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I used to be a smoker, stopped around a month ago. Telling people that they are killing themselves, it is bad for the family etc. will not help unless you are exceptionally close to them.
Every person needs their own path that allows them to stop. The best would be in my opionion to ensure that the affected people get professional help. Be it from the GP, specialist, support groups or even online. An excellent resource that I would recommend passing on to anyone would be http://www.stopsmokingcenter.net. The worst thing you can do to a smoker is minimize his issue, blame him he has no bottle etc. Just for your information, many experts consider nicotine to be at least on par if not a greater addictive substance than heroin.
BH being married the often heard phrase “I will not consider any Bochur that has smoked.” Does not apply to me. What I do not understand is this categorical NO, one has to understand that no-one becomes addicted by choice. In practically all cases this was started by a temporary lapse of judgement etc. Now it is clear that regardless of that there is an elevated health danger. But the type of Bochur that I am refering to is someone who say at 18 went trough a tough time, smoked for a certain amount of time. Now you know [from reliable sources!] that he has stopped for a year. This means that long term effects will be almost certainly minimal. Secondarily it means that he will gone trough physical pain to get rid of this problem, now how many people have gone trough physical pain to change certain aspects of their lives? In and of its own it is a trait I would highly value in any person.
In fact it might be an idea if theyeshivaworld could set up a “support group / forum” for those who are trying to quit, on the above mentioned website and other it is one of the greatest assets. You can talk to people who understand you have been trough the same and can help you..chParticipant
I think this is depened on a case by case basis, Am I looking for A shidduch, a Chavrusa or a place to eat?
For me the most important point is that I know where I stand I know I have certain goals and targets that I set for myself. I might not always reach them, but it is where I feel I belong.
I would expect this from all Yidden, and therefore neither judge nor label them.
I will have to make a judgement call on various issues from time to time as they come up. But I try not too let these interfere with how I think about them.
Lastly the question of who is “right” and who is “wrong” is one that I cannot answer. I can just accept people for what they are.