an app to solve the shidduch crisis

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    an actuary

    Ok, the title is just to grab your attention.I don’t think this will actually solve the shidduch crisis, and it does not necessarily need to be an app.

    But let’s say there was a database, or really just 2 lists – one list of boys, and one of girls. Each list would just have factual

    information – name, age, location, education history, current occupation, etc. And there would also be names and numbers of references for each individual. The lists would not be public – if you are a boy and put your name on the boys list, you get access to the girls list, and vice versa.

    Now, assuming these lists existed and were equally populated with lots of names, and temporarily putting aside logistical or other problems:

    Would such a thing be helpful? People often talk about ‘waiting by the phone’ for someone to set them up. Well, now there would be something proactive to do – go down the list. Maybe you have a connection to one of the references, and can call them and ask about this boy/girl who you are preliminarily interested in, based on their factual information.

    Again, maybe this would only marginally improve the shidduch situation. But if we do enough little improvements, maybe we can get somewhere.

    ☕ DaasYochid ☕

    Sure it is helpful. In fact, it is exactly what Shadchanim do.


    It should be an app. Like a guy can drive from lakewood for a date and then he gets to flatbush and doesn’t want to date her. So he loads the app and it shows him other girls in that area, and maybe he wants to date one of them instead, so he messages her through the shadchan part of the app and she says yes and they go out and build a bnbear.


    How about people creating shidduch videos like in that story that was meant as satire?

    an actuary

    Popa: We can put that on the paid version of the app.

    Heleivi: The difference between this and what shadchanim do, is: a) that the individual who is dating (or his/her parent etc) can look at the list themselves; and b) ideally the list would be created by many shadchanim merging together their own lists

    an actuary

    DY: This is similar to WIY’s suggestion from your third reference, although I think that the database should have factual information only and not a complete shidduch resume.

    The point here is not to rule someone in or out based on the information in the database. The ideal use would be to find out that someone you have some connection with is a reference for a potential shidduch.

    So you might filter for: NY area, age 23-25, attended YU, and then look down the list at the references and go from there.

    The reason I think this is better than posting shidduch resumes online is that many people might be reluctant to do that, while just posting some basic factual information and the fact that you are dating may be more acceptable.

    YW Moderator-42

    The app should not have a full resume. Just name, age, height, weight, father’s net worth, and of course a picture


    People should be able to lose weight without an app.

    (Sorry if someone said that already; I didn’t read the thread.)


    Some good ideas here. The only way any idea can get off the ground is someone researching and coming up with a clear outline of the idea and then bring it to a highly respected Rov and getting a Haskama. Otherwise at least fifty people will criticize and knock it down.

    Someone mentioned all Shadchanim trading resumes. Someone “SB” is already doing that. Hes amazing!

    YU Jew

    The technology already exists. Apps such as Tinder and Hinge employ this method of matching people.

    ☕ DaasYochid ☕

    The problem with a public database is that it would be very incomplete.

    Radical shidduchim idea I want your input

    Shadchanim sharing lists sounds like a good idea, but that’s very different than the OP’s suggestion of a list available to anyone, which is not a good idea.


    As an App Developer I just though I’d pop in and share my thoughts.

    I get 1-2 people each month coming to me with Shidduch related app ideas. Last month someone presented me with this exact idea. These are all great ideas and interesting ways to utilize the mobile platform.

    There is one caveat. Developing an app takes time and money. (I’m working on a project right now with about 10 people on my team. We’ve been working on it for close to 3 months already.)

    An app like this needs minimum 5 people. 1 Project Manager, 2 Mobile Designer, 3 Web Developer, 4 Android Developer, 5 iPhone Developer. A project of this scope would be approximately 1-2 months long.

    So basically you need to pay 5 people for 2 months. Not everyone will be busy for the entire duration of the project, but we are talking about an expense of 15k-25k (depending on the exact specifications).

    This would be a useful tool in the Shidduch market, all we need is haskamahs from Rabonim. Once a Rov is behind it then donors will fund it.


    appdev: I assume you are referring to my idea. The other ideas don’t need an app–they just need the database. Access to the database can be a simply dropbox folder.



    Yes. This project must be location based, otherwise it is useless.

    You should be able to see prospects in a 5, 10, or 20 mile radius and arrange to meet.

    People can fill out questionnaires and the software can match them with suggestions in their vicinity.

    If we are only talking about a list, then people can just use Google Docs.

    an actuary

    It could be accessed via dropbox, via a website, or via an app.

    The point is that there would be a list, as large as possible, of people who are in shidduchim and a way to follow up on those who look worth following up on. Personally I think it should be just a list containing factual information; no pictures, no resumes, and no technology matching people up with each other.

    There have been a couple of suggestions to get a haskama from Rabbonim. While that is a good idea, I don’t know that it’s necessarily the first thing that needs to be done. If a significant number of shadchanim thought it was a good idea and would agree to combine their lists into this one, that would be a good start.

