There is a big problem in our midst, and we are all very aware of it; It is a problem felt by all, and the term “crisis” is no exaggeration.
We are witnessing a devastating situation that is seemingly getting worse each day, and for some inexplicable reason, nothing substantial is being done. I am sorry to bore you, but yes, I am referring to the shidduch crisis.
Our holy Chachomim made many leniencies when it came to agunos (meeshum eeguno hekeelu). There is a well-known story of one of the gedolai haposkim from a previous generation to whom an aguna shaalah came. He worked tirelessly and delved into the depth of the sugya and all the relevant halachos to try find a heter, but he was unsuccessful and gave up. Soon after, however, he successfully came up with a heter.
His talmidim explained that their rebbe’s brilliant mind was unable to come up with a heter but his large, holy heart, which was so pained by the tzaar of this aguna, could find no peace and it compelled him to find a heter.
Although a distinction can be made between the two situations, it seems clear that the primary pain of an aguna is her being indefinitely alone. The question therefore is: how can the collective heart of our people rest when all of us know many Bnos Yisroel who are blessed with every possible maaleh and middah and yet they are not being given the most basic chance at getting married? How can the hearts of our roshei yeshiva, our rabbonim and askonim rest for even one moment knowing what is going on in their backyard? How can any of us sleep at night, let alone overindulge in gashmius and taavah while this catastrophe is brewing all around us?
It seems crystal clear to anyone with knowledge of the growth of our communities that the age gap is a primary problem as leading Gedolei Yisroel have said. And as Rav Elya Ber Wachtfogel said in a video presentation at last year’s Agudah Convention, preaching bitochon has no place here because the numbers are simply not there.
The chassidish communities and even the yeshivish communities in Eretz Yisroel do not have this problem because the boys get married younger. How can it be that nothing real is being done about it? Where are our hearts? Who is prepared to give a din v’cheshbon for this?
I am sure that money can help in many ways, and so the question begs to be asked: Why are our gevirim giving tens of millions of dollars to build beautiful shuls in Eretz Yisroel and beautiful buildings in Lakewood while turning a blind eye to the plight of our very own daughters, granddaughters, sisters, nieces, cousins and neighbors?
How can this be? How is it possible that we can come together to ban this, that, and the other thing, and yet we can’t get together to brainstorm to find a solution for the plight of our girls?
We have mass gatherings and organizations dedicated to everything, but for something as close to home and as excruciatingly painful as this, all we have are a few questions at The Agudas Yisroel Convention and a few letters to The Voice of Lakewood’s Coffee Room.
I implore each one of you to do all that you can to rectify this terrible wrong. Contact every Rosh Yeshiva, Rov and Askan that you know and plead with them to turn over the world to stop this terrible, man-made gezeira. Let our yiddishe hearts finally wake up and realize that charity and askonus begins at home.
It is important that we hear the cries of Jews in Ukraine and throughout the world, but it is even more important that we hear the muffled sobs of our very own precious daughters. We can’t keep burying ourselves under our pillows and turn up the sound machine to drown them out.
Our collective cry will be heard, and change will iy”h happen. We owe it to our girls to do all that we can for them. They are the pride of Klal Yisroel, we cannot and must not let them down, not now and not ever.
Please let us all come together to end this once and for all. As a tzibur we can and must do it. Let us not wait another second.
A simple Yid with a heart.
NOTE: The views expressed here are those of the authors and do not necessarily represent or reflect the views of YWN.
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“It is important that we hear the cries of Jews in Ukraine and throughout the world, but it is even more important that we hear the muffled sobs of our very own precious daughters.”
Not finding a date is obviously not more important than being under artillery shelling.
Let the comments begin! This will be fun
What does the author want these roshei yeshiva to do about it exactly?
How can we sleep at night? Good question. The answer is I don’t sleep at night. But it’s not just about shidduchim. What about young fathers and mothers with cancer and other illnesses? What about the yesomim they leave behind? What about sky-rocketing divorce rates which creates a different type of yesomim? What about drug abuse in our community? What about the rampant antisemitism? What about our youth’s leaving the ways or their forefathers? What makes you single out the shidduch crisis?
