Cute Quotes

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  • #597048
    LuvMe
    Member

    okay i have some

    – women were created from a mans ribs. not from his head to be superior, not from his feet to be walked on, but from his side to be equal, under the arm to be protected and next to the heart to be loved.

    – its takes approx. 8,640 bolts to assemble an automobile, and one nut to scatter them across the road

    -dear G-d, if you cant make me skinny, please make my friends fat.

    -if all my friends were to jump off a bridge, i wouldnt jump with them, i would be at the bottome to cath them.

    -G-d made men first cuz every creration needs a rough draft first ( if ur a guy, plz dont take offense, its only a joke)

    – love me or leave me. hey, wheres everybody going?

    kay so thats all for now, but please add some. i wanna see how many we can get. thanks

    #1046898

    -Whatever the questions is, Liquor Is The Answer

    -An optimist is someone who falls off the Empire State Building, and after 50 floors says, So far so good!

    -People like you are the reason people like me need medication.

    -Excuse, but do I look like someone who cares?

    -Punctuality is the virtue of the bored.

    -I used to eat a lot of natural foods until I learned that most people die of natural causes.

    -Hospitality is making your guests feel at home, even if you wish they were

    -Today is the last day of some of your life.

    -Do you believe in love at first sight or should I walk by again ?

    -Silence is golden but duck tape is silver.

    -I plan on living forever. So far, so good.

    -Men are from earth. Women are from earth. Deal with it

    -This is who I am. Nobody said you had to like it.

    -A good friend is cheaper than therapy.

    -It is a mathematical fact that fifty percent of all doctors graduate in the bottom half of their class.

    -There are two things to aim at in life; first to get what you want, and after that to enjoy it. Only the wisest of mankind has achieved the second

    -Seventy percent of success in life is showing up.

    -Birthdays are good for you. Statistics show that the people who have the most live the longest

    -When I was younger, I could remember anything, whether it happened or not.

    -You can learn many things from children. How much patience you have, for instance.

    -If nothing lasts for ever, will you be my nothing?

    -If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?

    -Your friend is the person who knows all about you, and still like you

    -When we lose God, it is not God who is lost

    -I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the ordeal of meeting me is another matter

    -Unhappiness is not knowing what we want and killing ourselves to get it

    -Difficult things take a long time, impossible things a little longer.

    -For the love of God, do you at least remember what you were doing the day they were passing out common sense?

    -Calling you an idiot would be an insult to all the stupid people

    -Are you always this stupid or are you making a special effort today?

    -its all fun and jokes till someone gets hurt…then its HILARIOUS!

    -some ppl are like slinkys…not rlly good 4 anything…but they still make you smile till u push them down a flight of stairs

    -Smoking is one of the leading causes of statistics

    #1046899
    ZeesKite
    Participant

    I take offence because I’m a Jew. I don’t joke about my creator. The rest is quite cute. (actually people who know medrash might say the first one is also off, the meadrash cites the exact reason HaShem created her from that specific area, we don’t joke with chazal)

    #1046900
    baron fritz
    Participant

    if you take a stone and put it into a fire it gets very hot.then you can put the stone on the street corner and people who are can can come and warm their hands. – Gil Locks

    #1046901
    am yisrael chai
    Participant

    A siddur/tehillim that’s falling apart is a sign of someone who isn’t!

    #1046902
    am yisrael chai
    Participant

    “Life is a succession of lessons which must be lived to be understood.”

    -Helen Keller

    #1046903
    optimusprime
    Member

    “A lot of people are afraid of heights. Not me, I’m afraid of widths.”

    – Steven Wright

    #1046904
    miritchka
    Member

    i’m in shape, round is a shape.

    #1046905

    more steven wright:

    “All those who believe in psychokinesis raise my hand.”

    #1046906

    still more:

    “The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.”

    #1046907

    last one (for now):

    “I almost had a psychic girlfriend but she left me before we met.”

    #1046908
    optimusprime
    Member

    For Moderator-80:

    “I have the world’s largest collection of seashells. I keep it on all the beaches of the world… perhaps you’ve seen it.”

    “If a word in the dictionary were misspelled, how would we know?”

    “I think it’s wrong that only one company makes the game Monopoly.”

    “My neighbor has a circular driveway… he can’t get out.”

