New York – More than forty rabbonim from the greater New York/New Jersey area gathered at Agudath Israel of America’s national headquarters on Thursday, 21 Elul (September 10) to discuss wrenching social problems that have emerged over recent years in the Orthodox community.
The gathering, which was organized by Conference of Synagogue Rabbonim of Agudath Israel (under the auspices of Agudath Israel’s Torah Projects division), was aimed at exploring sholom bayis-related issues. There was much discussion of factors – sociological, technological and educational – that, by strong consensus, are contributing to problems in that area; and of the vital role of the rov in cases where a divorce, sadly, is unavoidable, to help avoid or minimize the scars left on the individuals and their children.
The Philadelphia Rosh HaYeshiva, Moetzes Gedolei Hatorah member Rabbi Shmuel Kaminetzky, addressed the group and participated as well in a spirited wide-ranging discussion that followed his words and presentations by two mental health professionals, David Kohn, LCSW, CASAC, and Dr. Nosson Solomon.
Agudath Israel’s executive vice president Rabbi Chaim Dovid Zwiebel extended greetings to the rabbonim; and the program was chaired by the organization’s executive director, Rabbi Labish Becker.
The sholom bayis challenges unfortunately exist in every Orthodox community, noted Rabbi Avrohom Nisan Perl, head of Agudath Israel’s Torah Projects division and coordinator of the gathering. ” And so it was gratifying to see representation from rabbonim across the spectrum.”
“Coming together to try to better understand the problems,” he continued, “is a necessary first step to formulating measures to address them. One thing is certain: In such vital issues, we dare not bury our heads in the sand.”
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16 Responses
which rabbonim were there?
one of the main problems is the high cost of tuition and that is what the main focus should be.
if the mother could stay home with the kids and take care of them like the good old days , we would have much fewer problems .
What other issues were discussed? The article only mentioned divorce (a huge problem, to be sure) but there are many topics that need to be raised.
# 1 on my list (and one of primary importance our house) is a good self esteem. My kids, nor myself /spouse) are A+++ material , but I constantly drive home the point that while we may not have everything, we have lots to be thankful for.
Something we as a community need to start focus on. I’m no medical / psych expert, but I’m willing to bet that much of our grief (disorders, kids, going off, and yes, divorce) starts from feeling like you’re not living a meaningful life. And who can blame one in the dumps? All we see / hear (media, Yeshivos, Sems) is if you’re not the best, you’re toast.
But at least the Rabbonim met. Its a start
IF A HUSBAND WERE TRAINED TO EARN A LIVING, AND WOULD LOOK AND FIND A JOB, THE WIFE WOULD NOT HAVE TO BEAR THE DOUBLE BURDEN OF BEING THE MAIN BREAD WINNER AND RAISING A FAMILY!!
It’s very simple. Stop trying to copy the goyim. It’s their materialism, their interests, their life style, and, yes, their divorce style that is wrecking Yiddishkeit.
This was a very important first step and Agudath Israel deserves credit for this meeting. Hopefully the esteemed assembly addressed the key issues affecting Shalom Bayis in 2009. Namely:
1] Lack of communication of spouses. Dating couples spend too much time doing relaxed activities negating the crucial element of communication. They therefore start off with a poor foundation of basic communication.
2] Stress caused by visiting schedules in the formative years of marriage. Just look at the fear and discomfort written about in the Coffee Room discussion on where are you going for Yom Tov. Couples should be given their space and let them bond together and make decisions together without interference.
3] Issues that arise due to painful experiences earlier on in life.
Yosse: While finances are a tremendous stress on a couple, it is by no means the only stress a couple must go through. The three issues highlighted cause the entire glue of the relationship to become loose. It holds back the bond from developing and therefore a stress can come and tear the marriage apart.
obviously an important issue.
But why do they write “more than forty Rabbonim”, when the photos show that only twenty were present,(excluding Agudah staff), and two of these twenty are shaven.
i agree with #2 . With the cost of tuition today you need to have both parents working.Women today have to deal with so much on their plate ,with the financial burdens as well as raising their kids. Hashem should give all the mothers the koach to raise their kids to be true bas/ben torahs… this can also cause a strain on peoples marriage because they are juggling so many different responsibilities. I personally have not taken a vacation in closs to 10 years because of financial issues and it definitely takes a toll…i give all the credit to my wife for coping as best as she can with her responsibilities.
