teenager

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  • in reply to: Kosher Hangouts #634488
    teenager
    Member

    abcd1234- thanks you so much for the compliment, as you should see the hate letters i am getting in my inbox for not being able to follow halacha 100% like the senders who are writing it, and that I am going stright to hell, so thanks for the good words

    thanks for the recomendation but shiurim is not the thing for me now, but i guess i will try it. thank you

    in reply to: Kosher Hangouts #634486
    teenager
    Member

    chasid-of-Hashem- i completley understand your viewpoint of this situation, but i feel differnet. if chas c’ shalom something really bad happened i would care about him just as much ebcause our relationship is so beyond physical at least for me, he doesnt need to offer me anything, just by being who he is without even talking or moving i would still love him deeply. we realize what physicality can do to a rleationship and make weeks when we are shomer so we can just talk and really learn about each other.

    in reply to: Kosher Hangouts #634484
    teenager
    Member

    notitallmr- thank you for the compliment, i try.

    in reply to: Kosher Hangouts #634481
    teenager
    Member

    back to my original idea, beyond arguing the minor details can we all try to do whatevers in our power to do something about this?

    in reply to: Is 3 Cups of Coffee a Day Too Much? #803322
    teenager
    Member

    noitallmr, thanks I wouldnt know, never smoked but yes it has the same addictive qualities

    it always bothered me that wherever we are my parents need to stop and get their cup of coffee, even though its just coffee you shoulnt be dependent on it

    in reply to: Kosher Hangouts #634480
    teenager
    Member

    tzippi- this kind of orignization will attract these kids, iw ant it to get the point where all hours its stocked with fun activities and mentors for the kids. Well as a girl I have a big advantage in being able to make guys listen to me and try it, we can spread the word and make it work, I know I want and need something like this and so many toher guys and girls have agreed with me.yea like you said NCSY is not the place for us. So what are wo going to do about this problem besides argue that it shouldnt be coed, thats not really saving these kids

    charlie brown- k sounds good, whenvers good for you I am pre-med and quite busy but i priotritize and we need to something about this epidemic, so whenever you ahve a chance. thank you!

    in reply to: Kosher Hangouts #634479
    teenager
    Member

    sjinnyc- refuah shelemiah to you, your husband ans son

    I have been dating for 15 months, since I was 17 and I can echo how difficult keeping a good relationship is, it has not been easy. We both come with a lot of bagage and still young and are somewhat imature we werent looking for a relationship but it happened and it has been anything but easy but its been worth it. A lot of my freinds were jealous of the fact that i had a boyfriend and I would always tell them its nothing to be jealous of, yea it has amzing aspects to it but its really hard work and it emans nothing if you dont do it the proper way. So a lot of teenagers are lazy and dont want to deal with a relationship and all the emotional aspects of a relationship so they just look for hookups and hanging out.

    Also I love my boyfriend and i cant imagine having a prearanged marriage because maybe I would never ever love that man and I think love is evry important, as it keeps you going when times are really tough. I am sure it works for many people, but not for everyone.

    My aprents are overprotective of me and need to know where I am going and who I am woith butI am sure the 30 guys at 711 at 2 in the AM their parents either dont care or dont notice, or they lied to them, but many friends have told me their parents dont care what they do and therefore they can do whatever they want

    in reply to: Is 3 Cups of Coffee a Day Too Much? #803309
    teenager
    Member

    to much coffee leads to addiction and dependency, and missing a cup can cause shaking or headaches andd other withdrawl symptoms. its not good to be so dependent on anything even coffee

    in reply to: Kosher Hangouts #634475
    teenager
    Member

    veimloachshuv- i read your post a little while ago but i didnt have time to respond, I was going to write that u are wrong that the main thing isnt that they need t be care for that its emotional probelms mainlt, but the more i thought about it, I realized that they are interconected, most emotional problems are from not being cared about, whether its dysfunctional homes, abuse or just a busy parent. kids nee to feel they are truly care about, andwe can tell when people are fake. my ideal kosher hangout would provide the love and careing and sense of needing that these kds long for and crave. so you are correct

