Funny Shidduch Stories

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  • #1226236

    SJSinNYC
    Member

    Belev Echad, I think that is absolutely hysterical!!!

    #1226237

    then there’s the old urban legend about the guy who was dating an overweight girl. He asked the bartender for 2 cokes (for the 2 of them) and she says yeah, 2 cokes for me also please.

    #1226238

    myshadow
    Member

    yossiea, lol your one lucky guy!

    charlie LOL!!!

    #1226239

    Curious
    Member

    Don’t you just love it when the waiters/bartenders offer their opinion regarding your date? One waiter told me “I can tell he’ll make a great husband.” And I’m thinking, sure, but not for me..

    #1226240

    ok i 4 sure have the best stories but if i tell u them e/o will be able to figure out who i am!!!

    #1226241

    areivimzehlazeh
    Participant

    coke- change some facts… btw: I used to think the same thing, but it’s near impossible (unless you really say something…)

    #1226242

    Jothar
    Member

    I’m very happily married, but I had a long dating “career”.

    When I first started I was nervous on dates. On my first date I accidentally turned into the wrong lane on a busy 2-way boulevard. Later at the hotel I couldn’t find the keys. I looked for them with the girl for a while, then called up my sister (from whom I borrowed the car). they had a spare on a box at the bottom of the car. I looked for it for a while and finally found it. Turns out I locked the keys in the car!

    DUMPED!

    Once a friend mentioned something about how parents eliminate unwanted pets by putting antifreeze in the water bowl. Somehow, in the course of a very pleasant conversation, dealing with nerves, I mentioned it.

    DUMPED!

    But it wasn’t always my fault.

    I was once dating a sullen, morose girl who treated her parents in a very unpleasant manner in front of me. BIG red flag. I dated her for a few dates anyway to give her a second chance. DUMPED! She told the shadchan that I didn’t make her laugh. I told the shadchan if she wants someone to make her laugh she should marry a DVD player.

    I once dated a girl, and as usual had my prepared topics of conversation. After every topic she offered a solution instead of trying to contribute anything useful. I refused to dump first in most cases, but I was happy I got dumped.

    More stories later.

    #1226243

    pearl
    Member

    I was once on a date and the guy was driving down the highway when he suddenly realized that we were passing the exit that we were supposed to take. Well he tried taking it anyway, even though he was really too late and we ended up on this grassy incline. I just thanked G-d that it was one of those highways with hills and grass between the exits and that we didn’t crash into no mans land.

    Well, I was pretty cool about it on the date, and B”H we are living happily ever after. However, I do NOT let my husband drive me on highways – I’d sooner take public transportation if I have to…

    #1226244

    an open book
    Participant

    “After every topic she offered a solution instead of trying to contribute anything useful.”

    jothar: something useful but not a solution? can u explain what this means? i dont get it

    #1226245

    Belev Echad
    Participant

    jotha, u made me laugh so hard!!! any more?

    #1226246

    Curious
    Member

    How many of you “city girls” had to parallel park the car for your “out-of-towner” date?

    #1226247

    qwertyuiop
    Member

    these stories all crack me up.$

    #1226248

    ujm
    Participant

    the guy took her to the wax museum and they decided to do the mini haunted house they have there. so my sisters like sure why not im not a lil kid anymore i wont be scared…

    theyre walking and its nice and scary but in a kiddy kind of way until they get to a tiny room enough to hold maybe 5 ppl seriously and theres a wax figure standing there.

    my sister goes right up to it, inches away, and says, wow it looks so real!!

    well, it was real, and the guy jumoed out at her and without even thinking, she grabbed her date and just held on for a few seconds…he was shocked for a few seconds until my sister realized what she was doing and pushed him away…..they had a good laugh over that…

    Bais Yaakov maydel:

    You’re story may come across as funny, but you must be sensitive to the fact that what occurred was an Aveira B’Shogeg of Shomer Negiah. Of course it was a mistake and they had charota, but this story should not be related publicly as some sort of kosher funny thing as it is an avera (b’shogeg).

    Imagine if they c’v had by mistake gone to a treif restaurant (they thought it was a kosher one or thought it was another restaurant a block away that is kosher), and only realized it after eating a few pieces of treif meat. Would they be joking about how good the treif meat at Tony’s Steakhouse was or how much kavana they had when they made a brocho?? One would hope not. They would be embarrassed about it, and not joke about it.