To me I know this is controversial but needs to be said the real shidduch crises is many older singles are not married because they are looking for a shidduch that doesn’t exist instead of looking for what they should be looking for. I really think the time has come that a perspective shidduch rett, or even after each date without discussing with his/her Rav Rebbe first & after discussing all the facts for example what your feelings were on the date & why you feel it’s not right etc & allow the Rav of Rebbe to make the decision. I think there should also be a rule that if you don’t have a rav or won’t listen either have that put in cheirim or ban him/her from shul. I think if perspective matches knew this was facing them there would be many more marriages & these would be happy marriages. I know this sounds crazy but how many times has a friend told someone to break off a shidduch & they listened & now regret doing so many years later when still single & the perspective match got married to some else?
simple answer to all these problems. let people have more than one wife and the problem will be quickly solved
How come every time the news cycle is slow the shidduch crisis all the sudden appears? Then if something worth mentioning in gashmi develops it loses the center of attention. If this is such a big deal, keep it in the headlines no matter what.
Wow right on. This is perhaps the largest issue facing klal yisroel, certainly in terms of numbers of people affected, yet we have not heard anything from the organizations that claim to represent us. And of all the issues that they do deal with, many of them where the solutions are not at all simple, here the solution is right in front of our faces and easily repairable if we just want to and choose to do something about it. This issue is totally self inflicted and the solution is clear so let’s go do it.
To the commenters above making light of this I really feel bad for you and I am sure you were never in a situation like this looking for a shidduch for years to no avail. You should be ashamed of yourselves. The reason they have chosen this issue is that this is the only issue that is self inflicted and has an easy solution as opposed to people dying, divorces etc..And yes to those singles this is more important to them than the issue in Ukraine, and what the author wants presumably is for the boys to be told to go earlier and return earlier from Israel and start dating at a younger age so that their own sisters will not fall victim.
Can someone explain why the girls don’t get married later. If the problem is the age gap, wouldn’t it make sense to have the boys and girls wait till they are older and more mature. So 23 year old girls can marry 23 year old boys.
Defer reference-calling & parental involvement until after the third date
Stop discriminating against Working Bochurim
= shidduch crisis solved
THERE IS NO SHIDDUCH CRISES
Hashem already setup your sons and everyone else’s son/daughter zivug 40 days before they were even born. Forget about the fact that now they are holding at around 20 or so years later since they were born. Hashem has their zivug waiting for them and can send it to your son/daughter immediately but is just waiting for each person involved in shidduchim to do their RUCHNIUS hishtadlus of Bitachon and Emunah(faith and trust in Hashem) together with Tefillos/Prayers.
Are YOU doing your RUCHNIUS hishtadlus? Not just your gashmius hishtadlus of dating and speaking to shadchanim etc….?
Start turning directly to Hashem for help in all your needs, especially shidduchim that they say is a bigger miracle than the splitting of the Yam suf.
On a separate note:
in yiddishkeit, if a person wants something (be it a livlihood, shidduch or child etc…) a person needs to do more then just daven & say tehillim, the person needs to also YEARN for it.-sadly- in today’s society we are living in, we are not YEARNING for the Bais Hamikdosh, we have everything from planes to cars & computers etc… even the gift of Shabbos for Gashmius to sleep & relax etc… HASHEM SAYS to klal yisroel, come back to me when your ready & ask me for something from your HEART & i will give you whatever you want (i’m sure if your child came to you for something you would get it, why wouldn’t you? the love between a parent & child is unlimited…. & that’s the way Hashem loves EACH & EVERY ONE OF US)
All of us have heard, read & seen tons of true stories of people who had their first child at 42 or had a sick child in critical condition, & then the doctor says i’m very sorry but your daughter has only 3 hours to live & then he comes back 2 hours later & says its really a miracle but your child is beginning to recover etc…. Why is it that they finally had a child & the child recovered? There could be tons of answers, but the most common answer Is a Pasuk we say 3 times a day in Davening. Hashem is close to all who call to him, to all who call out truthfully. (Tehillim 145)Because they cried out wholeheartedly from their heart, they really meant what they were saying when they davened to H-shem to have a baby or for his daughter to recover etc…. there’s a reason we call Hashem, Avinu She’bashamayim (our father in heaven) Hashem loves us from a father to a son & is waiting to put his Shchina (presence) & his bais hamikdosh back in this world. If we really cried out for the Bais Hamikdosh from our heart with truth & show that we are missing it, then we wouldn’t still be in Golus today.