    tzippi- i went to an ncsy summer camp 3 years ago, and its purpose was to integrate bais yaakov kids with public school kids wo we could rub off on the public school kids, there were different levels of elarning and it was aimed to be eared for all types of girls, but it didnt quite do that, i think the public school kis influenced me more. when i was 10 or so my brother was some big thing in monsey jr ncsy and he would bring me to a lot of the events and most of those kis were in co-ed more modern day schools. so basically ncsy is a big mix it has public school kids and co-ed day schools, but mainly its focus is with kids who have basically no background in judiasm, its nor emnat fro these kids in question- the ones who grew up frum and are somewhat turned pff and need positive reinforcement, it would be to below us and we would end up being influenced by these kids who are just starting off in the frum world

    charlie brown- thanks, um one thing I might need help I dont know if you would want to, but I want to write letters t different rabbeim asking for guidance in this undertaking, so I need a little help composing them cause I dont want it to sound childish or anything. So I dont know if thats your are or what but just a thought.

    So I was thinking that also, that the kids who never experimented should not get involved with this crowd, but one thing is some of these kids are dieing inside even though they have never acted out on the exterior and maybe this will prevent them doing anything bad in the future, it would have worked for me. but i dont think the kids who arent involved would come, they wouldnt want to be with that crowd.

    I actually never heard of Rabbi Blobstein, I will ask some of the guys and it does sound like he could be helpfull as this falls under his field. I doubt the guys I talk to will know him as most of the guys I know in Monsey are either very frum or not religous anymore and not intrested but I will loook into it, thanks

    in reply to: Arthritis in young people #948349
    teenager
    Member

    my friends sister was niftar from juvenile rheumatoid arthritis which usually is not fatal but is fairly common, I dont think it fits what you are describing as the onset is ually from 5-early teens. about 300,000 kids in the U.S have it, and 10% have what she has, which is system jra and causes the organs to shut down. As I said this doesnt fit what you said I just wanted to bring awarness of this problem.

    in reply to: Kosher Hangouts #634462
    teenager
    Member

    thanks everyone for your concern, I am well aware of the dangers on the internet since as a kid I got in a bad situation but I and will be very carefull, so if anyone wants to email me for some reason my new email is [email protected], smartgal and sjinnyc please email me if you dont mind and tohighschoolguy if u want me to explain the problems with boy, girl relationship, things I can not say here you can email me, as well as anyone else.

    bored@work- eh dont feel bad for me, when you feel so strongly about something you dont mind defending it, it takes a lot of time but I am so happy at all the responses. I do not want to pervert Judiasm, chas v’shalom, my goal is to bring some of the perversion that unfortunatley is getting more and more common out into the point. I am sure you know the basi concept that admitting theres a problem is the first step to solving it, so to we have to raise awareness of whats going on so something can be done. Its unforunate I have been exposed to so much, but even in the bad you can find good, and if the outcome of all I been exposed to can lead me to helping others (which it already has) the end was worth the means and all the suffering will have been worth it.

    Feif un, Intelegent- I see your debate from both sides, but its not that girl dont have tavos, they have differnet ones. I want to be held by a guy or hold hands which cause the guy to have more tavos. But you are right about first being touched which leads to more tavos.

    Lammed hey- exactly what I am saying, bringing it out into the open. So I kind of am worried about the finance thing, thats why I posted here in the hopes of manybe someone being able to help, there are plenty of very rich yidden and I am sure this issue unfortunatley will hit home with someone, but I just have to find that someone, it might take a while but I know what I am doing is right and Hashem will help me. As you said, its not easy but its way worth it.

    Charlie Brown- I really appreciate your support and validation, (almost) everyone else is fighting me. I understand if you cant help monitarily or personally, but anything you can give, ideas anything. Like you mentioned, the schar would be unbeleivable, so many kids would be saved, not just with Judiasm but from prison and addictions to drugs and alcohol.

    Inteligence- not sure which Rabbi Greenwald you are talking about, it might be a brother but I know Miriam Greenwald who is one of the heads of JEP in Monsey and is an amazing women, the JEP sunday school deals mainly with 1st grade till 7th or 8th, the oldest I dealt with was teaching boys their bar mitzva parshiot. That is a very good idea, and I will look in there. Thank you. Also just to make it clear, I have nothing against yeshivish, I am just not exactly in that cirlce.

