My date..

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  • #598893

    My date showed up in casual, and it was the first date! Is that normal???? What do yeshivish girls generally tend to wear on the first date??? Shabbos clothes!!! She was not dressed for the date!! I think she was at work until lastminuite cause she looked pretty rushed!! Although her hair was nice. But it really bothered me that she was wearing casual on the first date. So I nixed the dinner idea and took her for ice cream! What do you guys think??? Is she the norm??? Don’t get me wrong I was real polite about the whole thing and my nerves left me right away! Although I think hers remained throughout cause she kept biting her lip and looking at her nails…. I saw a great personality under those layers of nerves, I’m hesitant to take her for dinner next time cause she doesn’t dress the part!

    #803168
    Obaminator
    Member

    Maybe she’s the more modern type.

    #803169
    minyan gal
    Member

    Why don’t you ask her to go out for dinner and ask her to suggest a restaurant? Then, perhaps she will dress appropriately for the restaurant that you are going to. If it is a more casual place, such as Italian or just pizza she won’t have to be as dressed up as for a nice steak house. If you like her, and it sounds like you do – or would at least like to get to know her better – she deserves a second chance. And BTW, what was she wearing that you considered so casual? There are some people whose style is never fancy and to many they may always appear underdressed. If that is her only shortcoming, you should consider yourself a lucky man.

    #803170
    yossi z.
    Member

    Because she didn’t or doesn’t? You can’t make a generalization off of one time. Whether she was right or not in dressing the way she did doesn’t allow for a generalization.

    Is there a shadchan involved? Maybe speak to the shadchan and see if they can shed light and possibly give a reason? Maybe speak to someone the girl and you know that can act as an uninvolved outside observer?

    ๐Ÿ˜€ Zuberman! ๐Ÿ˜€

    #803171
    Altz is Git
    Participant

    wooooa, give her a break, I say. Mostly i have heard that girls wear casual for the first date. I keep hearing different advice about first date rules such as heels or casual clothes. everyone has a different “shitah”. I dont see what is so bad about wearing casual on the First date anyway. She probably didnt think that you were taking her out to dinner. it seems like she didnt look like a shlump, and you say she has a great personality- i think you should definitely go for the 2nd Date and mention where you will be going and I’m sure she will dress up accordingly!

    #803172
    bein_hasdorim
    Participant

    MPC; I understand your frustration. I once dated a girl that came to a first date w/ hiking shoes! NO! i did not indicate in any way that we were going mountain climbing or hiking.

    I just realized she was a totally chilled out type, that wasn’t into the way she dressed at all and that it wasn’t for me.

    Make sure to select a day and a time that is good for her,

    so that she isn’t rushed or anything. Yeshivish girls DO NOT come on first two dates dressed casual. Especially not casual enough for you to be bothered by it.

    If you mean wearing flats instead of heels, that’s normal, if you mean like wearing a sweatshirt, that’s not normal!

    Is she’s nice looking 2u, then so what! take her to shoot some hoops or s/t, and when she ask you why, tell her you decide where to take the girl based on the way she’s dressed.

    If she wants to go to a nice restaurant, she’ll get the hint.

    Hatzlacha Rabboh!

    #803173
    golden mom
    Member

    one person “shabbos clothes” is another person’s idea of work clothes. and the norm today most pp dont wear suits so its so hard to tell….

    and do those rules still aply today that u wear shabbos first date then as u get comfortable u show it in ur clothes being more casual??

    #803174

    But is it normal to dress casual on a first yeshivish date??? I just want to know if I’m dating a normal type of girl and if she knows what the done thing is???

    #803175
    golden mom
    Member

    normal?? thats st u should have checked out bf u went out with her…but if all checked out good and u had a good time y does she have to follow a rule book about what to wear? did u follow a rule book in how to treat her and talk….

    and u dont want a wife who has to do have whatever the next one has cant she be herself?

    #803176
    bein_hasdorim
    Participant

    You’ll find out if she’s normal by talking to her.

    What’s done is done. You have to see if everything else was ok.

    even non yeshivish girls come on 1st date dressed nicely.

    Maybe your not aware of what’s considered casual or classy or formal, If your a Yeshivah guy. Do you have any sisters who you can talk to? Don’t let this seemingly little thing stop you.

