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See mod 29 that’s very nice and all but if you look into it and observe you’ll see that fore sure in “in town” places it does, it means we are a lower class. I’m not talking about angry kids who blame everything on Judaism and their rebbaim that’s a different discussion I’m talking about good kids who are lost.
I understand but look at it from my perspective
We live in a day and age when teens are bombarded with confusion spanning from parents who may be caring but aren’t as open minded as their children to rebbaim who may not understand to the unnatural pulls of the outside world, us as millennials have fought and gnawed our way through these confusing years and yes you probably wont agree but we are not understood by the older generation (I think any honest mechanech will agree) and we literally cant catch a break. I am not some kid who hates authority im really not, but sometimes I do wish people will open their minds and think maybe we aren’t just immature rebels, maybe we do want to do good, and maybe just maybe it is hard and we are not just making excuses, yes we smoked cigarettes, yes we left yeshiva, does that make us outcasts?
lb nicotine is a drug addiction and many ppl who are in control including top business men and roshie yeshiva still have trouble kicking it,
Joseph as I mentioned it came up in conversation as they walked by a smoker
Lightbrite I appreciate your concern for my feeling but I can take a puch or two.
I am very well aware that it is a deal breaker, both current and ex-smokers and respect the fact and might even agree that there is a chance of relapse,
However if you read my post I am asking from the fact that mother considered him not a top bochur because he used to smoke, not that she doesn’t care how good he is because smoking is an automatic no, but that he IS NOT GOOD,
Try reading Allen Carrs easyway to lose weight, I used his method to quit smoking and it worked amazing, I never really needed to lose weight but I read the one on weightloss anyways just because I enjoy the psychology behind his methods, it really is lifechanging.
Mod 29 is that zecharya wallerstien? and yes I’m serious about a girl with past and might even prefer that if she’s really holding in a good place now
Joseph maybe not specifically but it is something people want to know and when they do research they will find out from family friends and rebbaim
It has nothing to do with hiding it, I just don’t talk about it and no one would assume anything because in truth I AM A REGULAR BOCHUR.
But when it comes to shidduchim I would never hide it it is something the other side has a right to know.
rs I understand 100% that if the views are diff or that could need an “open minded” girl but a guy who grew up in a regular frum family and went to a good mesivta will still have those outlooks when he comes back on (again maybe even more so), no one in my yeshiva in Israel besides the rosh even knows that I went “otd” and probably wouldn’t believe me if I told them.
Future thanks but it would take more then a few coffee room comments to ‘ruin it” 🙂
I’m not sure I understand what you mean by “level” but sounds like you agree that they need not give in on the things they hold are important.
Joseph in essence I would not have a problem, but a girl who did not grow up frum usually just wouldn’t fit with a guy like me who grew in town in a yeshiva community
I come from a yeshiva family and learnt in a top mesivta I have been back in yeshiva for 3yrs, I really don’t believe people being hesitant about my past has anything to do with hashkafa or reason
also Joseph I would be fine with that,
when your friend eats a pickle he is completely involved with his eating of his pickle and nothing else. When you eat a pickle you are still concerned with all your previous problems and the pickle does nothing to change that
So what your saying is people should be judged by what they were not what they are? I’m talking about someone who did a full turn around. Let’s say a girl used to be very heavy then lost all her weight, should a guy who is concerned with weight not go out with her because she used to be overweight?
Health do you think that’s the way it should be? That a girl should have to lower her standards because of something she did in 10th grade? Even though now as she is would be deserving of the best. Besides everyone does stupid things, the unlucky ones have people find out.
Joseph I should elaborate that I do wear a white shirt black pants but yes I don’t necessarily wear my hat everywhere and yes I have a “chup”. It is something I considered changing but I don’t really find it necessary.
Rt555 I apologize if I did not explain, I will but ,could be by chance, I have not been redt to a girl who has been around the block and is now holding were I feel I am. I think this can be explained simply that girls naturally will not make the statement of “going otd” unless they are really holding far from yiddishkiet, this does not mean regular good girls don’t rebel like guys but its quieter and usually by the time they are in shidduchim their story is long forgotten and they are looking for a guy who hasn’t been around and if the girl is she’s usually not holding by lookin for a full time learner but again if the opportunity arises I would definitely say yes
Bmyer if I understand correctly you are asking if I would consider a girl with a past. The answer is 1000% yes. So what’s the problem? With out getting to much into it, it is a lot more uncommen to find a girl who has been around the block and is now a frum girl looking for a full time learner, this can be taken in the wrong way but if you look into it you will find that a girl who leaves the confines of her fathers house usually don’t return full force but that’s for another thread…..
Syag lchochma I appreciate you taking your time to respond but I do feel that you don’t really grasp the situation today and how it differs from when you were dating. Though no father will admit it, it is more important that his son in law was a top boy in a top yeshiva from a top family, many rabbonim who I have a a connection with try to reassure me that I will find someone who understands that regardless of my past I am “chosheva ben torah” but I wonder how fast that would change should I be redt to one of their daughters.