    #1226249

    Belev Echad
    Participant

    curious- hahahhaha!!

    wow, this thread was a good idea, if i do say so myself 🙂

    #1226250

    ok heres 1 i once went out w a boy that had no phone, didnt drive, didnt call a taxi and didnt have the taxi #…..basically chacha and texting google came in handy and i called for a taxi….oh and he didnt mention this to me until i asked which 1 his car was, and we were 1/2 way down the block….and i live on a very busy block so talk about standing outside for almost 45 min till the taxi came and e/o stopping to shmooze w me and then realizing that i was on a date….talk about mortifying……another boy- we get into the car and he says ok “let me call my mother and see where we should go” and he kept calling his mamma the entire time and at the end he said ok i think im ready to go but let me just call my mother to see if it was long enough…he didnt even go to the bathroom to do this

    #1226251

    Mrs. YW Moderator-72 will not be happy if she finds out about this… so nobody tell her, OK?

    first date directions (this is not exactly is it happened to not give away too many details but close enough): …take the third left. I count 1… 2… 3… it’s a dead-end… I go back out to the main road reading the signs until I get to the landmark that I was told if I get to…,I went to far, so back I go. who would have figured that to the right side of the intersection is one street name and to the left is another street name – the one I needed. I went right by it and never new. btw, she didn’t count one of the streets because it was only a little street that went behind a few stores and she didn’t think I would notice it.

    it’s not over yet… I make a few more turns all is good and I am now getting closer. I am told at this point to take the 4th right turn… well, as you can imagine, the sign did not match the directions so I kept going… the 5th right matched… similar answer as before… only this time one turn was omitted because it a street that looped around other streets and intersected the main road twice…

    determined as I was (and with help from the One above)… I made it to her parents house… and as others have said the rest is history. btw, I saved the note with the directions and I still have it.

    #1226252

    qwertyuiop
    Member

    mod72: ha ha, hilarious story, i hope you drive better now.$

    #1226253

    beacon
    Participant

    I love this thread!! [though I wish I could say a story that happened to me but I’m not taking any chances he might be reading]

    #1226254

    Mod 72- thats hilarious! just dont show it to her…

    #1226255

    Dr. Pepper
    Participant

    I got this idea from a friend of mine (he eventually married the girl he was dating at the time), I started talking in a monotone for 30 minutes about the history of the theorem, the different conjectures used to prove the theorem as well as using my fingers to draw the 3D graphs used to prove the theorem (in the hotel lobby). I still crack up when I think about the scene- some guy in a hat, jacket and tie using both his hands to plot x, y and z points on an imaginary 3D grid, while the girl sitting across from him is nodding reassuringly that she understands everything he is saying.

    I couldn’t argue with that.

    #1226256

    Mod 72 and everyone else: hahhahahhahahhahahhahahha

    #1226257

    yossiea
    Member

    Sounds like you went to Queens to pick her up. 🙂

    #1226258

    Jothar
    Member

    An open book, a conversation means flow of chatter. If the girl is going out of her way to kill any conversations, then the date just won’t work.

    #1226259

    Jothar
    Member

    Ok. Some more stories.

    You know how Chazal say “sheker hashein vehevel hayofi”? I once agreed to date a girl from out of town sight unseen for 2 dates (she paid for the ticket, so that was the rule). As soon as I saw her, I realized that this would be a date with neither sheker nor hevel. I was a mentch for both dates though, as it’s the proper thing to do. I did such a good job, at the end of the second date, the girl starts asking me hashkafa questions. I tried very hard not to dump, but sometimes you have no choice. So I’m speaking to the shadchan afterwards, who’s asking me why I’m dumping her. After all, she had gelt and our hashkafos were in sync. I started saying the usual bubbe meisah of “she’s a very nice girl but she’s not for me”. after a few uncomfortable minutes of this, the shadchan said “It’s her looks, isn’t it?”

    Another time I was on a first date and having a good shmooze with the girl’s father. The girl walked in, I took a look, and I continued shmoozing with the girl’s father. She dumped me because we didn’t click.

    Another time I’m dating a girl. I was told she’s “working towards a degree”. This was a bit of a caution flag, because the ages of the girls I was dating at the time usually had their chaspa be’alma. Well, we start off the first date, and she says, “Bloomberg is so stupid. he’s cutting money for the liberries [sic]”. So it’s a nice conversation starter, and I ask, “So how should he balance the budget instead?” She responds “Oh, I don’t know. It was something I memorized to sound intelligent”. Later on we played scrabble. Beli guzma, her biggest word was “Cat”. We still dated a few times- didn’t want to be too picky.

    #1226260

    Jothar
    Member

    I dated a few girls from Washington Heights. In Washington Heights, you basically had to wait your turn for the privilege of pulling over at a hydrant. Brooklyn’s like that too in many places. My father was fond of huge, hulking behemoths that just don’t park well.

