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To my friends Being a shadchan which goes back quite afew years,! went to speak with das torah how to red ,how and when to voice my opinion and how to make it a comfortable situation for both sides .Till today i get into situations of both sides asking me my opinion,where i call das torah to advise me.I sleep much better at night.
I also believe that their should be a shiur for shadchanim how to be a shadchan with das torah
One more issue that i have and my advise to people who are called for info.Dont give your opinion on a shidduch only if it is something that you know .Nobody is interested in your opinion.
Dr pepper I have to tell you that what nasi is doing at the matzev that it is right now the only thing that will help is for more people to get into shadchanis,ofcourse if you take it apart people can feel bad and insulted but i think more good will come out of this.There is no perfect solution but something has to get done asap
Dr Pepper Believe me the last thing i want to be is atherapist ,but these parents feel in their price of shadchanis gelt they are entitled to pick my brain and ask my advise .The best thing is when one side tells me thank you very much but the personalities dont klick.
BTGuy no question about it when you come to that lechaim and you see a choson and kallah so happy and parents so happy and you know you were the shliach for this shidduch at that moment you forget all the pressure that you went thru till you get the shadchonis gelt then you remember and you say all that pressure it was not worth it
I am going to discuss 1 issue which is causing a big problem.Parents must sit down with theis sons who are coming back from Israel .These sons have never had a discussion with their parents about what they are all about.These parents think they came back from Brisk,Yagdil,Mir,R”Shalom and the other yeshivos as such and they think their sons are going to be long term learners ,become rosh hayeshivas and are the metzunim of the yeshiva.Many of them are fine good erliche boys who are going to learn for a couple of years which that is another topic,and who dont need a shver that will support them and commit themselves for 10 years.Parents please get to know your boys .Have a honest talk with them without putting pressure on them thatthey can say what is really on their minds.You will be alot happier and so will your son.The girls are home if parents have seichel they talk with their daughters before seminary after they com home from seminary and they have a chance to come down to earth.Parents need to have seichel also.Please get to know your children well before you start looking for a shidduch for them.
Apushatayid If you will ask anyone that has a boy ,they get profiles and they dont know where to start.A boy has no pressure .if a girl has no patience its fine the girl can go on and the boy goes back to ,his profiles of girls.I never go to a girl with a name till i dont get a yes from the boy or i see that they are showing serious interest.for a girl to do research and then to get a no is not pleasent for the girls,and believe it or not i dont feel bad for the boys.November 10, 2011 10:53 pm at 10:53 pm in reply to: If you've read "NASI Project Responds", have you changed your mind? #847881
To everyone what is every bodys problem with NASI .If they set it up right and the money is protected ,show me 1 girl that gets engaged thru them that wont be happy.Trust me i am a shadchan when amotherof a 29 year old girl calls me ,i feel terrible because parents are burned out ,they heard almost every name ever created and the parents dont know at this point what their daughter is looking for.The same problem is with the boys.So please respect this org. and give them a chance to prove themselves to us that they mean buisness and chesed for older girls and telling us shadchanim to work on the older girls and not look for the easy way out.November 8, 2011 7:55 pm at 7:55 pm in reply to: If you've read "NASI Project Responds", have you changed your mind? #847818
To jl which shadchan that you know gets paid before?How can you compare a real estate agent to a shadchan.!!!!!!!! a agent gets a draw with a commission and they will not call him at home at 1 in the morning .It is not a emotional situation dealing with feelings and 2 families.You were probably never involved in shadchanus.Thats why their are more agents than shadchanim.Their is no quick purchases in shiduchim Unfortunatly i see the only solution in getting girls dates is by giving a insentive to the shadchanim.It doesnt sound good but right now it is critical and we need more serious shadchanimNovember 8, 2011 4:59 pm at 4:59 pm in reply to: If you've read "NASI Project Responds", have you changed your mind? #847812
I am not going to discuss why the problem started and where the problem is in this post .I am going to discuss why i think this org. Nasi is a good wake up call for people who know how to deal with people and have the patience to get abused and not appreciated for their time and effort on trying to red shidduchim.Unfortunatly many people tried to red shidduchim ,they start out strong and determined to makeit work,i have to tell you in every 20 people that start redding i would say 0 stay in it ,not for the buisness and not for the mitzva or the chesed .Itis probably easier to work for Hatzalah or any other chesed org.than to be a shadchan.Who ever does not agree with me was never a shadchan.Saying this i have to say that the only way to make it work and for shadchanim to stay in the buisness is to run it like a buisness.People dont realize this job is 7 days from the morning when you start daf yomi at 5.00am till 130 in the morning ,every simcha ,walking in the street and where ever else you are.When you finnaly red a shidduch its not over you are their coach their mentor their therapist and their personal counsler how they should deal with rejection .Do this for 1 month then voice your opinion .On the dollar amount i am not going to discuss ,but please a girl that is 29 ,and that has been working for 10 years and did not put away money has issues to deal with and should be happy to part with the amounts that nasi came up with.Dealing with older boys and girls are harder and the shadchanim deserve it