    Not sure who said this comment that no Rabbi would agree with a co-ed society, I could name 5 or 6 off the top of my head and robaly more who would be fine with that, I am not going to put their names here but plenty of my rebeim are aware of whats going on and realize that this is way of dealing with it, since its better than other situations. And also before i spoke to boys, I asked a really high up rav about it, so yes there are people who would support this. A lot of the rebeim who deal with at risk teens and the like

    in reply to: Kosher Hangouts #634452
    teenager
    Member

    muchcommonsense- even though we know something is wrong we still have our weaknesses. currently almost all my friends are girls, and i look for love and attention through them, but i do ahve a couple of good guys who i do talk to once in a while. while it might not be right, i still do it. and if you knew where i was coming from, jsut talking to a couple of yeshiva guys is pretty good for me. maybe love shouldnt come from boyfriends, but if thats where i am able to get it from I will take it

    Sjinnyc- yea that would be great, you sound like u get it. im not yeshivish either so dont worry

    intellegent- thank you for your comment. also I am not lloking for help through this blog, I started this discussion so we can help others not me.

    s- you might have a wonderful marriage, but do you know whats going in the frum world and especcaily the chasidishe world, let me familiarize you with a site called tefilindate.blogspot.com, i am not reccomending you go to the site, its basically frum porn and while i do not look at porn and the concept bothers me it depicts very well whats going on in our communities, first of all you have the problem when you are forbidding the opposite gender people become attracted to their gender, i have seen it, it happens in the mikvas, everywhere. I know the guy who runs the site, and the emails he gets from people looking to be set up to ahve affairs, its all true. and very sad. i know you are all going to get upset by thi, but i wouldnt make it up.

    charlie brown- i ahve tried with project yes and rabbi horowitz told me that before i should work on becoming frum i ahve to deal with the abuse, that is more important. I have a profesional but it takes a lot of time to get over what has happened and is continuing to happen. my parents dont know what happened, they know things have but not sure what, but they pay for therapy. its very hard to keep going but I am trying. thank you for the reminder, i realize the internet is dangerous but i am going to post a new email address and be cery careful what I reveal to anyone.

    shisho- brooklyn isnt the only place in the worls, and we need more than ohr naava

    in reply to: Kosher Hangouts #634441
    teenager
    Member

    rik- I am so happy that you had such amazing giving people there for you in hard times, I wish I had that I have looked for it and have not obtained it and unfortunatley everyday that passes I go more off the derech but whatever I will deal. That is very nice that you want to give back, I am not sure of any mentoring programs in lakewood, but I will look into it.

    Smartgal- Thanks so much, I am going to set up a new email address so you canc ontact me for that, I will post it when I get a chance

    Tohighschoolguy- not to sound distant, but you really dont understand the problem with a relationship between guys and girls well since I have lived it and been hurt so many times I get it, theres a lot I want to say and cant say on theyeshivaworld so when i set up a new email address for smartgal feel free to email me there. but anyway no relationship is platonic, guys and girls are very different in what they want from a relationship. the girl wants the emotional part, she wants someone to care for her, portect her and love her and maybe even hold her. the guy mainly wants the physical. because we are taught ot spoken about the opposite gender we dont realize that their needs are so different than our own, that we assume that we want the same thing, I have been with good frum guys who are like you know you want it even though I am crying they dont get it. No friendship stays a friendship, I am not a teacher, a rebbe or even any adult who is preaching this, its just so many people told me this and I was stupid enough to think I could just have friendships, because thats what I wanted but it never stayed that and it wont, the longest friendship i had with a guy before something happened was 5 months and I was fooled saying oh this is working but it wont, we have contrasting interests and it does not work.

    bein hasdorim- wow you hit the mark, thats exactly what happens and what happened with me, i was completely manipulated. you have good ideas about fun activities that would keep us busy, I would drop guys to play sports and stuff in a good environment. Thanks for your ideas and for seeing things the way they truly are.

