YOU can Resolve the Shidduch Crisis

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  • #590537
    shaindel
    Member

    Rabbanim and Leaders in the frum community are speaking about it urging people to get involved there aren’t enough people helping and you don’t have to be a professional to redt a shidduch also don’t be shy if you think of one redt it!!

    what are we doing about it?? I’m sure each and every one of us could stop this second….. and think of someone (your relative, friend, neighbor, co-worker etc.) (prob. a lot more then one person) who really needs a shidduch!

    Let’s help resolve this crisis!!!!!

    #664304
    mepal
    Member

    Yes. And dont just ‘drop a name’. Follow up as well.

    #664305
    Jax
    Member

    the CR Board, CR Gand & CR members would like to welcome AZ back!

    AZ, we know very soon, you will come out from hiding in your cave!

    Jax Chairman of the CR Board

    #664306
    YW Moderator-72
    Participant

    shaindel can you please send an email to: @theyeshivaworld.com">moderator72@theyeshivaworld.com. thank you.

    #664307
    outoftowner
    Member

    I HATE SHIDDUCHIM

    #664308
    mepal
    Member

    Why? Because you’re from out of town?

    #664309
    HIE
    Participant

    let me tell you something, if a girl wants to get married quicker, USUALLY, it’s easier to get married living intown, (Brooklyn, or maybe even Lakewood.)

    #664310
    mybat
    Member

    Outoftowner don’t hate it 🙂

    #664311
    squeak
    Participant

    You hate shidduchim? I know the perfect guy for you! He hates shidducim too.

    #664312
    mepal
    Member

    Usually, its opposites that attract… :-/

    #664313
    Joseph
    Participant

    Huh? He doesn’t need a guy…

    #664314
    outoftowner
    Member

    Hashem is everwhere- Just for your info, I do live in town, and if Hashem wants you to get married- He can get you married out of town…

    Squeak- We’ve probably been out already 😉

    #664315
    mepal
    Member

    Oh. So you dont really hate it.

    #664316
    mybat
    Member

    What’s the average of guys people go out with before they get married?

    #664317
    squeak
    Participant

    The mode is 0.

    #664318
    mepal
    Member

    Depends on each person. Some are lucky enough to get married after meeting thier first boy.

    #664319
    Joseph
    Participant

    2.3

    #664320
    yossi z.
    Member

    i am helping with my older brother (and i didn’t only just drop a name)

    #664321
    mepal
    Member

    yossi, you know girls?

    #664322
    mepal
    Member

    Joe, that must be the mean.

    #664323
    Joseph
    Participant

    mean is the average, which is what the question was.

    #664324
    squeak
    Participant

    Joseph

    Member

    mean is the average

    Yep, unfortunately that is what I hear from most girls describing the guys they went out with.

    (sorry, I just can’t help myself today)

    #664325
    Joseph
    Participant

    lol

    #664326
    ronrsr
    Member

    Yossi, describe your brother, and we will suggest matches.

    #664327
    mepal
    Member

    Joseph: Right. That’s why I said that :-/

    #664328
    bygirl31
    Member

    lets make some shidduchim right here in the cr!

    #664329
    Anonymous
    Inactive

    Let’s not…

    #664330
    bygirl31
    Member

    hmm yea after I thought bout that I realized it might not be the best idea…sry!

    #664331
    AZ
    Participant

    Did anyone see the Yated/Hamodia over Yom Tov. Interesting take on the shidduch crisis………

    #664332
    AZ
    Participant

    Shaindel,

    Are there really Rabbonim and lay people talking about it? Halevai Haelvai, I haven’t heard to many people talking about it. More importantly, what are they saying- or is it the same old same old…….

    #664333
    Joseph
    Participant

    Jax had it right!

    #664334
    mepal
    Member

    Poor AZ. I can feel his pain just by reading his posts.

    #664335
    AZ
    Participant

    Mepal

    This is not about MY pain. B”H I am married – and my children are nowhere near shidduch age. It would be nice if people felt the pain of the bnos yisroel who are agunos (term that Rav Shteinman used).

    #664336
    tzippi
    Member

    I saw the letter, and I will have to take this seriously (no more New Age cracks from me, hopefully others will behave themselves too). But what a word to use, agunos. Does it have another meaning?

    And if my 22 year old only wants to go out with 24+ y.o. boys will she have a problem?

    #664337
    artchill
    Participant

    AZ:

    I feel the pain of the true agunos. The chained wives married to the abusive and manipulative husbands. The women too scared to live with their husbands yet too scared to risk the wrath and deep connections of her husband’s family. They have no choice but live a life of misery. All thanks to fear mongering and drama of falsely packaged statistics.