    And if she’s doesn’t know what the done thing is? Is she done?

    Just ask her if she was rushed the last time you went out,

    If you should schedule later next time.

    #803177
    cshapiro
    Member

    did u call her before the date and tell her it was going to be casual or dressy?

    #803178

    Two things,

    1)I agree with Minyan gal

    2)speak to the shadchan maybe the shadchan could find out why from her parents

    #803179
    ootinny
    Member

    you still haven’t said what you considered ‘casual’. bec i am yeshivish and i wear a cardigan and black skirt with flats for a first date. no heels, no dresses, nothing i would wear to a vort or a wedding. for my first boy, i went all out, but then i just realized- what is the point??? why r u getting fancier than u do on shabbos to meet some stranger for coffee?? i remember feeling like such an idiot knowing that e/o on the street knew this was a ‘first date’. you should still look PRETTY but its all abt dressy-casual u know wat im sayinnn y kno what i meannnn

    #803180
    ronrsr
    Member

    more important: did you like her? Did you feel a connection? Would you consider her as a mate? How were her middos? Was she kind? Would she make a good mother for your children? were you attracted to her? Did you have a rapport with her?

    forget the dress stuff. It’s really not important.

    #803181
    sweettooth
    Member

    Or perhaps who say’s YOU understand to style>??

    #803182
    ronrsr
    Member

    and the other important questions: is she pretty? is her father rich?

    #803183
    MiddlePath
    Participant

    “I just want to know if I’m dating a normal type of girl and if she knows what the done thing is???”

    MPC, to answer the first question, based on the information you gave about her, she sounds like a wonderful girl, and perfectly normal. To answer the second question, I would like to ask you a question: Why in the world does that matter? Who cares if she knows what “the done thing” is? I once went out with a girl from a very small community (I mean REALLY small), and after walking around a mall and sitting at a food court, she and her mom invited me for dinner to their house! Is that “normally done”? Doubtful. (This was a first date.) But guess what: I had a wonderful time, she was a wonderful person, and we went out a few more times. It didn’t work out at the end for other reasons.

    So what I’m saying is, don’t make things that are normally or not-normally done into a huge deal, because it’s not important at all. What’s important is the PERSON you are dating.

    #803184
    ootinny
    Member

    c’mon guys who r u kidding every person NEEDS a very NORMAL girl who knows whats done bec when u go to weddings u need to be the cool with-it gorgeous couple that e/o goggles over! no more abt this nonsense abt middos etc its all abt showing ur spouse off

    #803185
    collegegrad
    Member

    mpc – u still never said what was casual. Did she come in a jean skirt and tshirt or a black skirt adn sweater? No one that I know dresses the same way for weddings as they do for a first date. I would consider myself Yeshivish and I wear regular Shabbos clothes on a first date but you have to keep in mind that one girls Shabbos is anothers girls weekday.

    #803186
    Hacham
    Member

    Boys dress like they would to go to a wedding for a first date, and girls should also.

    #803187
    MiddlePath
    Participant

    Hacham, that is not always true. I have worn a colored button down shirt and slacks for a first date. I have also worn a suit. It depends on where we were going.

    #803189
    bombmaniac
    Participant

    mulch ado about nothing

    #803190
    be good
    Participant

    Hey go easy on him- it’s a bit insulting when someone shows up on a first date looking like the couldn’t be bothered to put themselves together. Unless that is her idea of being stylish, then it’s just plain rude.

    (I’ve had guys show up on a first date unshaven- and after I spent 2 hours putting myself together- that is really insulting).

    I agree with some of the posters above: I would talk to the shadchan – best way for the message to get across without you looking too bad and I would tell her where you are going next time…

    #803191
    collegegrad
    Member

    Hacham I have plenty of friends and have never come across a girl who wore the same thing for dates and weddings. Girls call wedding outfits weddings outfits for a reason – the very simple reason it is an outfit worn just for a wedding. For a boy clothing is more multi purpose (especially boys who are black and white). For a girl there are different outfits for different occasions and first date clothing is not same as wedding clothing.