May we all start davening wholeheartedly directly to Hashem for anything we need and may Hashem answer our tefillos immediately.
As i am reading these comments especially from doom 777 It is amazing to me how Frum Yidden can be so cold to such a tremendous problem as shidduchim for girls.I personally know of girls in their hi 20’s hi 30’s and 40’s who don’t even get a phone call for a shidduch.
and there is a solution but because of personal reasons these solutions are not implemented by the yeshivas.
B’H doom777 obviously doesn’t have a daughter in shidduchim and waiting at the phone with his daughter or daughters while they turn 25- 30 to 40 having a fear of never getting married. and here is hundreds and hundreds of girls in this category How someone can trivialize this is beyond comprehension
It is disgusting to see all the trolls being so callous and sarcastic at the heartening letter written above. It is a very serious problem without an easy solution.
But that is what makes people be sarcastic. They feel the pain and don’t know what to do about it so instead of helping they make fun.
That is the core of leitzonus. Hearing mussur and not willing or not feeling up to changing but not enjoying that uncomfortable feeling inside…..
So instead be doiche the mussar with 100 letzonus.
Shame on you all!!
As someone once said “If you don”t know what to do ,rather do nothing” but to be sarcastic and callous just to aliviate your personal uncomfortable feelings is totally self centered and outright nausiating.
And YES it should be in the headlines 24/7 every day every second. On the minds of every yid with a heart. Roshei Yeshiva, semenary teachers, balabatim, askanim, rich people, poor people.
Everyone and anyone who has any feel for another yiddishe tochter.
And that includes you too…whoever you may be behind al the stupid pennames. Unless of course you aren’t from the am hanivchar who pride themselves as Rachmanim bnei Rachmanim. Children of Avrohom Yitzchok and Yaakov.
Why say boys should get married younger? It makes more sense to bridge the age gap by having girls marry later. That way one spouse is out of college, can begin a career, will lessen the burden on parents and in laws, (which itself will help with shalom bayis), will lessen the burden on askonim, will allow for the girl to be more mature and thought out, etc. The flip side just leads to boys getting married when immature, just knowing what they want physically and not spiritually. I got married after having tremendous spiritual growth in BM years. If I got married at 19 I would have married a lot less religious then my wife. I can imagine many are in the same boat.
I’m in Shidduchem for over 5 years. Hashem has a plan and a reason what each person needs to go through. You can scream at the bal habatim and the roshei heyshivos all you want and say it’s everyone’s fault. There is no logic to that. We all just need to daven and do what we can when we have an idea or to help reach out when we can. The rest is in Hashems hands same with sickness and anything else. There is nothing more we need to do other then daven like by anyting else and help when something pops into our head. Why don’t we say that when someone has cancer we should scream at all bal habatim and roshei hayeshivos to heal this person and get the best doctors and etc. cuz we understand Hashem is the one in charge and it’s all in his control same thing with shidduchem. I don’t understand how anyone can think differently than this way…..
I’m in the process dealing with all this everyday….. keep straightening your emunah!
All resumes should have birthdate and age deleted. Boys “look” for age when you tell them that age is a “thing” – which it certainly is not.
Thank you for the passion. I never understood how people learn the gemoros that talk about leniences put into place by chazal “משום עיגונא” and at the same time not put into practice. We have all the excuses and silly ideas like paying full time shadchanim, but nothing will help if the boys aren’t there. Just think anecdotally and you will realize that you know many older single women and almost no single old boys. Hello! There’s the proof. I personally married off a son and the phone rang off the hook for him (a working boy) and for my daughters – the phone is silent. Sorry, spin it how you want – the facts are the facts. We will continue to teach in our yeshivos משום עיגונא אקילו but it will remain an abstract saying in the גמרא only. I actually thought Torah is meant to be practiced.
Thank you for the passion. I never understood how people learn the gemoros that talk about leniences put into place by chazal “משום עיגונא” and at the same time not put into practice. We have all the excuses and silly ideas like paying full time shadchanim, but nothing will help if the boys aren’t there. Just think anecdotally and you will realize that you know many older single women and almost no single old boys. Hello! There’s the proof. I personally married off a son and the phone rang off the hook but with my daughters there is an eerie silence. I thought Torah was meant to be practiced. Maybe I’m nieve and it’s supposed to be used only for mental exercise.
