Forum Replies Created
Feif Un – any suggestions how to get a teenager to go on these Shabbatonim if they have no interest in being frum or going? I would love for my daughter to go but she has no interest?
alot of things you wrote I can relate to in my daughter. she is doing great now just not religious at all, but that’s ok, coz she’s happy and healthy now which is the first step. i sent her to a therapist who loves and knows teens so well and she’s truly amazing. If you are interested please contact me at @gmail.com">firstname.lastname@example.org.
I am interested in your story. And like tzippi said those are good names plus Rabbi Zechariah Wallerstein. Alot of us do care and would like to help. You are not alone, so please reach out.
Amen to what you guys wrote. and Yeshivish – it sounds like you are on the right track, good luck.
I may sound pessimistic, but I don’t see the judgmental ones changing. May a few, but there are too many people and schools that won’t change and that’s just sad.
shindy – if you are in nyc and want to go to M.A.S.K. but don’t want to go alone I can tell you where it is and meet you to go if you want.
Matisyohu28 – Can you please tell me how it would be possible to be in touch with that Mekubal? I need it for a sick family member.
Feif Un, if everyone was like R’ Shmuel Berenbaum zt”l and like your mother we wouldn’t be in this situation!
In case someone thinks they know who I am, I just wanted to say that in regards to my opening post, there are a few wonderful people on my block who do reach out to my daughter and I thank them from the bottom of my heart. (you know who you are!!!)
I just want to wish everyone a Good Shabbos and it should be a peaceful one. All of you in my situation know how much that means. I hope everyone going through this has someone to share it with or talk to, because I can’t imagine not having that. If anyone doesn’t please reach out to someone for your sake.
micr63 – it sounds like what I started out with and my daughter at that age also wanted to go to public school after leaving her yeshivah and almost did but another wonderful person, Rabbi Zechariah Wallerstein helped me get her into Priority 1 for girls. It was run by Yosefa Kraus,the most caring, nurturing person a girl at risk could meet. Unfortunately it and all the schools in the nyc area for girls at risk closed. Are there any such schools where you live?
Many of you are writing beautiful sensitive things and it’s clear that some of you have or know a teen “off the derech”. A troubled religious teen just this past week was killed in a car crash in Baltimore due to his friend driving drunk. We need to find solutions now to this epidemic because more tragedy occurs. We are in trouble and need to heal and overcome this heartbreaking problem.
willi – if she’s indeed doing it out of depression then she needs to get professional help. The first step and top priority is to get her emotionally healthy by treating the depression. The religious stuff can be worked on only after that.
For all of us who have a teen “off the derech”, there are different reasons behind it, but the pain we feel and the stress we go through is the same. It definitely does affect all family members. We try to do the best we can for each of them, but it’s hard and some days you feel like you just can’t do it anymore. Sometimes you just want to throw them out so your life can be normal again, but of course you don’t because they are your child and you love them unconditionally. You have to get them the help they need and help each family member the way they need help so they can lead a normal productive life. You can go to support groups and commiserate with your peers, and learn things and just talk it out to make you feel a little better. You just have to do whatever you have to do to cope and live your best life even if it feels like you don’t have the strength anymore.
bentzy18 – WOW! what can I add after your beautiful, sensitive piece! All I will say is that if anyone is interested there is an excellent book by Farank Margolese called “Off the Derech”.
Shindy – you are an inspiration to me, thank you.
Yussel – it’s obvious from your words that B”H you are not the parent of a teen off the derech and lucky for your kids that they’re not either!
yossiea – you’re right, it is a local nyc college.
matisyohu28 -i’m sorry to sound disrespectful but what you wrote i find ridiculus. college is also full of frum kids who are good kids. My daughter, although not religious anymore is a good girl and a nice loving girl. I’m proud of her that she’s getting her act together and wants to go to college and make something of herself. My husband and I are not rich and unless my daughter is lucky to find a rich guy she should go to college and get a career. A kid off the derech who doesn’t want to know from religion would never go to a seminary now. We give her alot of love and I have bitachon she will come back one day because of it on her own time. You say college is a den of immorality, znus, etc. Do you know I personally know of at least 2 Yeshivot, one here and one in Israel where the Rabbi was molesting the boys. I can say so much more, but enough!
tzippi – thank you so much. I have been to many sites to try to help him and this is a new one for me. I checked it out and it’s great! thanks
Bentzy18 – you’re 100% correct. Most of these kids have gone through depression, etc. and have inner turmoil and pain. The first thing to take care of is not how they’re dressed and if they daven, etc. but rather if they are emotionally healthy. They must have emotional good health or they are definately at risk for a downward spiral of destructive behavior and even suicide.
Joseph – thanks I actually heard there is a Rabbi Yitzchok Mitnick connected to “Our Place”, so I’m assuming that’s him and I will contact them.
tzippi, thanks if everyone were like you, who knows maybe there would be no such thing as “teens off the derech”. Refuah Sheleima to that child.
i looked up Rabbi Yitzchok Mitnick in the phone book and there are 2, one in Boro Park and one in Flatbush. Does anyone know which is the one? thanks
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I can relate to what you wrote. I wrote something in the coffee room about teens off the derech and the way they are treated too because of the way they look and dress. I don’t know why people feel if they dress tzinut that they can forget about the other mitzvot of treating people with respect. A true religious person has to not only dress the part but also be a mentch.
Shindy, you sound amazing giving me words of Chizuk and now you say that you too have one like that. Do you go to support groups like M.A.S.K. coz they have helped me alot.
Bashieloo: please tell me how to get in touch with Rabbi Mitnick. thanks
bina rickel bas baila leba. thanks
Shindy, thanks we know about the school in Israel. My daughter has friends who go there but she didn’t want to. She B”H is starting college in a few weeks but does plan to go to March of the Living/Birthrite during intersession, (Poland and Israel). I’m hoping it will make an impact oh her.
I know as one of you wrote that a the right Rabbi can show the beauty of being frum to someone who needs to see that. Is there anyone that would be good to show the way to a girl?
Thanks for all your kind words. I do actually attend meetings through a wonderful organization, M.A.S.K. and I have consulted with wonderful caring rabbis such as Rabbi Horowitz, Rabbi T. Besser and Rabbi Wallerstein.