    bored@work- thats why i originaly said co-ed because I didnt get why they would leave what they have, but if we make it really good, really fun and stuff they would leave. and this is just an idea, we have to play with it, but i know in the frum circles now that with the shortage of boys in shiduch dating they made a thing that if you marry a girl older than you, you egt paid a certain sum of money, so this enticement egts the guy to start dating older girls and than they end up meeting the right one, so if we could entice them in some way and give them a bribe to come out, and once they come out and have a good time they wont need a bribe, they will see how a good environment like fun activities and a supportive staff can really make a world of differece in their tumultous difficult lives.

    cantoresq- you amde a good point about teaching kids proper conduct around the proper gender, i think because we teach them not to look or talk to the opposite gender, that if/when they break out the guys tend to treat the girls as bodies cause they were never taught to respect the girl as a person,a dn they completely use the girl who than feels so empty and hurt so she continues with guys looking for someone who can make her feel better but just ends us in a vicious cycle of being hurt again. and if u asked why they started to begin with- forbidden fruits are the most desired.

    inteligent, and bored@work- ok forgot about making a bigger problem, solve the problem we have right now, instead of saying that whatever we do id going to make it worse you wont try to make it better, what is wrong with you?

    Sjinnyc- exactly, if we had a co-ed kosher hangout, kids would come out from basement and cars and parks and go into a good supervised environment.

    in reply to: Kosher Hangouts #634430
    teenager
    Member

    thank you cantoresq, i was thinking of an answer to muchcommonsense and I quite frankly dont have one, its a natrual pull, like with positive and negative molecule, its a need. for me theres a little reason, I am a tomboy I like sports and guy stuff, I dont have fun shopping with girls and talking about clothes and stuff that irks me, I get along better with guys I am more comfortable talking to them, also I am sure this is true for many I have really low self esteem and what I can say guys intrest in me, alothugh only temporarily makes me feel better. and also i didnt say befriend boys over girls, I have way more friends that are girls but I dont shelter myself completley. Also I used to go out with any guy, Ive been with the worst and now Iv’e elarned to pick and choose and I have really good friendships, they give me something girls dont. they are way more trustworthy and caring and usually do whatever they can to help. But like cantoresq said I cant explain it, whatever I said is going to sound stupid and wont make sense to you, its a teenage thing.

    Shindy- exactly, these schools arent equiped to deal with anything and the mechanchot arent any better, i got kicked out partially because i was molested and they didnt know how to deal with an issuse like that, so they jsut got rid of me. its a system we are all a number and dont feel like individuals anymore, we lose our sense of self so we go out there and make ourselves known.

    SJinnyc- yasher koach and much grattitude to your mother for making the problem known. I had the same thing in high school, in binyan habyis we got a lecture how guys want one thing from you, and the next week what to look for in a husband. if guys just want one thing, how are they ready for marriage? when do they change? When you are forbidden you tend to do it more when you get the freedom, hence me with guys. I have heard stories about what goes on NCSY and they are not pretty, that is why my idea is ehavily supervised I dont want the same thing going on.

    charlie brown- like i said in a previous post, most teens are hanging out not because they are bored, there is a small eprcent of those who do that, but because there are deeper emotional issues, the reason kids rebell is because they dont know how wlse to deal with their intense emotional pain, they have to keep it inside till they feel like they are gona burst and cant take it anymore so they try to find a way to chanel it, which is usally no in the healthiest manner, but at least they get rid of the intense emotions and thus they rebell by doing not the most kosher things. my “hangout” wouldnt just be bowling and shiurim there would be attention to the emotional need of the kid, if someone offered me help with my probelms I would immediatley take it and I know many others would to. So yea if its just a hangout they will go back to 711 afterwards, but if its a hangout plus it takes care of the reason they are hanging out to begin with its a win win situation.

