shidduchim and weight…..

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  • #906731

    popa_bar_abba
    Participant

    popa- anorexia is when the subject starves themselves and obssesses over the fact that they are fat even if they are not. they wear baggy and unattractive clothing because they feel they are fat and ugly!!!!!! its not just simply watching what you eat- which in the case above sounds like its fine that she’s watching what she eats- its completely natural for her to want to do that!

    You are presumably responding to my comment from 10 months ago. The subject in question is a size two, and talks “non-stop” about how heavy she is getting and about how badly she is eating. Sounds obsessive to me.

    Anyway, forget the 4th page of this thread. It is the first 3 pages that are entertaining.

    #906732

    oomis
    Participant

    Of course looks wins over intelligence. You can always talk to intelligent people that you are not married to. You can’t be looking at attractive people you aren’t married to”

    LOL< true enough. But looks fade eventually. Size 2s becoming size 22s, guys lose their hair, and everything slows down. Intelligence, however, is a growing ongoing commodity, andhopefully lasts a long time. What is it Judge Judy once said, “Beauty fades, but stupid is forever.”

    #906733

    oomis1105: +1 (I love that line!)

    #906734

    Bar Shattya
    Member

    Y’know oomis you ought to try getting educated one day. It just aint as simple as you would like. Unneccesary conversation with women is just about as assur as a chicken sandwich with cheese. Try perusing even haezer siman 21 for some entertainment. you might get a kick out of g-ds laws. (i dont actually think you will follow them, but you might find them funny.)

    #906735

    Ummmm, Bar Shattya: I think oomis was replying to something another poster wrote and just forgot to put it into qoutes…

    #906736

    Bar Shattya
    Member

    Ummmm, dolt? She said true enough. That was HER words, not yours or anyone elses so dont try to take the blame. very noble of you, though.

    #906737

    OneOfMany
    Participant

    Yeah, but squeak said it first…

    #906738

    *stomping away* Fine. I’ll let her defend herself.

    #906739

    LIVEandLEARN
    Member

    Lol so the type guys rate their dates from 1-10 and then go back to yeshiva and compare numbers.

    #906740

    Bar Shattya
    Member

    true enough, but that was on the last page.

    besides i would rather blast oomis because i’ve seen too much of her insanities. I dont reeally have a handle on this squeak chachter, but i guess he/she falls in the same boat as oomis, which aint no compulment

    #906741

    MiddlePath
    Participant

    Why is it that the person who is in yeshiva most of the year, gaining G-d’s knowledge, hopefully learning how to emulate G-d, and only comes here when he is on break, the person who openly and constantly insults others? I don’t care if it’s for a joke. To the average outsider, it seems that being in yeshiva turns someone into a horrible person.

    #906742

    yitzy99
    Member

    One thing about weight. If a person wants to change their weight, it is doable, but it may take work. Such traits as a gloomy personality, pessimism, character flaws,and anger are much harder to change. So if weight is your problem, your much better off than someone with a nasty disposition.

    #906743

    popa_bar_abba
    Participant

    To the average outsider, it seems that being in yeshiva turns someone into a horrible person.

    Well, don’t be an outsider. Yeshivas are not this big mystery. Anyone can know what they are like if they want to. And anyone can choose to not know if they want to.

    #906744

    squeak
    Participant

    Captain dolt, you may not have a handle on my personality but believe me that I’ve got yours. You are right to start up with oomis instead of me, because she’s nice and won’t hurt you. I would eat you alive buddy, and have fun doing it 🙂

    At least popa is funny besides being insulting. Your insults are your humor.

    #906745

    Yitzy99:

    “One thing about weight. If a person wants to change their weight, it is doable, but it may take work. Such traits as a gloomy personality, pessimism, character flaws,and anger are much harder to change. So if weight is your problem, your much better off than someone with a nasty disposition.”

