Dear Editor,

I was thrilled to hear about the new initiative endorsed by the Gedolim and Rabbanim Shlit”a: encouraging girls returning from seminary to wait until Shavuos to begin dating, and asking boys to return earlier from Eretz Yisroel to start shidduchim sooner.

Why am I so excited? Because I speak from painful experience.

Six years ago, my oldest daughter entered the shidduch parsha. Like many other well-meaning, naïve parents, I assumed the traditional Litvish system was still working — that a good girl and a good boy would be redt to each other, go out, and build a bayis ne’eman b’Yisroel.

We reached out to shadchanim. We waited. One year passed. Nothing. Two years passed. Still nothing.

Can you imagine that pain? It felt like walking into a grocery store and finding the shelves empty. No boys = no shidduchim for our daughters.

I started asking questions, trying to understand what had changed. Eventually, I uncovered a difficult truth: while girls begin dating at 18 or 19, boys often only start at 23 or 24. And when they do begin dating, they mostly look for girls between 18 and 21.

This creates a double crisis:

1. A massive numbers imbalance — thousands more girls than boys on the shidduch market.

2. A cruel expiration date — a girl over 21 is often considered “too old,” and is tragically overlooked.

The result: we have a narrow window to marry off our daughters. And many are falling through the cracks.

Now, I have two more daughters waiting. One has been home for three years without a single date.

Can you imagine that pain?

How can any of us sleep peacefully knowing there are thousands of Bnos Yisroel aching to build a bayis, but can’t even get a date — because the boys are still in Eretz Yisroel or haven’t even started dating yet?

לא תעמוד על דם רעך.

There are roughly 2,000 boys in BMG. How can they marry off thousands upon thousands of girls? The math simply doesn’t work.

But there is a solution. A simple, powerful, and life-saving solution.

If boys start dating a year earlier, and if girls delay by even a few months, the numbers shift drastically. It gives every girl a real, fighting chance to find her zivug.

In just a few days, another 3,000+ girls will be returning from seminary and entering the already-overcrowded shidduch pool. What chance does my daughter — or any girl home for two or three years — have?

If this new group waits until Shavuos, girls like my daughters will finally have a chance. If not, we will be left with thousands of unmarried girls. Agunos of the shidduch crisis.

This is a once-in-a-generation opportunity to fix a broken system. We are begging for help — not resistance.

Our daughters are drowning. We need a Hatzolah.

Please, don’t just sympathize. Join the effort.

P.S. Many sincere Yidden were raised to believe that “every shidduch is bashert — it will come when it comes.” But as HaGaon Rav Binyamin Cohen shlit”a has written in Adai Ad, we must not use hashkafah to excuse inaction.

I’d like to add a halachic point as well. As heard from HaGaon Rav Meir Stern shlit”a of Passaic: The Shulchan Aruch (based on the Gemara) explicitly allows making a shidduch even on Tisha B’Av — the saddest day of the year — שמָא יקדמנו אחר, lest someone else grab the opportunity.

This is a clear psak that we must act to help our daughters — not simply wait and say “it’s bashert.”

Let me be clear: I believe in hashgachah. But when we see that the Chassidim here in America, and both Litvish and Chassidish communities in Eretz Yisroel, don’t have this problem, we must admit that our crisis is man-made. And if it’s man-made, it can be fixed.

If you have a daughter, this initiative helps you too. Let’s not try to outsmart the system and end up sabotaging everyone — including ourselves.

Why is today different than the past? Simple: In the past, many boys didn’t go to Eretz Yisroel. Today, almost all do — and they don’t date until they return. This has created an unnatural bottleneck.

Let’s fix it — together. Bring the boys back earlier. Let the girls wait a little. The results could save thousands of futures.

Jump on board.

Name withheld upon request.

The views expressed in this letter are those of the author and do not necessarily represent those of YWN. Have an opinion you would like to share? Send it to us for review.