    k so for me indvidually as I was going off the derech I emailed and called top rabanim and other people to help me, but nobody did, they were either to busy or said I was to far off or they had worse, some just told me to go off immediatley. the worst pain is probally rejection, I had it so many times that I stopped reaching out, I have asked so many times that I will not ask again. Yea it would be ideal if I could have a mentor or someone to learn with or someone for me to discuss my issues with Judiasm with but thats not happening. All the options you mentioned are people who are really frum and closed minded and are just going to judge me and wont understand where I am coming from. but you are very right in seeing what I need

    in reply to: Kosher Hangouts #634420
    teenager
    Member

    tzippi- you are very right, i think because the problem was never addressed didnt know what to do, the first time a guy touched me he was a yeshivish guy in beis midrash and i ddint refuse because i was like hes yeshivish he must know what hes doing, I was young and stupid and have learned since than but I am sure there many other young kids in my position who need to be prepared for these situations

    bored@work- group co-ed settings are the best, because its able to stay more in a friendship way than if its just a boy and girl alone, the guys i hung out with in group settings nothing ever happened but its when you get alone it gets risky. Any ideas what we should do about these problems?

    in reply to: Kosher Hangouts #634419
    teenager
    Member

    zalmy- like everyone has said what you said is a hundred percent accurate, in seminary last year one of our most frequent discussions was the hypocrisy in the frum community, these were all really good BY girls but who were fed up by all the contradictions. We actually made a whole list and its something that really bothers me, how people dont practice what they preach, as you said we kids arent stupid we see through all this falsehood that is presented to us. you have a great grasp on whats going on, but any ideas for a solution, also one thing I wasnt saying kids are going off because they dont have a place to hang out, there already are problems as you just mentioned a big one, I am looking for a sultion to it.

    Tohighschoolguy- let me quote you” dont even know if it practical” we wont know until we try something, I am telling you it will work, I have lived through this, I know what would have pulled me out of all the stuff I was doing and going through. By “people will never go for it”, did you mean the adults who control our society and what is their purpose in not allowing a positvie constructive thing, pushing kids who are alreafy turned off even further? Ok fine maybe that was a blanked statement that no relationships are shomer, but very few are and many arent you just dont know about it, I do have one shomer relationship but its rare, it takes a certain kind of guy maybe your friends are like that. Personally I am from Monsey and wanted to start my idea there and than see if we can isntitue into other communities, yes it would be easier in an out of town setting but I dont think theres a need for it, it will be harder in Brooklyn and Lakewood but it deffintley can be done

    in reply to: Kosher Hangouts #634413
    teenager
    Member

    smartgal- wow you are so lucky to ahve discovered what Judiasm really stands for and can be for you if you get beyond all the dos and donts. K forget the co-ed hangouts, if we do seperate I think it can still accomplish a lot. you sound like you know what you are talking about and being a mentor I think would be a great idea for you if/when we set up these “hangouts”, but beyond many orginizations need mentors such as project yes so look into that if you are interested. I am really trying to help others, but I am a jealous of how you really found your niche in Judiasm would you be interested learning with me or something?

    Tohighschoolguy- as you said co-ed activities are a risk unless they are monitored, hence my idea is to bring these relationships out into the open into a monitored setting. just one thing, there is no such thing as being shomer, everyone used to tell me you cant have a shomer negiah relationshp with the opposite gender, but I was all inncoent what do you mean you cant just sit and talk to a guy for hours, I have only one relationship with a guy that has stayed shomer, it doesnt happen so I know all of you are going to say to me so i should know very wll that a coed setting isnt good cause it cant stay platonic, well nobodys having a platonic relationship now anyway and I think if I would have been in a supervised setting nothing would have happened, I dont touch guys they touch me and if we were in an environment with rebeim and mentors and something to do beyond make out, fun activities that can give us meaning it can really solve so many problems.Tohighschoolguy, you are so correct to most teenagers Judiasm seems like just a list of donts and cause the teen to rebel cause he/she feels restricted and is not able to see the beauty that our religion has.

    in reply to: Kosher Hangouts #634410
    teenager
    Member

    cantoresq, congratulations on seeing things how they really are and having a normal approach to dealing with this, thanks for restating my point that you would rather small things happening in a supervised environment than who knows what in a deserted area. your kids are lucky to have you as a parent.

