YOU can Resolve the Shidduch Crisis
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- This topic has 309 replies, 36 voices, and was last updated 13 years, 7 months ago by artchill.
October 6, 2009 8:28 pm at 8:28 pm #590537shaindelMember
Rabbanim and Leaders in the frum community are speaking about it urging people to get involved there aren’t enough people helping and you don’t have to be a professional to redt a shidduch also don’t be shy if you think of one redt it!!
what are we doing about it?? I’m sure each and every one of us could stop this second….. and think of someone (your relative, friend, neighbor, co-worker etc.) (prob. a lot more then one person) who really needs a shidduch!
Let’s help resolve this crisis!!!!!October 7, 2009 1:39 am at 1:39 am #664304
Yes. And dont just ‘drop a name’. Follow up as well.October 7, 2009 2:06 am at 2:06 am #664305JaxMember
the CR Board, CR Gand & CR members would like to welcome AZ back!
AZ, we know very soon, you will come out from hiding in your cave!
Jax Chairman of the CR BoardOctober 7, 2009 10:08 pm at 10:08 pm #664306YW Moderator-72Participant
shaindel can you please send an email to: [email protected]. thank you.October 8, 2009 4:14 am at 4:14 am #664307outoftownerMember
I HATE SHIDDUCHIMOctober 8, 2009 3:11 pm at 3:11 pm #664308
Why? Because you’re from out of town?October 8, 2009 4:28 pm at 4:28 pm #664309HIEParticipant
let me tell you something, if a girl wants to get married quicker, USUALLY, it’s easier to get married living intown, (Brooklyn, or maybe even Lakewood.)October 8, 2009 5:21 pm at 5:21 pm #664310
Outoftowner don’t hate it 🙂October 8, 2009 5:50 pm at 5:50 pm #664311
You hate shidduchim? I know the perfect guy for you! He hates shidducim too.October 8, 2009 6:01 pm at 6:01 pm #664312
Usually, its opposites that attract… :-/October 8, 2009 6:02 pm at 6:02 pm #664313
Huh? He doesn’t need a guy…October 8, 2009 6:10 pm at 6:10 pm #664314outoftownerMember
Hashem is everwhere- Just for your info, I do live in town, and if Hashem wants you to get married- He can get you married out of town…
Squeak- We’ve probably been out already 😉October 8, 2009 6:28 pm at 6:28 pm #664315
Oh. So you dont really hate it.October 8, 2009 6:48 pm at 6:48 pm #664316
What’s the average of guys people go out with before they get married?October 8, 2009 6:53 pm at 6:53 pm #664317
The mode is 0.October 8, 2009 6:54 pm at 6:54 pm #664318
Depends on each person. Some are lucky enough to get married after meeting thier first boy.October 8, 2009 6:55 pm at 6:55 pm #664319
2.3October 8, 2009 7:35 pm at 7:35 pm #664320yossi z.Member
i am helping with my older brother (and i didn’t only just drop a name)October 8, 2009 7:37 pm at 7:37 pm #664321
yossi, you know girls?October 8, 2009 7:38 pm at 7:38 pm #664322
Joe, that must be the mean.October 8, 2009 8:17 pm at 8:17 pm #664323
mean is the average, which is what the question was.October 8, 2009 9:26 pm at 9:26 pm #664324
mean is the average
Yep, unfortunately that is what I hear from most girls describing the guys they went out with.
(sorry, I just can’t help myself today)October 8, 2009 9:32 pm at 9:32 pm #664325
lolOctober 8, 2009 9:55 pm at 9:55 pm #664326
Yossi, describe your brother, and we will suggest matches.October 8, 2009 11:27 pm at 11:27 pm #664327
Joseph: Right. That’s why I said that :-/October 9, 2009 2:38 pm at 2:38 pm #664328bygirl31Member
lets make some shidduchim right here in the cr!October 9, 2009 2:39 pm at 2:39 pm #664329AnonymousInactive
Let’s not…October 9, 2009 2:41 pm at 2:41 pm #664330bygirl31Member
hmm yea after I thought bout that I realized it might not be the best idea…sry!October 12, 2009 5:36 pm at 5:36 pm #664331
Did anyone see the Yated/Hamodia over Yom Tov. Interesting take on the shidduch crisis………October 12, 2009 5:47 pm at 5:47 pm #664332
Are there really Rabbonim and lay people talking about it? Halevai Haelvai, I haven’t heard to many people talking about it. More importantly, what are they saying- or is it the same old same old…….October 12, 2009 7:21 pm at 7:21 pm #664333
Jax had it right!October 12, 2009 8:22 pm at 8:22 pm #664334
Poor AZ. I can feel his pain just by reading his posts.October 12, 2009 9:18 pm at 9:18 pm #664335
This is not about MY pain. B”H I am married – and my children are nowhere near shidduch age. It would be nice if people felt the pain of the bnos yisroel who are agunos (term that Rav Shteinman used).October 12, 2009 9:43 pm at 9:43 pm #664336tzippiMember
I saw the letter, and I will have to take this seriously (no more New Age cracks from me, hopefully others will behave themselves too). But what a word to use, agunos. Does it have another meaning?
And if my 22 year old only wants to go out with 24+ y.o. boys will she have a problem?October 12, 2009 9:48 pm at 9:48 pm #664337artchillParticipant
I feel the pain of the true agunos. The chained wives married to the abusive and manipulative husbands. The women too scared to live with their husbands yet too scared to risk the wrath and deep connections of her husband’s family. They have no choice but live a life of misery. All thanks to fear mongering and drama of falsely packaged statistics.
