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  • in reply to: Telling parents about lifestyle changes #977276
    chalilavchas
    Member

    Assaf, you sound like a very well thought out individual. I wonder, was your decision to go OTD based on disappointment with frum Jews, or disagreement with the Orthodox aproach to Judaism, or difficulty with keeping Mitzvos?

    Please read the book One People, Two Worlds: A Reform Rabbi and an Orthodox Rabbi Explore the Issues That Divide Them.

    While I personally am a “Derech Emtzai” person, admiring most a middle of the road practice of Orthodoxy, I loved Rabbi Reinman’s thoughts and explanations, as did many others from all walks of life, who reviewed the book on Amazon. This book will give you much to think about. You might figure things out about yourself and your choices. It might speak to some of your doubts and guide you for the future. I dont think you will regret it.

    chalilavchas
    Member

    Health,

    These few claimed they “know” this to be the case and other Rabbis followed their lead.

    Please correct me if Im wrong, but afaik the signed horrible accusation against the family involved one Rabbi.

    chalilavchas
    Member

    Health,

    They are making him into the scapegoat.

    Surrrre. I can picture many Rabbonim standing around the above described Rabbi and forcing/threatening him to compose, sign and oversee distribution of the letter which incriminates the family of the victim. And the Rabbi complied.

    C’mon, Health. Now youre becoming a comedian/comedienne.

    chalilavchas
    Member

    Health,

    chalilavchas – I don’t think this should be sent to him/them because there are others that should be dealt with first.

    I have no idea who youre referring to, but why cant they be dealt with at the same time? Dealing with one wouldnt weaken dealing with the other.

    This Rabbi is aligned with a mammoth worldwide Kashrus Agency.

    chalilavchas
    Member

    WIY,

    chalilavchas

    Something tells me you shouldn’t send your email using your real name.

    Huh? I think the only ones who should hesitate to send it are those who work for the Rabbi or the OU. Anyone else who sends it, has more to be proud of than ashamed.

    chalilavchas
    Member

    Meantime an email is circulating to write to the OU about this matter, complete with email addresses of everyone of importance at the OU.

    Heres part of it:

    Despite the fact that xxxxx xxxxx admitted his guilt of long term sexual assault of a child, Rabbi xxxxxx has neither retracted his letter or his vilification of the victim and his family. His letter is unfortunately a tragic example of the widespread, grotesque, evil phenomenon of rabbinic coverup of child molesters and persecution of their victims throughout the frum world.

    Rabbi xxxxxx is a Senior Posek at the OU, an organization which prides itself on its educated leadership, its integrity and its protection of children. I am writing to you to join and be a signator in a letter writing campaign to all the administrators of the OU leadership, asking that they require that Rabbi xxxxxx publicly retract his letter if he is to continue to be affiliated with the OU. If the OU does not do so, it is giving credibility and publicly honoring a senior employee who advocates protecting xxxxxx child molestors and persecuting their victims, even when the molestor admits his guilt. This is hardly a message befitting the OU and its admirable mission in the Jewish world.

    chalilavchas
    Member

    yichusdik

    It’s not for any of us to set standards for our manhigim. It is for them to set and meet standards for themselves that will not fail the test of critical thinking.

    Yes. But hopefully those who are critical thinkers and have, deservedly so, lost respect for people in high places who have been less than honest, wont be criticized for non-acceptance of unacceptable public behavior.

    chalilavchas
    Member

    Overthrow?

    B”H most Rabbanim have never been caught twisting the truth. Only those who have been caught twisting the truth, need to be retired, perhaps.

    chalilavchas
    Member

    Health,

    Stop trying to blame this on him. As s/o who has dealt with Rabbonim in the past -I think he was more of a follower than the leaders.

    Im not the Judge, Hashem is, but when I read this sentence off Rabbi B’s statement, I cringe:

    “……After conducting a thorough investigation I am absolutely certain that R’ Y.K.,may his light

    shine, is perfectly innocent of any wrongdoing of any nature whatsoever. And not only is he innocent

    but it is also as cleartone that all these allegations are fabrications made by [REDACTED].

    Further, all the reports made to the secular authorities were only for the express purpose of casting

    blame for their[the victim’s family] own shameful and cursed existence on others. And the truth is that

    the allegations they make against others are crimes they themselves are in fact guilty of and they seek

    to cleanse their reputation by blaming an innocent man for their own deeds….

    chalilavchas
    Member

    Hopefully the OU will take a very in depth serious look at Rabbi B’s position, who is an important part of the OU. The OU, in agreement with Rabbinical Council, supports going to authorities in cases of molestation, Rabbi B clearly does not.

