The coffee room is ussor and I’m trying to make sure people chap

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  • #2115649
    Moish26
    Participant

    Nobody’s Going to listen to me just as In My last drasha, but it was just megaleh that the oilam here is not all men, it’s also women… what heter is there for men and women who are religious to constantly chat with each other albeit online?!?! this is making the coffee room and ywn more that’s just hashkafikly wrong it is now halchaicly wrong? I thought it was a joke that syag is a female wether that’s true or not I saw recently a thread about seminaries and ladies responded to it

    This is not about being yeshivish or modox ‏וכד׳

    This is a halchaic prohibition of talking heimishly to girls over a Frum site????? there are Heimish topics and evreyone just chats about it men women it doesn’t matter

    This is a huge problem. how could it be?

    If u wouldn’t do it in person why would you do it online what’s the diffrence between getting Snapchat yemach Shimom and the coffee room????!! I am abhorred

    #2115673
    AviraDeArah
    Participant

    I don’t think there’s kiruv daas when there’s no possibility of communicating personally, or knowing the other person’s identity. Even the gemaras case of m’achurei hageder is different because the man knew which woman it was.

    Also most don’t shmooze about personal things. Not the ideal, but honestly I’m here because i like writing and expressing the perspective of the yeshiva world, which is lacking here and online in general.

    #2115675
    commonsaychel
    Participant

    Sorry no one here has time for a troll, cant wait for the next zman to start

    #2115678
    er
    Participant

    Moish: maskim, thank you. Not to mention other shylas

    #2115679
    ujm
    Participant

    While commonsaychel will surely be yelling troll from the rooftops soon enough, the OPs intention is lsheim shamayim. And he’s not wrong, per se, either.

    #2115680
    Reb Eliezer
    Participant

    I agree with Avira as long as we don’t know and see with whom we are communicating no hirhur is involved.

    #2115684
    Gadolhadorah
    Participant

    Moishalah: Didn’t you know there is a shidduch crisis?? The CR provides a “safe” environment to meet your beschert. Ask any of the three Mrs. UJMs or Rebbitzen Milhouse all of whom found a segulah by posting here in the CR.

    #2115703
    Reb Eliezer
    Participant

    Even kol beisha is paskened by the Yabia Omer (1,6) which is described in great detail, according to the Maharam Shik and others that if he does not know her and see her, it does not apply.

    • This reply was modified 1 month, 2 weeks ago by Reb Eliezer.
    • This reply was modified 1 month, 2 weeks ago by Reb Eliezer.
    #2115723
    Moish26
    Participant

    Reb Eliezer with all due respect if you ask any rov he’s going to tell you it’s not good to speak to women online wether or not you saw pictures of her.

    Al kol punim the oilam is maskim it’s not good to do this but what can we do bpoil to fix this?? Is there anything we can do bpoil to fix this??? With this metzius my skepticism of ywn place in the Frum world dropped drastically.
    maybe we should be mevatel the coffee room. Whoever read that previous line their hearts probably dropped, especially those that are here at ywn for awhile, and THATS exactly the problem!
    we shouldn’t be even slightly dependent on any online chat, kol shkein vkol shkein one that has men and women communicating!!! And even a person that doesn’t know which gender a username is, kol shkein one that knows what gender a specific username is, people get used to seeing the Same username and develop some kind of something with them on some level, and ‏בהכרח that leads to some connection and some understanding of the other persons personality and some appreciation of the other persons personality and you have a lady and man communicating consistently and constantly backing each other up arguing ‏ ‏וכד״ and it could be your speaking to this person every day. (maybe even more than ur own wife)!!!!!!!!!!! I’m not trying to troll it’s just I care. ‏ ‏אל תרבה ‏שיחה עם האישה באשתו אמרו קל וחומר באשת חברו

    #2115724
    Reb Eliezer
    Participant

    What is says אל תרבה שיחה עם אשה, don’t speak much with a woman, I don’t think applies if you don’t know her, see her or hear her. Her political views or Torah views will not affect you.

    #2115730
    Participant
    Participant

    I make sure not to speak to ladies. Or maybe they don’t speak to me. Either way, I’m good.

    #2115756

    Ok let’s start imafather site

    #2115804
    yaakov doe
    Participant

    How does one determine if someone in the coffee room is a man or a woman? I assume Moish and Reb Eliezer are men but I can’t be certain that men are posting under those names.

    #2115811
    Reb Eliezer
    Participant

    Moish26, I think it is ok as I pointed out before but you don’t think so, therefore, you have an option not to participate. We don’t know about each other’s family except maybe about me who revealed his history.