    – Steven Wright

    #1046909
    adorable
    Participant

    guys these are great keep them coming….

    #1046910
    Shticky Guy
    Participant

    When I read about the dangers of drinking, I gave up reading

    I’ve often wanted to drown my troubles, but my mother in law doesnt like swimming

    The best way to get your husband to do something is to suggest that he’s too old to do it

    #1046911
    kapusta
    Participant

    “My wife and I joined a bridge club. We jump next Tuesday.”

    *kapusta*

    #1046912
    optimusprime
    Member

    “An onion can make people cry but there’s never been a vegetable that can make people laugh.”

    – Will Rogers

    #1046913
    LuvMe
    Member

    these quotes are great guys! here are some more

    To save a man’s life against his will is the same as killing him

    “There is certainly more in the future now than back in 1964.”

    – Roger Daltrey, Singer/Actor

    “Always go to other peoples’ funerals, otherwise they won’t go to yours.”

    – Yogi Berra

    “Facts are stupid things.”

    – Ronald Reagan

    “We all get heavier as we get older because there’s a lot more information in our heads.”

    – Vlade Divac, Basketball player

    “Better make it six, I can’t eat eight.”

    – Dan Osinski, Baseball player, being asked by a waitress if he wanted his pizza cut into six or eight slices

    “Whenever I watch TV and I see those poor starving kids all over the world, I can’t help but cry. I mean I would love to be skinny like that, but not with all those flies and death and stuff.”

    – Mariah Carey

    “I loved Jordan. He was one of the greatest athletes of our time.”

    -Mariah Carey on hearing of the death of the King of Jordan.

    “I get to go to lots of overseas places, like Canada.”

    – Britney Spears

    “…more and more of our imports are coming from overseas.”

    -George W. Bush

    “It isn’t pollution that is hurting the environment, it’s the impurities in our air and water that are doing it.”

    – Dan Quayle

    if you love somebody, set them free. if they come back, it was meant to be.

    have nothing, nothing can you lose.

    okay thats all for now even tho i know a lot more. ill add them when i remember them. keep i tcomin!

    #1046914
    WolfishMusings
    Participant

    One of my favorites is by Groucho Marx:

    “Outside of a dog, a book is a man’s best friend. Inside a dog, it’s too dark to read.”

    The Wolf

    #1046915
    adorable
    Participant

    omg you guys are awesome!

    #1046916
    Imanonov
    Participant

    If you see someone without a smile, give him one of yours

    #1046917
    WolfishMusings
    Participant

    “…more and more of our imports are coming from overseas.”

    -George W. Bush

    Considering the fact that you CAN have imports from Canada and Mexico (which are not “overseas,” this is not as stupid as you might otherwise think.

    “Better make it six, I can’t eat eight.”

    The same quote is often attributed to Yogi Berra. Sometimes I wonder if Berra really said even half the things that are attributed to him.

    The Wolf

    #1046919
    Chacham618
    Member

    Never, say you can’t succeed. Remember, amateurs built the ark – proffesionals built titanic!

    #1046920
    baron fritz
    Participant

    i reject ur reality and substitute my own – Adam Savage

    #1046921
    LuvMe
    Member

    hahahahaha okay so i need to study, but i remembered this one and it’s my favorite.

    “Knowledge is knowing that tomato is a fruit, wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.” lol

    #1046923
    BSD
    Member

    People ask me what is the secret to a good marriage. I tell them marry Gracie- George Burns.

    My Dr. told me it is unhealthy to smoke. My Dr. is dead, and I’m still smoking.-ibid

    According to statistics, most people do not die after 100. The odds are in my favor.-(ibid after his 100 birthday?)

    If there is a will, there is a relative.

    According to statistics, 87.8% of statistics are fabricated.

    #1046924
    BSD
    Member

    When the sign on the store says come in and save, I stay out and save even more. – R’ Avigdor Miller

    H-shem created a person to look intelligent-2 eyes, a nose, a mouth etc. And then he opens his mouth and gives himself away.-ibid

    #1046925
    BSD
    Member

    It is not about whether you win or lose. It’s how you lay the blame.

    #1046926
    baron fritz
    Participant

    its not about winning or losing its about winning – my gym teacher (no joke he has said this to us multiple times)

    #1046928

    You’ve reached middle age when all you exercise is caution.

