July 19, 2011 9:16 pm at 9:16 pm #598086
CR poster “IUseBrains” mentioned in another thread the mitzvah for former spouses to remarry each other. I too learnt about this mitzvah in Yeshiva. Unfortunately I rarely hear this mitzvah being practiced. (Although I have heard of a small number of times it has occurred.) Why is that? Why don’t we see this mitzvah being practiced more often.
More importantly, we should encourage former couples to remarry. It is a mitzvah only they can fulfill.July 19, 2011 9:21 pm at 9:21 pm #794171☕️coffee addictParticipant
I’m sorry I’ve never heard of this mitzvah which mitzvah is it?July 19, 2011 9:27 pm at 9:27 pm #794172
if they got divorced why would you try and get them to remarry? you want them to get divorced again? i dont get itJuly 19, 2011 9:43 pm at 9:43 pm #794173sm77Participant
There is a story that a man comes to his Rov, to make a get for his wife.
Right after the get is written, he gives it over to his wife.
Then right away he says Harei at mekudashes li …. , and the Rov says Are you crazy?
So the man says, for a zivug sheni (second marriage) she is good enough.July 19, 2011 9:53 pm at 9:53 pm #794174Derech HaMelechMember
That is horrible and funny at the same time.July 19, 2011 10:20 pm at 10:20 pm #794175shev143Member
Never heard of this mitzvah but, I would think that many times it doesn’t happen because the woman becomes unpermitted to her first husband if she remmarries someone else in between.July 19, 2011 10:20 pm at 10:20 pm #794176yacr85Participant
The Mitzvah to remarry your ex-wife, would be a “kiyum” of not marrying her if she had married someone else after being divorced from you, or marrying her before she marries someone else and then becomes Assur.
I beleive the Gemara calls it a ‘Chessed’
So yes, it is a Mitzvah (I can’t remember which number, when I find out I will let you know!)July 19, 2011 10:41 pm at 10:41 pm #794177basket of radishesParticipant
It is always possible to reconcile a relationship after divorce. Of course if the woman remarries, then she can never remarry the former husband in any sense and it would be a horrible outcome.July 19, 2011 11:08 pm at 11:08 pm #794178charliehallParticipant
A man remarrying his ex-wife when she has been married to another man in the interim is not only asur, the Torah calls it a toeiva. Yet it is legal almost everywhere. Why we object to same sex toeiva marriage but not this other kind of toeiva marriage is not clear to me.July 20, 2011 1:34 am at 1:34 am #794179minyan galMember
What if the husband marries in between, but not the wife. Can they still remarry?July 20, 2011 1:36 am at 1:36 am #794180
the reason we don’t see divorced couples getting back together is probably pretty simple. They don’t want to be married to each other. They prefer the challenges of being divorced to the challenges of being married to someone they can’t get along with.July 20, 2011 1:49 am at 1:49 am #794181
What if the husband marries in between, but not the wife. Can they still remarry?
Yes.July 20, 2011 1:51 am at 1:51 am #794182morning19Participant
it is really uncommon, but have heard of a situation where the couple did not have children for a number of years, they were told to divorce for a few weeks then remarry. In the zchus of fulfilling this mitzvah, they were blessed with a child about a year later.July 20, 2011 2:22 am at 2:22 am #794183aimhabonimParticipant
Minyan Gal,the answer is yes.I read of such a case.July 20, 2011 2:40 am at 2:40 am #794184Another nameParticipant
What about if the husband is a Kohen? Then they SHOULD NOT remarry.July 20, 2011 3:15 am at 3:15 am #794185
What about if the husband is a Kohen? Then they SHOULD NOT remarry.