    #2115828
    Menachem Shmei
    Participant

    @Moish26, @ujm,

    Do you realize how ironic this discussion is?

    Whether you’re right or wrong, you are currently talking on a forum with a bunch of women, repermanding people for chatting with women in a forum?

    #2115834
    ujm
    Participant

    Well, in this case I didn’t reprimand anyone. I do, essentially, agree with Moish. Which means you can say I’m (like everyone else here) wrong to be here. But I’d rather honestly admit that I’m doing something wrong than to pretend or claim that the wrongful activity is okay.

    Isn’t it better to admit that one’s eating Hebrew National is something that I should stop rather than telling people Hebrew National is okay to eat?

    #2115837
    Moish26
    Participant

    @menachem shmei I did realize that but a)how else am I supposed to say to the coffee room people stuff about the coffee room and b) I just found out mamash recently that this place is crawling with ‏תערובת, I just assumed evreyone was a man,
    P.s. i personally thought u would understand where I’m coming from

    @reb Eliezer ‏אל תרבה שיחה עם האישה פשוטו כמשמעו
    If you have mekoros that it doesn’t apply online if be happy to see it

    #2115841
    Reb Eliezer
    Participant

    It says והיית משוגע maybe פשוטו כמשמעו it is a mitzva to be meshugener.

    #2115845
    ujm
    Participant

    By the way, when the coffee room was new in 2008, 2009, 2010, it was way worse. You had teenagers, young adults and middle aged fellows from both genders having very lively discussions and chatting and joking around on all subjects. And the posts back then were often being approved and posted within seconds or minutes of being submitted. Some threads were growing by a page (fifty posts) every hour or so (sometimes even quicker). Check out some of the very old threads (at least some of the ones that didn’t get mangled in the various CR software upgrades over the years.)

    #2115862
    Reb Eliezer
    Participant

    Moish26, I gave a mekor to kol beisha which I think is worse.

    #2115860
    Reb Eliezer
    Participant

    We have to compare apples to apples and not apples to oranges. The wife the husband recognizes and knows, so must be others. The kal vechamer has a pircha, can be questioned.

    #2115861
    Reb Eliezer
    Participant

    Maybe the talking will bring you to know them but you don’t know to whom you are talking and who is listening.

    #2115910
    Reb Eliezer
    Participant

    Moish26, it looks like you are an unmarried bachur, so you should not participate anymore.

    #2115919
    ubiquitin
    Participant

    “I am abhorred”

    not by everyone

    I think your posts are silly, I wouldn’t say they (nor you) are abhorrent

    #2115921
    Reb Eliezer
    Participant

    Moish26, I also learned in chasiddishe yeshivas and I understand the purpose of the CR where people can express their views under the proper supervision of the mods which should eliminate your concerns stated in the mishna in Avos compared to other sites where there is no supervision.

    #2115930
    ujm
    Participant

    Reb Eliezer, Chasan Sofer is Oberlander, not Chasidish.

    #2115933
    commonsaychel
    Participant

    @moish “I am abhorred”
    Its more like you’re pitied

    edited

    #2115981
    AviraDeArah
    Participant

    Reb E, I don’t agree with “compared to other sites,” idea, because something wrong doesn’t become right just because other people do it worse, especially when it’s not a necessary activity. The alternative would be not to have any such site, but to refer those wbo would do the worse one to to not-as-bad one.

    #2115984
    AviraDeArah
    Participant

    I’m not saying that the CR shouldn’t exist, I’m just saying that that mahalach is not the right approach

    #2116031
    Reb Eliezer
    Participant

    So why don’t we have a separate CR for women which can be looked at or not?

    #2116035
    Reb Eliezer
    Participant

    Chasan Sofer is not Oberland anymore but chasiddish. The Wiener also in Williamsburg who are now davening sefard.

    #2116103
    Reb Eliezer
    Participant

    The women can look at the men’s CR and give their argument on their CR and the men can either look at it or not to give their argument on their CR.

    #2116129
    Reb Eliezer
    Participant

    Mods, so what do you think of idea reply #2116031 and #2116103?

    #2116134
    Moish26
    Participant

    Yasher koach gadol to Reb eliezer that’s a beautiful idea

    #2116146
    Amil Zola
    Participant

    Moish I’m a female and I can honestly inform you I don’t crawl around here or anyplace else.

    #2116147
    Amil Zola
    Participant

    There is also a womans CR, it’s called imamotherdotcom. It is not necessary to reinvent the wheel.