    #1046929
    Regesh
    Member

    My mother was a clever woman, she only had 15 kids because she heard that every sixteenth kid born in America is an Indian.[Jackie]

    #1046930
    kapusta
    Participant

    It is not about whether you win or lose. It’s how you lay the blame.

    “I didn’t say it was your fault; I said I was going to blame you.”

    *kapusta*

    #1046931
    mak
    Member

    – All generalizations are false.

    -Sometimes as I lay in bed at night and stare up at the stars, I think to myself, what in the world happened to the ceiling?

    #1046932
    Shticky Guy
    Participant

    “Don’t tell me the sky is the limit when there are footsteps on the moon”

    #1046933
    Toi
    Participant

    “Sometimes, being big is about realizing how small you are.”

    #1046934
    SaysMe
    Member

    ”Age doesn’t matter, unless you are a cheese.”- R’ Noach Weinberg

    #1046935
    writersoul
    Member

    “Give a man a fire and he’s warm for a day; set a man on fire and he’s warm for the rest of his life.”

    — Terry Pratchett (forget about his books, he has the BEST funny quotes)

    #1046936
    Torah613Torah
    Participant

    ??? ???? ?? ??? ???? ?? ???? ????? ??????

    #1046937
    sharp
    Member

    A true patriot is the fellow who rejoices that the system works, when he gets a parking ticket.

    #1046938
    WolfishMusings
    Participant

    My mother was a clever woman, she only had 15 kids because she heard that every sixteenth kid born in America is an Indian.[Jackie]

    Reminds me about the old joke about the guy who told his friend that whenever he went on an airplane, he would bring along a bomb.

    “What?” the friend asked, astonished. “Are you nuts? Do you want to blow up the plane?”

    “No, of course not,” the man explained. “I’m just playing the odds. What are the odds that there would ever be *two* bombs on a plane?”

    The Wolf

    #1046939
    BaalHabooze
    Participant

    “You know you’re getting old when you get that one candle on the cake. It’s like, ‘See if you can blow this out.'”

    “It’s amazing that the amount of news that happens in the world every day always just exactly fits the newspaper.”

    “Marriage is like a game of chess except the board is flowing water, the pieces are made of smoke and no move you make will have any effect on the outcome.”

    J.Seinfeld

    #1046940

    Here are a few related quotes.

    (from a calendar)

    -Milton Berle

    -Peter De Vries

    -Calvin Trillin

    #1046941
    bygirl93
    Member

    “G-d only grows things until they’re perfect… some of us didn’t take as long as others!!!”

    #1046942
    yaff80
    Participant

    “say what you know …… it wont take long!”

    #1046943
    Shopping613 🌠
    Participant

    Dear ppl who look behind your shower curtains for serial killers,

    What r u gonna do when you find one?

    President founder and Ceo and 1 st member of SUC

    Contact me to join.

    #1046944

    Gossip is like film: it starts off as a negative, then is developed, and often enlarged

    Teachers are like newspapers: they have all the information, but you can’t always trust them

    Family is like fudge; mostly sweet with some nuts

    #1046945
    R Shmuel
    Member

    Women don’t want to hear what you think. Women want to hear what they think – in a deeper voice. Bill Cosby

    #1046946

    havent read them all so i hope these werent written:

    1. we cant spell success without u!

    2. the best medicine for gaining a friend is B1.

    #1046947
    R Shmuel
    Member

    Why couldn’t Helen Keller drive?

    Because she was a woman.

    #1046949

    My friend asked her 2 year old niece how old she is and she replied “two old!”

    #1046950
    SanityIsOverrated
    Participant

    “Everyone is entitled to be stupid, STOP abusing the privilege!”

    “I never make mistakes. I thought I did once, but I was mistaken.”

    “There is always death and taxes, however death doesn’t get worse every year.”

    “Let me know if i say anything that offends you, i might want to offend you again later.”

    “If at first you don’t succeed, skydiving isn’t for you.”

    “DEATH- the #1 killer in the USA, tell your friends.”

    “Guns don’t kill people, gaping holes in vital organs do.”

    “Don’t ask too many questions of God, He may say, If you’re so anxious for answers, come up here.”

    “May those that love us, love us. And to those that don’t, may God turn their hearts. And if not, turn their ankles so we may know them by their limp!”

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