    Will the OU want someone who is a major player in their organization, who has opposite philosophical differences and writes very public Kol Korehs involving these huge philosophical differences? How would the OU explain that to all the people that do business with the OU, who look up to the OU to take a stand?

    With the internet, people are very aware of whos who and where they work and their philosophy on issues of importance.

    chalilavchas
    Member

    faithfulskeptic,

    and nothing can be done about it.

    Any Askan willing to put some effort into this would be doing a great Mitzvah in contributing or collecting funds to compensate for the family having to move out of their community, lose jobs, get kicked out of schools. This would certainly give the victim the feeling that the Frumme Oilem cares!

    Often, kids who are molested become molesters, go OTD, become Jew haters, get depressed, suicidal…..

    Anything the community does for this victim and the family, to show concern, would be Mechazek them, and is a huge Mitzvah! The young victim wouldnt picture everyone out there not caring about their terrible experience and it would lessen the chances of him showing signs of anger at the community in the future.

    Any Askanim listening?

    chalilavchas
    Member

    Yes. Basically when it hits the likes of Hamodia, Yated and such is when the kids in school already know all about it and are talking about it. This is one of those topics they won’t go near any time soon.

    And what about catering to their readership? The Frume Oilem would benefit greatly by the airing of this issue in a respectful way.

    Otherwise, only Hashem knows what signed proclamations will be issued next and shoved down our throats?!?!

    chalilavchas
    Member

    Is public opinion here that Yated, Mishpacha, etc wont touch this humongously important topic in a meaningful way, and make some noise, as sorely needed, to see to it that the same old, same old, doesnt recur, where bad is called good and good is called bad, r”l?????

    chalilavchas
    Member

    Charles Snort,

    On the other hand, admitting bad judgment will cause you to lose credibility with people who have held faith in your judgment.

    Those who live on another planet or arent into the news, will find out about the bad judgement by the admission of bad judgement. Everyone else already knows that the perp who was called innocent, while the innocents were called guilty, by these people who “looked into it”, admitted his guilt. ;-0

    chalilavchas
    Member

    Will any publication speak up, in a polite, bekovodik, tactful way regarding innocents who were demonized? Or, will it be shoved under the rug?

    Todays young adults who study this and discuss among themselves, should be shown that demonized innocents, when proven innocent, are treated right and asked forgiveness and perhaps compensated for losses, as well.

    chalilavchas
    Member

    writersoul,

    to those people who surround them, the admission that their leader is wrong would come out as a betrayal….. it would be WORSE for their image to apologize, sad as it may be.

    I wonder-

    What response would be most pleasing to Hashem, being that they are representatives of the Torah’s teachings?

    chalilavchas
    Member

    yichusdik, 100*****!

    Hopefully Devarim hayotzim min halev, nichnasim el halev… we want so badly to look up to “people of importance” in our community.

    chalilavchas
    Member

    It seems we all think that “the people of importance” ought to ask forgiveness.

    Do you think they will?

    Wouldnt doing that, and doing it publicly, be a beautiful example to the Klal to always “do the right thing”, no matter how hard?

    chalilavchas
    Member

    Without mentioning names, in a recent molestation case, the family of the victim was hounded, threatened and pressured to retract the accusal by people of importance. The family of the victim righfully did not want to see other children molested, so they did not.

    After this, other accusers came forward, and the perp admitted his guilt.

    Is/should effort be made by those who put pressure on the victim’s family, to ask Mechila from the family whose lives were made miserable and were demonized and chased out of their community, causing the innocent victim’s family immeasurable emotional, financial, etc hardships?

    in reply to: 200,000,000 Spent Yearly by Patrons on Pesach Hotel Programs #938953
    chalilavchas
    Member

    I personally never raised the question. Im repeating.

    The $200,000,000 figure seems like lots of money, and certainly very far from a neccessity, to be spent on a luxurious vacation lasting a week a year, while Yidishe kids are being denied entry to Yeshiva because they cant afford to pay tuition, etc.

    in reply to: Teen At Risk #936825
    chalilavchas
    Member

    Ive heard questions like:

    How do we know that Hashem has a definite preference for Orthodox observance of the Torah, if you can be a good person and respected Jew and not be Orthodox?