    Yoshi- ecactly what I am saying, there are very few out there who are trying to accomplish what is being done, you have very good ideas we just need to bring it to fruition to help those kids

    in reply to: Kosher Hangouts #634407
    teenager
    Member

    you might understand but its not the sole fact that you are a teenager, many of my friends dont get it theyv’e just never exposed themeselves to whats out there which is a good thing but they are living in a little bubble. what you said is a really good point, as i feel the same way I know I am doing something bad but still do it, so fine lets make seperate “hangouts” but lets still do that at least. Well lets figure out how to rekindle that love, shall we?

    in reply to: Kosher Hangouts #634404
    teenager
    Member

    joseph, its already happened, i am trying to make it better not worse, any ideas?

    in reply to: Kosher Hangouts #634403
    teenager
    Member

    K i am not here to encourage co-ed, I am not endorsing it at all, I have seen the consequences of it over and over. But when its already happening in basements and alleys and bard with frum teens, bring it in to a kosher environment, thats all I am saying. I spent a lot of time thinking this up and talking about it with other adults and kids, and originally I proposed seperate “hangouts” but why would these kids go there? they need a reason to leave what they have. Make it a big building, spererate rooms, really really suervised but some kosher interaction. Or manybe try it without it, at least do something, not just Ohr Nava but something on a lower level, seperate for boys and girls, dont just argue what I am saying but come up with something that will work if my idea wont.

    Shindy- I am not on here to get help for myself, yes I have my own issues but I try not to slef pity, I kind of do kiruv myself in JEP and other orginizations, I am usually the one teaching I wouldnt even know where to ask for a private learning partner, but what you are saying is very true, I was kind of turned off by just memoirzing things that didnt mean anything to me, but in seminary when I realized i could just open a sefer and really learn things that I can apply to my daily life it meants so much more.What you are saying is so true, that is whats happening hence is why i suggested heavily supervised co-ed, theres already enough of the non supervised co-ed events, like the concert you meantioned

    in reply to: Kosher Hangouts #634401
    teenager
    Member

    bored@work, see the problem si you think you are getting it but not quite, well I guess you have to live through it to really chop whats going on, maybe I have a different pesspective if Hashem would be happy about this and the Hashem I know would be, because we are trying to do something for the good and not just sit here idly and wait till these teens going through the trobules now have grandchildren who go off and we can do easier kiruv work with them than bother ourselves and get our hands a little dirt in the not most comfortable situations and environments. One of the main reasons I became frum again even though I have so many problems with it and every day is a constant struggle, was to help the kids in my position, I understand them which I feel very few people do and I want to help them but I cant do it alone, people need to open up their eyes and realize whats happening, I would tell personal stories but I dont even know what that would accomplish because when you want to deny something it doesnt matter whats presented, people will ignore it regardless. I will try a few more times but otherwise I am going to give up on these kids and me

    in reply to: Kosher Hangouts #634395
    teenager
    Member

    wow I feel everyone missed the point of my post, how can you have your head in the sand to whats happening. I know co-ed is not ideal, I grew up in a pretty frum homw never spoke to boys till last year right before i turned 18 and that first guy is my boy friend of the last 14 months but anyway thats beyond the point. I think one of the probems with the frum worlds is extremes, no co-ed no nothing, you dont understand the znus and immorality that is going on can make anyone sick I have seen it all, you cant got from 0 to 100 in one shot it has to be gradual, you cant put these kids who are doing znus and who knosw what back into a real chareidi environmet they will just rebell again and feel no one understands them and than never come back to their roots. But if we slowly in icrinements move what they are doing into a kosher supervised, loving warm environment with people to aid their struggles there is hope they can get back to where they fell from.