    First of all-to people that are overweight, losing it is the biggest/hardest challenge. It’s not fair to make an assumption that changing an intrinsic personality trait is harder than losing 50 pounds. Second of all, if we go with your arguement- how come it doesn’t work in the ‘real world’ of shidduchim? IMHO it’s because a boy can tell right away from the resume picture what a girl looks like so if she isn’t “desirable” she’ll be written off. Nasty personality traits will only crop up once the dating process has begun.

    #906746

    popa_bar_abba
    Participant

    squeak

    Makes smalltalk with the 2 most intellegent beings on Earth

    Captain dolt, you may not have a handle on my personality but believe me that I’ve got yours. You are right to start up with oomis instead of me, because she’s nice and won’t hurt you. I would eat you alive buddy, and have fun doing it 🙂

    At least popa is funny besides being insulting. Your insults are your humor.

    I think we now know who those two most intelligent beings are with whom squeak makes small talk??

    Do we all agree?

    #906747

    oomis
    Participant

    Y’know oomis you ought to try getting educated one day. It just aint as simple as you would like. Unneccesary conversation with women is just about as assur as a chicken sandwich with cheese. Try perusing even haezer siman 21 for some entertainment. you might get a kick out of g-ds laws. (i dont actually think you will follow them, but you might find them funny”

    That was unnecessarily rude, as well as a few other things. Mensch, apparently is not one of them. By all means Bar Shattya, do ALL females a big favor and refrain from any form of conversation with us (unnecessary or otherwise), even in the CR. On behalf of ladies everywhere, I thank you.

    #906748

    squeak
    Participant

    See?

    #906749

    popa_bar_abba
    Participant

    I’m looking for rich, emaciated girls to date my brother. He is funny, smart, and learned, and does not smoke. He learns full time, and knows lots of torah. He is also a well liked member of the CR.

    If anyone would like to add their names to the list, you can post your resume on this thread.

    #906750

    LIVEandLEARN
    Member

    Uch darn. I’m B”H well off but not emaciated (B”H healthy!) oh well…Too bad! lol

    #906751

    ilovetheholyland
    Participant

    “I’m looking for rich, emaciated girls to date my brother. He is funny, smart, and learned, and does not smoke. He learns full time, and knows lots of torah. He is also a well liked member of the CR”

    sorry popa, i find your post a bit offensive. the whole origional point of this thread was saying how hard it is for overweight girls….here you are proving the point that nobody even looks our way. i dont care if it was a joke, ur post belongs on a different thread. (and yeah, i AM super sensative when it comes to this.)

    #906752

    popa_bar_abba
    Participant

    ilove:

    Sorry, I didn’t mean to offend anyone.

    To give some context, Bar Shattya is my brother; see his above posts.

    #906753

    chill bro
    Member

    Why can’t we just set up a shidduch system corresponding to weight? If I spend time making sure I’m healthy, shouldn’t I be rewarded with getting set up with someone that does the same? Am I a monster?

    #906754

    Logician
    Participant

    yitzy99 – And you think people want to be overweight ? So why don’t they lose weight ? Bingo – it clashes with something inside! Ta’avah, Atzlus,Dimyon, etc. No different than breaking any other midah.

    #906755

    ilovetheholyland
    Participant

    “Why can’t we just set up a shidduch system corresponding to weight?”

    that would go over well. once we’re going that far, why dont we just set up ugly people with ugly people? one of the major problems with your suggestion is that heavy guys could and still are asking for super thin girls. i experianced it tonight. i was red a heavier guy who gave a streight out “no” when he heard i wasnt really thin. they ask for it and guess what? they get it also.

    #906756

    LIVEandLEARN
    Member

    Maybe I’m just naive or wtvr but how does one know if they’re not attractive? Meaning most people aren’t models but how do you know that your looks would be an issue?