    If someone enjoys Shabbos better with music, why cant they listen to music? They use air conditoning and heating, etc

    Why are Frum kids taught to hate all Goyim and that MOST Goyim and freye Jews do bad things, almost likened to dogs?

    Why do we look down at Jews less Frum than us?

    Why did Hashem create those who have urges for same gender relationships, if its an abomination?

    Why dont Frum Jews marry Gerim and BT’s if youre supposed to be Mekarev them? The Frummer people are, the less likely theyll marry Gerim or BTs. Many Gerim and BTs leave because they feel hypochrisy.

    Why in much of the Frum world has fanciness (keeping up with designer clothing and decorating to the extreme), almost become a Halacha to be kept in many very Frum circles?

    Why are Menuvalim (people who do improper things of all kinds publicly, etc) honored by Yeshivos?

    The list goes on….

    The answers I’ve heard is you have to believe… if you believe there are no questions, if you dont believe, there are no answers or something similar…

    in reply to: Teen At Risk #936818
    chalilavchas
    Member

    Brilliant and sensitive post.

    While by far, most Rabbonim and people of importance in Chinuch and Yiddishkeit are sensitive and intuitive, unfortunately, some Rabbonim and people of importance in Chinuch and Yiddishkeit are not sensitive and intuitive at all. Humans are humans.

    Sometimes its the little guy, with no fame or notoriety or degree, just a big kind heart and sharp brain, who is very sensitive and intuitive and deals best with people in difficult situations.

    in reply to: How can one judge favorably for this? #934132
    chalilavchas
    Member

    brotherofurs, how did it end? Did the Rov apologize and continue the conversation at a later date, or did the Rov show no interest? Did he run off or did she run off? What was the last exchange between them?

    We got half a story here.

    in reply to: Facebook Is To Blame For Rising Orthodox Jewish Divorce Rate? #935205
    chalilavchas
    Member

    yytz,

    And I’m not sure it’s really true that divorce is increasing among frum Jews.

    Depends on the age group!

    Among my 100 or so high school classmates and their siblings, (in their 40’s, 50’s and 60’s) there B”H have been hardly any divorces in their 20-30 years of marriage.

    The next generation- their kids (in their 20’s), forget about it, there are many unfortunately! Its scary!

    in reply to: Facebook Is To Blame For Rising Orthodox Jewish Divorce Rate? #935167
    chalilavchas
    Member

    jbaldy22,

    A protracted explanation would involve discussing how our chinuch system evolved and partially caused this dating/faking game.

    Do you mean every guy and girl needing to be the Best Boy/Girl in Hatzenplatz because theyll do a good Shidduch and will live happily ever after, even if they cant possibly be and/or dont want to be the Best Boy/Girl in Hatzenplatz, but the Hanhala and often Mommy and Tatty…

    in reply to: Facebook Is To Blame For Rising Orthodox Jewish Divorce Rate? #935163
    chalilavchas
    Member

    Claiming that going on Facebook is causing divorces is like claiming that heart attacks are caused by indigestion. There might be a connection (unhappy people with roving eyes look all over the place), but one doesnt cause the other.

    in reply to: Facebook Is To Blame For Rising Orthodox Jewish Divorce Rate? #935159
    chalilavchas
    Member

    Why is checking people out on Facebook any more damaging to marriages than checking people out on the subway or in the neighborhood? Those whom we know, we know all about them anyhow. Those whom we dont know, are strangers, and about as far from our lives as movie-stars, etc.

    Knowing that someone has 400 Facebook friends means anything? Theyre nicer people?

    IMHO, I think the rise in divorces has more to do with changing levels of Frumkeit as the years pass. Two people with different levels of Frumkeit have a harder time agreeing on lots of issues, including how to raise the kids, a biggie.

    in reply to: The Webberman Verdict #923085
    chalilavchas
    Member

    DY,

    But when you go after someone with a good reputation, based on accusations from people with a horrible reputation (and no other evidence)

    PEOPLE! We agree that thats plural! The DA and Rabbi Horowitz and people in the mental health profession are well aware of otherS. Plural!

    in reply to: The Webberman Verdict #923073
    chalilavchas
    Member

    Health,

    We actually have something called a Torah and all those Jews jumping in joy for putting away for good this so-called molester have no concern what it says. Well it says even if this guy would be guilty the punishment is for him to marry her and pay a fine. So all these “Frum” people screaming “Yahoo” are just arguing with Hashem and his Torah and they think they know better than G-d!

