teens and texting
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- This topic has 24 replies, 21 voices, and was last updated 12 years ago by aries2756.
March 15, 2011 9:54 pm at 9:54 pm #595726Princess123Member
what is a proper punishment for a teenager cought texting the opposite gender??? im at a lossMarch 15, 2011 10:00 pm at 10:00 pm #750773YW Moderator-80Member
robitussin?March 15, 2011 10:10 pm at 10:10 pm #750774ShrekMember
take away the phone. duh.March 15, 2011 10:28 pm at 10:28 pm #750775kapustaParticipant
I say very careful monitoring on texting. IMO taking away the phone will accomplish nothing because unfortunately plenty of kids go out and get phones on their own. This way at least there is some control over the texting.March 15, 2011 10:28 pm at 10:28 pm #750776cshapiroMember
depends who they were texting? and why? details are important here…March 15, 2011 10:34 pm at 10:34 pm #750777Baal BooseParticipant
instruct teen, 1) conditional that they can keep phone, they must give one the parents the phone while not in use or every so often. this enables parents to see who texts. 2) you must look at their phone bill monthly, and tell them you will be doing so..
3) spend some time with your kid doing something THEY choose. AT LEAST once in two weeks. (shopping, resturaunt, baseball game, driving)March 15, 2011 10:39 pm at 10:39 pm #750778microMember
cut off service on that lineMarch 15, 2011 11:47 pm at 11:47 pm #750779guy-ochoMember
There should be no punishment. If they are the age to be doing that, obviously punishments wont help. On the contrary it would probably worsen the situation. These issues have to be dealt with before they arise. The only hope you have is to explain to them the reason why they themselves should want to stop this practice. (ie. Such as explaining to a teenage girl that the boy they are texting is most probably just trying to take advantage of them) If they themselves understand the negativity of the matter, than they might come to abandon the idea.March 16, 2011 12:25 am at 12:25 am #750780s2021Member
well said guy.
In my opinion/experience kids need to come to understand and know exactly what is right for them. Nowadays no one can controll kids and the only person who can shelter them is themselves- if they choose to. TALK to the child- respectfully. Show them how much u love them, how u want only the best for them, how much it bothers u, how important _ is to u. Kids dont want to hurt u. They want to please. I do not think kids can listen when they feel like they r being put down or controlled. They will probly want to go pull away faster to prove themselves..March 16, 2011 1:25 am at 1:25 am #750781MindOverChatterParticipant
I’m afraid you’re a bit too late…. His/her texting should have been monitored before. I hope you get him/her to stop!March 16, 2011 2:00 am at 2:00 am #750782
Princess123, what rules did you give your child when you gave the cell phone to begin with? What consequences did you put in place?
If these were rules you spoke about then you must give a consequence. If this was not something that you spoke about, then YOU should have. How old is the child? Is it a boy or girl? What were the conditions given with the phone?March 16, 2011 2:40 am at 2:40 am #750783yogiboobooMember
show them unconditional love! talk with them. find out who they are talking to. Ask your child questions about the person they are talking to, and how they met them etc. DO NOT get angry and dont use all the DONTS and negatives. That will drive them further away. If they still want to talk to them after that…MONITOR it!March 16, 2011 2:52 am at 2:52 am #750784mischiefmakerMember
Everyone stop saying what should’ve happened. You can’t change the past. Everyone can learn to prevent (no text…) but now she has to deal with it. IMHO, I think it would be ideal if you can gently persuade her slowly over time to stop but in a POSITIVE way. Otherwise many kids get MORE rebellious, not less. Tell her you don’t want to have to “punish” her but she must stop. Don’t over-pressure her in other areas now, let her live. Hopefully eventually she’ll see everything herself. If it does not stop and you must do it yourself, tell her you will stop paying her phone bills. In some cases this won’t work so see her reaction. You definitely don’t want her to pay her own bills because she’ll be very angry at you and won’t try to please you. And most of all, ask a rav who knows you.March 16, 2011 2:59 am at 2:59 am #750785ayalahParticipant
whoo the heck cares??????? let them do watever they want maibie thier talking to the oppiset gender. sooo whatt? its not like thier having boy frieds/girl friends its just texing relaxMarch 16, 2011 3:20 am at 3:20 am #750786
If there were rules in place you have to follow through. Whatever the consequences you set up, you must follow through on them. If you told your child beforehand that if you find them texting to the opposite sex you will take away the phone then that is what you must do. If you never spoke about it then this is the time to sit down and talk about it.