    #906757

    ilovetheholyland
    Participant

    “Maybe I’m just naive or wtvr but how does one know if they’re not attractive? Meaning most people aren’t models but how do you know that your looks would be an issue?”

    i dont know how i’m gonna sound by saying this, but i’m gonna say it anyway. i honestly dont think my looks WOULD be an issue. i usually look put together with my hair and makeup done. i make an effort to look good. the problem is that i’m not even given a CHANCE, because im not ultra skinny. and i’m NOT obese! (this is AFTER i lost about 25 lbs from when the origional post was posted…)

    #906758

    Queen Bee
    Member

    ilovetheholyland: if you do look put together and are not getting any chances, the problem is that you are looking for the wrong type of guy. Do you honestly want to marry a guy who sorta forced you to lose weight just to go out with him? Lose the weight for yourself, not for anyone else. Are you happy where you’re holding regarding your weight? If the answer is yes, go find a guy who feels the same. Branch out to other types of guys, maybe ones who actually appreciate a girl’s inside more than her outside. Stay happy and healthy.

    #906759

    ilovetheholyland
    Participant

    “maybe ones who actually appreciate a girl’s inside more than her outside”

    im gonna make a blanket statement now and say that those are few and very fare between.

    #906760

    popa_bar_abba
    Participant

    Branch out to other types of guys, maybe ones who actually appreciate a girl’s inside more than her outside.

    This is an idea which is often bandied about, that women would prefer that men appreciated them only for their inside and not for their outside. Or in this case, who appreciate inside more than outside.

    I think it is a mistake to think that women do not want to be appreciated for their appearance as well. Appearance is a large part of a woman’s self image. Women care a great deal about their appearance, and want a husband who will appreciate that aspect.

    #906761

    more
    Member

    Popa someone that never reads your posts is now looking at this and saying your shallow.

    message to the girls oilom, popas not shallow. I don’t mean to compliment you there. just stating facts… and he cares about looks. girls you’ve gotta care about your looks you can’t just think that a guy will like you for who you are. to a certain extent yes. but the reality is you have to look good.

    #906762

    ilovetheholyland
    Participant

    speaking for myself only.

    i DO care about looks. ALOT. i always make an effort to look good, and i will NOT go out without makeup or without my hair done. i dress well, and i wear jewelry. and most people know when they look good…..yet, i’m still having a problem. and i think im gonna stop posting on this thread cuz its making me sound like i have nothing to do but complain which is REALLY not the case…. its just EXTREMELY frustrating….so thanx everyone for your comments, and i hope all you guys find the girl of your dreams and all you girls find the guy of your dreams really soon!

    #906763

    mytake
    Member

    “I think it is a mistake to think that women do not want to be appreciated for their appearance as well. Appearance is a large part of a woman’s self image. Women care a great deal about their appearance, and want a husband who will appreciate that aspect.”

    That applies to almost every woman I know.

    #906764

    popa_bar_abba
    Participant

    message to the girls oilom, popas not shallow. I don’t mean to compliment you there. just stating facts…

    All in all, I’d rather get a compliment with a caveat that “I don’t mean to compliment”–than an insult with the caveat “I don’t meant to insult”.

    #906765

    LIVEandLEARN
    Member

    I agree with the idea that a big portion of a woman’s self esteem is her exterior. If it wasn’t, this thread wouldn’t be addressed. As a girl in shidduchim, i know it may be hard to balance the idea of caring too much or too little about looks. No one wants to feel that they’re just a pretty face or the opposite, that they’re not attractive.

    #906766

    mom12
    Participant

    I was looking for someone who wanted me for what I was/am and not for what I looked like ( I got rejected quite a few times cuz of my weight) ..Thats what I got BH..

    once you meet the right person and you open your mouth all the physical ‘mishigasen’ usually are not noticed, and you are noticed for what you really are!

    #906767

    Bar Shattya
    Member

    I hate Kofrim. Really. Also I hate ameratzim so much that i want to bite them.

    Also I have a friend who is fat and some friends of mine were standing up for all the fat girls by explaining to him that it is his responsibility to date the fat girls because who else would. He said he didnt plan on it but I figure people would want to know that at least my friends are nice.

    #906768

    popa_bar_abba
    Participant

    Also I hate ameratzim so much that i want to bite them.

    This is because am haaratzim hate talmidei chachamim so much that they want to bite them like a donkey (according to R’ Akiva). And then, it is is ???? ???? ?? ????.

