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I’m thinking along the lines of MTJ, but don’t know their style of learning, or what type of guys are there.
In America meaning moving from NY is rough but doable, but moving to Israel is a dream.
Meaning part of like the no shtick type. That you don’t need to talk w a certain accent and use certain types of words to be a frum jew. Obviously, nobody really feels that way, but I’d fit better w a crowd that doesn’t have its own preset style of speech. And I don’t speak poshut a single word of yiddish.
Dating and marriage have a lot to do with your own feelings, and nobody will ever be able to help you those elements. Any good adviser will tell you that.
But there are times when you just don’t know –
“Is this problem going to affect a marriage?”
“Does it matter that this bothers me?”
“Does this normally change?”
“Did I judge properly?”
I feel bad for the people who boldly trust themselves on these types of decisions. I’ve been badly burnt by trusting advice Rabbonim have given me, but I still go back the same people for advice. Nobody could have done better, and I would be worse off by trusting myself.
The truth is, in this business, it’s very clear that there is a strong Yad Hashem in everything that happens and everyone needs a sort of Hashgacha to get anywhere. So it would pay to try to follow Daas Torah and Halacha in every step…
Brooklyn19 – It is a human and natural need for boys to notice looks and girls to be noticed. It’s just that there are so many other factors, you are cheating yourself by putting so much of an emphasis on the physical.
Perhaps by putting so much of an emphasis on it yourself, you raise the demand…
Ok, a boy on the forum, kollel, etc.
To the Shadchan:
You are looking to set ppl. up with their chesronos as they are. Don’t expect to change them to be successful.
Singles these days are very often going through a world of hurt, and the easiest way to not feel their pain is to blame it on them. Fact is, we just haven’t found the right one yet. You feel it a little when you see what we go through, and instead of empathizing, you try to cast blame. But it will not get anyone anywhere.
All to often in shidduchim people inflate the smallest of things, and completely misread people. Why join that group of people?
To the singles:
Yes, attraction is a major element. But we tend to attach it to the physical element a little too much. I’ve been dating for a while so I can’t even like the way a girl looks until 3-6 dates, until she’s earned a small measure of trust. I can’t open up fully until we can iron out disagreements respectfully.
And yes, of course I find it crazy that in a world with so much tzorus, all you can think of is how much it costs to do nails. But it’s ok, you’re not on my list. There’s someone out there for you, just keep on davening.