    Rav Steinman and Rav Shmuel Auerbach both commented on the above case and expressed regret that the kol korei writers didn’t allow them to incorporate the words, “This is only a suggestion, but the middos and yirei shomayim of a family are more important than any other consideration. Chochom Ainav Berosho”.

    So, kindly don’t start throwing around terms like Agunah to a hyped up “crisis”.

    #664338
    AZ
    Participant

    What is bothersome about the word aguna. In the gemara it typicalls refers to a single woman who has a problem remarrying. In our present situation we are dealing with HUNDREDS and HUNDREDS……..

    #664339
    ronrsr
    Member

    what, precisely, is the crisis in shidduchs today? How does it differ from the past?

    #664340
    Joseph
    Participant

    ronrsr – That couples are getting married later nowadays.

    #664341
    AZ
    Participant

    ronrsr- That more than 10% of the girls in the orthodox community have no chance to get married and have a family.

    feel free to call up high schools and ask them about their alumni ages 27-32 how many students in the graduating year and how many are still single…..

    Joseph if it’s funny to u-I fail to see the humor..

    #664342
    AZ
    Participant

    Artchill: please don’t put words in Rav Shteinman’s mouth. He wrote in his own handwriting and didn’t request that the letter be any different.

    It was he who used the term Aguna to refer to the present shidduch crisis – not I.

    Not to mitigate Chas V’shalom the agonizing pain of families with (serious) shalom bayis issues. I just fail to see the correlation…..

    #664343
    Joseph
    Participant

    AZ – What do you say about reinstating polygamy (considering that according to some opinions the cheirem expired)? That would quickly resolve the issue you describe.

    #664344
    sunflower
    Member

    az, i agree with u but what are u doing about the shidduch crisis? are u just criticising everyone else or are u taking action?

    #664345
    goody613
    Member

    we could always do what theydid in europe. the 2 fathers spoke arranged a shidduch and the next week their kids were married and learned to live with each other.

    #664346
    ronrsr
    Member

    AZ – thanks for the answer.

    I have a followup question, of course: What is believed to be the cause of it? Is it the simple fact that there are more girls than boys born, and more reach maturity? Or are there other reasons? boys marrying out of the faith? Higher mortality rates on boys than girls? More boys than usual not wishing to get married?

    Why is it a crisis now? What happened to change this from normalcy to crisis.

    Thanks in advance for the answer.

    #664347
    Joseph
    Participant

    goody613 –

    Finally, someone speaking some common sense on this issue.

    Yasher Koach!

    #664348
    ronrsr
    Member

    >>>What do you say about reinstating polygamy<<<

    That would revive the old marriage conundrum: One wife is both too many, and not enough.

    #664349
    Pashuteh Yid
    Member

    We can do what they do in the navy. Tell them to shape up or ship out.

    #664350
    mybat
    Member

    ronsr I once heard that all the girls want kollel boys and the boys all don’t want to be in kollel. So really the girls are more relgious than the guys. They are embarrased to marry a working guy.

    #664352
    ronrsr
    Member

    oh, that is a problem.

    Perhaps it is best for all to learn that you can’t shop for a shidduch like you shop for a dress.

    Here’s my story, which I am reposting from another topic, since it’s relevant here, too:

    Shortly before I met the woman who would become my wife, I heard a shadchan speak. He said his job had become much more difficult in the last 20 years, since people started giving him a shopping list: “I want a man over six feet tall, with a full head of hair, definitely not a republican, etc. . . . “

    He said this had made his job much more difficult, since people a priori excluded so many possible matches, giving him a much smaller pool to choose from.

    He also made the point that most successful shidduchim before that time were people that the two parties would not have selected, given a list of characteristics beforehand.

    I heard him talk, and said to myself, at least I am not like that, I don’t have a shopping list. But still, I decided to be more open-minded and try to do away with the few preconceptions I had.

    Whether I did or not is unclear, but a few weeks later, I met my intended, now my wife. I knew after a week or two that she was meant for me, and within a month I knew we would eventually marry. It was just a feeling I had, she felt right, and everything felt right.

    But, if you had presented her to me as a list of attributes ahead of time — well, she’s short, she’s from Russia, and a few other things I would have perhaps nixed.

    But, she also has kindness and compassion, love and an infectious laugh, and a bounty of other things that make up for the attributes I didn’t much care for.

    So, here is my special formula:

    1. Listen to a famous shadchan speak.

    2. Laugh at the shadchan’s advice, and believe that it doesn’t really apply to you.

    3. Go out and meet the right person.

    We have been married almost five weeks now, and they said it wouldn’t last.

    #664353
    ronrsr
    Member

    the title of this thread just reminds me of a Smokey The Bear poster with Smokey pointing at you and saying, “Only You Can Prevent Forest Fires.”

    Perhaps a mascot is needed? Shmuelik the Shadchan Squirrel – “only you can make a match today.”

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