    We actually have something called a Torah that forbids Yichud.

    in reply to: Dealing with an Atheist "Convert" #917634
    chalilavchas
    Member

    he told me about a segula involving putting a brick in the oven while baking challah with specific wording on it and then leaving it at a tzaddiks kever-

    Has anyone else had success with this Segulah? If anyone knows the details of how this is supposed to be done, please clarify.

    in reply to: What did the dirty diaper-throwing individuals hope to accomplish? #917394
    chalilavchas
    Member

    WIY,

    The truth is that they should be handed over to the police and I have no clue why they are tolerated because they clearly take directives from none of the Rabbonim.

    Please, I assume they daven somewhere and send their children to Yeshivas with Rabbonim…. and I assume they want to stay in Shuls and want their children to stay in Yeshivahs. They dont all daven at home or homeschool, do they?

    in reply to: How do I stop my wife spending??! #1177082
    chalilavchas
    Member

    trim, we are all products of our environments.

    Do you live in a neighborhood where to fit in and be popular, you and your children have to look, walk, talk, think like others, be a clone of those who are considered popular, lest you be looked down at, like either a rachmonus or lacking “taste”? Maybe people who dont keep up, just dont fit in there and arent admired.

    in reply to: Post to PostóNOT #1047591
    chalilavchas
    Member

    I hear theres someone in jail, giving a “touching” Shiur on Hilchos Yichud.

    in reply to: Lipa's new Chanuka video…So, so sad… #915007
    chalilavchas
    Member

    shmoel

    That isn’t a “need”.

    You are right! Its not a need for those who live a life of 100% Ruchnius. But not everyone can.

    Everything beyond very basic and humble types of food, clothing and shelter is Gashmius. Not too many in our Dor live Gashmius-free lives.

    Some need fancy this and fancy that, some need entertainment… We all have different weaknesses.

    in reply to: Lipa's new Chanuka video…So, so sad… #915004
    chalilavchas
    Member

    just me, youre 100% right, its Lashon Hara. I have heard as well that he’s very into Chesed.

    Unfortunately, its painful to be losing performers, one by one, who we previously felt comfortable with, hashkafa-wise, who entertained our children and granchildren together with adults.

    Lipa is silly/funny and amusing, not just a dry performer, and yet not totally for children like Uncle Moishi.

    He was in that middle range that adults and children both enjoyed. Who else is there who fills that need?

    in reply to: Is anyone buying Ami Magazine this week? #914737
    chalilavchas
    Member

    There is an issue of believing loshon horah also.

    And there is an issue in believing tens of therapists in the frum community, who are saying that theyre seeing other victims of HIS, who are telling of similar scenarios! Not one or two, by the way!

    And there is an issue of keeping Hilchos Yichud, if youre a Yid mit Burd un Payis, and NOT saying it’s a man-made Halacha, all leading to the biggest Chilul Hashem in a very long time. Had he taken the 4 years he was offered, hed have spared the frum Oilem the huge embarassment of the court case and the resulting association of those who look like him, perhaps all living a double life, like him, for years straight.

    Lets call a spade a spade.

    in reply to: Is anyone buying Ami Magazine this week? #914733
    chalilavchas
    Member

    artchill, +100,000,000,Ad infinitum

    When he FRANKly apologizes to the victim, and does whatever he can to root out molesters from our midst, wake me up.

    in reply to: A bit bothered by some advertisements in frum publications #1009242
    chalilavchas
    Member

    WIY,

    The other ad was an ostentatious advertisement for a frum Jewelry business with a picture of a $40,000+ watch on it.

    It probably wasnt a Rolex, if it was advertised by a frum store. Rolex doesnt have any frum sounding dealers listed on their website. Are there $40G watches from another maker? Just curious.

    in reply to: A bit bothered by some advertisements in frum publications #1009236
    chalilavchas
    Member

    I got curious and went on the Rolex website and checked for authorized dealers in New York. The Rolex authorized dealers close to the frum neighborhoods (NYC, Long Island) are not familiar or frum sounding names.

    For instance, the only authorized dealer in Brooklyn is a store, whose other location is open on Shabbos. So who are we blaming?

