5 Most Important Shidduch Questions

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    These are 5 of the most important questions for Shidduchim.

    1) Do they use a plastic tablecloth on top of the Shabbos tablecloth

    2) Do they stack the dirty dishes on Shabbos?

    3) Does she get dressed Friday night or does she wear a robe?

    4) Does her mother wear a sheitel at the Shabbos table?

    5) Is Sunday nights supper leftovers from Shabbos?

    Do you know of anymore important shidduch questions?


    6) slip on shoes or tie shoes for the boy (no right answer, if he wears ties hoes, he doesn’t value time, slip ons and he is lazy.)

    7) do the banana’s sit on a banana tree, or in a bowl?


    I have (unfortunatly) been in the “parsha” for close to 2 years. Not only am I often a “reference” for my friends, but there are also many people who have called my friends to inquire about me. And although we have gotten varied questions over the years, none of us have ever gotten any of those questions thank G-d. I have never even been asked what size someone is. I am not saying that these questions are never asked but much less frequently than people like to say…



    The Offical Shidduch Resume


    Name:_______________ Nick name:________________

    Age:________________ Screen name:________________

    DOB:_______________ Sign:__________________

    Place of Birth:

    City:________________ State:______________ Country:__________

    Hospital:_______________ Doctor:_______________ Midwife:_______________


    With heels on:_______________

    Without heels on:________________


    Before sister’s wedding:______________

    After sister’s sheva brachos:_______________

    Color Eyes:

    With contact lenses:____________ Without contact lenses:_________

    Religious Affiliation:

    A. Jewish:

    ( ) FFB (Frum From Birth)

    ( ) BT

    ( ) OT

    ( ) Out of towner

    ( ) Regular orthodox

    ( ) Modern orthodox

    B. Education: Please star * anything that was co-ed

    a) Playgroup:_____________


    c) Elementary School:______________

    d) High School:_____________

    e) If you did not attend a Bais Ya’akov High School, please write a 500 word essay why. (You may attach additional paper to the back of this


    f) Day Camp:_____________

    g) Sleep-away Camp:_______________

    h) Seminary:_______________

    *Why davka this one__________________________________________________.

    *Was this your first choice? Were you rejected from any seminaries and if yes, please



    1) So, who really is the prettiest girl in Bais Ya’akov Monsey?_________________.

    2) Are you really a hocker??

    Check if you have any of these:

    ___ # of cellphone(s)

    ___ # beeper(s)

    ___ # of blowdrier(s)

    ___ Type of car(s)

    ___ VCR/DVD

    ___ TV

    ___ computer with email

    ___ computer with internet

    ___ computer with Koshernet

    3) Did you ever have a crush on a boy in Miami Boy’s Choir?

    No____ Yes_____ (If yes, please specify # and which ones) ____________________________________


    4) What midda really defines your character? _____________________.

    5) What do you do to relax?

    A. Eat

    B. Get you nails/hair done

    C. Go shopping

    D. Talk on the phone

    E. Say Tehillim

    F. Design your wedding gown

    6) How much food do you need to be satisfied?

    A. One slice of pizza, french fries or onion rings and a diet coke

    B. Half a burger or hotdog

    C. Salad, salad, and more salad

    D. 3 Chalav Yisrael Hershey Kisses

    E. Satisified? Never, I’m on a diet!

    7) What are your eyebrows like?

    A. I wax once a month

    B. So thick I have to tweeze every-other night

    C. Very sparse, I need to color them in

    D. Non-existent is in, didn’t you see the latest cover of Seventeen?

    8) During the Oscar’s, you are:

    A. Doing chesed to counter-act the tumah

    B. Watching for tips

    C. Watching ER

    D. The Oscar’s, what’s that?

    9) Are your suits:

    A. Long jacket, long skirt

    B. Long jacket, short skirt

    C. Short jacket, long skirt

    D. Short jacket, short skirt (and how short?)

    E. Suits, me? I go casual; denim skirt, Gap sweatshirt

    10) How often do you buy a new Shabbos robe?

    A. Once a year

    B. Every time I see one I like

    C. Whenever they go on sale

    D. Twice in a life time (Bas-Mitzva and wedding IY”H)

    11) How many outfits do you go through on Shabbos?

