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There are so many levels of “good.”
Yes, non Jews can be incredibly talented and compose music that is enchanting and delightful. But they can also cook pork and shrimp that are exquisitely flavorful.
“Good” is a definition that one must define within a Jewish lens.
Good is not solely a level of enjoyment; it is something that is beneficial for our neshamos.
Good can be painful at times, like a bitter medication that a child must take to combat dreaded illness. Good is not always fun, but it is what we need, even if we don’t like it.
So “good” music, in Jewish terms, is music that arrouses the neshama in closeness to Hashem, that causes one to do teshuvah.
There is enjoyable music b’goyim, but usually not really GOOD music.
(The exception to the rule is jewishly “good” music that came down through the rare non-Jew, like the Russian marches that were adopted by Chasidim. Sometimes, sparks of holiness are able to be accessed by talented composers, but only a truly Holy person will be able to tell you which songs fall into that criteria.)
I can’t understand for the life of me why you guys are suggesting adding chumros when there are so many simple levels of doing mitzvos that are being neglected!
Look at the tznuis of our generation, the obsession with electronics, the low level of kashrus (people used to make everything themselves, now we eat things somebody in Cambodia made…)… Chumros are a personal matter. Let someone who has mastered basic observance add chumros.
Neginah (the realm of music) is the highest level up in Shamayim.
Music has the power to influence in tremendous ways, either for good or for bad. Think of the way your body wants to move when you hear different types of music. Do you want to dance in a Jewish manner? Or do you feel like you want to dance wild and uncontrolled in a non-aidel way.
Does the music make you angry? Upset? Sad?
Think of your reaction and if it is an apporpriate way for a Jew to act. Then you will know if the root is decent or not.
Music holds incredibly strong power. We should NOT be listening to everything.
A chusheve person once told me that it means a person is lacking in emunah. That person should work on developing stronger emunah.
Of course there is nothing wrong with being physically attracted to one’s future spouse. It is healthy and normal.
But to be ONLY physical attracted is dangerous. It is goyishe. The physical attraction needs to be an undercurrent to the ikkar: the ability to build a hashkafically similar marriage. That undercurrent is what I was referring to early, that soul connection.
Of course two random people can’t just get married and make it work. Shlome haMelech proved that idea wrong many, many years ago…
Like I said, I do believe in a basic attraction, in which two souls connect on a certain level.
However, if we stop and look at the history of Jewish marriages, the real Jewish way is like the chasidishe beshow, in which the parents do the research and then the kids get married after a quick meeting to make sure that they are acceptably attractive to one another.
The raw ingredients of a Jewish relationship include two healthy people who desire to build a stable marriage and do not disgust one another. There should naturally be some sort of pull between the two as well, although “love” is completely foreign to the Jewish mentality until AFTER marriage.
And again, even with the best ingredients for a marriage- your spouse will still drive you nuts.
Its a fact. Wait and see. 😛
Some things you just gotta swallow.
I always said I wanted a quiet, petite, blonde haired/blue eyed learner…
What I got was a dark chevraman with two squawking radios that was out of kollel by the time the first kid was born… So yeah, I totally get the ear plugs not being effective comment…
BUT at the end of the day, there was that “attraction!” And for some reason, even with his incredible LOUDNESS (and I LOATHE noise!!!) I still wouldn’t trade him in!
So there ya go. Case in point, to solve two threads at once: attraction is real, and sometimes we have to get what we’d thought we’d hate anyways. and at the end of the day, its all good. so just take the first guy that looks like you can build a solid Jewish life with and move on. You’ll get paired with the guy you NEED; not necessarily what you thought you’d like.
(I totally see my hubs as the biggest catalyst for self-improvement…)
Uh huh. Ear plugs.
Let’s look at this from a different angle. Instead of tzedaka, let’s talk tuition collectors.
They’ve got a real nasty rap. Nobody likes them. At least not in the parent body! But you know who loves ’em? The rebbes and teachers that wouldn’t have food to put on their table without the tuition collector bully chasing down the parents…
Yes, there is overhead when it comes to tzedaka. But think of the rebbes and teachers- that overhead is going to feed their kids. These are people we are talking about!
A chesed organization cannot run soley on volunteers round the clock. Every organization needs some kind of paid workers, in order that they CAN devote their time to helping the organization.
A volunteer who has no money can only volunteer for the time it takes to starve…
So, yes, feel good when you give to tzedaka, knowing that even the “overhead” keeps the chesed going!
At the end of the day, no matter how “perfect” your spouse is when you finally do pick one, he is still going to drive you nuts sometimes.
Its a fact of life.
Married people get on each other’s nerves to some extent. So, just look at this way. You can keep pushing off decision making, and then one day far down the rode, you’ll finally find that real “catch” that you’ll be sure is the best of them all… and then he’ll go and leave his socks on the floor and the cap off the toothpaste tube, just proving to you that marriage is the great equalizer anyways.
So, go ahead. Get married without wasting time sampling, ’cause the end result is all the same anyways! 😉
I think that attraction is a special bracha that guides us in finding our spouses. If the person who hasn’t felt any attraction even after meeting many “potentials” is an emotionally healthy and mentally balanced human being, then we can assume that “not feeling attracted” is simply a fact of life, and not an extreme judgment given by an egotistical person.
That being said, attraction takes many forms. There is pure physical attraction, which can be classified more as “lust,” and then there is real attraction; the force that causes chein to come shining out of your date’s face, whether or not their features are the most beautiful you’ve ever seen. That sort of attraction is something real, akin to a meeting of the neshamos. A deeper connection, a feeling of belonging with one another…
I do not believe that waiting for such a connection is a foolish, or hopeless. Waiting only for a simple physical attraction is foolish however.
So just ask yourself, are you looking for a painting? Or a soul connection? Dig a little deeper and be honest with what you consider “attraction,” then you can go ahead and recognize the real deal when it presents itself.