Forum Replies Created

Viewing 31 posts - 101 through 131 (of 131 total)
  • Author
    Posts
  • in reply to: Where can one find out who finances a specific organization? #798080
    chalilavchas
    Member

    nishtdayngesheft, thanks Ill try your leads.

    What most disturbing is that they pretend to be helping young Jews get educations and are probably getting funding from Federation type organizations.

    Behind the scenes, theyre virulently anti-religion and are coaxing members to leave Judaism and paint religion and religious people as backward and hindering personal growth and accomplishemt in life. Its unbelievable! They help with one hand and throw mud and destroy with another.

    in reply to: Where can one find out who finances a specific organization? #798077
    chalilavchas
    Member

    So theres absolutely no way to determine who is financing their hateful activity behind the scenes?

    chalilavchas
    Member

    Zees,“Why’d you want to open up people’s wounds again?”

    Because as painful as memories are, they cant be anywhere as painful as the fresh open wounds of a current situation.

    Sometimes we learn from others how they’ve coped, and the others who shared how they’ve coped get a huge Mitzvah.

    in reply to: Feel bad having a good time #786016
    chalilavchas
    Member

    I cant believe how the above posts sound so much like the thoughts that Ive had since experiencing devastating family circumstances lately. Sometimes I feel Hashem chooses some people to undergo terrible torture so that others can have a sense of relief that they arent in the sufferers’ shoes and it’s a test from above for others to see whether they’ll choose to help or to mock and speak Lashon Hara.

    chalilavchas
    Member

    EzratHashem, Too bad we don’t have a way to speak privately.

    I’d love that. I emailed the admin and I havent heard back. I would really benefit from speaking to someone enduring similar pain.

    in reply to: When young adult leaves to be Frei #776760
    chalilavchas
    Member

    zahavasdad, theyre a f/t student going for an advanced degree.

    in reply to: When young adult leaves to be Frei #776757
    chalilavchas
    Member

    Health, this adult child thinks theyre smarter than all the therapists. Aint gonna happen.

    Ezrat, Im being told clearly by this child what they need- $$$. Do I ever say no? Its actually advantageous for them to go OTD because everyone advises parents to give everything they can and do everything they can (spoil) to make the child happy, so the OTD person has it better than ever- more freedom and more money, etc.

    in reply to: When young adult leaves to be Frei #776751
    chalilavchas
    Member

    Health, thanks and Hatzlacha to you as well!

    If I as much as mention a frum therapist or a Kiruv person, my relationship is over. This is a very independent thinker. Not going to listen to anyone.

    Another very painful thing about this is being judged and nitpicked by frum people, who analyze how the parents are to blame (until it happens to them).

    in reply to: When young adult leaves to be Frei #776748
    chalilavchas
    Member

    Update to “Young adult chooses to have nothing to do with parents, but might, down the line, have some contact with siblings”:

    Young adult lives at home but says theyre no longer frum, they dont believe, theyre culturally religious and does their own thing outside of the house. This young adult used to be the frummest in the family and class (role model type).

    What is the most effective approach here? Has anyone had a similar situation?

    How do you love a child who you feel is stabbing you and the ideals you and past generations held dear in the heart?

    in reply to: "Prayer" on behalf of Shidduch-seekers in pain #768268
    chalilavchas
    Member

    Silent, I fully agree wih you – please give us tips

    Trust me, if I had answers I wouldnt be hiding or saving them. I do know that there are people who are MUCH smarter and more powerful than I am, and can and should do better to ameliorate the terribble Tzar being suffered by older singles looking for a Shidduch. Davening is very important and therapeutic, but not enough.

    in reply to: "Prayer" on behalf of Shidduch-seekers in pain #768262
    chalilavchas
    Member

    In addition to Davening, the Klal has to do Hishtadlus and work on Shidduchim for others, as much as is humanly possible. I personally know singles whose frumkeit is spiraling downwards because they are single and disgusted with being forgotten by others in the frum community. It’s as important as Kiruv.

    chalilavchas
    Member

    PY, then they switch gears and go off with: So suppose there is a G-d, how do we know He values keeping Kosher and Shabbos as translated and taught by Orthodox leaders, as the only option, and other such questions? There are many who believe that Orthodoxy translates the Torah, out of date. How do we know that we cant use a computer on Shabbos if there were no computers when the Torah was given…There are those who think we can drive on Shabbos for that reason. Cars and many other modern inventions arent mentioned in the Torah. This culture feels that G-d wants us to be good to fellow humans and thats our main goal in life. They despise racism and our feeling of superiority in the Frum community.