    A. 1-3

    B. 3-5

    C. I don’t get dressed

    12) How much time do you spend doing your hair before a date?

    A. I don’t, a ponytail is good enough for me

    B. 10 minutes

    C. 20-40 minutes

    D. 60+ minutes

    13) What do you use to do your hair?

    A. Brush only

    B. Blowdrier

    C. Straightner/Curler

    D. Gel/Mouse

    E. All of the above

    14) What brand of make-up do you use?

    A. My mother doesn’t let me wear make-up

    B. Whatever is on sale at Target

    C. Mary Kay

    D. Clinique/Lancome/Estee Lauder/MAC

    15) What would you buy with a $100 gift certificate to Macy’s?

    A. New make-up

    B. Third pair of Shabbos shoes

    C. Lingerie

    D. Macy’s chas veshalom! I only shop at Brenda’s!

    E. The skirt I saw Miriam wear last week


    16) What kind of table cloth does you family use?

    A. Disposable

    B. Pink with lace

    C. Classic white

    17) What does your family serve for Oneg Shabbos?

    A. What Oneg Shabbos? We’re all on diets!

    B. Only Pashkes and Liebers

    C. For those over 16- diet coke, 15 and under- fruit punch

    D. Dried fruit

    E. Nosh is only for those who clear the table

    18) What’s your retail value on the market? $$$__________

    19) What time do you daven Shacharis Sunday morning?

    A. Neitz, I’m usually up anyways

    B. I set my alarm for an hour before zman kriyas shema

    C. My mother wakes me 5 minutes before chatzot

    D. Shacharis Sunday morning?!

    20) What is your monthly phone bill usually like? ______________

    21) What’s your favorite page in a yearbook?

    A. Baby pictures, they’re just sooo cute!

    B. Divrei Torah

    C. Class pictures

    D. Jokes and memories

    E. Family pictures of girls with older brothers

    22) When you see those chocolates on the coffee table, do you:

    A. Begin drooling, but remember your bathing suit is only a size 4

    B. Count calories

    D. I will not succumb to this great taiva

    23) What do you do if your date opens the car door for you?

    A. Look down, I’m makpid on shmiras einayim (no eye contact)

    B. Run back into my house and call the shadchan

    C. I say thank you, and get in

    D. Blush and get in silently

    24) What’s your favorite dating spot?

    A. Lounge

    B. Lounge

    C. Lounge

    D. Other??? Couldn’t come up with any!

    25) If your older brother has a friend over for lunch, you:

    A. Look down the whole meal

    B. Blush when he asks you to pass the cholent

    C. Talk about politics

    D. Have an animated conversation until your father asks you to clear the table

    E. Eat at your friend’s

    26) What’s the most embarrassing thing that happened to you on a date?

    A. My mascara shmeared

    B. My hair frizzed in the rain

    C. He forgot my name

    D. Too many quiet moments

    E. When I sat down, my skirt went above my knees

    F. Met too many of our ex-dates in the lounge

    27) Why do you feel you are ready for marriage?

    A. My parents are forcing me

    B. I want a baby

    C. I just came back from sem, a true kalah maidel

    D. I can whip up a whole Shabbos in 3 hours

    E. All my friends are

    28) What does it take for a boy to get on your list:

    A. One phone call, I’m 20, an alta kakah

    B. 4 phone calls from prominent rabbanim

    C. Money makes things move pretty quickly

    D. He has to be my mother’s cousin’s sister’s mother-in-law’s best friend’s son

    E. If he attends the Mir

    F. A blue eyed stud who knows how to dress

    29) What do you feel is your supreme sacrifice for Torah?

    A. Living on a kollel salary

    B. Letting your husband learn half a day

    C. Eating out only once a week

    D. Driving a Camry (not a Mercedes or Rolls)

    E. Doing my nails myself

    30) Why do you think you should be chosen above everyone else?

    A. I throw really cool parties

    B. I wear a size 4

    C. I have great yichus

    D. I can talk on the phone while mopping the floor and holding the screaming baby

    E. I have a great personality, real modest

    F. My grandparents left me a huge trust fund

    31) What kind of engagement ring are you looking for:

    A. A plain band

    B. A nice 1 carat diamond

    C. A big diamond surrounded by emeralds

    D. I’ll take what I can get

    E. Anything from Tiffany’s or Cartier

    I, _____________________ promise that everything I have answered above is the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth. Please help me Hashem.

