Anyone With An Original Voicemail Message?

Home Forums Humor & Entertainment Anyone With An Original Voicemail Message?

Viewing 50 posts - 1 through 50 (of 58 total)
  • Author
  • #593111

    I love calling someone and when it goes to their voice-mail they got some wacky message!!!

    So anyone out there with a cool voice-mail message???


    some are like Hello? and you start talking and then you hear sorry were not available….. and you feel like an idiot…



    Those are very annoying


    This is not a voicemail; this is a telepathic thought-recording device. After the tone, think about your name, your reason for calling, and a number where I can reach you and I’ll think about returning your call

    Feif Un

    Hello. This is not actually Dr. Middos. You’re listening to my latest, greatest invention….


    I don’t want to bore you with metaphysics, but how do you know this is a voicemail? Maybe it’s a dream, or maybe it’s an illusion, or maybe you don’t really exist. One way to find out is to leave a message, and if its reality, I will call you back


    I can’t come to the phone now because I have amnesia and I feel stupid talking to people I don’t remember. I’d appreciate it if you could help me out by leaving my name and telling me something about myself. Thanks.


    The best message is “please leave a message after the tone no strings attached”.


    My own voicemail is: “Hello you have reached (my name here)’s cell phone, If you cannot figutr out what to do after the beep, I do not think instructions are going to help that much!”


    Hi this is the fridge. The answering machine is on vacation this week so please leave a message and I will write it down and hang it up me with a magnet. Beeeeeeeeep


    thank you for calling 911. our offices are closed because everyone is at the donut shop. we discussed the situation before we left, and we believe you are old enough to be responsible while we are away. please be careful with matches and do not play with knives and things should be okay until we get back. hang up the phone now


    I heard this once…

    Hi, you’ve reached the number you dialed!

    Please leave a message after the tone.

    i am here

    listen to this one

    hi u have reached no one, no one is available to take ur call, so no one will give it to someone.


    Anyone with an original voicemail message???

    Yes. My voice mail message was *the* original one. Everyone else’s is a derivative of mine.

    I’ll be serving all of you with lawsuits in the coming days. 🙂

    The Wolf


    what was it?


    i dont remember it 100% but basically it was like “welcome to the mental health hotline…”

    can i take any of these voicemails namely cb1 or dontcallmewave or rescue37. im bored of mine. i used to have it as “hi you’ve reached (me) please do not leave a message as i dont not like getting voicemails. also if you are calling from a restricted number please hang up and unblock urself as i dont not answer unrestricted calls. have a great day bye.”


    “welcome to the mental health hotline…”

    yeah i heard that one too it went something like this- if you are dyslexic press 969696, if you are paranoid we know who you are and we know where to find you etc. I forgot the rest but it was funny



    Be mu guest, I got that one from readers digest many years ago.

    not I

    not so funny and not so related..

    I was redting a shidduch to a friend when the mother told me she wasn’t interested because the girls message was in appropriate for a girl her age!! (she had heard it once when she was a reference earlier) I had no clue what to tell her..I wasn’t sure if I should tell my friend to change it either..


    wise and blinky,

    that was posted a while back here:

    -Answering Machine Message for the Mental Health Institute

    Hello, and welcome to the Mental Health Hotline.

    If you are obsessive or compulsive, press 1 repeatedly.

    If you are co-dependent, please ask someone to press 2 for you.

    If you have multiple personalities, please press 3, 4, 5, and 6.

    If you are paranoid, we already know who you are, but stay on the line while we trace your call.

    If you are delusional, press 7 and your call will be transferred to the mother ship.

    If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and a small voice will tell you which number to press.

    If you have short term memory loss, press 9, if you have short term memory loss, press 9, if you have short memory loss, press 9.

    If you have low self-esteem, please hang up. All our operators are too busy to talk to you


    Thanx charlie- “If you are delusional, press 7 and your call will be transferred to the mother ship.”- I never got that one?


    you’re welcome blinky. I didn’t write it, just copied and pasted, but a mother ship is a large ship which is used as a base for a bunch of smaller ships. a delusional person who thinks they are on a small space ship will want to occassionaly keep in contact with their mother ship so they don’t get lost in space.

    Gee, I hope I make it to Mars in time for shabbos.


    I just called charlie brown and got to hear his voice mail message. It went something like this:

    “Hi, you’ve reached charlie brown. Please start leaving a message at the tone. As you may know, I am a lurker, so in all likelihood after I enjoy listening to the content of your message I will not reply to you at all. Have a nice day!”


    LOL squeak. I had to reply to that one just to prove u wrong.

    btw, I don’t think Dr. Pepper has been seen since that friday that u mentioned something about a wagon near an apple bank. Was it a police wagon being used to take away members of certain umm Italian secret associations? hmmm, if you’re an undercover cop and you’re here to lure people into police wagons to fill your quota, I better get out of here and get back to lurking.

    oops, today is my delusional day not my paranoid day. so hard to keep track!


    I did notice his absence. I don’t think he got nabbed- most likely is that I scared him away.


    nah, you’re not THAT scary.


    Maybe he found the wagon. Clearly, you didn’t.

