Apparently, it’s not your fault if you down a gallon of sugar on a sweltering day — blame climate change.

That’s the conclusion of a new study in Nature Climate Change, which insists rising temperatures in the U.S. are driving Americans to consume more sugar. Researchers in the U.S. and U.K. claim that as the mercury climbs, Americans guzzle “lots more” sodas and “a bit more” ice cream, adding up to over 100 million pounds of sugar compared to 15 years ago.

“Climate change is shaping what you eat,” explained Duo Chan, a climate scientist at the University of Southampton, apparently elevating your Slurpee habit to a planetary crisis.

The data analysis followed consumer purchases from 2004 to 2019 and cross-referenced them with weather records. The result: people drank slightly more sugary drinks between 54 and 86 degrees Fahrenheit. The “difference” per day? Less than a candy bar. But stretched over years, researchers insist, this becomes a “severe problem.”

Critics might argue that marketing, cheap soda prices, and personal responsibility have something to do with it. But no, the problem — according to the study — is carbon emissions.

To add gravity, University of California endocrinologist Robert Lustig warned that one extra can of soda a day can spike diabetes risk by nearly 30%. The fact that people might choose water instead of cola on hot days apparently escaped notice.

The study further notes that low-income Americans drink the most sugar during hot spells, while Asian Americans don’t budge in their sugar intake at all — perhaps exposing a flaw in the one-size-fits-all climate-diet theory.

As if predicting the end of civilization one Coke at a time, co-author Pan He said she became curious after observing Americans drink soda when thirsty. “That could be a problem,” she warned.

Of course, even climate scientists can’t ignore reality. University of Washington researcher Kristie Ebi, not involved in the project, dryly observed that in a warming world “there will be other issues of more importance than a small increase in sugary beverages.”

Translation: maybe your waistline isn’t the planet’s fault after all.

(YWN World Headquarters – NYC)