    SIGNATURE: ____________________



    Does her father wear slip on shoes or lace shoes?

    Do they use only a white table cloth for shabbos and yom tov?

    How much money does her father earn?

    what dress size does she wear?



    1) Which Federal and State entitlement programs is her family eligible for, and how many such payments do they receive?

    2) How many members of the family are learning in Otisville?

    3) Does she wear shoes with thick enough soles to serve as false bottoms for cash or gemstones when she is flying overseas?


    chaimberliner – your response reeks fo Bitul Torah – where did you find ALL THAT TIME to write it


    i got copied it from somewhere and pasted it to here!


    “frumcouple”, this whole coffee room is bitul Torah, or didn’t you notice? LOL



    On another thread, you accused me of ‘nasty generalization’,

    What is your last post if not PURE, CUT AND DRY stereotyping?



    No, my reply was satire and parody as I hope all other replies on this thread were – just that it was satire and parody of another real, imagined or exaggerated issue in our community rather than the shidduch crisis.


    How about asking for the names of three people who you have carpooled with? I find you really get to know what people are like once you carpool with them!!


    Honestly, “chaimberliner,” has got a real good idea going. I too have a small questionnaire that I give friends of mine who are looking to get married. Also, handing a questionnaire to your shadchuns can help them match you and another accordingly, knowing at least a little info about each party, so the date will not be completely mishmash. I will gladly help anyone who is single. It does not matter how old a person is. There is a mate for everyone on this earth. For the record, I do not consider women or men over the age of 30 to be old, that is nonsense. (& thinking you are old and undesirable at that age will only make your self esteem, & the chances of finding anyone suffer). Furthermore, If I set a couple up, and they end up getting married, I would not want to be paid for the service. Knowing that I helped someone find their besherit is enough payment for me. Rather have that money given to the couple to help for wedding expenses.

    In conclusion, the questionnaire is the way to go, if it isn’t being utilized already. Good Luck on those looking for their besherit! Just don’t lose hope, whether you are 18 or 80, there IS someone out there waiting for you.


    Bugnot, you forgot two questions:

    Does the mother use a white tablecloth for Shabbos?

    Does the mother server ground meat as part of the Shabbos meal?


    someone once asked a friend of mine if she wears a seat belt. apparently, wearing one was the assur according to the questioner because it accentuates her chest.


    justsomeguy: dont laugh, in eretz yisroel, and some chassideshe places here in america, women who sit up front or in teh back that have cros chest belts will put that behind them, which is beyond dangerous. the belt is manufactured in a way so that it is only going to work if both lap adnd chest belts are secure. venishmartem meod lenofshoseichem is completely lost on these people.



    I forgot:

    Please provide detailed medical records for your daughter including height and weight records for every 6 month period starting from birth. Also please include precise information as to how many Tylenol, Advil, aspirin, cold remedies and antacids she has used per year along with copies of all prescriptions filled for her since birth. (Please mention whether these OTC remedies, including skin and hair care products were kosher/haimish or regular brands and whether or not all prescription and OTC medications used during Pesach were listed in Rabbi Blumenkrantz A”H’s Pesach guide).

    In addition, kindly provide dental records and the names and phone numbers of every physician, dentist or other health care provider who has treated her since birth. These should include the educational qualifications of said health care professionals.

    Finally, we respectfully request notarized copies of her report cards and disciplinary records since pre-1a, along with a letter from the FBI and CIA testifying to her eligibility for the highest level of security clearance.



    Actually I know of a family or shadchan who requested the above information for prospective kallahs’ mothers and sisters as well. This was for a boy whose geoinus and middois were so great as to land him twelve years of full time learning in what can be described as a tshuva kollel, operated by the government of the state in which he resides.


    Itzik_s: correction, paid for by teh people of the state he lives in. and you fogot to mention the perks, dorm and meals are included in tuition!

    anon for this

    Itzik_S, if you are serious, why did this gaon’s family feel these questions were relevant? Why exactly should a woman’s growth history & detailed medical history matter (I understand basic health issues are relevant)? I assume you are kidding about the security clearance part, right? Because those are done through DISCO, not the FBI or CIA. And even they don’t ask such irrelevant trivial questions.


