Forum Replies Created
May 21, 2013 12:34 am at 12:34 am in reply to: Everything is great, but I'm not sure if there is chemistry! #953728
so I decided to go ahead with it, I took advice from a mentor and since everything else was so good, I decided to go ahea!!! mazal tov to us!! we’re not married yet but very soon, and what can I say, I am beyond excited! It’s not fireworks 24/7, but I definitely do feel fireworks at times.
so I am so happy that I took that step, and if anyone reading this is ever in the same situation, my message to you is that it’s not always like in the movies, and just because your friends say that they “knew riiiiight away that he was peerrrrfect” doesn’t mean its true, and what you should do is make a logical decision and daven to Hashem for clarity.
I am so so so incredibly unbelievably happy that I didnt give up on such an amazing guy!March 7, 2013 8:08 pm at 8:08 pm in reply to: Everything is great, but I'm not sure if there is chemistry! #953684
saysme–thank you. i actually borrowed the book, and i have it somewhere, ill take a look at it!March 7, 2013 7:58 pm at 7:58 pm in reply to: Everything is great, but I'm not sure if there is chemistry! #953680
yepyep– so while you didnt feel the romance before you were engaged, did it make you happy/nervous/neither when your soon-to-be husband would speak about how happy and excited he is and plans for the future etc? what i want to ask, even though YOU weren’t feeling it, how did it make you feel that HE really was?March 7, 2013 7:50 pm at 7:50 pm in reply to: Everything is great, but I'm not sure if there is chemistry! #953677
ok realtalk ill let u know the ending when i know the endingMarch 7, 2013 7:47 pm at 7:47 pm in reply to: Everything is great, but I'm not sure if there is chemistry! #953674
and yes, im ok introducing him to people, i like being with him, whenever we’re out all the girls flirt with him (its not like hes super good looking, but he is the cool, confident type) and I feel kind of proud and smug (yes, i know its a bad middah!) that im the lucky one. (only right now, i dont feel so lucky.)
I really do respect him.
everything is good, except that im not excited!March 7, 2013 7:44 pm at 7:44 pm in reply to: Everything is great, but I'm not sure if there is chemistry! #953673
sharp, can you explain that concept of not letting yourself be attracted? i think that may be part of my problem.
Also, i was thinking maybe it has to do with the fact that he’s so excited and so forward–before he told me all this, i had no idea he was feeling this way, i couldnt tell how interested he was. and thats when i did feel attraction.
but now that he told me, i find myself being a bit put off. is that a problem? is it something i can work on?March 7, 2013 5:49 pm at 5:49 pm in reply to: Everything is great, but I'm not sure if there is chemistry! #953666
robertz, not really. I can picture it, but I’m not itching to. although I think he is.March 7, 2013 5:21 pm at 5:21 pm in reply to: Everything is great, but I'm not sure if there is chemistry! #953661
syag, answer is I enjoy being with him and look forward to seeing him–on the days that we have a date planned, I practically jump out of bedMarch 7, 2013 5:11 pm at 5:11 pm in reply to: Everything is great, but I'm not sure if there is chemistry! #953656
after a month, i know for certain (well, you never REALLY know…) he’ll be a great husband and father.
mammele, i’m never un-attracted, just not attracted.
i’m more excited for my friends’ weddings than my own!March 7, 2013 4:59 pm at 4:59 pm in reply to: Everything is great, but I'm not sure if there is chemistry! #953654
oh i am definitely asking wise people, but i wanted to know if a/o else had a similar situation and what the outcome was
Just to give you an idea of what DB is about, I went into seminary thinking that I won’t change at all–I did not want to give up my ‘beloved’ music, I loved my long, long hair, I was not interested at all in a kollel lifestyle, and, while I dressed pretty tznius, I didn’t understand it at all. Now, I don’t listen to non Jewish music or watch movies, my hair is a regular length, and I am open to the idea of a kollel lifestyle and I think it is a beautiful concept, and I improved my sensitivities to tznius in many ways. This all came about from watching my inspiring teachers, and being with a group of encouraging friends–NOT from any yelling/screaming/threatening on the seminary’s part. They did not force us to act or think in a certain way. I/We learned from example, the best way to learn!
Yes, I know a lot–I went there =)
The girls are a mix. About non Jewish music, most girls probably start out with it, and many (like me!) stop listening over the year. There isn’t peer pressure to listen to music; I found that people respected me, after all, seminary is a place to grow! But your daughter will need to be confident in her decision.
I made sure to find a good group of friends–normal, fun girls who were frum and looking to grow, and grow we did!!
There is a mix, just as there is in every seminary. Some girls totally “flip out,” and become frummer than BJJ girls, and some girls grow in their own, less obvious way. As long as your daughter finds herself a group of good girls who are not interested in partying, she will stand to gain from the amazing staff (I can’t stress how unbelieveable the teachers rebbeim and mechanchot are!!!) and the wonderful girls that go.