    #2116193
    ujm
    Participant

    You need to be a mother to use that site. It even tests you to prove your motherhood. What about the single maidelech?

    #2116217
    Moish26
    Participant

    Raboisai the only change that can be made is very simple very very simple it’s either 1)destroy the whole coffee room or 2) make two separate ones and one either registers as females or male. Now lemaaseh option 1 I feel like no one will agree with, becuase people have become attached to one another in this coffee room which is gufa unhealthy (and if one wonders what’s unhealthy about it see the post i posted on augast 16th, hint female and male friends which is ussor) and I feel like option 2 might be possible but probably not becuase a) the mods are watching and laughing as they read this becuase they are not changing a thing and b) even if the mods are willing to change it if the people agree to this, I have a feeling that yes, people are attached to there opposite gender coffee room friends ‏עד כדי כך, they won’t want to have separate coffee rooms which like I mentioned previously proves the serious halchic issue in having a mixed coffee room

    Rabbosai ARE WE TAKING ACTION OR NOT ‏מי לשם אלי

    #2116252
    Reb Eliezer
    Participant

    Mosish26, if you want something done, show a halachik source that even if you don’t know and see the communicator is an issur as indicated before that there is no proof from the above mishna.

    #2116256
    Moish26
    Participant

    no links

    Sorry if the first link doesn’t work my filter blocks it and the second link I sent has the prohibition but no mekoros check it out, (if you want to know mekoros you can contact the rav directly I don’t have patience to do it for you)

    And also Reb elizer it’s Pashut to any bar Daas that just because you don’t see her physically you are still getting close to a woman and her personality plus/while schmoozing with her about all types of stupidity would be ussor. maybe if u don’t know she’s a woman it wouldn’t be I don’t know, but that’s a Shalla for A RAV Not you or me to with all due respect. but if you know she’s a woman I mean come on it’s pashut taht it’s ussor to schmooze with her even online

    #2116258
    Moish26
    Participant

    Well that’s a shame my links were blocked, al kol punim go to shulchanaruchharav. com and look up opposite gender and there will be an article on it called talking to opposite genders

    If the moderators will respond then may I ask what you think of my claims? And if u are ready to do something about it? Or are u sitting and laughing at my posts like I assumed in my previous posts

    #2116259
    Reb Eliezer
    Participant

    Moish26, what about kol beisha I mentioned above at reply #2115703?

    #2116284
    commonsaychel
    Participant

    “Rabbosai ARE WE TAKING ACTION OR NOT”
    Yes we are and the action is to ask the mods to have you banned from the CR

    #2116294
    Ray Kaufman
    Participant

    A couple of thoughts:
    1. How do you know that you are communicating with a woman? The Coffee Room is anonymous. How do you know that Reb Eliezer isn’t a woman?
    2. It’s a woman’s voice that is ervah (most say singing, some say even speaking), not her written word.

    #2116347
    Reb Eliezer
    Participant

    Ray, as mentioned above by a detailed pesak from Rav Ovadyah Yosef ztz’l in Yabia Omer (1,6) that if you don’t know and see her, kol beisha is ‘not’ ervah. Communication over here is not personal which should be ok as stated in the recommended discussion by the Shulchan Aruch Harav website. You would not know but Reb Eliezer is not a woman.

    #2116352
    Reb Eliezer
    Participant

    The shaila above is to a listen to a woman singing on a gramophone (record player, phonograph, VCR, CD, DVD) or radio? He writes that אם אינו מכירה מותר, if he does not know her, is permitted.

    #2116569
    Reb Eliezer
    Participant

    Amil, I see you are trying to incite, so don’t give them ammunition as you might end up on a separate CR.

    #2116579
    Amil Zola
    Participant

    Reb, E with all do respect, I’m not prolific enough to be missed on this site. The owners make zer0 from me on advertising clicks. I go away for long periods of time and am not a daily visitor. I would say the same regarding the Imas. (Although the Imas politics are hidden from public view and the CRs are public.)

    In the meantime, there are men here who seem to oppose posting to or sharing the same internet venue with females. I can live with that, ergo I’ll choose not to reply to them and spare them pixels created by a +70 female.

    #2116588
    🍫Syag Lchochma
    Participant

    I disagree, I think you would be missed. I know I was wondering where/how you were way back when you took a break.

    #2116593

    Rab Yehuda mentions that Beruriah learned from thousand of teachers, no record of them either kicking her out or not allowing her to ask questions

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