you in terms of your own excellent analysis of your situation, and you sound mature beyond your years. there is a lot on your palte, and speaking to a sensitive Rov will help clear up soem of your concerns. I wish you all the best and a good Shabbos. You sound amazing. You deserve an amazing shidduch.


    That’s quite a story. You really have to run this by a Rabbi to make sure your conversion was legit because from the sounds of it, your mother was never Mekabel Ol Mitzvos so she’s a bonafide non Jew. None of this is easy but I do know of a Giyores who married an FFB. However you should know that you will likely feel more comfortable with a BT or Ger as they have been through similar life experiences to yours. Additionally, due to the level of complication involving your mothers conversion most FFB families won’t want to hear of a shidduch with your family.


    Wow, very intersting! I feel bad deing the first to reply, i’m sure you will get a lot of inteligant answers. Your yearning for the truth is truly comendable. (Please excuse my grammar,).

    I’m sure you are a terrific girl, and i dont think you will have to compromise in the slightest bec of your background. You may click better and respect each other greater if your future spouse also comes from a similar situation. There are plenty of top notch guys that have grown past their background.

    About the other issue you mentioned. I give you credit for opening up, as i’m sure its been brewing up for a while inside. However i think this is not the right forum for this. This is pretty serious and sensitive topic. You must be in touch with a good bais din. If you had one teacher from the past that you trust, I would make her promise to keep it quiet, and have her walk through the whole thing with you. It may be hard to divulge, but you will feel a huge burden off your shoulder, knowing someone is behind you. Trust me, its worth it. Others on this forum may be able to refer you to other Rabbi’s that specialize in this area. But for your own good, do not take advice from anyone(as in other bloggers,such as myself). Wishing you luck on this clarification process. It will not be as scary as you think it is.

    Keep on Davening to Hashem that he should give you the strength to keep strong throughout, and i’m sure you will!!!! Hatzlacha Rabbah!!!!


    Firstly, I think the Halacha questions need to be asked of a rav. Secondly, all issues of geirus aside, about general every day Halacha, don’t push anyone in your family. Just show them you’re happy at your level but don’t force anyone. You don’t want it to backfire.

    Don’t worry about Shidduchim, even if you feel you cant go for the “norm” (not gonna comment on that), doesn’t mean you don’t have a bashert. EVERY shidduch happens with tremendous Hashgacha Pratis, including yours.

    Lots of Hatzlacha!



    Kol Hakavod for reaching out and not suffering in silence. I was going to offer the same advice as the 2 previous commenters—talk to The Rebbetzins at Oorah about shidduchim, but first, find an orthodox Rabbi who takes an interest in your situation and can help you clarify your status. You didn’t say where you are geographically, but if you are in a place where there are few Jews and few Rabbis, you might need to spend a Shabbos or two in a larger community to make connections. For Shabbos invitations try, a hospitality site which matches people looking for Shabbos invitations with people looking to host.


    Thanks to everyone for answering and for your good wishes, I really appreciate it.


    Hi, thought these numbers might be helpfull.

    Rabbi Yisroel P Gornish, you prob see his name as hasgacha on restaurants, but he is very big in geirus. He and his rebetzin are very warm and may be very helpfull. 718-376-3755.

    Rabbi Yisroel Reisman, also great Posek, and heart of gold.

    I am trying to find Rabbi Belsky’s number also.

    Call them up, and ask if you can come down to talk in person. You do not have to give them your name if you rather not.

    We are all behind you on this, and please update this post with how things develope. . .



    Rav Belsky’s number is 718-941-5832 (it’s listed)

    I would call him and give a brief overview of your questions, then ask if he had time available so you could discuss them.

    I’ve spoken with him on occasions that required more than quick questions-and-answers – for a serious discussion about your questions I can’t imagine any rov would cut you short. I don’t know of the extent of his dealings with situations like yours, but he is a very well-known posek in all areas of halocha.

    so right

    growinggirl: Rav Belsky is one of the gedolei poskim of our generation, and as mentioned very reachable and easy to relate to. He is a Rosh Yeshiva at Torah V’daas. The other poskim mentioned above, Rav Reisman and Rav Gornish are also big poskim that are reachable. You can go with any of these highly recommend Talmidei Chachomim and Tzadikim.

    Hatzlocha and Good Shabbos!


    As mentioned many times, a competent Rav would be needed for the halachic questions. Small details in such a history can have huge ramifications for the end result.

    Just a side note, as far as I understand, Chabad does not do conversions per se, as the Rebbe was against Shluchim getting directly involved with it. They do work with batei din which do geirus.


    I will chime along with everyone else here. I would also recommend Rav Belski, assuming you are in the US. Definitely far out of the scope of this forum.

    I wish you all the best!


    Absolutely speak to a VERY BIG POSEK! As you converted as a baby and were not yet frum, you may need to undergo a new conversion yourself.


