YWN POLL: At What Age Should Bochurim Start Dating? Taking Your Children To Florida For Mid-Winter Vacation?


As YWN approaches it 20th anniversary as the largest news platform in the world catering to frum Jews, we will begin polling our hundreds of thousands of readers about various issues for the public to see.

The polls can be found on the homepage just underneath the top stories, and will change weekly.

We ran a test poll last week, with the question geared towards Jews in the NY/NJ region, asking if they were planning on taking their children to Florida for mid-winter vacation. 3,698 people responded to the poll.

3112 said they were not.

586 said they were.

The vast majority of respondents saying that they are not bringing their children to Florida stands contrary to the perception of many – and that YWN has been hearing and receiving complaints about – that the standard of vacations has gone up so exponentially that the many families have to bend over backwards to afford them.

The poll suggests that this is, in fact, no more than an illusion. Those that go to Florida may announce it to everyone they know, but the overwhelming majority of people are not actually going to Florida for vacation. And if you’re not either, take heart because you’re not the only one.

A new poll was launched today regarding an issue that the frum community in its entirety is grappling with.

YWN is under no illusions that the poll is scientific; however, the responses provided from our readers may shed light on how much of the frum community perceives various issues, thereby providing direction and insight to decision makers regarding the best path forward to resolving various issues and debates that persist in our community.


One of the most contentious issues confronting the Orthodox Jewish community these days is that of shidduchim. Specifically, bitter battles are raging – and have raged for years – over what, if anything, should be done to solve the shidduch crisis – if one actually exists (that’s a disagreement in and of itself).

Many people suggest that bochurim should start dating younger to close the age gap between them and the girls they are dating, thereby theoretically solving the issue.

So, we want to know: at what age do you think bochurim are ready to date?

(YWN World Headquarters – NYC)


  1. The fact that most people aren’t going to Florida in no way proves that standards haven’t risen.
    The poll didn’t ask:
    How many people are visiting Eretz Yisrael over midwinter vacation?
    I would like to see a poll asking, “Do your midwinter vacation plans involve an airplane ride?
    Do they involve a hotel stay?
    Do they involve both? Neither?”

  2. No matter what age, bochurim are only ready to start dating when they make shvuos to Hashem that they will leave their parents out of the picture until after the the third date.

    Single boys who hyper-depend on their mothers with communicating with shadchanim, calling references, and setting up their dates are too immature to get carry out the achrayos on the Kesuva.

  3. Shemona Esre L’Chupa. That’s what Chazal say. It’s always smart to follow Chazal.

    Shemona Esre means married by that age. Not starting to date. So I’d say start dating no later than age 17.

  4. Shemona Esre L’Chupa; that’s what Chazal say. It’s always smart to follow Chazal.

    Shemona Esre means married by that age. Not starting to date. So I’d say start dating no later than age 17.

  5. Ujm and Coffee

    Think UJM answered your question coffee

    These polls are facts stop crying goldlicks you can always say that there is this question and that question that wasn’t answered.

  6. Yes 18 lechuppa but now a days boys are stuck in yeshiva getting married at 18 means getting robbed of your bocher yrs which I wouldn’t advise. those yrs are the healthiest yrs of making and finding oneself the israel yrs are extremely important I have talmidim who got married early skipping eretz Yisroel unfortunately his marriage ended a few yrs later and then he went on acting like a baby trying to be a bocher when all his Freinds where past that I really believe he missed out finding himself letting loose etc being a bocher is important I push my guys to spend extra time in eretz Yisroel if they can

  7. To UJM: The conclusion of the Gemara on Kiddushin 30A is that the marriage age is a machlokes Tannaim.
    From Sefaria:
    “The Gemara notes that this is like a dispute between tanna’im, based on the verse: “Train a child in the way that he should go” (Proverbs 22:6). Rabbi Yehuda and Rabbi Neḥemya disagreed about the age in which the verse instructs the parent to educate his child: One said that the verse is referring to the ages from sixteen until twenty-two, and one said it is referring to the ages from eighteen until twenty-four. The dispute concerning the correct age for marriage and the dispute about educating a child are the same, as while a father still has a large measure of influence over his son, he must both teach him and find him a wife. ”

    The poll assumes that there is one correct age for every man which is wrong according to the Gemara! The Gemara changes the subject after this, so it would be logical to assume that what I quoted is the final psak.