    #803192
    ootinny
    Member

    i’ve gone out with guys who don’t wear a suit but wear a nice v-neck sweater over button-down and dress pants and i think that’s perfectly acceptable. no black hat. persnally i make so much fun of guys sitting in starbucks with suits and black hats. c’mon pple just chill out e/o!! why is e/t so formal!! i’m gonna change the whole shidduch system till no1 wears a hat at all!

    #803193
    ootinny
    Member

    hacham I am surprised at you. what a superficial thing to say

    #803194
    Queen Bee
    Member
    #803195
    ootinny
    Member

    i wish people would read the responses and then not say the same EXACT thing again

    #803196

    i wish people would read the responses and then not say the same EXACT thing again

    #803197
    adorable
    Participant

    When I went out for the first time my mother’s friend called her and told her to make sure I dress in shabbos clothing and not nice weekday. she said when her oldest daughter went out she thought you just have to wear nice weekday and look good. once she got married, her husband asked her- why did you wear weekday on our dates- ur supposed to wear shabbos clothing. lol they had no clue!!!!!!!

    #803198
    ootinny
    Member

    haha good one mod 80. now give me a subtitle

    #803199
    always here
    Participant

    I don’t care if people read the responses or not, or if they say the same EXACT thing again ;-P

    #803200

    Let’s hope she doesn’t judge you on your awful grammar and poor punctuation…

    #803201
    collegegrad
    Member

    Moderator 80 – your funny ๐Ÿ™‚

    #803202
    Toi
    Participant

    im assuming this isnt normal normal yeshivish dating or you wouldnt have planned dinner. that said, your post wasnt specific enough. how “yeshivish” are you. generally reg. clothes for date one is a nono. but maybe something came up. maybe…who knows. dont dump her.

    #803203
    apushatayid
    Participant

    “Maybe she’s the more modern type.”

    If there was a contest for most foolish post of the year, this gets my nomination.

    #803204
    Queen Bee
    Member

    Why is everyone so rude to each other on here? Unless, apushatayid, it was meant as a joke–then I’m the fool :).

    #803205

    apushatayid…well you know only “Modern” people look desheveld on dates ๐Ÿ™‚

    #803206
    ootinny
    Member

    i’m extremely modern and i go in a jean skirt greasy hair and crocks w PJ shirt sticking out

    #803207

    Mikehall; ef nott fore tha foct that Elul es caming, I wold gave you a peece off my minded.

    I guess I will take the insult and use it to my benefit!!!

    Btw my computer creates the mistakes after I’ve done it properly, I think it has sth to do with my settings

    Anyway thanks for the insult!!

    I guess we should let aposhuteyid and mike hall argue out their rudeness!!!

    And no this post is not the most foolish one of the year it’s the most practical! I guess you don’t care about your appearance!!! you most probably just don’t mind dating nerds!! Possibly you are one yourself so I guess you’ll be compatible!!

    #803209

    “Boys dress like they would to go to a wedding for a first date, and girls should also.”

    DREAM ON

    #803210
    mewho
    Participant

    does she have a PHD?

    PHD=PAPA HAS DOUGH

    #803212
    adorable
    Participant

    would he really go out with her if she didnt?

    #803213
    ootinny
    Member

    hey guys u think moshaich is engaged alredy to 2cute4u??? this is so exciting!!! oz yishama v’orey yehuda!! i bet she’s wearing jeans at the l’chaim!!! and he’s wearing his PJ’s!!! aaaahhhh!!!!

    #803214
    popa_bar_abba
    Participant

    Maybe she is from a different country and they dress differently there.

    #803215
    popa_bar_abba
    Participant

    “Boys dress like they would to go to a wedding for a first date, and girls should also.”

    DREAM ON

    Boys do, and girls should. There is no reason girls should dress nicer to attract attention from random married men at weddings than they do for someone they are considering marrying.

    #803216

    So Popa did it ever dawn on you that maybe the girls get dressed all pretty by weddings because it is a tremendous occasion and they are dressing to reflect the granduer of the event, for the balei simcha and for the chasunah, and

    #803217

    not to attract RANDOM MEN?!!

    #803218

    And if you think that way its like seriously guys, stay on your side of the mechitza

    #803219
    popa_bar_abba
    Participant

    Gimme a break. At least say you are dressing up to impress your friends. That would be half believable.

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