Funny Shidduch Stories

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    Ever heard of the boy who spent his entire date coaching the girl on how to date? They did not get engaged.


    I know someone who got engaged to their next-door neighbour. I always wonder what would have happened if it wouldn’t have worked out.


    Sometimes, I think it would be easier to become chassidish and just do a beshow (no dating! 🙂 :-)! ). Until I remember my family friend, who was told by her mother, “Shprintzy, get dressed. Your beshow is in 45 minutes!” This girl, before the end of the day, at age 17, was engaged. She had always insisted she was not getting engaged until at least 18, if not 19!


    I know identical twin sisters. One went out on a date, and realised it was a non-starter. But she redt him to her twin. At the engagement, people asked, “How did he know which one of you to pick?” No one could understand why they both went red!


    I know a lady who called her sister and said, “You know that your daughter is looking for a boy like my son, and my son is looking for a girl like your daughter. Why don’t they take dor yesharim, and if that comes out ok, they should try going out!”


    How many times does it happen that when dor yesharim call back, someone else answers the phone? Usually, its someone who shouldn’t know anything!


    How about this:
    “She’s doesn’t want x, and he doesn’t want x, good shidduch!”
    “She is y but doesn’t want y, and he is y but doesn’t want y, good shidduch!”
    “She has brown eyes but doesn’t want to marry someone with brown eyes, and ditto for him, good shidduch!”
    I’ve heard this so many times, and it does not make sense on so many levels!


    Boy and Girl forced to go on date. It was a non-starter. Fast forward a few years. Boy’s sister gets engaged to Girl’s brother. Ouch


    Wow yab, how long did it take you to type out all 14 messages!
    (Yes I counted)


    i dont think this is true but its funny anyway.

    A boy is getting ready for his 1st date. he is told to talk about family, love and philosophy. he picks the girl up and they get to the hotel.
    ok. 1st family. he asks her “do you have siblings?”
    she says no.
    ok. next love. he asks her “do you love cheese?”
    she says no to that too.
    and lastly philosophy. he asks “if you had siblings do you think you would like cheese?”


    Syag — I appreciate your concern for my welfare more than I’m capable of expressing in written format. Please accept this belated note in sincere gratitude. Having (had) antibodies I believe, in retrospect, I B”H had a rather very mild case of the virus that kept me in bed most of one day about 12 months ago. After getting back to work the following day I mostly forgot about it given the upended course of events the pandemic triggered generally. You are correct that I’m an avid follower of my friend Dr. Pepper. And I especially have followed this favorite thread of mine, so I was quite surprised myself that I only saw these posts here so tardily.

    Dr. Pepper — I’m glad your brother-in-law appreciates the humor. Please send him my regards and make sure he’s in on my part of the story. As you should be making your annual visit to the CR in a mere few days this Chol Hamoed, I’ll be sure to send you an email beforehand to insure you are confident of the veracity of my identity as being the one and the same (or you might say as the one and the only) Joseph of yore who has faithfully communicated with you both on this forum as well as off of it. Please confirm here receipt of said upcoming electronic mail message (which will be our first such correspondence since Sept. 1, 2015), with assurance that it’s no April Fools gag, to insure our fellow readership is on the same wavelength as us.

    Ah gutten Yom Tov (and an early gutten moed, for the anticipated time of your reading.)

    The kneidel

    when my husband was single, his yeshiva sent him out collecting and he ended up knocking at my door right before I was going out on a date. My parents opened the door and invited him in thinking that he was my date. He was all dressed up so they didn’t think twice about it. He played along and thought “why not go out on a date. It beats collecting.” We ended up leaving a few minutes before the real date showed up which made my parents were very confused and worried. They tried calling me but my phone was turned off. Anyways, to make a long story short, he was an amazing guy and we kept dating and got married and B”H we now have three kids and counting.
    All I can say is, you never know when he will come but Hashem will bring him to you one way or another.