    I once had a prospective father-in-law give me a very intrusive farher on the first date. I was nervous enough as is on first dates, and it’s frankly tough to be in the sugya when you’re in the parsha.

    I had 2 dates where the girl wanted to visit Barnes and Noble. Taking me to a store like that is like taking an alkie to a bar. It’s tough to carry on a good conversation when you would rather just read.

    (Note to moderator- feel free to edit or remove the following story if I didn’t kasher it enough, or if it’s a “kli cheres” that just can’t be kashered.)

    I had one girl I dated who wanted to go to Barnes and Noble. It was her choice for the date. She was clearly frummer than her father. As we’re leaving, her father asks her where we’re going. she tells him the mall. He suggests visiting a certain gesheft in the mall that is not for Bnei Torah to visit. The girl was mortified by her father’s off-color remark, and she buried her face in her hands long enough for me to get my poker face back on and pretend I didn’t hear it. I was DUMPED!anyway.

    #1226261

    qwertyuiop
    Member

    jothar: haha.$

    #1226262

    dunno
    Member

    Jothar and Dr. Pepper: i’m seriously laughing out loud!

    #1226263

    “it’s frankly tough to be in the sugya when you’re in the parsha”

    If i didnt know that we were talking about THE PARSHA then I would be a little worried here…obviously if you were learning Parshas Hashevua then you cant be learning a Daf Gemorah…

    =)

    #1226264

    Mayan_Dvash
    Participant

    Thanks Jothar and Dr. Pepper.

    My first date from Monsey, I knew nothing of the area, so I depended on the girl for directions. After the date, the car was struggling real hard. I didn’t know where I was, had no cell phone and I was stuck. (Year was 1998-99). I am waiting on the side of the road hoping for a fellow Jew to stop and help. So who was this fellow Jew? Yisroel (Sruli) Williger! He let me use his cell phone to call AAA and my parents and loaned me a considerable amount of cash. (It helped that we were both in Torah Vodaath). As we were waiting for the tow truck he pulled out an Artscroll Gemara. That’s a real super star.

    #1226265

    an open book
    Participant

    jothar: got it. thanx 4 clearing it up 4 me

    #1226266

    torahtziva
    Member

    here’s an interesting one (and i can confirm it, the guy is my brother)

    it was a third date and they were going to an expensive restaurant. they came back to the car and it wasn’t there. comes out he parked in an illegal spot and the car got towed. the was expensive, the restaurant, a taxi to the pound, the towing fee, and the actual parking fine!!

    now they are happily married!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    #1226267

    Jothar
    Member

    A completely unconfirmed story circulating in yeshivas is that one guy was dating a girl fresh from seminary. The guy made a favorable comment about a certain famous athlete (let’s assume Michael Jordan for now). The girl said, “Rebbetzin xxxx said that when we say ‘shelo asani goy’, we mean even people like Michael Jordan”. Whereupon the guy responded, “And MY Rebbe told me that when we say ‘shelo asani isha’, we mean even women like Rebbetzin xxxx!”

    #1226268

    Dr. Pepper
    Participant

    A friend and I planned to switch cars while we were on dates but it didn’t work out.

    We both had dates from the same far away city (date # 1 for them, #5 for us), and the girls lived within a block of each other. The plan was that I would rent a standard car and he was going to rent a luxury car. We would park the cars in the same garage, go to the same hotel (but to lounges on different floors) and ask to be “excused” at the same time to take care of business where we would swap receipts. Mt friend backed out at the end since he was reluctant to rent a luxury car for a first date.

    That was their first and last date while we ended up getting married.

    When I told my wife the plan she said it would have been a waste since neither she or her friend would have noticed. Compared to what her parents drive, any vehicle (even a Dodge Stratus) is considered a luxury vehicle and her friends parents are unable to drive and do not have a car.

    #1226269

    myshadow
    Member

    Jothar, OMG UR FUNNY!!!! I’m laughing so hard!! ur crazy no offense!!!

    beacon me 2, I have a bunch of stories but they are all way too detailed and would give me away in a sec!!

    #1226270

    anonowriter
    Participant

    How about a guy who proposed on the second date?

    Or another who made the same wrong turn 3 times? (circled and turned again)

    Or another who told me he was depressed – on the first date!

    And what about the guy who picked up his cell at least five times while on the date, just so i “can see how he acts on the phone”. And he was nasty, and making faces…

    The same guy nearly ran a few red lights because he was too busy looking my way. I looked at the road the entire drive, telling him when to stop. (i.e.: STOP! RED LIGHT!)

    One guy showed up in a tiny car that was literally held together with duct tape.

    Another spoke about his Rebbi for 3/4 of the date, and then asked me if I thought he was obsessed – that’s what the last girl he dated thought.