#7 mevakesh tzedek wow your comments seem very familier.
does this look familier? (from another blog site )
1. Comment from mevakesh emes
Time September 14, 2009 at 4:07 PM
obviously an important issue.
But why do they write “more than forty Rabbonim”, when the photos show that only twenty were present,(excluding Agudah staff), and two of these twenty are shaven.
Mevakes emes/ Tzedek or whoever you are-
Do you go from site to site writing against Klal organizations? Do you want honest discussion or are you really just a Bal Malchlokes? You posts are everything thats wrong with bloggers today.
Your not interested in what the Rabbonim did or said your only interested in causing strife!
Grow up. Do you know who came before the picture or after the picture? Does it really matter. Rav Shmuel Shlita ran a major discussion on issues of serious importance and your busy with who has a beard. Really? A beard? For shame.
this was the most uniformative artical i have ever read on yeshivah world
please give us a little context of the discusions that went on and there ideas i think it would be important for one and all to hear what the rabbonim have to say to us (not just what your regular bloggers think are the important issues of the day )
#7 Sometimes people who work and don’t have beards could be the biggest talmidei chochomim!! A beard is not an indication. As there are many great people with beards there are many without!
to # 10 – Askan
it’s obvious you work for this organization.
But our point is: if your organization claims to do things for kvod shomaim, they should not be falsifing facts, for the sake of propaganda, or to save face when you have a small attendance,
as the Torah says, tzedek tzedek tirdof, pursue the truth with truthful ways and means.
Yet, instead of accepting constructive Mussar like big boys, you unfortunaly become paranoid and defensive, and you twist a good point to brand us as a baal machlokes, or looking to cause strife, etc.
So we ask, who should grow up??
#7 and #12 Just an aside relating to your discussion about beards: Rav Elya Lopian zt”l was once telling a student of his not to judge people by appearances. He said, “Gedenkt! Mir Shechten nisht mit a burd, un mir kochen nisht mit a sheitel!” (Remember! One does not shecht with a beard, and one does not cook with a sheitel!) In relation to the issue of shalom bayis, much of the cause is financial, which has only been exacerbated with the recent economic downturn. But this problem existed before the recession, and the underlying problem is that we are VERY influenced by American culture and society. If couples would model their relationship after the direction and dictates of the Torah, there would be much more Shalom Bayis.
One more thing… what practical ideas and suggestions resulted from this meeting? There is not enough information in this post….
Indeed this is a very important issue and no one particular reason is the cause. In each case it can be one or many. But one of the main problem is as such. A neighbor of ours was recently in England for a simcha. Her husband is a big askan, baal Tzedaka and runs a Yeshiva. These people inherited millions when many of us who may have it today, did not know what it literally means. This family lives in Boro Park and Boruch Hashem if you don’t know who they are you wouldn’t believe it. The way they dress, act, etc. and family life and yes they are ultra Chasidish. So the type is not a factor. Anyway, while in England, the wife was asked to speak and consulted with her husband as what to say. Parapharasing this is what he told her to speak about: Shalosh Shutfim Baadam, there are three partners to each created person, Hashem, husband and wife. Today however, there is a fourth, your neighbor. We(those affected) have to learn to live without looking at the neighbor, oif yenem(other person). Yes, money is important. But when we grew up in Brooklyn as post holocaust children of survivors we knew where we belonged and were raised as such to be content where you are. There was no written division of classes and everyone lived together in harmony and knew their boundaries.
However, sometimes the grandparents of today are not role modes. If in 2009 someone in shul was upset because his mechutim made Shabbos Sheva Brachos in a normal simple hall and not in the hoo ha, fancy hall which would have been at least double and when told the mechutin doesn’t have such a big pocket, this 50 , almost 60 answered but the grandfather has money. So what do we want if people have such complaints in a time where people here in Brooklyn may just as well unplug their refrigerator because it’s empty and they don’t want anyone to know about it because last year they were fulling peoples fridges.
It is important that each Rav of every shul know the ongoing of each family in his kehilla. If he can’t then the job is not for him or he should hire someone to be on top of this situation.
#2 is absolutely correct