A real-life question that was presented to the Refuah B’Halacha center:
What would you do if you caught your child smoking on Shabbos?
If you are faced with a medical halacha shailah call us. Caring Rabbunim are here to answer all your medical halacha questions 732 755 0851.
It was on a quiet Motzoi Shabbos and the phone at the Refuah B’Halacha Center was quiet. That is, until the phone rang. On the other end was a man, speaking with a mix of urgency and hesitation. “A gut voch,” he began. “I… I need some guidance. I don’t know what to do.”
The Rav, accustomed to calls like this, replied gently, “Tell me what’s going on, take your time.”
The man took a deep breath. “It’s my son… he’s making his famous homemade pizza tonight for melava malka. Normally, I’d be enjoying it with him, but last Friday night something happened, and I’ve been unsure how to handle it ever since.”
The Rav encouraged him to continue.
“Friday night… I couldn’t sleep. Quietly, I went downstairs to get a drink. That’s when I noticed the door to the porch was open. I peeked out, and I saw my son… smoking… on Shabbos!”
A pause. The Rav said softly, “And that upset you, I can understand.”
“Yes!” the man exclaimed, voice shaking. “I didn’t confront him. I went back upstairs so he wouldn’t know I saw. I’ve kept it a secret, trying to figure out what to do. And now, tonight… he’s making a whole melava Malka for the whole family. I’m worried—what if the food is bishul akum? I don’t want to eat it, but I also don’t want to embarrass him.”
The Rav spoke warmly: “Let me tell you something important. There was a story with R’ Moshe Feinstein Zt”l, as recorded in Mesoros Moshe (chelek alef, p. 248). A man came to R’ Moshe on Shabbos morning, very distressed. His wife had been caught smoking on Shabbos. He asked if he should divorce her, thinking she was no longer Shomer Shabbos and could not be trusted to run a frum home or run a reliable kosher kitchen. Her doctor said she was 6addicted, and it was very hard for her to stop.
“R’ Moshe explained that addiction is real, and a person struggling with it does not lose their ne’emanus in other areas of Torah and mitzvos. Just as someone who is physically ill cannot perform like a healthy person, someone with an addiction cannot always control certain urges. Halacha recognizes this. Even if she smoked publicly, she would not automatically lose her trustworthiness in other areas.”
The man listened intently, his tension slowly easing.
“R’ Moshe even compared addiction to mental illness,” the Rav continued. “He gave the example of a doctor who smoked to cope with the smell of patients. He did not smoke out of choice or enjoyment alone; the habit had taken hold. R’ Moshe concluded that divorce was not warranted, and he blessed the wife with a refuah sheleimah. The Torah understands human weakness, and we must too.”
The Rav paused, letting the father absorb the lesson. Then he said gently: “So regarding your son and the pizza—do not worry. The food is kosher; your son is just struggling, and the act of cooking it does not make it forbidden. More importantly, use this moment to reach out to him with love and concern. Speak with him, not in anger, but with a sincere desire to help. Addiction, even small or hidden, is a struggle, and halacha encourages us to respond with compassion.”
The Rav’s voice softened warmly: “Take the first step with love. Sometimes just opening the conversation can make all the difference. A father’s guidance can help lead a son back to strength. Tonight, after the melava malka, embrace him, tell him you love him, and that you want to help him.”
Later that evening, the father followed the Rav’s advice. He approached his son as he carefully arranged the homemade pizza. He embraced him warmly and said, “I saw what happened Friday night. I want you to know I love you, and I want to help you. Let’s talk and work on this together.”
His son, surprised but relieved, nodded, and a weight lifted from both their hearts. The melava malka went on, the pizza baked to perfection, and the house was filled with laughter and the warmth of a father and son reconnecting.
The Rav’s words stayed with the father: even when loved ones stumble, halacha and the Torah guide us to act with wisdom and compassion.
At the Refuah B’Halacha Center, we are here to provide guidance for real-life challenges, big and small. Whether it’s a question about Shabbos, kashrus, or navigating difficult personal situations, our experienced Rabbunim are ready to listen and advise.
If you ever find yourself wondering about a medical halacha question — big or small, serious or just something that’s been on your mind — remember that you don’t have to figure it out alone. The Refuah B’Halacha Center is here to help, with experienced rabbanim available to guide you through even the most sensitive or confusing situations.
Our Rabbanim;
R’ Yaakov Forchheimer shlit”a
R’ Noach Isaac Oelbuam shlit”a
R’ Shmuel Fuerst shlit”a
R’ Uri Deutch shlit”a
R’ Micha Cohen shlit”a
R’ Moshe Zev Feldman shlit”a
R’ Baruch Hirshfeld shlit”a
R’ Daniel Neustadt shlit”a
R’ Avrohom Yaged shlit”a
We specialize in
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We are here Sunday through Friday 8:00 am till 10:00 pm and erev Shabbos 10 minutes before candle lighting.
Refuah B’Halacha Hotline: 732 755 0851 or email us at https://refuahbhalacha.org/
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