In today’s yeshivish culture, young men need permission to live. Meet Yanky. Yanky always followed the rules. He respects his parents, his rebbeim, and his mesorah. He took his learning seriously through high school and beis medrash. Yanky is a “good guy.” Now, at age 23, he finds himself unmotivated to learn, to daven, to follow the path that was laid out for him. He doesn’t know what’s wrong. Ignoring the inner tension building inside of him, he pushes past his feelings and keeps learning. Soon after, Yanky finds himself in despair. He can’t keep it up. Learning has become a chore. He doesn’t feel connected like he used to. “Is it me? Is it the system? Is it the learning itself?” he asks. His subconscious has begun to plague him; he feels paralyzed. Getting a job isn’t really an option. It’s not a financial calculation — it’s a social death sentence. What would my parents think? My rebbeim? My friends? Who would even marry a working guy?
This is the experience of too many good-hearted, well-intentioned young men in our community. Personal development has been arrested by new and rigid standards that could only have been positively applied to an exceptional population of young men. Before the Holocaust, yeshiva learning in Europe was reserved for the elite lomdonim. Volozhin — the mother of all yeshivos, the most prestigious Torah institution in the world — had approximately 400 talmidim at its peak. Today, Lakewood alone has over 7,000. The discrepancy is easily explained: unprecedented economic support has made full-time learning accessible to the masses in a way that was simply impossible in Europe. But accessible and working are two very different things. It is not my intention to downplay the importance of learning. I strongly believe that learning is the core of a fulfilling Jewish life, and more broadly, the survival of our nation. For those who are learning full-time with passion, ashreichem — we need you. Nonetheless, the expectation that every young man must learn full-time has had devastating implications.
It is simply reality that everyone is different. Hashem created everyone with different abilities, talents, and levels of aptitude. Everyone is charged with living a life of service to Hashem — with one caveat: that service must be done with joy, not out of fear, shame, or resentment. It would be easy for me to tell you (and I am!), “you hereby have permission to pursue a career, to build something, to cultivate your interests” — but what good is permission from one voice when your entire world is shouting the opposite? The only solution I can offer is courage. Courage that Hashem understands you, loves you, and wants you to maximize your potential. Courage to do what you must and trust that you will find acceptance. Nothing stands in the way of someone who earnestly tries to do what is right for them. The marriage will come; there is an abundance of girls who just want a genuine guy. Your loved ones will come around. Your learning — now no longer a performed tradition, but a living one — will likely improve. You will have a true sense of identity.
Making this adjustment, even in theory, can feel identity-shattering. It is a profoundly painful experience. The reality, however, is that this experience cannot be avoided — it can only be postponed. There will come a day when living someone else’s life becomes too burdensome. The longer that realization is delayed, the harder its effects will be. It doesn’t have to be this way. You can live a life of meaning today. It’s your obligation.
Full disclosure: I recently helped bring a book to the community called “The Million Dollar Part Time Job.” I took it on because I believe in what it’s saying. It’s a practical guide, written by someone who understands this world, for the Yankys who are ready to take the first step. If anything in this essay resonated with you, it’s worth your time.
All the best,
Zev Levin
The views expressed in this letter are those of the author and do not necessarily represent those of YWN. Have an opinion you would like to share? Send it to us for review.
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8 Responses
This letter is totally emes and spot on !
Thank you for being brave enough to write it!
It’s also, in part, due to the general American culture we live in, where men are hated upon and women are promoted. I fear it has seeped into even our circles, and have experienced myself the beginnings of eve frum women thinking that they are superior to their male counterparts because they earn more money. The Torah defines women as an “ezer kenegdo”- a ruchnisyusdike tafkid, and now they have been blinded by people looking to make money off their (re-)education.
Another repackaged Modern Orthodox rant over the same thing they’ve been ranting for the last 55 years.
Do yourself a favor and leave such decisions for the gedolim. At the very least address your QUESTIONS to the gedolim. Just because you decided to write a book doesn’t make you a authority.
Let’s take a moment to take apart this letter piece by piece.
“Yanky” Story
A fictional character, ‘trapped’ in a system that ‘forces’ everyone to learn when it doesn’t work for them.
How many boys in fact leave kollel and work, and build beautiful families? (Answer: thousands.)
Is social pressure unique to learning, or does every culture have norms?
(Answer: Every society has expectations. The question is whether the expectation are noble and beneficial, not whether they exist.)
The “Europe Only Had Elite Learners” Claim
The letter writer will have you believe that pre Holocaust yeshiva learning was specifically and philosophically aimed at elite lomdonim only.
Was this truely the case? (Answer: There were many yeshivos for weaker students, there wasn’t just the elite Volozhin Yeshiva].
Did the gedolim ever say elite learners only? (Answer: They pushed for everyone to learn. The chofetz chaim, Reb Chaim Ozer, Reb Aharon Kotler etc encouraged expanding Torah learning before the war, yet the numbers remained far lower than today- because of one reason. Poverty. Not ideology! The letter writer is confusing financial limitation with religious philosophy- very sloppy mistake.
The Commercial Angle
At the end he writes: “I helped bring a book called The Million Dollar Part Time Job.” There it is, the context has arrived!
So we have marketing. The man literally has a book to sell you !
Learning Torah is not just something nice, it is, for thousands of years, the spiritual foundation of the Jewish people. And yes, Mr. Bookseller, every culture prioritizes things. We are proud to be part of the Torah world which prioritizes the greatest most noble goals, that of Torah learning.
And there are thousands who have pursued parnasah too, and they too are part of our beautiful nation.
There Is A Entire series on TorahAnytime Named PRACTICAL JUDAISM by Rabbi Sholom Ahron Ehrenfeld Addressing all these topics and much more
“Before the Holocaust, yeshiva learning in Europe was reserved for the elite lomdonim.”
It was always so until all frum boys were forced to sit and learn. How?
In he USA during the Vietnam war 2/3 of all teenagers over 18 were drafted. A boy was exempt if he was studying for the priesthood or rabbinate (thanks to the Catholic church). So all frum boys went to yeshiva. So in the USA it become the universal for all boys, regardless of ability or desire to learn, to sit and learn.
In Israel, frum boys fought in the army during the wars of 1948, ’56, and ’67. The army was mostly chilonim and they made life very difficult for the chareidim persuading some to leave being frum while harassing all others. The only out was learning in yeshiva. So now the new norm was that all frum boys, regardless of desire went to yeshiva and sat and learned.
So now it was universal that all boys sit and learn, regardless of desire or ability. If you did something else you were now considered inferior.
Normal? Not for thousand of years! And not now either!
While there is some element of truth to the letter writer’s point, in the US, it is not really accurate. There are PLENTY of girls who are looking for an earner/learner. In fact, one girl that I have in mind ended up marrying a guy who is a thousand times more frum (and a better catch) than the average BMG guy. Many girls are fully aware that the overall majority of guys in yeshiva today are just following the program and are not fully thought out.
Keep in mind that there may be an equal number of girls who are not thought out and are also just following the program.
In Israel, this is more of a problem. The stigmas in the US are much, much less.