    Wow, what a story.

    These are extraordinarily serious shailos, and need to be asked to a prominent poysek. However, if there’s really nobody you feel comfortable asking, with the mods approval we can exchange email addresses and I’ll try putting you in contact (anonymously, if you perfer) with the most prominent poysek I can get a hold of.

    As for your issues with shidduchim, I believe Oorah’s Rebbitzens program offers some help in that area (although I could be wrong). Does anybody here know how to contact them?


    Rav Belsky shlita is a large posek and would be a good place to start.

    Pashuteh Yid

    You sound like a very sincere girl. As others said, you need to speak to a Rav, and maybe the Chabad Rabbonim who actually did the conversions may know the most about the situation.

    Good luck in everything, and I am sure there is a special boy out there for you.


    volvie, while i never saw Rav Belsky, when i read your post that he is a “large posek” i immediately pictured a large big fat man! please, people, be careful with your adjectives! and yes, i have heard that Rav Belsky is a respected and largely accepted posek.


    It sounds like you’re going through a lot and you have a lot of courage to post your background here. I don’t think I would’ve been able to do the same.

    I just wanted to let you know that I’m also an FFS and can relate to the unique difficulties we might have.

    I’ve found that having 12 years of Day School education helps immensely to function in a frum community, I’m familiar with a lot more things than a “typical” BT.

    At the same time, while leading my family to become more religious has formed my personality and made my unique and interesting that my FFB friends don’t share.

    You probably feel a lot of anxiety and uncertainty. I wish you luck finding a posek that you trust who can also help look into the logistical details necessary to answer all of your questions. I wanted to let you know that you’re not alone and that others also have their issues to deal with.


    just wanted to wish you much hatzlocha!


    Speak to your rav or the head of your seminary. He will help you with the situation and get in touch with a major posek to help you.

    Having a rov you know will help and make it easier.

    so right

    arc, that’s a good idea, but the OP indicated she doesn’t want to broach it with someone who knows her. Hence the gedolei poskim mentioned were advised to her.


    Growinggirl- Dont worry, no one is perfect and everyone has things that they have to work on. . . I wouldn’t get bogged down by these things you expressed in last post. U’ll find the perfect match for yourself when the time is right. . . I never spoke to Rav Belsky personally, but im almost for certain that he will give you all the time you need. If you would like, I can gladly call him and let him know that I have referred you to him as you have a family halachik situation and that you will be calling. It may be easier for you if he is expecting your call. No names or info have to be exchanged, all you need to do is post back and ill do it. I call Rabonim often, so no biggy for me. Let me know,


    so right,

    thank you.

    growing girl,

    this is beyond the scope of your local orthodox rabbi using a rov you know will help you. My Rosh yeshiva had a similar story witha talmidah of his in a seminary and he spoke to the gedolim for her. He had much better access than she would have otherwise.


    For Shidduchim you might want to try SYAS (, but I have to warn you, it’s a picture/looks oriented site. There are lots of BT’s and Gerim whose life stories are similarly inspiring.


    growing girl:

    PLEASE do yourself a favor and call harav Dovid Cohen from Flatbush. His shul is Gvul Yaavetz. He has paskened MANY similar shailos pertaining to geirus, etc. Those involved were always very pleased with the results.

    He is patient, understanding, caring, and tears the case apart to find the wiggle room needed. Ask him and you’ll feel much better.


    Growingirl- According to halacha a ger/giroes cannot make the bracha “shelo asani goy”. I am referring to where you mentioned up above in your first correspondence that that bracha now means a lot to you. It could however, mean a lot spiritually and with inspiration.


    One more thing, you should never ever lose hope or not have bitachon you will marry the man you dream of. I am saying this from experience. WIthout sharing too much of my personal life story, just put it like this…I never would have dreamt I’d get the wonderful tzadik husband I have. Kind, original, patient, honest, hardworking, serious Yidela. By all means it defies laws, rules, logic etc. But then again,,,who organized it..? HASHEM.

    Nothing defies his decree.


    “….I was a goy for seven days….”

    That’s not how it works. As far as I know, this is something you would have be mekabel (in front of eidim? a beis din?) at bas-mitzva, and I’m pretty sure it would include teviloh.



    It would not require tevillah.


    Wow. I am in awe of your story, and glad to see the supportive responses here. My 0.02: First, definitely pursue the shaila with a gadol i.e. R’ Belsky shlita. Second, wait to pursue shidduchim until you have everything straightened out (i.e. paperwork from a bais din, if that’s the outcome). Third, take all advice with a grain of salt (including mine, if you wish, LOL) – people are well-meaning, but rely on the psak you receive, not on advice you get here or anywhere else. Finally, be careful who you tell what. I applaud your candor, but once your situation is worked out, only a shadchan needs to know the details. I seem to remember there is a shadchan who works with girls who cannot marry Kohanim, but I don’t remember who. When you’re ready, your b’shert will be too! Hatzlacha!!




