MAILBAG: A Serious Issue Isn’t The Place For Cheap Gimmicks


Dear Editor,

I am writing to express my deep anger and frustration about the recent idea being promoted in an ad by a local paper.

As a single girl within the Orthodox Jewish community, I have experienced firsthand the difficulties and frustrations of the shidduch crisis. It is disheartening to see so many of my peers struggling to find a suitable match and to see the community at large struggling to address this issue. However, the idea of being promoted by an organization calling themselves “RedSeaSingles” is nothing short of horrifying.

For those who may not be aware, the idea is that Pesach programs should host eligible young men free of charge on the condition that they are there to date. This idea is supposedly aimed at “solving the shidduch crisis.” Yet, it is clear to anyone who has thought about this for more than five seconds that whoever came up with this idea is more likely to be a bored yeshiva guy in need of a free vacation than a well-intentioned problem solver.

Needless to say, it is appalling that we have reached a point in our community’s dating system where young men feel they can take advantage of the situation and gain a free vacation out of it. This is not a solution to the shidduch crisis. Rather, it is an exploitation of the crisis, and a slap in the face to all of us who are working tirelessly to find our bashert.

We must not allow the shidduch crisis to become an excuse for behavior such as this. It is our responsibility, as a community, to ensure that we maintain the values of sincerity and commitment toward the search for a partner.


A frustrated girl in shidduchim

NOTE: The views expressed here are those of the authors and do not necessarily represent or reflect the views of YWN.


(YWN World Headquarters – NYC)


  1. So you’re mad because after hundreds to thousands of dollars that boys pay in order to take girls on dates with no compensation if it doesn’t work out finally they get something for free in order to date and you don’t like it. Maybe think about the other side for a minute before judging somebody for what their creative solution is.
    A concerned guy

  2. She is 100% correct. This in no way adresses the issue. Now, if the hotel said that this was only for men 21 and younger for example, now that would accomplish getting folks thinking about dating younger. That would incentive change and be actually useful.

  3. You people kvetch at your own self made problems; dating, age gap, seminary…. Stop dating. So much money in the garbage. Do as the chasidim do-Meet in sometimes dining room

  4. So why don’t we instead as loving parents of children in need of shidduchim and us girls looking for shidduchim all work on ourselves from the spiritual perspective and improve in our faith and trust in Hashem and also improve in our tefilla of davening more often and valuing our personal relationship we each have directly with our loving father Hashem the king of kings and the master matchmaker shadchan made for each person 40 days before they are even born.

    Let’s all start now and call out wholeheartedly to our loving father Hashem to help everyone find their loving partner for life to marry bkarov

  5. “…hundreds to thousands of dollars that boys pay in order to take girls on dates with no compensation.”

    It’s the man’s mitzvah to go seek a wife.

  6. Spare me. The girl has to promise the moon as a dowry, pays the lions share of wedding expenses, pays all the expenses of setting up the house, and pays to support the young prince for x amount of years so he can learn in tranquility. Grow up and be a man, not a little child who wants a mommy instead of a wife.

  7. So as a regular guest at Pesach hotel programs for about 25 years, I can give about ten different reasons for why this effort is a waste of time and money and resources.

    But be that as it may, this is being done to help girls like you, so why criticize it?

    And if you don’t agree with it, then stay home or go on a cruise with other girl’s and finished.

  8. Here is my non-response to a non-complaint about a non-proposal regarding a real world situation that is causing much grief and loneliness.

  9. Hi,
    I’m sorry for your situation.
    I’m not an official Shadchan, but If you want, you or someone you trust can contact me, and I would love to try to help.
    Bsuros Tovos

    [email protected]
    EY 052 768 6132
    From US 347 434 9344

  10. Pesach hotels are way overpriced. Real waste of funds. May as well just find some retreat center somewhere that isn’t so commercial to host, like rent out a summer camp not in use or something. Should fundraise for the event from people besides the unmatched, make it free to all parties. Lots of zchus in making a shidduch, easy ticket into olam haba if you help fund an event that leads to three matches, so really should be easy to get supported I would hope. The idea of providing incentives to attend isn’t a bad idea, especially for singles (male or female) who have had a hard time in shidduchim until now, cuz the process really does take a lot of wind out of one’s sails. It’s tough to find motivation after a few too many rejections to invest more into it. Those are my thoughts. Anyway, I’d be happy to attend…

  11. I just took a look at their website. Honestly, it doesn’t sound like it’s the right thing. I don’t know why anyone would go for it. All they do is provide the singles. They want the hotel to provide an on site shadchan along with places for the boys to sleep. They hope to make a profit by getting some shadchanus money.
    This is not the way to do shidduchim, in my honest opinion.