    Oh, isnt this great that we have so many choices for shidduchim that we can be makpid about what really counts in a couple (that will ensure shalom bayis until eternity)- stacking dishes or plastic tablecloths!

    Why is someone 20 old? That is something I still have not understood.

    And why should the whole shadchan market know all your personal information? There are somethings that should be between me and my future chosson (IY”H) (and doctor). Why should all the teachers in every Bais Yaakov know my entire medical history and personal info! They seem to be on every $hidduch commitee! I am suprised they dont ask for my social security number and do a background check on me!


    How About this one-

    If you had to describe the girl as an animal what animal would you say she resembles and why?

    (I’ve actually heard of such a question. I think the one asking the question is the animal)



    Anyone who thinks any of my posts on this thread are serious should contact my investment adviser (Samet Associates of Otisville – ask for Keren or Tzvi) for some really hot investments in bridges and kasher lemehadrin snake oil.



    Rik – this is not the first time I have heard this animal question narrishkeit either, nor is it the first time I said that I would reply – “Well, I think YOU are a chozzer!”

    anon for this

    Itzik_s, I guess I’m more gullible than I thought. Just to clarify, when you wrote, “Actually I know of a family or shadchan who requested the above information for prospective kallahs’ mothers and sisters as well.”, to which of the shidduch questions were you referring? Or were you really not referring to any of them?



    LOL – the whole thing was a windup and I was referring to my absurd and contrived requests for medical records. A boy studying in State Tshuva Kollel (one of the best known koilelim of this type is called Sing Sing as it has a record of turning out chazzonim) would only want a girl who clearly has no personal or genetic capability of ever surpassing a size 2…….


    And are men so weak minded that they cannot see past a dress size? how will it help shalom bayis and raising children to be proper ovdei Hashem? Men are so weak…

    Could this be the reason why there is a rising surge of anorexia in teens? (yes, even in the frum, chareidi population- dont deny it!) And a reason why there is a “shidduch crises” is not because there are less “good boys” then “good girls” but because girls can hide it better by being on a chessed commitee and can warm up to teachers to be able to get better recommendations! the men have realized that they can get what they want, their way, when they want it by creating this crises and convincing the women that there is one! Therefore, there is a pressure felt to get married earlier and earlier to not miss out on the “perfect guy” (there are none… no one is perfect)so that there is a bigger age gap between the men and women so it becomes a real crises!


    I do not feel that this is the reason for rising anorexia in the frum community, from seeing my friends it is more psycological then that. I also wish boys would just know what a size 2 is before they ask for it. But I do feel the same way the girls have a right to ask for a boy who is not short, boys have a right to ask for a girl who is not fat. I love how people think they can come up with the reason for the shidduch crisis. Do you want to start running the world while your at it?


    Eating Disorders are a lot more than “anorexia.” As some of you know, there are people with many different types of eating disorders, Bingeing, Bulimia, etc. A lot of theses women & men develop a body dysmorphic disorder. These conditions go more than skin deep. A lot of it is psychological, and telling someone to eat more, or not to eat too much, isn’t going to help some of these people. They need therapy to understand what the disorder is, and how it came about, and how to overcome it. Women, and men alike want to be slim, because the way they see it, they will be more attractive, get dates easier, and get married faster. (Don’t get me wrong a lot of people feel this way, not just those who have disorders). Aside from starvation, comes over eating, which can lead to obesity, and which leads to many health risks. People have to understand that they should be comfortable in their body’s, and if they aren’t a size (women)”0″ or (men)”32,” then so be it. Don’t let other people pressure you on how to look. Except of course, if you are unhealthy, then proper measures should be taken to get into shape. They should institute classes on health and fitness in the boys and girls yeshivos. Nothing is funny about being unhealthy. It’s not just about “looks” it’s about living a healthy lifestyle.


    Bored at work-

    Why should men ask questions that reflect poorly on frum people in general? Many women marry those taller/shorter then they are, and dont make it a requirment for going out, but many men want medium height, skinny, beautiful, straight hair…..what about the more important features of a person? What about their middos?

