Mitzvah to Remarry Your Ex-Wife

Home Forums Family Matters Mitzvah to Remarry Your Ex-Wife

Viewing 50 posts - 1 through 50 (of 50 total)
  • Author
    Posts
  • #598086

    Droid
    Member

    CR poster “IUseBrains” mentioned in another thread the mitzvah for former spouses to remarry each other. I too learnt about this mitzvah in Yeshiva. Unfortunately I rarely hear this mitzvah being practiced. (Although I have heard of a small number of times it has occurred.) Why is that? Why don’t we see this mitzvah being practiced more often.

    More importantly, we should encourage former couples to remarry. It is a mitzvah only they can fulfill.

    #794171

    ☕️coffee addict
    Participant

    I’m sorry I’ve never heard of this mitzvah which mitzvah is it?

    #794172

    adorable
    Participant

    if they got divorced why would you try and get them to remarry? you want them to get divorced again? i dont get it

    #794173

    sm77
    Participant

    There is a story that a man comes to his Rov, to make a get for his wife.

    Right after the get is written, he gives it over to his wife.

    Then right away he says Harei at mekudashes li …. , and the Rov says Are you crazy?

    So the man says, for a zivug sheni (second marriage) she is good enough.

    #794174

    That is horrible and funny at the same time.

    #794175

    shev143
    Member

    Never heard of this mitzvah but, I would think that many times it doesn’t happen because the woman becomes unpermitted to her first husband if she remmarries someone else in between.

    #794176

    yacr85
    Participant

    The Mitzvah to remarry your ex-wife, would be a “kiyum” of not marrying her if she had married someone else after being divorced from you, or marrying her before she marries someone else and then becomes Assur.

    I beleive the Gemara calls it a ‘Chessed’

    So yes, it is a Mitzvah (I can’t remember which number, when I find out I will let you know!)

    #794177

    basket of radishes
    Participant

    It is always possible to reconcile a relationship after divorce. Of course if the woman remarries, then she can never remarry the former husband in any sense and it would be a horrible outcome.

    #794178

    charliehall
    Participant

    A man remarrying his ex-wife when she has been married to another man in the interim is not only asur, the Torah calls it a toeiva. Yet it is legal almost everywhere. Why we object to same sex toeiva marriage but not this other kind of toeiva marriage is not clear to me.

    #794179

    minyan gal
    Member

    What if the husband marries in between, but not the wife. Can they still remarry?

    #794180

    Shrek
    Member

    the reason we don’t see divorced couples getting back together is probably pretty simple. They don’t want to be married to each other. They prefer the challenges of being divorced to the challenges of being married to someone they can’t get along with.

    #794181

    Droid
    Member

    What if the husband marries in between, but not the wife. Can they still remarry?

    Yes.

    #794182

    morning19
    Member

    it is really uncommon, but have heard of a situation where the couple did not have children for a number of years, they were told to divorce for a few weeks then remarry. In the zchus of fulfilling this mitzvah, they were blessed with a child about a year later.

    #794183

    aimhabonim
    Participant

    Minyan Gal,the answer is yes.I read of such a case.

    #794184

    Another name
    Participant

    What about if the husband is a Kohen? Then they SHOULD NOT remarry.

    #794185

    Droid
    Member

    What about if the husband is a Kohen? Then they SHOULD NOT remarry.

    A Kohen may not marry a divorcee; even his own former wife. That’s precisely the reason why the rabbonim try to discourage a divorce by a Kohen even moreso than regular — since once he gives her the get he will never be able to change his mind and remarry her.

    #794186

    Droid
    Member

    IUseBrains: You got an honorable mention in the OP.

    #794187

    A Heimishe Mom
    Participant

    I do know of such a couple. The Mitzvah is called “Machzir reshuso” – returning his property, which, frankly, seems rather demeaning to me. And to do it after accusing her, falsely, of the most disgusting acts too!

    Since a man can halachically marry more than one woman anyway, he can remarry ex even if he married in between. A kohen cannot marry any divorcee – even his own ex.

    #794188

    I know of one case where both the husband and wife did tshuva after divorcing and then married again as frum Yidden after they met up again years after the divorce.

    I know of another case where the couple is a bit on the well, unusual, side.

    #794189

    A man remarrying his ex-wife when she has been married to another man in the interim is not only asur, the Torah calls it a toeiva. Yet it is legal almost everywhere. Why we object to same sex toeiva marriage but not this other kind of toeiva marriage is not clear to me.

    Enough games. How often does anyone marry his ex-wife after she was married to someone else that it is even an issue? The other toeva is something that the baalei toeva are pushing in everyone’s face.

    #794190

    its not a game

    there are certain kinds of Jews who will seize any opportunity, no matter how flimsy, to call those more frum than them hypocrites.

    #794191

    Incidentally is the remarriage even an issue for bnei Noiach? The real toeva is such an issue that there is a specific mention of it being the absolute lowest level of societal degradation (marriage contracts for toeva).

    #794192

    adorable
    Participant

    I know a couple that got married as non frum Jews then got divorced, did teshuva and remarried. She went off again though and they are again divorced (she is no longer frum)

    #794193

    Droid
    Member

    Even though it is called a toeiva, it isn’t a capital offense like the toeiva the liberals promote.