  8. vacation extravagance has nothing to do with Florida there are many other places people go that cost much, much more and not only during mid-winter but also Pesach and summertime

  9. TRUEBT: Machlokes, but even if not 18 all agree there’s a deadline when you must be married.

    You are halachicly obligated to get married by age 20 according to the Shulchan Aruch or according to some shittos by 24 if learning Torah full time. So if you’re not a full time learner, age 20 is your Halachic deadline. If you are learning Torah full time, some shittos allow you to wait till a maximum age of 24.

  10. People should not base their opinion on some random poll online i can vote on 10 times if wanted to, but feel free to have fun with that in mind.

  11. LakewoodScoop, why in the world would you assume I’m crying?
    I’m just pointing out that the survey actually tells you very little about how people spend midwinter break.

  12. IraK: You believe poor people shouldn’t get married? Where does such drivel come from that you need to be able to afford marriage or children in order to have them? That’s a hedonistic modern Western concept, the opposite and opposed to Torah.

  13. No, the obligation to support your family is separate, not contingent, upon the obligation to get married young, as Halachicly mentioned above. The two obligations are independent of each other.

  14. The quality of these flawed poll questions is the greatest proof of the need for science education in yeshivos.
    The results of these polls are worse than useless.
    Not even the slightest thought has gone in to developing a hypothesis and working out how the question needs to be phrased to prove or disprove the hypothesis.

  15. So far the results are over 20% of the Yidden hold a bochor should be married before he’s 20 years old. And a majority hold that they should be married no later than 21 years old.

  16. The polls are so popular (and so flawed) as they allow you to vote multiple times. A better constructed poll would recognize IP address and lock out those who previously voted.
    Then again no one would say the Yeshiva World is scientific, that moniker belongs to YU.

  17. Joseph,

    Where are you getting your fake number from?

    This poll shows that over two-thirds of respondents feel that bachurim should not start dating before age 21. It doesn’t reveal anything about when people feel they should be married. Unlike your multiple wives, most people don’t marry the first desperate person they meet after a five minute zoom date.

    Are you still claiming to be a self-taught nuclear engineer and chip designer who gives shiurim and answers halachic queries over the phone, when basic reading comprehension and veracity is obviously beyond you?

  18. Apologies. The poll is regarding the age to start dating, not necessarily being married by. So the comment should be that the results are over 20% of the Yidden hold a bochor should start dating by time he’s 19 years old. And a majority hold that they should start dating no later than by 21 years old.

  19. Also, it is very important to remember that Chazal say to be married by (not to just start dating by) age 18. And actual obligatory Halacha is that you are required to be married by age 20. The only possible exception, and only if you’re learning Torah full time, some shittos will allow you to wait up to a mandatory maximum age of 24 to be married by.

    All this is very clear in Shulchan Aruch.

  20. Joseph,

    So despite your ceaseless harping that bachurim must be married by no later than 18, actual parents and their Poskim don’t agree with you. It’s time to stop your immature trolling.

  21. Name any real posek who ever said it’s okay to choose to not be married by age 24 for a Torah learner, or that it’s okay to choose to not be married by age 20 for a non-learner. Or that you don’t have to make every possible effort to be married before those ages.

  22. Joseph,

    So now you’re running away from your childish trolling of age 18?

    Please name the widely-followed contemporary Litvish Poskim who say that a bachur must married by 18 and include attributed quotes.

  23. Dofi: Do you consider Chazal and Pirkei Avos to be childish trolls? Or do you consider them to me a bunch of grumpy old men whose ideas are outdated?

  24. Joseph,

    Nope, just you. Do we wait until 15 to start learning Gemara nowadays?

    After years of trolling you can’t answer the question so now you’re running scared from your own silly “psak”?

  25. @ujm

    It’s funny to see your take on the data. What I see is that close to 70% of the respondents say that a bachur should not begin dating until at least 21.