    To be clear, I am talking about actually doing this – this is not a purely theoretical conversation. So I would especially like to know what singles and shadchanim think of the idea.


    an actuary:

    Please stop changing the topic. We’re talking about an app that could save you time expended on a trip to Brooklyn for a “dud date” by providing you with an awesomer pick-up date. Nobody cares about some stupid list for stupid shadchanim.

    ☕ DaasYochid ☕

    Except maybe the stupid boys and stupid girls who can’t get any stupid dates.


    But they could get dates.



    It should be an app. Like a guy can drive from lakewood for a date and then he gets to flatbush and doesn’t want to date her. So he loads the app and it shows him other girls in that area, and maybe he wants to date one of them instead, so he messages her through the shadchan part of the app and she says yes and they go out and build a bnbear.

    We’re talking about an app that could save you time expended on a trip to Brooklyn for a “dud date” by providing you with an awesomer pick-up date.

    You seem to have forgotten that people generally do research before dating someone…


    Maybe people shouldn’t do research. If you date enough random people, you might find a shidduch.


    Okay, I’ll re-post myself. I’m not about to edit the whole thing to remove all references to speed-dating, though… sorry.


    So, why can’t we reverse the stages of the shidduch process,

    having people speed-date to select for compatible

    personalities/”chemistry”, and only then doing research to

    decide whether to pursue the shudduch with normal dating,

    rendering the entire shidduch system more efficient?

    Well, here’s why. Now, even if you personally disagree

    with everything in the excerpt below, you must concede that

    this is the accepted hashkafah in the community.

    Excerpted from “The Kuntris” (Torah magazine)

    Volume 1, Issue 13 February/Adar Aleph 2014:

    “The Da’as Torah Files – The Shidduch Disaster”

    (The piece begins on page 40 – excerpt is from pg. 44-45.

    The writer is Nosson Sternbach, but he notes that the ideas

    originate from the Shabbos table of Rabbi Gershon Ribner.)

    A Googling of R’ Gershon revealed that he is a talmid of

    Rav Aaron Shechter of Chaim Berlin, an eidem of Rav

    Schneur Kotler ztz”l, and Rosh Yeshiva of Nesivos

    HaTorah (on Staten Island).

    The premise of the article: A boy arrives for a shidduch,

    and the father realizes that all his information was about

    another boy (with the same name). What should he do?

    Answer: Inform him of the mistake and send him off

    (politely, delicately and with sympathy, of course).

    Short version: It is not tzniusdig

    for a boy and girl to meet without some level of

    expectation that this can lead to marriage.

    Speed-dating will definitely involve meeting

    numerous people of the opposite gender who are not

    compatible with you and is therefore unacceptable.

    Also, a positive first impression may override research

    for those personally involved – the boy and girl.

    “The fundamental difference between dating in the Torah

    community and the rest of the world is our insistence that

    all matches must be set up through a system of referrals,

    aka a shadchan. Secular culture feels that there is nothing

    wrong with a boy and girl meeting on their own to determine

    their compatibility; in fact such intermingling is encouraged.

    Many fences have been built by the Torah world to separate

    us from that depraved culture. One of those fences is the

    absolute insistence on a shadchan.

    [O]ne must understand the Torah’s perspective on dating.

    Any contact with the opposite gender is considered a

    “danger zone.” However, in the context of searching for

    one’s zivug, such meetings are encouraged and considered

    a holy act.

    Note: I think I should “call ‘shortzoah’ ” here.

    This is pretty obviously not found in any classic

    sources, which date from the period – namely, until recent

    times – when young people did not meet to “determine their

    compatibility” for marriage AT ALL. Talk about it later?

    Yet, there is a fine line between “kosher” dating and

    immoral mingling.

    In America we are so immersed in pritzus

    that it is hard to appreciate any form of sensitivity in

    this matter. Our barometer of what is and is not

    tznius is so corrupted that any attempt

    at introducing an element of modesty in our community

    is viewed as extreme and abnormal.

    In the Torah world, boys and girls do not meet haphazardly

    and arbitrarily in the hopes that two people might “click”.

    Rather, we set up a system of referrals to ensure that if two

    people meet, there is a reasonable chance that this shidduch

    is appropriate. Only in such a context do we encourage the

    opposite genders to interact with one another.

    It is a scientifically proven fact that we form most of our

    judgments of a person during the first few interactions

    that we have with them. Somebody with an engaging

    and charming personality can easily distort their date’s

    judgment of them. All later research […] will be swept

    aside and only the positive qualities will be remembered.”

    Note: This is about the scenario of a

    full date with a random person, not a speed-dating

    encounter. That might make a difference.


    That’s that. Additionally, I’m sure many would say

    that people would not be given enough of a chance

    by such a system, and would be rejected too quickly.

    Additionally, people would not be motivated to travel

    long distances just to speed-date, so if the entire system

    changed, many shidduchim would be pre-empted.


    Anyone who would follow that advice is clearly not m’zera avraham avinu.


    Most people only remember bad things.


    It sounds like a dating website where everyone lies and dangerous stuff happen

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