    ~~~

    In response to the mention of Boro Park chandeliers:

    One of my relatives living in BP has one of the grandest looking chandeliers, which was bought on Ebay for $200. Big deal.

    in reply to: Helicopters were hovering over Boro Park at about 6 pm tonight #1119908
    chalilavchas
    Member

    Crowd control? Why didnt I think of that? Probably people excited again to donate towards the legal defense for the convict.

    in reply to: Where is Rabbi Levin On CT Shooting?! #914456
    chalilavchas
    Member

    And please dont slander Chareidim or Rabbonim by stating they are all in the Democrat voting machine.

    Slander?

    /?sland?r/Noun

    The action or crime of making a false spoken statement damaging to a person’s reputation.

    I was referring to Brooklyn, here its no secret, and certainly NOT false. Its their highly publicized choice. A quick look in any newspaper, election time, and its as clear as can be. Any kid who can read will see whom is backing whom.

    in reply to: Lipa's new Chanuka video…So, so sad… #915000
    chalilavchas
    Member

    Lets all Heib of Inzere Hentelech Tzu Tatte in Himmel asap, for Lipa’s sake.

    in reply to: Lipa's new Chanuka video…So, so sad… #914998
    chalilavchas
    Member

    Does he really think secular Jews and non-Jews will buy his stuff? I cant see it.

    What is he thinking?

    in reply to: Where is Rabbi Levin On CT Shooting?! #914453
    chalilavchas
    Member

    Health,

    He might not be doing it the right way, but IMHO his way is better than No way!

    Thats who/what people think of when they think religious Jews. The message is lost and worse! People laugh and then feel the opposite of what the person with no social skills shouts about.

    in reply to: What 3 wishes would you wish? #921368
    chalilavchas
    Member

    1- Gezunt

    2- Parnasa

    3- Nachas

    World peace and the end of Anti-semitism would be nice too.

    in reply to: Lipa's new Chanuka video…So, so sad… #914993
    chalilavchas
    Member

    Morah,

    I am honestlyore disturbed that so many men here noticed.

    To what do you credit your knowledge of which posters are male and which are female?

    Anyhow, never mind the details, its not at all Heimish feeling, to the slightest degree, except for Lipa’s look and accent. His other projects were Heimish feeling.

    in reply to: Lipa's new Chanuka video…So, so sad… #914990
    chalilavchas
    Member

    Syag,

    If you pay attention you will notice lubavitch ‘stuff’ throughout. We just assumed he made this with/for them to use in their outreach. If that IS the case (my son mentioned it, not me) than some of us here may owe him a bit of an apology.

    Ive seen Outreach films and I dont think showing a woman with sleeves above the elbow and putting on make-up are prerequisites and will neccessarily make them any more of a success.

    in reply to: Where is Rabbi Levin On CT Shooting?! #914451
    chalilavchas
    Member

    This is why I tend to think people like R’ Levin are doing more good than harm. Of course most Jews don’t like that approach of “in your face”, but the fact is – he is combatting this ignorance that makes Toeiva PC in our generation.

    Im not looking to insult anyone, but if effectiveness is the goal, while everyone is allowed freedom of speech, unfortunately, if Levin had a more “Malcolm Hoenlein” (his manner came to my mind) way of speaking and looking, Levin’s and the Torah’s ideas would be taken MUCH more seriously (isnt that what we want?). That style presents well to the masses and our Oilem has many such people who should be coaxed to come forward and speak publicly to represent our views. Some do us a disservice rather than a service.

    in reply to: Where is Rabbi Levin On CT Shooting?! #914449
    chalilavchas
    Member

    Health,

    As far as Jews not changing their voting policies -they are not the least bit Ehrlich & will have to give a Din V’chesbon – how it’s more important to them to line their own pockets than to stop this Toeiva madness!

    90% if not more, of the Grand Rabbis in Brooklyn are aligned with the Democratic voting machine (who very proudly support gay rights), and are telling their flock that thats what is best for them. What do you propose to change that?

    Perhaps you can come up with other suggestions that are more realistic.

    in reply to: Where is Rabbi Levin On CT Shooting?! #914443
    chalilavchas
    Member

    To those who feel we should be doing more about homosexuality and other Aveiros not committed specifically by us, please read my above post, directed at Health.

    Please tell us what we can do to rid the world of homosexuality, the reason some feel we are getting punishment from Above.

    Health, cantgetit and others: I cantgetit.

    What are we to do?

Viewing 50 posts - 1 through 50 (of 131 total)