    Growingirl- According to halacha a ger/giroes cannot make the bracha “shelo asani goy”.”

    If this is how you were taught, however, many if not all rabbanim hold otherwise.

    Please contact one of the big rabbanim mentioned. I can personally vouch that Rabbi Belsky has answered halachik questions of a lot less importance and depth for me in much detail and took a lot of time explaining the answers.

    Regarding who you should date, do not limit yourself to any one kind. Do expect to find some biased FFB to your background and I am sorry for the way it will feel. You don’t know who your intended is and it may be a ffb so just go out there and look for the right one.

    Also, when my BF found out around your age that they were converted as a baby, they were required to be tovel once more with aidus. I think I do know some of the answers to your status questions but it is best to talk with a gadol who will tell you for sure.

    Good Luck!


    Growinggirl, Wat u think about all the advice being shared?


    FIRST OF ALL, I want to say thank you to everyone for answering, like I said before, it REALLY means a lot to me that everyone cares enough to be so helpful with their advice and help!

    going wayy back, thanks well informed yid for being so honest. Forgot to mention that before.

    btw i once asked in class how a goy can say shelo asani goy, and my teacher told me that in essence when a person converts they become totally new, so they are not that person who was a goy anymore. hashem creates them again, so really, their new self was never a goy. so they can say it.

    and also it’s come up many times in class, over the years, that question about what happens if a baby was converted, and what they do then (i don’t even think any of the times the question was asked by me) and the teachers always said the same thing – that they just have to reaffirm it by their bar or bas mitzvah and theyre good. i can’t say that i know for certain that that is the actual halacha, but by the fact that i’ve heard many teachers say the same thing, i pretty much accepted that as the general rule.


    New2thescene offered ” If you would like, I can gladly call him and let him know that I have referred you to him as you have a family halachik situation and that you will be calling”

    and growinggirlresponded “And new2thescene I think I want to take you up on your offer”

    May I suggest a more direct approach

    Growinggirl, you seem to be pretty good in organizing her thoughts in writing. Here is the contact info for The Star-K Institute for Halacha. Star-K is under the aegis of rabbi Heineman a senior posek in Baltimore, who has undoudbtedly dealt with such cases.

    Here is another email address [email protected]. Even though the Mchon Lchoshen Mishpat’s mission is “Monetary Halacha”

    you can ask the administrator to pass on your message to Horav Chaim Cohen dayan @ KAJ a world class Posek.

    In closing. Just take up the courage and contact any of the Rabbonim mentioned thus far. There is nothing like personal communication


    Here is an idea that’s one up on Shloimies Shver

    Let the mod or ed (whichever has access to members’ email addresses) forward Growing Girl’s problem and contact info to a Rav who can assist her in making the appropriate contacts


    Considering New2 is a bochur, I don’t know if that proposition is so tzanua. Nor is it necessary for that matter. growinggirl is by far the most intelligent and eloquent young lady I have met thus far, judging from her posts. Don’t be scared, give the rav a call! He’s heard much worse, I’m sure! Hatzlacha raba!



    Kudos or ????? a word used by Chazal somewhere


    Growing, I will Bl”n take care of it tomorrow. Ill post when i did.


    And btw thanks for that last post. . .Happy to hear you are on top of it. I was scared that maybe you got it off your shoulders and that’s it. . . Happy we able to be part of helping out.

    Michelle- I don’t really understand your concern as i have zero contact with her but will only make a call for her. It is extremely hard and scary to make the first call which is why i offered. This wont be the first time i have done this. I know the Rabbonim well. Hatzlacha,


    Growinggirl- you should know that this comes up ALL the time. Speak to a Rav about your personal status in terms of Halacha. I totally understand why you would want to keep this quiet, but after all of those years in frum schools, there must be someone that you feel that you can trust. Try to see if you can find a live person to talk to about the shiduchim. There are a lot of people out there who would not be turned off by your story. Hatzlacha Raba!




    Considering New2 is a bochur, I don’t know if that proposition is so tzanua. Nor is it necessary for that matter. growinggirl is by far the most intelligent and eloquent young lady I have met thus far, judging from her posts. Don’t be scared, give the rav a call! He’s heard much worse, I’m sure! Hatzlacha raba!

    “He’s heard much worse”

    Why does it have to be Worse? Who says this situation is worse than another?

    To Growing Girl: Hatzlacha in all your endeavors. 🙂


    Rabbi Reisman, a Rosh Yeshiva in Torah V’das and famous posek can be reached at 917-841-6698. I spoke to him tonight, he was very warm and said you should definitely call, and he will try to figure it out. He can be reached after 10:15 at night. If no answer try again a few minutes later. He also mentioned that you need not say your name if rather not. Wishing you much luck,

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