shidduchim and weight…..

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    mazel tov ilovetheholyland


    If the inner self is happy the external radiance will be attractive and the wight will not be a detraction.

    Just make sure you would not mind marrying a guy who is 46 portly……….. Too many guys who are 46 Portly want a girl who is a 6 or 8 or less…………. maybe they will succeed…. most likely it is a cause for delays.


    i am incensed that my opinion wasnt allowed to be expressed: noone likes the fatties.


    If the inner self is happy the external radiance will be attractive and the wight will not be a detraction.

    I reckon it is way easier to lose weight than to become happy.


    thank you everyone for your mazel tovs. medium thinker, im sorry if i came accross as shallow, i see how you could think that but it was NOT my intent at all….it was just to give chizzuk to all those that are struggeling with what i did.


    What does everyone think about talking first on the phone to a potential spouse so that the first impression isn’t based on looks


    Just want to say to all those who are not “fat” but just not super thin that I was a size 12-14 from a divorced home and I got married right away to my 2nd shidduch B”H. and if you asked my husband if he wanted to marry someone fat he’d say no way (and he is also super skinny) but he didn’t see me as being overweight at all – that is what he was attracted to.

    So realize that it is all min hashamayim. DEFINITELY do your histadlus to be as in shape and as put together as you can be – but after that just be yourself! and Hashem will send you the right one be”H – when He determines it’s the right time!

    and to the guys who CAN’T consider someone fat – don’t listen to your mothers/sisters/friends who tell you what size to ask for (or which sizes to nix immediately) – as long as pple aren’t saying she’s fat, give it a one date chance at least – a 12 to even a 16 if tall enough can easily have a figure and not look fat at all – you may even decide she is super attractive to boot (not to mention all their qualities as a person but I specifically did not mention that as it sounds like a “consolation prize” – she’s fat, but she’s a great person….I’m saying you may be surprised that if pple didn’t put numbers in your head you may not even think they are overweight at all and may be extremely attracted!!)


    Wisey – you make the assumption that men don’t want to be biased by the looks. I think most do. Like it or not boys have choices, girls don’t. ONE of the big things for nearly EVERY [healthy] guy is physical attraction. When a guy has a list with pictures, the pretty pictures [in his opinion] jump out. As they should. Some people may like heavier girls. Most don’t. They pick the girls that are best for them.

    Unlike the rest of a resume, looks are easily verified, so therefore hard to falsify, making it the easiest big factor to check up on. We should be encouraging pictures, to allow looks to be a factor before the first date in my opinion. Saves time, money, frustration, etc. Having the first meeting by phone just avoids dealing with this major IMPORTANT factor.

    To those saying men are shallow for wanting to marry what they are naturally attracted to, and should choose to go out with heavier girls when all other things equal there are pretty ones out there, I say be realistic!

    No one is saying ALL obese and heavy people choose to be that way (though many do), just that the condition is unattractive to many. Just like a man would choose a girl with white teeth over a girl with brown moldy teeth (all other things being equal), and no one would or could fault him, even if the girl was born with a genetic predisposition for moldy teeth and cosmetic surgery wasn’t an option, the same should apply to weight.


    One thing everyone seems to be overlooking is the Emunah factor. Everyone has a Zivug out there, created especially for them by Hashem, no matter what you look like, that person is out there. Just trust in Hashem, Daven a lot, and don’t worry about the weight issue, your Bashert will love you and want you for you.

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