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First of all, please accept my condolences for your loss. A beloved spouse, with whom you built a family, can never be replaced.
That said, BE”H, you can find much happiness – and bring happiness to another at this phase of life, creating new memories and a new “family” feeling. I applaud your sensitivity for concern about how to best prepare your children for this new relationship, as even if they are fully grown and independent, a new marraige will affect them in many ways.
The first thing is to have a family discussion that you are feeling ready to explore dating again, and to reassure them that anyone you would marry would also need to appreciate your relationship with them. Ideally, before you make any decisions (which are yours alone to make ultimately), it would be kind to take things slowly and for them to have a chance to meet her and get used to the idea.
One of the big reasons for negativity of children surrounding a senior parent’s remarriage, is that surrounding inheritance. It would be good to consider how your remarriage may impact their potential inheritance and make some plans, according to what you deem appropriate. It may make sense to draft a pre-nuptial agreement, as anti-romantic as that sounds, it’s also reasonable for those who have significant assets.
Regarding housing and relocation, i think that is wholly individual and must be decided in the context of the potential relationship. If relocation to another area is not an option, just make that clear prior to embarking on another relationship.
I wish you the best of luck finding a warm and sympatico companion to share life’s blessings with. 🙂
The clearest example of how the “age gap” does matter is that in Eretz Yisrael, where boys generally begin shidduchim at 21 and girls at 20, there is no numbers crisis within the Litvish community.
Were it true that chassidim have that many more potential “extra” chossonim to account for the 15% extra kallahs in Litvish circles, you would have a point. But since most people would not consider such a shidduch for their childbecause of the dangers of such a cultural chasm between the potential spouses, one can assume that people would make it an option of last resort.
So what age would the girls be? 28? And if by chassidish boys the age was 23 or 24, how would this solve anything?
Better solution – everyone becomes “heimishe” and then intermarries! 🤣
Seriously, since social engineering usually generates a bad outcome, maybe we should all dial back our preconceived notions and hakpados and open ourselves to bracha from Above. How? By being more focused on the personality of the potential shidduch, rather than leaving it as a last piece, after all the boxes are checked.
As a group, we have lost our a way a bit – and all of the obstacles we justify are self-inflicted.
EJMRBro, you wrote “I have thrown the proverbial grenade into this chat and have learned there are more libs on this site than I thought.
Maybe the next poast should be about how many of you support toeiva.”
Classic example of the sophisticated thinking that abounds here — are those the only alternatives?
EMJRBro, I guess it’s funny to yank everyone’s chains, but it actually would be positive for people to explain their non-conformist opinions, as in the never-Trump people, because maybe, just maybe, we might learn something from comparing opinions.
Personally, as a Torah-Jew, I am completely repulsed by Trump’s personality, pleased by many of his policies – esp towards Israel – and still so weirded out by the lionizing of him by the velt. We haven’t show so much enthusiasm for any politician in recorded history. Why did we pick someone so personally objectionable?
I wish wish wish someone who actually has a brain AND conservative values AND normal kiddos would run a successful campaign, but I’m afraid that is not in the cards.
I reject both of your options. When it came to Hilary and Trump, I couldn’t vote for either. Last round, I held my nose and preferred Trump, but his big diatribe against Netanyahu was no surprise to me — Trump really has no values besides himself, so like a baby he tantrums… He could turn on us as fast as he supported us, as the spirit moves him.
If it’s Trump vs Biden, I will have to abstain again.
I think we all need to simply look upwards – that is the takeaway. Ein Od Milvado.
Why are so many frum people busy with this nonsense?!?