    People can be so superficial… And dont start talking about health. It is one thing if the girl was size 28….but 8? 12? What is unhealthy about that? Many who are 0/2 are more likely to become sick then those who are 16, as they have eating disorders, ect. Some, not all, as there are girls who naturally are a size 0.

    Yes, many girls are driven to anorexia or other eating disorders for fear that they wont get a “good shidduch”. It is true, sadly. It doesnt start off as anorexia, but as simple diets that go overboard. How many kids that were in my high school class had eating disorders? I knew that there were at least a handful, if not more. And we had a nutrition class! Wake up!! Why should this be part of the frum circles?



    A mensch darf ken’n vus iz a 2 by 4, nisht vus is a size 2.

    (A man needs to know what a 2 by 4 is, not a size 2)!


    Found this oldie but goodie…

    1) Do they use a plastic tablecloth on top of the Shabbos tablecloth

    2) Do they stack the dirty dishes on Shabbos?

    3) Does she get dressed Friday night or does she wear a robe?

    4) Does her mother wear a sheitel at the Shabbos table?

    5) Is Sunday nights supper leftovers from Shabbos?

    Here’s what we do.

    1. Yes we do.

    2. Yes we do.

    3. I can’t speak for what my daughter will do when she’s ready for marraige, for for now, she wears a robe.

    4. No, she doesn’t.

    5. You’d better believe it.

    I guess my kids are never getting married… oh wait, Eeees and I somehow managed it with the same answers. 🙂 Perhaps it’s because we didn’t go through such silly questions. 🙂

    The Wolf



    The best question. Is he one of the Asarah Reeshonim at the Rickers Island Charadim Kollel?????????


    Glad to see this thread revived (especialy since I missed the boat on the feminism thread.. gosh 500+ posts?)

    I may have posted this gem eariler, but even so, it bears repeating:

    Q: Do you eat on china or plastic?

    A: We eat on plastic, but treat it like china!

    Who said shidducim needs to be boring!


    The forgotten question: Do they use fresh ground pepper or do they buy it already ground?

    Question: if most everyone is in agreement that that these questions are ridiculous, who exactly is still asking these things?



    who exactly is still asking these things?

    Not me. I will not ask any of those questions. And I will look very askance at anyone who seriously asks those questions about us.

    The Wolf


    Fresh ground pepper? Gee, I never thought of that. But I do see the relevance; we try to use garlic from a press (or on Shabbos, the frozen cubes) as opposed to the powder stuff whenever possible.

    Thanks, Kaputska.. I’m gonna ad the peppermill / powder to our “must” list!


    Q.#3 implies that wearing a robe means she is not dressed.


    1) She’s the youngest so is she spoiled?

    2) Don’t you think she was too frum to go to such and such seminary?

    3) Does she have any outstanding student loans?

    Why are the crazy questions only asked about girls?

    I literally once had an argument with a shadchan that called about a friend of mine. She asked me what she looked like so I said she has dark hair and blue eyes. The shadchan said, ‘No she doesn’t, she has brown eyes’. I’m like um, no I’ve known her for 15 years and trust me she has blue eyes. Shadchan: “Well how could she have blue eyes and dark hair?”……Literally arguing with me for 10 minutes about this!!!! Hello!?!! does it really matter?

    And as for the scraper/stacker shabbas dishes question, i always say i’m a ‘scrapper’ cuz we scrape AND stack at the table!


    I never understood the tablecloth and stacking plates question.

    Dr. Pepper

    When I was in Israel a sweet middle aged woman who lived nearby came to the dira and asked how she can wash her husbands tzitzis without ruining the strings.

    Everyone else admitted that they never wash their tzitzis but I showed her how to wrap the strings in aluminum foil and put the beged in a mesh bag and how to hang it up to dry as opposed to using a dryer.

    I offered to lend her the mesh bag but she admitted that it was just a test to see who was good enough for her niece.

    “Would you like to go out with her?”

    “Sorry, I would love to have you as an aunt, but I’m only 19.”


    Dr. Pepper, I loved that story!


    Yentish – I’m going to say, I’m with you, but I could not tell if you meant you scrape / stack the china or the disposables at the table (we do the latter, thank you very much!)