The talk will have to be appropriate to the child’s age. Discuss the rules of their school and the consequences, the home rules. Why you don’t approve, what the problems are. Ask who the other person is, how they know each other, if there are others? Ask to meet that person and speak to both of them and explain why you don’t approve even though you have nothing against the other child and you are sure s/he is a fine person, this is not the right time in their lives that they should be friends. Now is the time to concentrate on their education. Now is the time to establish good friendships with their classmates because they will soon be off to E”Y and they will soon be deciding who they wish to go with. Getting involved with each other even by text can lead to setting up meetings with each other and can ruin their chances for whatever they have planned for the future. They can get kicked out of school, they can lose their friends and so on. Is it worth it for this little bit of fun? They can be playing with fire and they don’t even know it.
Of course they are interested in seeing what its like to talk to each other, after all they are only human and Hashem has made them that way. It is the changes that are taking place in their bodies as they are growing and maturing and again that is Hashem’s way of slowing preparing them for when they will be fully grown and old enough and mature enough to get married. But not yet, they will have to ride the yetzer harah and have patience until the time is right. They will have to reign in their curiosity and interest and hold back, just like they hold back from turning on lights on Shabbos and trained themselves from eating milk after meat, they will have to train themselves to wait until the time is right and they are ready for shiduchim. Then they will be able to satisfy their curiosity date, figure out what’s going on and what type of girl/boy is right for them for their future. And no one will be in control of ruining their future at that time.March 16, 2011 3:55 am at 3:55 am #750787Leon NormansonMember
I commend you for taking the right step to raise the concern. The only problem is that if we’re holding in an advanced situation it might be a little late. Your child is turning to these distractions because of an underlying problem that has to be investigated. My advice, Sit down with your child, give her your full attention and show interest about what’s going on in her life – without criticism. Take her out to eat, only the two of you and show her unconditional love. I guarantee you in a short time you’ll see a big change for the better! Forget about punishments for now! Hatzlacha Rabbah!March 16, 2011 5:21 am at 5:21 am #750788truth be toldMember
whoo the heck cares??????? let them do watever they want maibie thier talking to the oppiset gender. sooo whatt? its not like thier having boy frieds/girl friends its just texing relax
Texting to opposite gender among teens, almost always becomes a lot worse. Texting just quickens the process, as it removes a lot of the embarrassment barriers.
It is then an issur deorayse (according to Rav Moshe Feinstein). Would you say the same if a parent caught a kid eating traeif?March 16, 2011 2:54 pm at 2:54 pm #750789enlightenedjewMember
40 lashes, then stockade.March 16, 2011 4:58 pm at 4:58 pm #750792s2021Member
Make her listen to Rabbi Orlofskys “Platonic Relationships.” She will come away with a veeery specific lesson.. 😉March 16, 2011 8:06 pm at 8:06 pm #750793guy-ochoMember
s2021: exactly what I was referring to. I heard that speech and think it is amazing. Teenage girls needs to listen to it and they will understand on their own the consequence and negativity of texting and having “platonic” relationships with boys.March 17, 2011 3:53 am at 3:53 am #750794chayav inish livisumayParticipant
IT DEPENDS ON THE SITUATION THERE IS NO ONE ANSWERMarch 17, 2011 2:59 pm at 2:59 pm #750795blueprintsParticipant
Teens and texting
Tzuvemen un tzuvemen
Lechay olomimMarch 18, 2011 3:10 pm at 3:10 pm #750796mw13Participant
“what is a proper punishment for a teenager cought texting the opposite gender??? im at a loss”
Assuming this is a li’maseh question, I would suggest that you speak to an experienced Rov/Rebbi/other chinuch professional that will be able to judge based on the particulars of the case (ie, how far the relationship has developed, the personality of your child, etc) what the correct move should be.
“whoo the heck cares??????? let them do watever they want maibie thier talking to the oppiset gender. sooo whatt? its not like thier having boy frieds/girl friends its just texing relax”
Talking/texting is the first step towards having a boyfriend/girlfriend. And these things are much, much harder to stop after the relationship is firmly established.March 18, 2011 4:25 pm at 4:25 pm #750797popa_bar_abbaParticipant
what is a proper punishment for a teenager cought texting the opposite gender??? im at a loss
It depends what you are trying to accomplish.
If you just don’t want him to text girls, at any cost, then you punish him severely so he will be afraid to do it again.
If you want him to appreciate that it is wrong, you probably shouldn’t punish him at all, and instead should ask yourself why you haven’t been successful in teaching him that it is wrong.
And by teaching, I don’t mean “telling”.
(Oh, and also, if you punish him, you will probably be on here in a year asking how to punish a boy who doesn’t keep shabbos.
Seriously, how do you think it got to this point?)March 18, 2011 4:42 pm at 4:42 pm #750798
Did the OP ever respond to any of us?
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