    #794194

    “The Mitzvah is called “Machzir reshuso”

    its machzir grushuso…returning you divorcee

    #794195

    its machzir grushuso…returning you divorcee

    Yes, this is correct. The rov who was mesader kedushin for the first couple I mentioned had to find out what to do in terms of the kesuba etc as it is so unusual.

    #794196

    golden mom
    Member

    I just heard about for the first time a couple weeks ago there was a story about it in the misphaca

    #794197

    adorable
    Participant

    why wud they remarry didnt they divorce for a reason?

    #794198

    cherrybim
    Participant

    “Why we object to same sex toeiva marriage but not this other kind of toeiva marriage is not clear to me.”

    Come on Charlie, it’s obvious to every wholesome person. One is a gezeira associated with hefkeirus and one is just plain utterly disgusting.

    #794199

    IUseBrains
    Participant

    just as it’s a mitzva to maintain a marriage, so to it’s a mitzva to maintain by marrying ur preveous wife!

    #794200

    Droid
    Member

    Where is the Mitzvah of Machzir Grushuso brought down or mentioned?

    #794201

    adorable
    Participant

    can someone explain to me why they would remarry the person that they divorced?

    #794202

    Pac-Man
    Member

    For many reasons. Some examples include: he misses her; she misses him; they realize how bad divorce is; for their children’s sake; and most importantly because it is a special mitzvah.

    #794203

    cherrybim
    Participant

    Yeah, he misses her burnt chulent and she misses the daily abuse, but they’re getting back together for the sake of the children.

    #794204

    popa_bar_abba
    Participant

    This is an interesting thread. Joseph made up a mitzva which makes no sense (which follows, since it is made up), and then everyone fights about it.

    #794205

    Another name
    Participant

    I know a couple that got married and divorced 3 times. I guess they really wanted to do this mitzvah more than once…

    #794206

    shlishi
    Member

    What about machzir grushuso mentioned by a heimisha mom and tryinghard?

    #794208

    cherrybim
    Participant

    Sefer HaChinuch – Mitzvah 580 : It is fitting for a person to remarry his former wife.

    #794209

    ☕ DaasYochid ☕
    Participant

    shlishi,

    The term is more often used with the word “misheniseis” and is a lav, not a mitzvah. It’s not found among the 613, but there is reference to it:

    ???? ???? ????? ?????? ??????, ???”? ??????

    ???? ??? ???? – ?? ??/?

    #794210

    cherrybim
    Participant

    “Sefer HaChinuch – Mitzvah 580 : It is fitting for a person to remarry his former wife.”

    While this information was found in a legitimate source, I have since looked into the original text and could not find this quote; but I may have missed it.

    #794211

    adorable
    Participant

    I dont get it but ok. they should have thought about all those options before taking such a drastic step. maybe everyone should just get divorced and remarried every other day so that they can fulfill this mitzva. divorce is not something to be taken lightly

    #794212

    Shrek
    Member

    adorable, good point!

    #794213

    On the same topic…here is a true story.

    When my father Z”L was sick, my sister and myself went to see the Satmar Rav R’Yoel Z”L who was then staying in Belle Harbor.

    Volunteering was a very choshive woman who came and helped the Rebbitzen A”H in the kitchen. She so looked up to the Rebbe(and who didn’t) that she had the carpets of the Rebbes home picked up and moved to her house so that she could walk on the floors the Rebbe Z”L did(of course she paid for the new flooring of the Rebbitzens choice). Then this lady decided that she wants to get divorced and remarried so that the Rebbe Z”L would be her mesader kedushin, to which the Rebbe Z”L replied “ver zugt az ehr veht dich tzuriknemen”, meaning who says that he(he husband) will want to remarry her.

    If the Torah writes about it, then there is something to it.

    We know of a couple who lived beautifully and then something happened to the wife and she wanted a divorce. Her husband did not contest and they did get divorced. The wife was not well and then B”H she improved and realized her mistake. They remarried, moved to a new environment, had more children and B”H are very happy.

    #794214

    Shrek
    Member

    what are we supposed to learn from this? That the woman was not as smart as the Rebbe?

    #794215

    shlishi
    Member

    That wouldn’t be much of a chiddush. I doubt any of us are as smart as the Rebbe.

    #794216

    adorable
    Participant

    happy someone agrees with my post…. thank you. I dont get that story at all!!!!

    #794217

    kylbdnr
    Member

    I actually know of a couple who got married and divorced 3 times…now they’re divorced again…

    #794218

    adorable
    Participant

    whats wrong with them? dont tell me nothing please

    #794219

    kylbdnr
    Member

    they are quite a strange couple 😉

    #794220

    twisted
    Participant

    NOT a mitzva! An etza tovah, depending on circumstance. There is the story recorded in the talmud, that a respected (tanna?) was being ill treated by his wife, and at his students behest, he divorced her, and remaried. His ex became impoverished, and in her begging rounds, came to his door. He did not deny her help, and he was credited with the kiyum of u’mbsarcho lo sis’a;lem (Yesh nun ches) IOW, your ex is always something more than just an ex.

Viewing 50 posts - 1 through 50 (of 50 total)
  • You must be logged in to reply to this topic.