A Kohen may not marry a divorcee; even his own former wife. That’s precisely the reason why the rabbonim try to discourage a divorce by a Kohen even moreso than regular — since once he gives her the get he will never be able to change his mind and remarry her.July 20, 2011 1:55 pm at 1:55 pm #794186
IUseBrains: You got an honorable mention in the OP.July 20, 2011 4:22 pm at 4:22 pm #794187A Heimishe MomParticipant
I do know of such a couple. The Mitzvah is called “Machzir reshuso” – returning his property, which, frankly, seems rather demeaning to me. And to do it after accusing her, falsely, of the most disgusting acts too!
Since a man can halachically marry more than one woman anyway, he can remarry ex even if he married in between. A kohen cannot marry any divorcee – even his own ex.July 20, 2011 4:41 pm at 4:41 pm #794188
I know of one case where both the husband and wife did tshuva after divorcing and then married again as frum Yidden after they met up again years after the divorce.
I know of another case where the couple is a bit on the well, unusual, side.July 20, 2011 5:05 pm at 5:05 pm #794189
A man remarrying his ex-wife when she has been married to another man in the interim is not only asur, the Torah calls it a toeiva. Yet it is legal almost everywhere. Why we object to same sex toeiva marriage but not this other kind of toeiva marriage is not clear to me.
Enough games. How often does anyone marry his ex-wife after she was married to someone else that it is even an issue? The other toeva is something that the baalei toeva are pushing in everyone’s face.July 20, 2011 5:12 pm at 5:12 pm #794190YW Moderator-80Member
its not a game
there are certain kinds of Jews who will seize any opportunity, no matter how flimsy, to call those more frum than them hypocrites.July 20, 2011 5:16 pm at 5:16 pm #794191
Incidentally is the remarriage even an issue for bnei Noiach? The real toeva is such an issue that there is a specific mention of it being the absolute lowest level of societal degradation (marriage contracts for toeva).July 20, 2011 5:19 pm at 5:19 pm #794192
I know a couple that got married as non frum Jews then got divorced, did teshuva and remarried. She went off again though and they are again divorced (she is no longer frum)July 20, 2011 6:11 pm at 6:11 pm #794193
Even though it is called a toeiva, it isn’t a capital offense like the toeiva the liberals promote.July 20, 2011 6:39 pm at 6:39 pm #794194tryinghard520Member
“The Mitzvah is called “Machzir reshuso”
its machzir grushuso…returning you divorceeJuly 20, 2011 7:48 pm at 7:48 pm #794195
its machzir grushuso…returning you divorcee
Yes, this is correct. The rov who was mesader kedushin for the first couple I mentioned had to find out what to do in terms of the kesuba etc as it is so unusual.July 20, 2011 8:32 pm at 8:32 pm #794196golden momMember
I just heard about for the first time a couple weeks ago there was a story about it in the misphacaJuly 20, 2011 8:36 pm at 8:36 pm #794197
why wud they remarry didnt they divorce for a reason?July 20, 2011 8:42 pm at 8:42 pm #794198
“Why we object to same sex toeiva marriage but not this other kind of toeiva marriage is not clear to me.”