    I’m getting a bit fascinated by the Dr. pepper / Joseph exchange, but I can’t keep track. do they know each other in real life or not? there are conflicting posts. then how the whatever did Dr pepper snoop these guys out? and2 what’s he talking about encrypted bytes? was that just a joke? further, Joseph’s response and a previous post to syag indicate that he knows her, but her post sounds like she doesn’t know him.

    lastly, this whole wagon wheels would hint that you’re from los Angeles, but I remember from a dif thread that Joseph is on East coast.

    and where is Joseph? is he ujm?

    Dr. Pepper


    Joseph is a very clever person and while I believe that I know his name and who he is, as far as I know he does not know who I am.

    If you quote the conflicting posts I can try to explain what’s going on.

    If you read the thread about how I think I figured out who he is you’ll see that I came across a post on a professional secular site that had his fingerprints and took it from there. I needed some other posters to help me validate it but the moderators do not allow users to post personal information. To get around this I posted an encrypted message on “The Riddle Thread” back in 2013 (it’s still there, on the last page). To decode it you’ll either need some strong cryptography skills or the private key which I left hidden in a different thread some time before that for future use. Either method should work.

    As you’ll see from the posts back in 2013 some people recalled the private key (or had a team of Polish cryptographers) and contacted me but I was only able to verify two of their identities (I suspect the others may have been Joseph).

    The other posters and I are almost 100% positive that it’s him, but again- he’s very clever and he knows how to stay one step ahead so he may have taken us on a trip. Who knows?

    Hope that makes sense.

    Now you want to know about the wagon- There was another poster whose path I used to cross (in Downtown Manhattan) during my commute to work. He used to reference the “wagon” and let me know in advance when it’ll be along my commute route. It turns out that the “wagon” was the caravan of vehicles used when movies are being filmed and he knew in advance because “No Parking” signs went up a day or two earlier. One day I was walking by the “wagon” when I noticed that someone had left a can of Dr Pepper near the wagon with a yellow sticker after the Dr so it should look like Dr. and I couldn’t help but smirk. I was wondering if the poster was nearby looking to see if anyone noticed it. I later figured out that the poster was someone that I met before in real life and knew him by face but I didn’t know his name. Next time I saw him in Shul I approached him but he had no idea who I was. When I told him we both had a good laugh.

    Please let me know if you have any further questions- it’s probably frustrating when there’s things going on in the background and you feel like you’re missing out on something.


    no, it’s not frustrating for me…I know about these secret messages only thru this thread, so it’s not like I’m in middle of a conversation where everyone but me knows a secret code. I am curious and fascinated, though.

    the conflicting posts: we’ll use the one you just posted, saying you don’t think Joseph knows who you are, but Joseph’s post on this page indicates he emails you. additionally, he seems to know your brother in law, and someone as clever as Joseph should be able to figure out who you are.

    the encrypted message and key…sounds very exciting, I’ll have to dig up the riddle thread.
    further, you say you suspect Joseph tried to contact you…yet you suspect he doesn’t know who you are.

    I had understood, more or less, the wagon story, just didn’t know they shoot movies in NYC.
    but here’s what I don’t get. someone knew you go there often, yet he didn’t know who you are? you also don’t say how you found out who he is .

    no further questions at this point. thanks for explaining.


    2 ps’s:

    are you also a very clever person?
    (I’m not expecting an answer. just sayin’, all this detective work…)

    why do mods care so much if you share personal information?


    just saw the riddle thread. where can I get the key? I can’t afford polish cryptologists right now.

    I assume squeak was one of the guys who called you? it sounds like he had the key without cryptology skills. where from?

    Dr. Pepper


    Many years ago Joseph got the email address that I used when I signed up for my screenname (he either hacked into the system or used social engineering to get it from a moderator). It wasn’t the regular email address that I use- just the one I used to sign up for accounts. To throw him off I went into settings and changed my name to a fake name before I replied and then changed it back. I did this each time we corresponded. I tried to answer his questions but to be vague. Had he known who I was he probably would have called me out on it. So this is how he emails me without knowing who I am.