    It’s a hard nut to crack, but great minds can if they are willing to put the time in.

    chalilavchas
    Member

    tbt, telling a doubting intellectual person that Jews exist, despite not having a country of their own, because G-d is protecting them, isnt sufficient proof. How about American Indians?

    My teineh is that we have many Kiruv experts, but we dont have people who are good at answering and discussing belief with those who want to give up Frumkeit and are willing to meet with them personally. The back and forth debate is crucial. This cant be accomplished with books. Ive been told that to save a Jewish Neshama youre allowed to be Mechalel Shabbos.

    There exists a huge culture (intellectuals, not failures) of those who left Frumkeit and they are always looking to recruit others and tell them how happy they’ll be. If we dont plan accordingly, and do the best we can, it’s not good. If we are Maaminim, our job is to do more to combat these individuals. Throwing up our hands and blaming isnt what Hashem wants of us. I dont think so.

    chalilavchas
    Member

    tbt, it’s so mathematically improbable for us to still be around

    Huh? Just two people can bring about hundreds in a relatively short time. In thousands of years, despite persecution, millions easily come about from only two people. Kal V’chomer if we start out with way more than two. After thousands of years of reproducing, how would zero remain?

    chalilavchas
    Member

    Ezrat, but is your young adult academically gifted?

    Very academically gifted! Yours as well?

    chalilavchas
    Member

    tbt, Have you been able to reach any of the people mentioned?

    Thanks! So far, I havent been able to come up with even one willing to make a call to the young adult in question. They all say the young adult has to approach them. Unfortunately, there’s the law of supply and demand, they are very hard to reach and be convinced to do anything other than what theyre accustomed to doing. They’re extremely sought after. They have no time to be creative for one person.

    chalilavchas
    Member

    observanteen, But there’s a difference between asking because you want to understand what you believe and to ask to “prove” that it’s nonsense.

    Arent there people who ask to “prove” that it’s nonsense” and somewhere along the way, they start believing and observing?

    Why be judgemental? Most of us are not prophets.

    chalilavchas
    Member

    If we resort to put downs of those who ask questions and/or their family, it reflects poorly on us. Big mistake!

    chalilavchas
    Member

    MOC, If your guy thinks he’s smarter than rambam, rashi, r’ Yonoson Eibeshutz, the Vilna Gaon and innumerous other incredibly smart people, he has a lack of midos. He should be able to realize that if he thinks differently than so many of those who are older and smarter than him, it’s probably (at least possibly) his problem and he has to look for a solution, or cure. In my experience, chances are his problem is anxiety.

    Gimme a break. You think the Pope and most leaders of different faiths, or atheists, or agnostics, are slow or idiots, suffering from anxiety or have bad “Midos”? LOL

    Can we agree that if those you mentioned above had grown up in non-Jewish homes, most would have kept the religion practiced in their home? There are Gerim, but there are equal amounts of those who choose to leave Orthodox Judaism, or dont actively practice it, and are by no means slow or suffering from anxiety, etc.

    chalilavchas
    Member

    DYThe Torah commands even a simple 13 year old boy or 12 year old girl to believe in Hashem. It is therefore obvious that anyone who lacks faith is missing something outside of the realm of intellectual proof.

    The Torah has hundreds of commandments which many among us are unable to keep, unfortunately. The fact that the Torah commands them, doesnt neccessarily mean everyone is willing or able to. Its the ideal when one can and does keep the Mitzvos.

