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When are divorces most common? Obviously they should be rare to never. But after having heard the craziest stories of them occurring anywhere from within the Sheva Brochos week (!!!) to after more than 60 years of marriage (!!!) its unfortunately hard to be fazed by almost anything.
Based upon the stats I’m familiar with, ususally within the first year, however, most of the stories I’m familiar with are later.
Lots of stories, lots of causes, sadly
THE MAIN ONE
http://www.theyeshivaworld.com/coffeeroom/topic/primary-cause-for-frum-divorces-revisited-1
What is going on in our world? During Sheva Brachos? You must be kidding? Why so quickly? What changed so quickly?
This thread is way too sad. Instead of posting about divorces, please daven for mashiach to come so we can be spared from all these tzaros.
i heard of a chasan and kalla who got divorced right after the chupa- they got engaged, and were told better to get divorced than to break tana’im (which they wrote at the engagement) so they had a get written up before, and right after the chupa he gave it to her 🙁
WHAT? NO WAY.
Torah provides for a divorce. It is better if it does not happen, but it is not such a tragedy as some make it out to be.
mdd: If the Mizbeach cries, I would assume its quite a tragedy.
The statistics of what it can do to kids are not so good. Of course many kids do survive and come out strong, but if it can be avoided it should.
The Mizbeach cries only for ishto rishona.
For the zivug sheini, it says: you don’t like her – divorce her.
mdd: That just adds to the terrible tragedy of divorce. Not only will the Mizbeach cry, now he can’t even have another marriage worthy of having the Mizbeach cry! That’s an even greater tragedy.
(Although more difficult, many second marriages DO work)
Besides, the mizbeach is “morid alav dmaos”, “lets down tears on him”. It doesn’t say that it cries for her.
PBA: Maybe “uluv” means on the marriage.
That is ridiculous.
But it reminds me of a story I heard. There was a professor who was expounding that in the pasuk “roin es hakolos v’es halapidim”, kolos must mean lightning, since it is impossible to see thunder, and that chazal are wrong.
The response was that maybe “roin” means to hear.
i dont think anyone gets divorced after 60 years
Besides, the mizbeach is “morid alav dmaos”, “lets down tears on him”. It doesn’t say that it cries for her.
Popa, you flew over my head this time. (Admittedly, not the first).
Are you suggesting that divorce is not tragic for a woman? The Gemora also mentions a huge huge difference in the way a woman will, by nature, value a second marriage.
You also mentioned how a divorced woman can be a fulfillment for ones adulterous desires.
tbt:
You may have noticed I was bored today.
I am just pointing out that the gemara seems to be talking about a man.
I’m not sure what the second part of your post has to do with this.
OK sorry.
The second part just adds to the inherent difference between a first or second marriage for woman, and her husband…
I find it ironic that one should question divorce because this “mizbach cries”. If divorce is on the table rest assured that both husband and wife, and often the children cry. Given the choice, I’d rather have the mizbayach cry than all these people. Really now are we more concerned about this mizbayach of stone, that of our brother and sister that are crying so.
i dont think anyone gets divorced after 60 year
Chayav- I actually know of 2, over 60 year old woman who very recently left their abusive husbands. They waited it out until they married off their kids.
smartcookie – and now they’ll live their lonely lives out… lonely.
tuted: so you think the current (ever-rising) divorce rate makes sense? Do you also think that 90% of those who wanted the divorce are happier, more satisfied and more content, post divorce?
Divorce is a Parsha in the Torah. However, it is meant to be used on rare occasion, not abused
after 60 years of marriage NOT 60 years old. No one gets divorced after 60 years of marriage, they’ve stuck it out for this long they’ll stick it out until 120.
I’ve read of a (secular) couple getting divorced after over 70 years of marriage. I also read of a 90 year old man killing his wife of 70+ years.
tbt – I did not address the WHYs of divorce only the pain. Does divorce solve or cure the ails or the symptoms, absolutely not, unfortunately. However, it does remove the blame. No longer can one blame the other for their woes. I think that the second time around, one realizes that perhaps seeking to blame in not the solution, and that’s why it works the second time around.
It works less the second time than the first.
Divorce usually solves nothing, and adds woes of its own.
canine~ “It works less the second time than the first.”
and you know this, how?
tuted:
and that’s why it works the second time around.
Sorry to burst your bubble but, the divorce rate for second marriages is between 60 and 70+%, depending on which studies you choose. And it gets worse for third and fourth…
See the other threads from the past few days with the dismal statistics indicating the failure rate for second marriages being significantly higher than that of first ones.
thank you ‘canine’~ I havta say that just about all the second marriages I know about do not fall into these dismal stats, B’H.
always here: I cannot say the same
truth be told~ I saw on another thread you wrote: “A couple of friends whove messed up their lives- yes.” .. these friends have had unsuccessful second marriages?
90 out of 100 times a divorcee who remarries will marry someone else who was divorced. And more times than not that person will have their own issues that lead to their own divorce. And chances are good whatever issues they have will be no better than the spouse he/she divorced.
Moral? The grass isn’t greener on the other side. Divorce may not lead to a better marriage. (And it may very well be worse.)
Canine, who taught you this falsification of the Torah that divorce is the worst thing ever? That it’s better to stay with abusive husbands?
Tums~ “90 out of 100 times… Moral? The grass isn’t greener on the other side. Divorce may not lead to a better marriage. (And it may very well be worse.)”
Are you a professional marriage counselor or such? what experience do you have to throw out this info? or is it just your opinion?
nevermind! I just read your posts on the ‘over 40’ thread, & it’s my opinion that you’re a child/teen…
always here: When you get married you will have a better idea of what real life is all about. What I can tell you from experience, is that it is NOT a bed of roses. Once you start dating, hopefully someone will help you navigate what you can expect.
To be forewarned is to be forearmed. Always remember divorce is a dirty word never to be used — even jokingly — in a Jewish home.
Tums~ ‘once I start dating’?! sweet. I’m B’H happily married to my 2nd husband for 33 yrs., & have 4 grandchildren, ka’h (so far). 🙂
Tums, are you serious? If somebody falsifies the Torah, what is his punishment?
mdd, this is an Orthodox site. The reform version of “torah” you espouse is outside the bounds of Judaism.
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