    I left a can of Dr Pepper just under the counter. I pasted a small yellow circle (I cut the sticky part of a sticky note into a circle) after the Dr so that the can said Dr. Pepper. No doubt if he found the wagon he enjoyed my gift.

    Probably the thought of standing in the same spot as greatness, only minutes apart, brought on the fear.


    he drank your soda and then was never seen again, huh?

    I suggest you plead the fifth!


    Uh oh. Didn’t think of that.


    Years ago, when I was still living with my parents but had my own phone, I had a pretty good one. I had an ambulance siren (from a record of sound effects) in the background, and I said, “Hi, this is ____________, They’re coming to take me away now. If you want me to call you when I get released, leave your name and number at the beep.” Then I turned up the siren until the end of the message.

    The funny part was there was an immigration court judge who was apparently giving out business cards with the number misprinted – and it was misprinted with my phone number. I sometimes got several calls a day from lawyers who were very confused when they heard the message on my machine!


    Due to my son’s medical condition, his diaper must be changed at least every hour. Busy with him and with my 12 year old, my outgoing message is this: “hi, I’m busy changing diapers or doing homework. please leave a message and when i have a moment, I’ll try to remember and call you back.”

    Aishes Chayil

    This one will inspire you enough to leave a voice mail for sure:

    Hi, I’m not available for the moment. DONT hang up. If you do, you just wasted 5 cents(or whatever it costs to call).

    But if you leave message, I’ll call you back, and I will have to pay the 5 cents.


    I think it’s time to change my voicemail from what I had in high school. It needs to be a bit more professional.


    A friend of mine used to have one of those carriers where you would leave the greeting, and then the prerecorded voice would say, “please leave a message after the tone.” So his message was, “Hi, I can’t take your call right now, but if you hold on one minute, my secretary will take a message.”

    My voicemail used to say “Please leave a message after the yell….


    You can substitute other sound effects as well, like “Please leave a message after the crunch” or “the yodel” or “the breaking glass.”


    hello u’ve reached me. Please leave a beep after the message.

    Hi this is —-. What’s your name?


    How about this

    Hello, you know what to do, so do it after the beep

    (I made sure to add “hello”)


    This brings back good memories when I was a regular poster and thread starter!!!! Wow its been 2 years!!!!


    my voicemail annoyed just about anyone and everyone and i felt bad keeping it so i changed it but this is what it was:

    heyyyy!!!!(3 sec pause) how r u???(3 sec pause) i havent spoken 2 u in ages!!(3 sec pause) i guess ill have to speak to u soon cuz im not available now!!! please leave a message after the beep and ill get back to you wen i can!! thnx so much and have a gr8 day!!!!

    yes i was nice enough to change it! in fact i myself feel for it once wen i was looking for my phone so i kinda felt bad and i also changed it cuz everybody was sooo annoyed at it!!!

    Luna Lovegood

    My friend has one that goes like this:

    “I am _____’s voice mail. What are you and why have you called?”


    This is Mrs. Crane and I’m pretending I’m not home.

    I wish you pesky little kids would just leave me alone.

    I know you called to say at being cruel I’m number one,

    or to whine about your homework, or to cry ’cause school’s no fun.

    So, to answer all your questions: No, I do not think I’m cruel.

    Yes, you have to do your homework. No, you can’t have fun at school.

    And parents, you’re no better ’cause you’re driving me insane.

    If you’ve raised a really rotten kid, don’t call me to complain.

    I don’t care if you think I’m mean, or dumb, or just a bore.

    So, when you hear the beep, hang-up, and don’t call anymore.


    I know a policeman whose answer machine message was “Everything you say from now can be and will be used to determine whether I return your call.”

    Anybody interested in a brilliant answer machine – call {English number} 02079791022 (Answer machine only; so call them and you won’t have to speak to anybody!)

    It’s the sort of thing to text a friend as a prank. But I guess it won’t work if you are in America.

    GG yekke

    Thanx Yekke2 its amazing


    I heard one that said. Hi you have reached Mr and Mrs (_______), if you are our tax collectors we know we owe you money. If you are our Children, weve given you enough money, if you are our parents we need more money, if you are a cousin dont even think of asking for money, if you are a shliach we probably already gave you money. For all other questions or enquireies please leave a message after the. *BEEP!*


    “Hello, this is the voicemail of xxx. Please do not leave classified information. Thanks!”




    You know what to do!


    “Hello? HELLO? Oh, it’s you. They’re here for me. I can’t talk for long, so listen carefully. The secret is hidden in the third slot on the right in the place we agreed on. I’m activating the self-destruct- it’ll go off when you hear the beep. Thanks for everything, and good luck.” (inaudible screams, and then a “beeeep!” Then- silence.)

    Shopping613 🌠

    Yasseh Shalom

    Nobody’s home

    please leave a message

    At the beep of the ton

    (Said in your daughter or son or anyone under the age of five with a high cute voice, its supposed to be sung)

    Shopping613 🌠

    Yasseh Shalom

    Nobody’s home

    please leave a message

    At the beep of the tone

    (Said in your daughter or son or anyone under the age of five with a high cute voice, its supposed to be sung)


    Hello, you’ve reached the wrong number. I’m telling you, it’s the wrong number.

Viewing 50 posts - 1 through 50 (of 58 total)
  • You must be logged in to reply to this topic.