But your daughter has to decide if she thinks she can be confident in her decision to grow, and if she thinks she can be mature enough to find herself a good group of friends.
No, DB is not at all like Sharfmans, and neither are the girls. There are a few girls that apply to both, but most DB girls also applied to places like Michlalah, Bnos Chava, Meohr and a few others. There are some new york girls, and there are some out of towners. many girls from toronto, LA, baltimore, yes some from australia, england, brazil, chili and other places.
I like to say that DB is the frummest non-Bais Yaakov seminary, and in some ways is frummer than some of the Bais Yaakov seminaries! Many of my friends from DB dress more tzniusdigly than typical Bais Yaakov girls! But they don’t force you to do things- it comes from the girls themselves.
As far as academics, they usually only accept girls with good grades, that’s why it has a reputation for being very academic. But the truth is that the girls choose many of their classes, and can choose between hashkafah and text based classes. Yes, we had tests and homework and a few reports, but compared to my friends in Bais Yaakov seminaries, it was nothing! The teachers are smart, the classes are stimulating, but we don’t have “busy work” (memorizing, or parshah tests every week…) it is really very manageable! I spent a lot less time studying than my friends in Bais Yaakov seminaries!
I assume you meant AtereS and not AtereT. These are two different seminaries; Ateres is Bais Yaakov and relatively strict (compared to non Bais Yaakovs), and Ateret is completely not Bais Yaakov- the girls who apply there also apply to Sharfmans etc.
Darchei Binah has great, world renowned teachers, and the girls can get close to them. The girls that go are a mix, there are many really solid, growth oriented girls, and there are some that will party in ben yehuda–but you have that in every seminary, even bais yaakovs.
the teachers are all encouraging, and really help the girls grow, both in Torah and middos. their philosphy, like zk said, is guiding rather than strict; they dont force things down your throat, but after spending a year with inspiring teachers who have all accomplished a tremendous amount, the girls come out with a new perspective on life.
darchei binah girls are all sweet, friendly, Real girls (not hiding anything, or pretending to be someone they’re not), who come out of seminary being very comfortable with who they are (great, smart bnos yisroel!)
any other questions??
Zeena: ateres’s dorms are just dorms, not too fancy, not too bad. Meohr’s are very nice. Darchei binah’s are more like apartments, and can also be nice–depends a lot on if you’re with girls who like to keep everything clean and neat or not, because there are a lot of kitchens which can get messy if you don’t take care.
thanks all for your advice! date was ok, and I was dressed perfectly for the occasion although I never want to do that again (takes so much time, id rather just be simpler)!
for the curious people, we went out a few times now i just have to decide if I like him…??? wish that was as simple as figuring out what to wear!
About Hashkafic/Less text: DB has an elective system, where the girls pick which classes they’d like to go to. Your granddaughter can choose the less text, more hashkafic classes if she’d like; there are definitely penty of those.
Word of warning: the principal of DB usually only accepts girls with good grades! (eventhough the school itself isn’t hard or especially academic, he caters to a smart crowd.)
Hi Grandma (ahavas_yisrael)!
DB sounds like a great match for your granddaughter. Teachers are brilliant, funny, warm and very approachable. They have the answers to every question and don’t make anyone feel silly or embarrassed to ask–they make you feel wonderful for asking! The teachers are top-rate, I would say that’s their BIGGEST draw for students. The girls are very warm nice girls, but I think your granddaughter needs to make an effort to reach out to them, since I don’t know if they will necessarily be super outgoing. But once she tries to make friends, she’ll have a great group! The girls there are all genuine, honest, growth oriented,and smart. They are officially not a Bais Yaakov, but you said your granddaughter is out of the box BY, so that should be fine. (They definitely have girls from Bais Yaakovs there)
Anything else you’d like to know??
oh the reason i want to know what to wear is because im not sure where he is taking me. if to a hotel lounge then dressy and heels is fine, but what if we go to starbucks? ill look like a clown
I guess ill have to risk looking yeshivish. classy can sometimes be mistaken as yeshivish (companies like kate spade and jcrew and those names. their obviously not yeshivish, because kate spade is not even jewish! but sometimes can look very yeshivish)
WIY I was actually thinking of wearing s/t dark (navy or black) or neutral colored. I have a lot of color in my wardrobe (orange purple pink blue) but not first date clothes or even second date for that matter
Haha PBA all my skirts are exactly like that (besides for a few which are long enough)
And im not worried about the date or anything, only about what to wear (I’m a girl afterall)
But all my Shabbos stuff are reeeaally nice (and expensive)…is that too much?
Health: Im not MO and not yeshivish…so what do i do??
do any other girls have advice? im a meohr type girl, if that helps any!
A few hours to go. Any suggestions, please please