    #906769

    cshapiro
    Member

    ilovetheholyland…i think u sound like a really great girl and i know it may sound cliche but sometimes its quiet for a while and then all of a sudden u get a bunch of offers…someone even called me the night before i got married (someone i had previously dated who didnt know i was engaged)…sorry too late dude!!!

    anyways my point is, dont listen to the guys in the cr they are in some dream fantasy world like their fantasy sports teams.?!?! there are amazing guys out there who will see past ur weight and see the beautiful girl with all ur amazing middos.

    a lot of guys are dumb!!! its just a fact and they want what their eyes see but it almost never ends up very well and they learn it the hard way.

    anyways there are guys out there that arent so superficial and as previously mentioned u gotta find great shadchanim that work with u not the ones u chase…

    i got set up by my cousin who knew my sister in law….sometimes friends and family are the best if they know both parties.

    #906770

    Bar Shattya
    Member

    right i forgot the donkey part

    #906771

    popa_bar_abba
    Participant

    the guys in the cr they are in some dream fantasy world like their fantasy sports teams.?!?!

    Hmm. fantasy shidduch games. How would that work.

    Do the guys get to draft real people from BMG onto our fantasy teams, and then the girls in the game draft people from BJJ onto their teams, and then we negotiate with different players for how to set them up?

    Will there be alternative markets like SYAS and frumster?

    This could be a winner.

    #906772

    popa_bar_abba
    Participant

    a lot of guys are dumb!!!

    Tell me about it. Almost every guy I know is dumb! I have barely met a single intelligent guy in the whole world!

    Sometimes I feel like Me, Bar shattya, and sheep spleen are the only normal people left on earth.

    #906773

    cshapiro
    Member

    hold up popa fantasy shidduchim was totally my idea!!!

    #906774

    popa_bar_abba
    Participant

    When are we running the draft?

    #906775

    squeak
    Participant

    Popa, you are not making sense. Maybe you guys are the only normal ones, but what does that have to do with intelligence?

    Also, once you say donkey the passuk you quoted is out. It only applies to people, as you’ll see when you ask your sister what the rest of the possuk is. Oh, I forgot, you have bar ilan. Thats as good as a sister I guess.

    #906776

    cshapiro
    Member

    i never really fully understood the concept of fantasy football, baseball etc…so i guess we can start there…

    #906778

    ilovetheholyland
    Participant

    hi! its been a while but i just wanna follow up and let everyone out there know that baruch hashem, i did get married a few months back and my husband is THE MOST AMAZING GUY IN THE WORLD…. and you know what else??? HE’S SKINNY!!!! REALLY skinny!!! so to everyone out there who struggled with my origional problem, it IS hard!!! VERY hard!!! but if you daven enough, Hashem will help, in the best way!! and btw, my husband wasnt even dating till recently so i HAD to wait….hatzlacha everyone!!!

    #906779

    ilovetheholyland

    Mazel Tov!! I do find it interesting that you were complaining about how shallow boys are that they care about girls being overweight, yet you posted “HE’S SKINNY!!!! REALLY skinny!!!”.

    #906780

    genuine
    Member

    Mazal Tov!!!

    #906781

    dhl144
    Member

    I am so happy that you got married and came to realize it all had nothing to do with your weight! I am a boy and I am 21 I totally understand the struggle you had faced because of your weight my sister was a fourteen…12…10…8..6 and when she got married happened to have beeen when she was a 6 but that had nothing in the world to do with it and I am skinny and I am so happy that I was able to see my sisters struggle (not that I am happy she struggled God forbid I would have rathered her not struggle with her weight but bottom line she did…So I am happy that I saw her struggle so that I can realize how important it is to look at a girl during dating for who she is on the inside not the outside bc once a person is married they will only come to realize more and more how important it is that their wife is a good person and how it only matters that she has good middot and a happy positive attitude… thank you for starting this thread bc it is so important and I wish u many years of happiness and haslacha i your marriage.

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