    Another point, maybe i shouldnt have used the word “hangout” perse as it denotes a negative conotation, like 711 in monsey or several pizza stores in brooklyn. im not talking about kids smoking up and just wasting their time. so we have the question of why kids hang out? so the most common is boredom, they have nothing else to do thats very true but not the sole problem, when kids hang out they are looking for people who have a lot in common with them, its diffrent than who your friends are, like for example i was abused and abuse causes a wide range of emotional problems from not trusting people and not letting people into you life or to being to trusting, or feeling wortless, i could go on and on, so you tend to gravitate toward the people who have common problems in you, I know I did, i could name you hangouts where the kids represent diffrent problems and are looking for emotional relief. So to solve this problem, if our “kosher hangouts” could become more than just a store front where the kids stand in front and look stoned, if it could gives the kids something to do, like if we set up with people available for the kids, like psychologists and social workers but not who will make the kids feel like something is wrong with them, they already feel that way if we put it in a way that the adults who supervise these hangouts really interact with these kids, wherer through playing basketball or just shmoozing it really can accomplish. I think Ohr Nava is an amazing organization and I am very familar with it as Nava was my friends mother, Ohr Nava attracts a different population, like I am not at the level now I would want to sit through shiurim and even though thy have different activities most of the girls there are critical and would look down on me and I already know that feeling way to well, Rabbi Wallerstien is an amazing speaker as weel as an individual but one orginization in Brooklyn is not going to touch 1/100th of what needs to be accomplished.

    I dont want to sound chutzpadik but I really feel some adults just have forgotten completley whats it like to feel as a teenager, plus we have so many issues that you have never had, some of you just turn your back on whats happening, but I know it must pain some of you, please do something!

    in reply to: Why not Obama? #715103
    teenager
    Member

    i took this from a website, but i completely agree with these words

    in reply to: Cause For Teens At Risk? #688714
    teenager
    Member

    my post was saying that before i got kicked out my menahel blamed me for using drugs, at that point in my life i never would have it was only after i felt blamed for doing nothing did i start going off and do drugs, i dont think im that confusing

    in reply to: “Harry” #804314
    teenager
    Member

    joseph just one thing, you have only heard praises od baalei teshuva? in my seminary my menahel gave a 2hr shiur on how baalei teshiva do things incorectly and how we cant trust them and so on, so what world are you living in? the same one that thinks drugs, rape, affairs and eating disorders dont happen in the frum community? m sorry if this came off as rude but unfortunatley baalei teshiva dont have the respect they should

    in reply to: Cause For Teens At Risk? #688712
    teenager
    Member

    I can relate to this as I am currently off the derech, while there are a coupld of other factors including abuse, one of the mains things was the menahel of my seminary I was kicked out for no good reason, well his reasons were I had asthma, I told people I was molested and I had a boyfriend, he told me that I was a abd onfluence on girls which was so not true, in the end he wrote my parents a letter that I was overdosing on drugs which was far from true and I was kicked out. Until than I had had my issues but was a good girl, t was only after i got kicked out and everyone assumed I was doing wrong things that I started really going crazy, drugs, alcohol, guys, you name it i did. I am still off the derech but am trying not with much succsess to cope, so I feel for the kids who are in my position and I just wish people would only use their power to do positive things

    Moderators Note:

    Quite strange…here is a quote from none other than yourself in the “Is The a Drug Problem In The Frum World”:

    “I am 18 and went off the derech for a little, and I used pot twice (marijuana) but I entered a world I never knew exsisted, I knew frum people used drugs but never realized how many people use it and in what large quantitied its used and how easily they can be obtained. i was offered other things but never used them”

    You have written some other conflicting comments……..

    Please stick your story.

    in reply to: Treatment of teens off the derech #1160117
    teenager
    Member

    tzippi- my parents wouldnt hurt from a kiruv sshabbaton but they dont know im off the derech and i dont plan on telling them

    bentzy18- yea i am happy im in therapy and shes beyond amazing but its not a quick fix and sometimes it just gets to hard to continue on, I’m scared of telling my parents, more than just protecting me I’m scared of how they will handle it and that they might get angry which will hurt me and trun me off and they have enough on their plate, my mother just got diagnosed with cancer and they dont need this on top of everything, I will continue to try to handle it myself, they are not responsible for the abuse, diffrent types of abuse happened with diffrent people,but I was raped by a family member and I cant tell them that, they cant know tihis, Im used to being alone despite how much it hurts, my boyfriends my main support he made me frum again but he doesnt know that I still have problems and questions about Judiasm that nobody will answer.