    Back then there was a moderator (# 80) who would try very hard to make sure no personal information got through. I think they didn’t want anyone trying to meet people online and then find each other in real life. If I remember correctly I posted a hint to an email address on the Limerick thread but it was edited (by 95). I think Joseph saw it after it was approved by a different moderator before it was edited. (It’s happened before.)

    The thing about my brother-in-law is a joke. I posted a story that happened to my sister on a date and he wrote back that he was the guy so I played along. I doubt he knows my brother-in-law, he was probably just trying to get more information out of me. If he is who I think he is, we do share a distant cousin through marriage (through my brother-in-law) but I think it’s just a coincidence.

    The encrypted messages are boring- just asking people to contact me assuming that the only ones who’d be able to would be the ones who I normally chatted with and would be able to track down the public key and extract the private key from there (they’re not supposed to have anything to do with each other but I used a set that were related or it would have been virtually impossible to crack the code without giving the other users the private key). I haven’t been able to track down the post with the public key and I don’t know if I kept a copy of it anywhere so good luck with that.

    I don’t remember the exact thread where I discussed my commute by I didn’t hide the route that I took. I probably passed a movie or TV shoot at least once a month- hence the wagon frequency.

    I hope this helps.


    yeah it helps…
    squeak said (jokingly, I’m sure) that he was insulted by your encryption code. if it was just a means to contact you, why’s that insulting? was squeak one of the ones who contacted you?

    what’s wrong with meeting someone you met online?
    syag’s post seemed to indicate you were alluding to actual names such as friedman . where’s this post?

    I just read on the 3rd page of this thread the story with the something thereom. funniest story I’ve so far seen on this thread.

    ujm posted on said page…maybe it means he’s not Joseph?
    where is Joseph nowadays?


    wait. I’m still missing how you figured out who left the Dr. pepper can and how you found out (you think) who Joseph is. (did he post his name on the other site?)


    also, you say Joseph got ur email either thru hacking or social engineering. next paragraph you say could be he saw your post about it. is that a 3rd theory?

    Dr. Pepper


    The coded message was meant for someone else (if I remember correctly he is the one whose post I was answering when I left the public key and assumed he would know how to extract the private key). It asked the person to please contact me once he decodes it. Squeak was pretending to be offended that I assumed the other person would figure it out and not him. He forgave me for that.

    I honestly have no idea why they don’t want posters to contact each other in real life. It’s their website and their policy so they can enforce whatever they want. I needed to contact a poster once and they helped me with the process once I explained why and they asked the other party permission first.

    There was a post about fixing an iPod on Chol Hamoed or something like that. Do a search on all my recent posts (I don’t come here that much anymore) and you should find it. If you get the reference- great!, if not, try reading through all the posts from pre 2011 and see if you can figure it out. (Hint- It was left by a moderator.)

    Based on what the other poster commented on his commute, profession (we share the same one) and that he wasn’t able to notify me about the “wagons” anymore I was able to figure it out through LinkedIn. Once I saw his profile and noticed his picture I realized that I had met him at a conference and saw him around every once in a while. (He mentioned in a later post that he was the one who left the can there.)

    I posted the whole story for Syag in a different thread (again- you can search by my posts). In short- I suspected that a poster on a different site was Joseph. I followed his posts until he slipped and embedded a Word (or possibly Excel) document with the metadata intact. I extracted the metadata to see his name and employer. Based on that I was able to get much more information about him and I think he was in Yeshiva with a different brother-in-law. I might be totally wrong though- If I were him and embedded documents in a post I would use phony metadata to throw people off.

    Joseph originally contacted me through an email address he obtained through hacking (or social engineering) that was probably over 10 years ago. More recently he’s contacted me through the email that I left in the Limericks thread before it got removed. Sorry for the confusion.


    oh yeah I had seen the post about the word doc.


    Just popping in to comment on the personal info issue. I can’t really speak for everyone so this is a partial answer.

