By Rabbi Yair Hoffman for 5TJT.com

The following halachos were printed for those who are sitting shiva now after Pesach.  May the neshamos of those who have passed on have an aliyah. This was written l’ilui nishmas the author’s father, Nosson Yoseph ben Moshe whose yartzeit is 5 Iyar.

For those who have had someone pass away over Pesach and the deceased was buried already, the first day of shiva was on the last day of Yom Tov sheini – this year – Thursday.   Thus, they will get up from Shiva on Wednesday after they have davened shacharis.

KADDISH

Generally speaking, Kaddish is recited during this time, however, if there are not ten men sitting shiva, it is not recommended during the Corona pandemic.  It is crucial to know that there six degrees of tikkunim that one can do for the deceased and the LOWEST DEGREE is that of Kaddish.  The six levels are enumerated by Rabbi Eliyahu Gutmacher, a primary student of Rabbi Akiva Eiger, in his Sefer entitled, “Sukkas Shalom.”  Each ascending level is a higher form of tikkun for the deceased.

• The first level is the recitation of Kaddish.
• The second level is davening before the amud for the congregation.
• The third level is fulfilling a Mitzvah that a father or mother instructed the mourner to do in his or her lifetime.
• The fourth level is the study of Torah.
• The fifth level is teaching Torah publicly.
• The sixth level is to teach Torah publicly in a manner that combines day and night – that is between Mincha and Maariv and afer Shacharis in the morning.

LIGHTING A CANDLE

Shlomo HaMelech compares the Neshama to a lamp (Mishlei 20:27), as it says, “Ner Hashem nishmas Adam – the lamp of Hashem is the soul of a person.”  Dovid HaMelech as well stated,  “For You light my lamp, Hashem; My G-d brightens my darkness” (Tehillim 18:29).

The Neshama remains in the home during the period of shiva -and it is comforted by the presence of a candle lit for it.  The candle is similar to the nature of the neshama and it is drawn toward it in a state of glory and happiness (See Rabbeinu Bachya Shmos 25:31).  Ideally, it should be lit in the house where the deceased lived.  If not, then it should be lit where the mourners are sitting shiva.

Ideally, it should be lit by the child of the deceased.  When lighting the candle one should say “harei ani madlik ner zo l’zecher nishmas _____ ben _____..”

The candle should continue to be lit for the entire shiva.  If one did not have a long lasting candle – it should be replaced with a new one.

COVERING THE MIRRORS

During the shiva, the minhag is to cover all the mirrors in the house. One reason is that it brings simcha which is not appropriate for the mourning period.

SITTING ON LOWER CHAIRS

A mourner should not sit on a regular chair during the shiva.  The custom is to sit on a chair or other item that is below three handbreadths – that is 11.62 inches according to Rav Moshe Feinstein.  If the mourner is weak or elderly or pregnant or nursing (during nursing) one may sit on a regular chair.   An avail may also lean on a chair or sofa or bed. While eating a meal one may be lenient and eat on a higher chair.

HAIRCUTS AND SHAVING

A mourner may not get a haircut or shave – both men and women.  Even hairs that make eating difficult may not be cut for an avel in shiva.

REFRAIN FROM EXCESSIVE CONVERSATION

The mourners mut refrain from conversing in matters that do not pertain to the deceased.

GIVING CHARITY

It is the custom to give charity in the house of the shiva.  The mourners should also give charity.

UNDERSTANDING HOW THE SOUL DEPARTS

The Midrashei HaZohar on Koheles (p. 1196) explains that 30 days before the death of the person, the neshamah begins to fade away. However, it remains with the body until the moment of death, yetzias ha’neshamah. When the soul departs, it is compared to the extinguishing of a lamp (Shir HaShirim Rabbah 6:1).

The connection that binds the soul to the body is quite strong. The Gemara in Avodah Zarah (20b) tells us that in order to sever that connection, the Malach HaMaves, the Angel of Death, frightens the person to death, causing the soul to detach from the body. If the person had developed a close connection to Hashem in his or her lifetime, then there is ein macharid—there is no frightening on the part of the Malach HaMaves. Rather, the departing of the soul occurs because of its desire to attach to the Shechinah, which arrives as well.

The Megaleh Amukos (Parashas Emor, ofen 17) cites the Sefer HaTemunah, a Kabbalistic work, that when the soul departs the body, it sings the hymn of Mizmor Shir L’Yom HaShabbos. It is likely that this refers only to those on a high spiritual level. Such people merit to see the Shechinah at the time that the soul departs (Avodas Yisroel of Rav Yisroel of Kozhnitz, Parashas Parah).

Sometimes the severing of the two is painful and sometimes it is not, depending upon the spiritual level of the deceased (see Ohr HaChaim Parashas Bechukosai 26 and Gemara in Berachos 8a).

The time when the soul departs is not insignificant. In Pirkei D’Rebbe Eliezer (34), it states that the sound of the separation is one of the six sounds that reverberates around the universe but is not heard.

The Five Facets Of The Neshamah

The Midrash (Bereishis Rabbah 14:9) refers to the general neshamah with five names or forces: Nefesh, soul; Ruach, spirit; Neshamah, breath; Chayah, life force; and Yechidah, unique singularity. The Master Kabbalists explain that the soul’s five names describe five dimensions of the soul. Nefesh is the force that is the engine of physical life. Ruach is the emotional self, imbuing the individual with personality. Neshamah is the intellectual self. Chayah is the life force imbuing the person with will, commitment, and faith. Yechidah connotes the essence of the soul—its unity with its source, the singular essence of Hashem.

Time Of Confusion

Immediately upon death, the neshamah can be in a state of utter confusion. It is thus considered a great chesed to remain with a dying person, so that he or she not die alone and confused.

During this time, the soul often forgets, out of a sense of confusion and fright, who it was. The Shla HaKadosh thus recommends that one become familiar with a verse in the Torah that alludes to his or her own name so that the soul can be calmed during this period. The verse alludes to one’s own name if the first and last letters of the verse match the first and last letters of one’s own name. These verses are usually found and recited in the back of the Shacharis Shemoneh Esreih.

The soul that is now detached from the body is painfully aware of any and all things that physically surround its body. This is particularly true before the body is buried. The soul can also hear words that are said by others that are around the body. The Talmud (Shabbos 152a) tells us that the soul itself mourns for its body for a full seven days. This is seen from the verse “His soul mourns for him” (Iyov 14:22).

It is for this reason that those who perform the taharah and those who watch the body before it is buried should refrain from frivolous conversation so that the neshamah not be further bewildered by what is transpiring.

The author can be reached at [email protected]