Come on Charlie, it’s obvious to every wholesome person. One is a gezeira associated with hefkeirus and one is just plain utterly disgusting.July 20, 2011 10:35 pm at 10:35 pm #794199IUseBrainsParticipant
just as it’s a mitzva to maintain a marriage, so to it’s a mitzva to maintain by marrying ur preveous wife!July 20, 2011 11:47 pm at 11:47 pm #794200
Where is the Mitzvah of Machzir Grushuso brought down or mentioned?July 21, 2011 8:43 pm at 8:43 pm #794201
can someone explain to me why they would remarry the person that they divorced?July 21, 2011 10:08 pm at 10:08 pm #794202Pac-ManMember
For many reasons. Some examples include: he misses her; she misses him; they realize how bad divorce is; for their children’s sake; and most importantly because it is a special mitzvah.July 22, 2011 3:14 am at 3:14 am #794203
Yeah, he misses her burnt chulent and she misses the daily abuse, but they’re getting back together for the sake of the children.July 22, 2011 3:17 am at 3:17 am #794204popa_bar_abbaParticipant
This is an interesting thread. Joseph made up a mitzva which makes no sense (which follows, since it is made up), and then everyone fights about it.July 22, 2011 3:29 am at 3:29 am #794205Another nameParticipant
I know a couple that got married and divorced 3 times. I guess they really wanted to do this mitzvah more than once…July 22, 2011 3:36 am at 3:36 am #794206shlishiMember
What about machzir grushuso mentioned by a heimisha mom and tryinghard?July 22, 2011 12:20 pm at 12:20 pm #794208
Sefer HaChinuch – Mitzvah 580 : It is fitting for a person to remarry his former wife.July 22, 2011 12:30 pm at 12:30 pm #794209☕ DaasYochid ☕Participant
The term is more often used with the word “misheniseis” and is a lav, not a mitzvah. It’s not found among the 613, but there is reference to it:
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???? ??? ???? – ?? ??/?July 22, 2011 1:16 pm at 1:16 pm #794210
“Sefer HaChinuch – Mitzvah 580 : It is fitting for a person to remarry his former wife.”
While this information was found in a legitimate source, I have since looked into the original text and could not find this quote; but I may have missed it.July 22, 2011 4:03 pm at 4:03 pm #794211
I dont get it but ok. they should have thought about all those options before taking such a drastic step. maybe everyone should just get divorced and remarried every other day so that they can fulfill this mitzva. divorce is not something to be taken lightlyAugust 4, 2011 12:17 am at 12:17 am #794212
adorable, good point!August 4, 2011 3:07 am at 3:07 am #794213
On the same topic…here is a true story.
When my father Z”L was sick, my sister and myself went to see the Satmar Rav R’Yoel Z”L who was then staying in Belle Harbor.
Volunteering was a very choshive woman who came and helped the Rebbitzen A”H in the kitchen. She so looked up to the Rebbe(and who didn’t) that she had the carpets of the Rebbes home picked up and moved to her house so that she could walk on the floors the Rebbe Z”L did(of course she paid for the new flooring of the Rebbitzens choice). Then this lady decided that she wants to get divorced and remarried so that the Rebbe Z”L would be her mesader kedushin, to which the Rebbe Z”L replied “ver zugt az ehr veht dich tzuriknemen”, meaning who says that he(he husband) will want to remarry her.
If the Torah writes about it, then there is something to it.
We know of a couple who lived beautifully and then something happened to the wife and she wanted a divorce. Her husband did not contest and they did get divorced. The wife was not well and then B”H she improved and realized her mistake. They remarried, moved to a new environment, had more children and B”H are very happy.August 4, 2011 12:49 pm at 12:49 pm #794214
what are we supposed to learn from this? That the woman was not as smart as the Rebbe?August 4, 2011 1:15 pm at 1:15 pm #794215shlishiMember
That wouldn’t be much of a chiddush. I doubt any of us are as smart as the Rebbe.August 4, 2011 4:20 pm at 4:20 pm #794216
happy someone agrees with my post…. thank you. I dont get that story at all!!!!August 4, 2011 4:27 pm at 4:27 pm #794217kylbdnrMember
I actually know of a couple who got married and divorced 3 times…now they’re divorced again…August 4, 2011 4:37 pm at 4:37 pm #794218
whats wrong with them? dont tell me nothing pleaseAugust 4, 2011 5:28 pm at 5:28 pm #794219kylbdnrMember
they are quite a strange couple 😉August 4, 2011 7:53 pm at 7:53 pm #794220twistedParticipant
NOT a mitzva! An etza tovah, depending on circumstance. There is the story recorded in the talmud, that a respected (tanna?) was being ill treated by his wife, and at his students behest, he divorced her, and remaried. His ex became impoverished, and in her begging rounds, came to his door. He did not deny her help, and he was credited with the kiyum of u’mbsarcho lo sis’a;lem (Yesh nun ches) IOW, your ex is always something more than just an ex.
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