    Many years back we were not all aware of the things people could do with personal information gleaned online. We had no idea what the little bits people gathered could snowball into, and we also had many young posters who were not always aware how much information they were disclosing. For that reason, we tried not to let people “milk” others for info (milking was pre phishing), we tried not to let people over-share their own info, and we tried not to let people solicit communication because we had no idea who many of these posters were and did not want others to think that because they posted frum things, they were actually Gd fearing people.

    Things have changed drastically. People put all kinds of things online now even though people steal identities and solicit personal information for nefarious reasons. But people are also more aware. Many people have their names and profiles out there under the same username they use for the CR here so google can tell you things that we would not have posted.

    For this reason, I think we have been more flexible about allowing posters to post their own info, but still careful about protecting identities and not allowing posters to be harassed for information they may not want to give out.

    On a side note, links are still unlinked because, unfortunately, computer addictions of all kinds have proliferated over time and a closed space can be a safe space.


    can someone please explain to me the story quoted on page 11 with I can only try – something about asking a supermarket if they’re open motzaei shabos.

    YWN Username

    Also, I was recently suggested to a girl that took one look at my info and said, “No, he’s too old. I’ll go out with him in 6 months.” Lolol. Not sure she knows how time works…


    Does anybody have any original proposal ideas?

    I once heard about a boy, something Bergstein, been meeting a girl called Shaindy.
    When it was time to pop the question he drove her to the cemetery and and as they were looking at the graves he innocently asked, How would you like ‘Shaindy Bergstein’ engraved on your tombstone?

    My girl would NOT appreciate that…. (though she adores me so much she’d ziche agree anyway)

    eishis chayil

    boy was on the bus from his yeshiva in jerusalem to bnei brak to meet a girl in her parents house. on the bus ride he felt sick and through up and his pants got dirty. he needed a change of cloth or else the girl will not even meet him
    he borrowed a cell phone, and called his parents who lived in bnei brak to wait him outside with a new pair of pants
    as soon as he gets there he takes the bag and goes in, apologizes, asks if he could please be shown the bathroom because he had a long trip.
    takes the bag in to the bathroom and doesnt know what to do with his old pants, he decides he has no choice and opens the bathroom window and throughs it out,
    he opens the bag he got from his mother and sees his mother had mistaken, he sees in the bag…..A SKIRT…..

    i think he is still in the bathroom red faced till now


    (Heard and verified from the son of the protagonist)

    I was the girl in that story. We actually didn’t end up talking at all. He tried to, but I gave him the death glare each time he so much as stopped humming and tapping.

    Not that I wouldn’t talk to a boy in that situation. Just that he was short.

    Could you identify which Rosh Yeshiva it was? R’ Leib Gurwitz?


    that story (of the Single Boy marrying one of his seminary students) is 100% true –
    R’ Mordechai Miller of the Gateshead Sem married one of his female students (Gittel Bindinger? if i’m not mistaken), the classes were not that big at the time, maybe 10 girls, max.
    He went on to teach another three generations…
    It must have been under the approval of Rabbi Dessler.
    I know a lot of bochurim who would LOVE to land a job teaching in the local seminary…

    Zaphod Beeblebrox



    gotagoodpoint isnt that ilegal?


    funny enough, someone here said a story about a girl who tested the boys patient by pulling out the keys…. i happen to know who it happed to and i know the second part of the story:) the boys friend ended up dating the same girl and where about to get engaged.(apparently she didn’t pull this shtick again…) and the original boy asked a sheila whether or not he’s allowed to tell his friend what happened. he wasn’t allowed and they got engaged!!!!!!(and they lived happily eva after!)

    ☕️coffee addict


    Isn’t that against הלכה (for an unmarried man to teach girls, the Gemara says shouldn’t teach kids because mothers bring them to school so this is a קל וחומר)


    Sorry about the delay. i Just saw what you asked.
    I hear, you have a good point. Maybe this is different, because the official job description was teaching girls, you are under scrutiny and have to behave. In the case of the gemoro there was no official interaction between the boy and the mothers so they could have got away with some mischief….
    The tirutz is a Doichak.
    I think your best bet would be to ask one of his sons themselves –
    R’ Todros Miller edited R’ Eliyahu Eliezer Miller  edited

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