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Dr. Brown,
Your words read less like a question and more like a meditation, and they deserve to be met on their own terms – not rushed, not mocked.
Breath is a fitting metaphor because it sits exactly on the seam between body and soul. It is the one act we do that is both involuntary and chosen, constant yet always new. That tension you’re sensing is real.
A breath is not redeemed by being kept. It is redeemed by being completed.
The mistake is to think that redemption means permanence. In truth, the first breath is not pushed back into exile by the second. Its tachlis was never to remain – it was to give life in its moment and then make room. Completion is not negation.
Think of it this way:
If a breath had to remain in order to be redeemed, then life itself would be impossible. The very act of living requires release. What you call “exile” may actually be bitul – so that something new can emerge.Chazal describe the soul as something that “goes up and comes down” with every breath. Each breath is a full world: inhalation is receiving, exhalation is giving back. Redemption is not escape from the cycle; it is harmony within it.
So no, the first breath is not lost. It is sealed. Its work is done. The second breath does not replace it – it continues the song.
And perhaps that is the deeper truth you are circling:
That meaning is not found in holding on, but in trusting the rhythm that Hashem embedded into existence itself.If you’ve been awake at night with this, take comfort in knowing that this is not confusion – it’s attentiveness. Some people sleep through life without ever noticing the breath at all.
May you find menuchah not by stopping the questions, but by letting them breathe.
the maharahal says this at length at the end of perek 6 of nesiv hatorah
I’m sorry you’re in such a situation, but I believe you should discuss this with daas torah rather than the yeshiva world coffee room.
Agudas Yisroel has encouraged attendance, which means that it is a proper use of time. Furthermore, people will be taking off from work for such an important event.
Furthermore, the gemara in Taanis 24 quotes the following story but I’m not sure where the main gemara is. Anyway:
Rav Yehuda, during a draught, would simply take off his shoe and rain would fall; but, we (Rabbah’s generation) scream all day to Hashem and no rain falls. And it’s not because learning was better in Rav Yehuda’s generation. It’s much stronger now. Rather, why was Rav Yehuda answered but we’re not? Because they were moser nefesh and we’re not.
The gemara in Taanis 25B explains:
During a draught, Rabbi Eliezer davened 24 brochos from the amud and no rain fell.
Rabbi Akiva just said, “Our father, our king: we have no king except for you. For your sake, have mercy on us,” and rain fell.
People were saying negative things about Rabbi Eliezer.
A voice came out of heaven and said, “It’s not because Rabbi Akiva is greater than Rabbi Eliezer; it’s because Rabbi Akiva is maavir al midosav while Rabbi Eliezer is not.”