Rav Steinman and Rav Shmuel Auerbach both commented on the above case and expressed regret that the kol korei writers didn’t allow them to incorporate the words, “This is only a suggestion, but the middos and yirei shomayim of a family are more important than any other consideration. Chochom Ainav Berosho”.
So, kindly don’t start throwing around terms like Agunah to a hyped up “crisis”.October 12, 2009 10:12 pm at 10:12 pm #664338
What is bothersome about the word aguna. In the gemara it typicalls refers to a single woman who has a problem remarrying. In our present situation we are dealing with HUNDREDS and HUNDREDS……..October 12, 2009 10:16 pm at 10:16 pm #664339
what, precisely, is the crisis in shidduchs today? How does it differ from the past?October 12, 2009 10:24 pm at 10:24 pm #664340
ronrsr – That couples are getting married later nowadays.October 12, 2009 10:45 pm at 10:45 pm #664341
ronrsr- That more than 10% of the girls in the orthodox community have no chance to get married and have a family.
feel free to call up high schools and ask them about their alumni ages 27-32 how many students in the graduating year and how many are still single…..
Joseph if it’s funny to u-I fail to see the humor..October 12, 2009 10:53 pm at 10:53 pm #664342
Artchill: please don’t put words in Rav Shteinman’s mouth. He wrote in his own handwriting and didn’t request that the letter be any different.
It was he who used the term Aguna to refer to the present shidduch crisis – not I.
Not to mitigate Chas V’shalom the agonizing pain of families with (serious) shalom bayis issues. I just fail to see the correlation…..October 12, 2009 10:53 pm at 10:53 pm #664343
AZ – What do you say about reinstating polygamy (considering that according to some opinions the cheirem expired)? That would quickly resolve the issue you describe.October 12, 2009 10:58 pm at 10:58 pm #664344sunflowerMember
az, i agree with u but what are u doing about the shidduch crisis? are u just criticising everyone else or are u taking action?October 12, 2009 11:02 pm at 11:02 pm #664345goody613Member
we could always do what theydid in europe. the 2 fathers spoke arranged a shidduch and the next week their kids were married and learned to live with each other.October 12, 2009 11:03 pm at 11:03 pm #664346
AZ – thanks for the answer.
I have a followup question, of course: What is believed to be the cause of it? Is it the simple fact that there are more girls than boys born, and more reach maturity? Or are there other reasons? boys marrying out of the faith? Higher mortality rates on boys than girls? More boys than usual not wishing to get married?
Why is it a crisis now? What happened to change this from normalcy to crisis.
Thanks in advance for the answer.October 12, 2009 11:05 pm at 11:05 pm #664347
Finally, someone speaking some common sense on this issue.
Yasher Koach!October 12, 2009 11:06 pm at 11:06 pm #664348
>>>What do you say about reinstating polygamy<<<
That would revive the old marriage conundrum: One wife is both too many, and not enough.October 12, 2009 11:08 pm at 11:08 pm #664349Pashuteh YidMember
We can do what they do in the navy. Tell them to shape up or ship out.October 12, 2009 11:11 pm at 11:11 pm #664350
ronsr I once heard that all the girls want kollel boys and the boys all don’t want to be in kollel. So really the girls are more relgious than the guys. They are embarrased to marry a working guy.October 12, 2009 11:16 pm at 11:16 pm #664352
oh, that is a problem.
Perhaps it is best for all to learn that you can’t shop for a shidduch like you shop for a dress.
Here’s my story, which I am reposting from another topic, since it’s relevant here, too:
Shortly before I met the woman who would become my wife, I heard a shadchan speak. He said his job had become much more difficult in the last 20 years, since people started giving him a shopping list: “I want a man over six feet tall, with a full head of hair, definitely not a republican, etc. . . . “
He said this had made his job much more difficult, since people a priori excluded so many possible matches, giving him a much smaller pool to choose from.
He also made the point that most successful shidduchim before that time were people that the two parties would not have selected, given a list of characteristics beforehand.
I heard him talk, and said to myself, at least I am not like that, I don’t have a shopping list. But still, I decided to be more open-minded and try to do away with the few preconceptions I had.
Whether I did or not is unclear, but a few weeks later, I met my intended, now my wife. I knew after a week or two that she was meant for me, and within a month I knew we would eventually marry. It was just a feeling I had, she felt right, and everything felt right.
But, if you had presented her to me as a list of attributes ahead of time — well, she’s short, she’s from Russia, and a few other things I would have perhaps nixed.
But, she also has kindness and compassion, love and an infectious laugh, and a bounty of other things that make up for the attributes I didn’t much care for.
So, here is my special formula:
1. Listen to a famous shadchan speak.
2. Laugh at the shadchan’s advice, and believe that it doesn’t really apply to you.
3. Go out and meet the right person.
We have been married almost five weeks now, and they said it wouldn’t last.October 12, 2009 11:21 pm at 11:21 pm #664353
the title of this thread just reminds me of a Smokey The Bear poster with Smokey pointing at you and saying, “Only You Can Prevent Forest Fires.”
Perhaps a mascot is needed? Shmuelik the Shadchan Squirrel – “only you can make a match today.”
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