Joseph

Is this practice for writing an essay for a college entrance examination?

More is relative. I’ve never seen a Chasuna seuda being held where people in the public street could see everyone eating. A Chasuna seuda is no more public that a Siyum seuda made in a Shul.

Absolutely. You are strongly encouraged to be open and unashamed to discuss your challenge with all your family and friends.

The addict.

Is a degree in higher education sufficient to demonstrate that to your satisfaction?

A better question might be whether illiterates should have the right to vote.

TLIK: In fact you have stated some bizarre ideas and generic accusations against the entire Yeshiva and Beis Yaakov system. As much as you think you know, I know quite a bit more.

iac, why aren’t you makpid on your wife and children – just as it was makpid in your home as a child on the wife and children?

CTR, Rav Chaim said not walking over a child is a valid Yiddishe הנהגה.

I was kidding, Winnie.

TLIK: “Let’s start with a personal question. How many of your rebbeim from your elementary and high school years do you still keep contact with? If any, why not the others? Keep your answer to yourself, but it will tell you something about that rebbe that remains with you. That is real chinuch.”

Until what age do you expect Yidden who had a healthy relationship with all their rebbeim to keep in touch with them? Would such a 50 year old be calling all his rebbeim from Grades 1 through 12 twice a year? If not, how is your question relevant?

As to the rest of your comment you clearly have a highly negative view of Yeshivos, mosdos, rebbeim and chinuch in general. It is highly unrealistic. You believe some rare occurrences are everyday instances in most of today’s Yeshivos and Beis Yaakovs. They are not; they are rare. Today’s Yeshivos and Beis Yaakovs and the mainstream chinuch system is beautiful, highly effective and works extremely well.

Notwithstanding the exceptions.

LC, it is you who continues to ignore the point. NYS law doesn’t give a hoot that they consider themselves married and present themselves as being married. They used Halacha to make sure their relationship was kosher. NYS law requires that they claim to be single for purposes of filing taxes, SS benefits, pensions, etc. NYS law doesn’t even allow them to claim to be married for those purposes. If such a couple claimed to be married they would be breaking the law.

Avi, Federal law doesn’t purport to determine whether someone is married or not. Federal law uses the State to determine whether anyone is deemed married or not. For the purposes of Social Security and SS only, the law you cited above does seem to hold that if they publicly present themselves as husband and wife then they are deemed to be so for SS purposes even if they are not under State law. This would affect SS but not pensions or other instances where it matters whether the party is married or not.

“Assuming your belief is that there is no hope for the child to return to the derech, utter rejection is almost certain to create an enemy of the frum community, while setting boundaries in a non-antagonizing way lets you maintain a normal relationship.”

If you know there’s no hope for the child to return to the derech of Torah, why would you maintain a normal relationship with him/her given that he/she is a willfull Torah violater every day without remorse, and having been brought up in a Torah home is no tinok shenishba?

Dressing Chasidish is not offensive.

LC: What are you hocking chinik about. If the NYS law says that if a non-clergyman performs a religious ritual kesuba/kiddushin then it has no effect or validity in being considered a legal marriage in NYS, then such a religious marriage under the eyes of NYS law is no different than a senior couple living together without any marriage altogether. It involves no “kulas” (hey, aren’t you all about “less chumras” anyways?), involves no fraud, and you’re fully legally and halachicly entitled to the benefits – all of which are kosher. That’s the law in NYS, and someone doing this is following it completely. No less than unmarried goyim who are bf and gf and collect full benefits.

Toi: It would be easier and shorter to list who is not playing left field.

CTL/LC: As I earlier mentioned, kedushin can be done by any frum layman. No Rabbi needed altogether. As such, that approach would seem to avoid the problem of losing benefits from SS/pensions.

HML: How was your friend’s SIL disrespectful? Her didn’t tell his MIL (according to your description) to accommodate his minhagim. She chose to.

“in NY, a religious marraige conducted by a qualified indivdual and with a ketuba is considered a legal marraige.”

Which NY statue says this? NY does not recognize common-law-marriages.

Why is blackface offensive? It’s whiteface offensive too? Is dressing Chasidish offensive?

LC, on what basis do you assert that a couple who isn’t legally married is considered married for SS/pension based on kedushin alone?

If someone shmadded to Christianity then the European governments put him under the Church authority and wouldn’t allow the Jewish authorities jurisdiction over him. But if he simply became “frei” or secular, as you put it, then the Beis Din still retained full jurisdiction over him and could apply their full set of punishments over him.

But this is aside from the point. In halachic reality Beis Din retains authority bzman hazeh even over a meshumad. Unfortunately in golus the goyim didn’t allow us to assert it over a meshumad. But until the enlightenment period they didn’t prevent us from asserting it over almost any other Jew. And we exercised that authority. And would today, too, if the goyim didn’t interfere with our ability.

LC: There is absolutely no legal requirement for someone who had a kesuba/kiddushin to get a state marriage certificate.

That’s somewhat liberal. Rav Chaim says if you don’t have your hat on its better to daven byechidus at home with the hat rather than at shul without the hat.