    Arent there many “Im from Misouri” types, who will absolutely not believe anything unless it’s proven, beyon doubt? Why is there the need in many of us, to point to “something else” when lack of faith is discussed? Isnt that shirking the responsibility and focus off ourselves and irrelevant? Even if there are many reasons that anyone has religious doubts, why, if we have the ability to prove otherwise, is that relevant? I can see why it’s helpful to outsiders’ consciences though. It’s someone else’s fault. Ok, so what? Do we no longer have the repsonsibility to repair the problem?

    Leaky faucet? You turned the faucet lever too hard. Your fault! Tough!

    chalilavchas
    Member

    Unfortunately, too much of today’s youth would rather not follow rules and prefer moving towards immediate pleasure and far away from pain (hardship and responsibility). Unless they clearly see that Judaism makes sense, and is valid, with no doubts, its a lost cause. Unless we are armed with solutions, we have little or no chance that they’ll stay observant, once they’re independent adults.

    chalilavchas
    Member

    Again, sharp young adults need human beings, with the human touch, who work one-on-one, to counter what they ask, with potent back and forth questions and answers. Books dont accomplish that.

    chalilavchas
    Member

    yid.period, I’m sorry to say, it may just have to wait until they are a bit older

    In the meantime, dangerous steps can be taken. No way!

    Also, if there are people who can “prove” that Hashem exists and that we are His chosen people, because we follow the Torah, and we’re not doing what we do, by rote, to satisfy our parents and follow our ancestors, and its not simply a matter of upbringing, and being inculcated since birth that the Torah way is the better way, why is it so difficult for us to come up with people who easily and happily offer to prove it? This is somehow unsettling, even to me, a frum adult.

    chalilavchas
    Member

    To all those recommending books, this young adult isnt going to read any books on religion, and if they would they’d shoot holes through everything the book says and say the book is pointless, if there’s no one to reply with a sharp answer.

    chalilavchas
    Member

    I agree with tbt and pba, definitely, life is complex, problems lead to other problems. Sometimes this happens with personality types who despise rules, they find a reason to justify not keeping rules that dont lead to immediate pleasure.

    I spent Shabbos reading some books on turning people around and seems there are people who are especially good at it.

    yunger, which song are you refering to? This young adult loves some of AR’s songs.

    in reply to: When young adult leaves to be Frei #776676
    chalilavchas
    Member

    Is there anyone who makes themselves available without money to clearly answer Torah doubters’ questions, preferably someone who is polished sounding?

    in reply to: When young adult leaves to be Frei #776673
    chalilavchas
    Member

    aries- We NEVER ever give up on our children. ???

    What about the hundreds of kids who get thrown out of schools yearly with schools knowing that they’ll be lost forever? Whats the solution for the schools when its between keeping kids in school who are a bad influences, and throwing these kids to the dogs?

    in reply to: When young adult leaves to be Frei #776669
    chalilavchas
    Member

    When dicussing the rise of people going off the Derech, a Gadol mentioned that in the largest Kollel community in the US, there are hundreds of couples who are only outwardly frum and do the lowest of the low in private. To the world they look like typical Kollel couples. They keep up the act to please their parents and financial gain. Even though I heard this from a trustworthy Gadol, I am having a hard time beleiving it. Hundreds? Even if it’s exaggerated, what is going wrong?

    in reply to: When young adult leaves to be Frei #776666
    chalilavchas
    Member

    But, if life’s totally EMPTY he might come back

    MOC.

    The problem is, the person wasnt successful socially in the frum community and now feels more accepted by new friends.

    in reply to: When young adult leaves to be Frei #776651
    chalilavchas
    Member

    Goq, every house has its skeletons. Some people are more sensitive to some things. Are we saying that whenever a child goes OTD, they came from a dysfunctional family? Not that simple.

    Anyhow, blame doesnt help anyone.

    What works to ease the situation?

    in reply to: When young adult leaves to be Frei #776647
    chalilavchas
    Member

    Young twenties, intellectual type, huge curious reader (about different religions)….

Viewing 31 posts - 101 through 131 (of 131 total)