    Mischief – Its either because grew up with linen, and cannot fathom a disposable plastic tablecloth on top of the linen one, or you ONLY know of the plastic disposable table cloth on top of the linen one, and cannot fathom sitting down to a table without one. (Again, I’m of the latter group).

    Stacking is only an issue if you are the one clearing the table. If it gets done for you (younger siblings, live-in, ect) the question never even becomes an issue. (Needless to say, we stack)

    Where is gets interesting is when one of the kids go to a friend’s house and see an “upscale” version of the Shabbos table and whan to have those upgrades instituted at home (but do not want to know of washing / drying the china on motzoi Shabbos).

    Our home scene? If we are having guests (and guests can be anywhere from kiruv boys, to bungalow friends, or anyone in between) we roll out the china (the plastic disposable tablecloth over linen is not up for negoitiation). The 1st time our D-I-L / mechutonim (may they come sooner than soon!) come for the meal, they get the royal treatment. After Sheva brachos are over, out comes the disposables.

    Ok, maybe an execption for the mechutonim, becuase they’ll only be comeing over once in a while. But the kallah? Now she’s one of the gang! (That’s life 🙁


    I thought the stacking issue was to see if we are too lazy to make more than one trip to clear the table.


    BP Totty-We do the opposite! we use china on a shabbas when we don’t have guests and disposables when we do have guests (cuz its too much china to wash otherwise)…we’re out of towners so maybe its dif in BP… and i meant we scrape all our chicken bones and cholent dregs onto one plate and then stack the dirty plates at the table! in fact, my european grandmother does it! she cant walk very well, so she feels like she is helping to clean up in this way- we pass her all the plates and she stacks them in front of her while sitting, then someone else takes them in to the kitchen. so really by ‘scrapping’ we’re doing kibud aim! so there crzy shadchanim! 🙂

    and oomis, i have no idea what the stacking issue is about, but i think it may have to do with kavod shabbas, meaning that it is not kavod to scrape at the table (i do admit its kind of gross, but its pretty convenient!). maybe it has to do with laziness also……


    I always heard about these ridiculous questions but truthfully i had a hard time believing them. and b”h i’ve never heard of anyone who was seriously asked and i’ve never been asked myself. There is one thing i do feel VERY uncomfortable answering, (maybe it’s just my issue) but i HATE talking about looks, dress sizes… even if they’re absolutely gorgeous and a size 0-2. I don’t know i just feel like… it’s so chitzoniyus, so cheap… yes you want to know if she looks good, dresses well, and a normal healthy girl (what is considered healthy today? size 8-10 is already pushing it) I know someone who made it their policy that they don’t speak about looks. Period. end of story.

    Where are our priorities? Are we soooo effected by the american superficial society we live in? Is this all Torah values? it makes me so upset when i see just how effected we are even in our hashgafos!

    Real questions that should be asked (i sure hope this is already obvious) are if she’s a yarey shamayim, a baalas middos, baalas derech eretz, has kibbud av vaeim, gets along with people, is a calm happy person who will make a good wife and mother…


    Is there supposed to be something wrong with it? In my house we use disposable tablecloths on top of linen and we stack plates. Uh Oh! We’d better stop!


    when my daughter is old enough hopefully i will still believe what i believe today- all these questions are garbage. i just want to know if, when he is learning (however long that may be) does he learn well? does he have someone with whom he is close? is he a mentch? will he treat my daughter like a queen?

    for my son, i want a girl with good midos and a good heart, who will treat my son like a king.

    for the record, in our house, we stack, and always use real- b”h we have lots of company, and plastic just became too expensive.


    5) Is Sunday nights supper leftovers from Shabbos?

    Just out of curiosity, what is the “proper” answer to this question?

    The Wolf (who, once again, ate Shabbos leftovers on a Sunday night)

    The correct answer is No. It doesn’t “pas” that you should be eating leftovers.

    Hope that helps and good luck in the shidduch market!


    Who doesn’t eat leftovers Sunday night???

    I’d be afraid of marrying into a family that didn’t eat leftovers because ‘es pas nisht’!!

    Gevalt! Where are all the besserer mentchen?!

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