    in reply to: Is there a Drug Problem in the “Frum World”? #1100302
    teenager
    Member

    the question of is there a drug problem in the frum community is the equivalent of what color was george washingtons white horse, you would have to be blind or have your head in the clouds not to see this. I am 18 and went off the derech for a little, and I used pot twice (marijuana) but I entered a world I never knew exsisted, I knew frum people used drugs but never realized how many people use it and in what large quantitied its used and how easily they can be obtained. i was offered other things but never used them but there is a mjaor problem and something needs to be done before its to late, I have heard and seen to many bad things that resulted from taking drugs

    in reply to: At Risk Teenager #633752
    teenager
    Member

    yea i live in NY , Iv’e tried project yes but they didnt help me, Iv’e been rejected to many times, Iv’e tried some of those but maybe I can try one more time. Thanks

    in reply to: Treatment of teens off the derech #1160112
    teenager
    Member

    thanks for all the responses and support everyone

    yoshi- I’m happy I’m in this state young but what if I still feel this way when I’m older? And I know you said I’m not alone but I feel that way, I have reached out and experienced the worst thing; rejection, I dont want to have to beg for help, I want someone to care, I kind of dont want to be this way and thats a good thing and I should be easier to help if someone just cared. I am just starting college so hopefully that will take up some time. Thanks so much, I will take up your offer and contact you.

    Feif Un- I have one thing diffrent from you is that I’m a girl so the guys did care about me for different reasons, I have nothing to do with that crowd anymore, but they did protect me and wouldnt let me take drugs. I cant go on kiruv shabbatonim because my parents cant know about this, I dont want them hurting the way mothers on this site are. The ironic things is I used to teach and tutor in JEP and other kiruv orginizations.

    Bentzy 18- Thank you so much for your support. For the first time in my life I have a really good therapist that i started going to 4 weeks, and for once i really fell like I’m making progress, but I have so many issues that we hardly even talk about the abuse and because shes modern Orthodox we dont really talk about religion. Thanks for all the sites, I will check them when i have more time.

    in reply to: Treatment of teens off the derech #1160103
    teenager
    Member

    i just read through all the posts and wow now i dont feel so alone, but i’m still in a evry diffrent poition from the rest of the posters. most people posted about a child or a family friend or someone they knew, but I myself am currently in this situation. I grew up completley frum in a very good home but I always felt that something was missing, being that I was shy my questions about Judiasm never got answered, plus I went through lots of abuse and worse. Im 18 and last year I was in a good seminary in Israel really starting to feel like I belonged but I got kicked out for having a boyfriend (the first guy i ever spoke to) and for telling people I was molested. i refused to come back to NY so I stayed in Israel for the rest of the year and tried to heed the words of the rebeim that the ebst thing to show my rosh yeshiva was that he was wrong fro kicking me out, I tried really hard, but no longer ebing in a loving environment with friends I went off, first it was just talking to boys, than I started hanging out with guys, usually me with like 10 guys or so, I started drinking as a way of handeling my depression and lack of sleep from horrible flashbacks of abuse, and I experimented with pot, during this time I reached out to several experts in at risk teens but they either told me im to far off or theyre to busy, i dont think theyre to seriously, they usually have parents contacting with them not a kid whose in to deep and wants help. Also around this time I started cutting (only for a week). I got myself in really bad situations (some werent my fault), started not caring about shabbos, tznius and kashrus. i had amzing friends but most either didnt know what to do or didnt want to ehar about it becuase they wanted me to be the happy go lucky kid they knew before, I hung out in town with druggies and the like becuase like feif un said they accept us kids for who we are, we dont have to pretend to be diffrent. Lkaufman and Shindy I cant put into words how difficult it must be for you to see your child like this, but at least they have your support and know you are there. I have straightened up a little since I got back from Israel and my boyfirend came back into my life and helped me belive more in Judiasm but I still have many issues. the thing is my parents dont know, I mean they know I dont daven and dont dress aidel, and that I talk to boys and sometimes drink but beyond that they dont realize that I am a different person when I am out of the house. I have reached out but no one has helped, what are they waiting for till theres no more hope?

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