    I can go on and on, but B”H i’m happily married now.

    #1226271

    SJSinNYC
    Member

    When my sister was in seminary, someone set her up with a Russian guy. He spoke Russian and moderate hebrew. She spoke english and moderate hebrew. After the disasterous date he said to her “The decision to marry is in your hands.” Yeah, real romantic 😉 Needless to say she did NOT marry a guy she could barely communicate with.

    #1226272

    Jothar
    Member

    Another thing I learned the hard way:

    Never tell the “What does NCSY stand for?” joke to someone who works for NCSY…

    #1226274

    myshadow
    Member

    anonowriter, I think we went out w/ the same depressed guy. total bipolar situation was going on there

    #1226275

    an open book
    Participant

    jothar: whats the ncsy joke?

    #1226276

    Jothar
    Member

    NCSY stands for “Negiah can save Yiddishkeit”.

    #1226278

    SJSinNYC
    Member

    Jothar, thats really funny! I would think most people from NCSY would laugh at that (I was a member and even on my chapter board for a bit and I find it funny).

    #1226279

    qwertyuiop
    Member

    ames: it sounds like you had great dates.$ 🙂

    #1226280

    an open book
    Participant

    🙂 thanx jothar

    #1226282

    Dr. Pepper
    Participant

    While I was driving back this really nice girl after a date I thought I was going through a yellow light and only realized it must have been red when the flash from the camera lit up the night. I tried to disregard it but she said, “Don’t worry, just send me a copy of the picture and I’ll pay for half of it”. (It never came.)

    On a subsequent date we were walking in a park and stopped by an observation point to look at the scenery. Out of the corner of my eye I saw some blond hair walking away and, assuming it was her, started walking next to her. When I started to make conversation about the scenery she said something that the moderators wouldn’t approve of (it had something to do with her lineage). I looked down and it was not her. It was so embarrassing.

    I returned to the lookout and there she was standing next to another guy (who was also about 12 inches taller than her and wearing a black suit jacket) telling him about a different time she was in the area. You should have seen the look on her face when she saw me and realized that she was talking to someone else. She apologized and said that, due to the difference in height, when she stood next to me she could only see my arm and shoulder. I assured her not to worry since it could happen to anyone. (I never told her what happened to me just one minute earlier.)

    #1226284

    qwertyuiop
    Member

    Dr. pepper: that’s hilarious.$

    moish: mazel tov.$

    #1226285

    chofetzchaim
    Member

    I’m not sure if this belongs here as the actual story did not happen on a date; but, this supposedly true story was told by a friend of mine to his future wife on a date, as they were passing a “No Left Turn” sign: A man is pulled over for making a left turn at an intersection with a large “No Left Turn” sign. He says to the cop in a thick Russian accent, “I come to the intersection. I want to make right turn. But the sign says, ‘No! Left turn!'”. The cop tells him that if he can say it again with a straight face he’ll let him go. V’kach hava!

    #1226286

    dunno
    Member

    dr pepper: that’s really really funny

    #1226287

    Jothar
    Member

    I once showed up for a date on THE WRONG DAY.

    I showed up on a Monday instead of a Tuesday. Still not sure how that happened, but I started being more careful with my note taking from phone calls after that. Good thing it was a day date and the girl wasn’t home. but it’s annoying to borrow a car, make all the hachanos, and drive all the way out for nothing.

    I’m not sure if it’s a shidduch story, but it is a true story going back 15-20 years. Once a guy just wasn’t goreis traffic lights on Ocean Parkway. Must have been late at night when you can do this without getting killed. Turns out a cop has been trailing him the whole time. Cop pulls him over, and makes him a deal- just pick the intersection and he’ll write him one ticket instead of 8. The guy picks one, the cop writes down the chosen intersection, and they go their separate ways. Yes, the guy successfully fought the ticket; yes, the cop was fuming; and no, there is no traffic light by Ocean Parkway and Avenue k.

    #1226288

    Guys no stories tonight? I wanna laugh!

    #1226289

    Dr. Pepper
    Participant

    This might not count as a Shidduch story since my friend and his wife were engaged at the time but it definitely messed up someone else’s proposal.

    This friend goes out to a fancy restaurant to eat with his (at the time) kallah and asks for a table for two. The waiter asks him if his name is Dovid to which he responds, “Yes, Why?”, the waiter just winked at him and said, “Don’t worry everything has been taken care of”.

    After they were done eating the waiter asked if they were ready for dessert. A minute later the waiter gave her a cake that said “Will you marry me?”.

    They all had a good laugh and he was very thankful it didn’t happen on their first date.

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