Facts on the ground have shown the opposite. Once a girl has been in the outside world, has a career etc. Suddenly the 23 year old “chunyukete” yeshiva boy is just to lame and unworldly for her. He has never been outside koislei hayeshiva. When they are fresh out of school they usually still have that altruistic ethusiasem to lead a kollel life compatible with the boy she is meeting.
Not always the case obviously but a known problem in the yeshiva world.
And a boy at age 20 is much more immature than a girl that age.
There is no easy solution. But to mach avek the issue with stupid sarcastic remarks as some above is outright disgusting.
As mentioned, one way is to have girls marry later. But as boys “prefer” younger brides, then either boys should be taught to value maturity, or girls or their parents should have takona not to get married until later. Of course, unless she goes to (a frum or online) college, it is not clear what she will be doing.
Another approach is for the girls’ parents to be richer (as Gemora kiddushin suggests how do you help a daughter to get married – adoron her with jewelry, etc). Then, boys would prefer to be supported by a loving shver than his demanding parents and will go get married earlier.
Seminaries, Bais Yaakov’s and Yeshivos need to network better together to make shidduchim for their students. The Agudah has programs for jobs networking. Why can’t they do the same for shidduchim networking? After 12 years in the school system, they know them very well. Add on the enormous tuition fees per year. That would be a nice compensation (besides for their diploma and list of references). Just like the school systems took the reigns of Chinuch mostly on behalf of the parents, they should ensure that their well invested students have a future as well.
Another problem with the Shidduch system is that while the girls stay in their home towns after seminary, Yeshiva Bochurim spend many years in their Yeshivas, many of them never returning home, whether it’s boys learning in Eretz Yisroel who want to marry girls there, or boys that feel more comfortable having their Rosh Yeshiva set them up than their parents. So many out of town boys end up marrying in town girls near their Yeshiva, leaving the out of town girls outnumbered.
I have a few male friends who have been fruitlessly searching for girls to marry. Frum smart boys. Many frum smart girls. Frum guys, divorced with or without kids. They are open to dating girls who are single mothers with three children even. They all keep rejecting thr boys for no reason. No chance to get a date. They flatly say no. Boys are willing to date. Girls are being insanely picky. That’s the shidduch crisis.
To Reb Shmuel Klein:
Thank you for a wise and beautiful comment.
May Hashem bentsch your entire family and the rest of Klal Yisroel with lots of good health.
As some have picked up on here, it’s so disheartening to read the callous comments here. Not only about the subject matter, but about the author. The mocking tones, the sarcastic voice in which some commenters replied, as if they couldn’t read into, or care about the pain obviously present. It doesn’t matter if YOU don’t care about this issue, you should care that this author is hurting. Maybe we also have a compassion crisis?
This is patently untrue. Myself and others who have both a boy and a girl in the shidduch parsha will tell you that we are getting three calls a days and piles of resumes for our son before the freezer even opens, yet perhaps one resume every few months for our daughter who is a top girl.
The Shidduch crises and the Divorce crises stem from the same issue. Frum society has become completely engrossed in American culture which is materialistic, narcisistic and hedonistic. People want a nice life, a beautiful wife, big house, and are influenced by the fantasises they see on the computer. This fantasy is incompatible with yiddishkiet, and also incompatible with having mental health.
Forcing boys to start marrying earlier will not solve this problem. It will not eliminate the problem of inflated, unrealistic expectations, of narcissism, and all of the other ills of American society that frum Jews have become influenced by.
People need to deal with the fact that there is no quick and easy fix, despite the tendency in the US to assume everything has a quick and easy fix if you are willing to pay $$ for it.
Girls are being picky for valid reasons. They are entitled to be treated well like it says in the Torah. Boys should be taught in Yeshiva how to properly date and how to treat a wife. Then they won’t be scared to date them… Girls are taught in seminary to sacrifice for their husbands. What are the boys willing to sacrifice in return?
I agree with Yochy and the others along his line. Shame on the rest of you callous people. It’s all these callous comments above that that tells us why there is such a kitrug R”l.
1) Whoever insists on this freezer through ט”ו ב”שבט is as guilty as ever
2) We need to be having sleepless nights over Moshe Kleinerman, because in addition to Moshe & his beloved parents, what is going to befall the girl who is his Spiritual Beschert?
wow….from the above it seems that no one knows Hashem runs the world.
I’m happy I don’t know the author, so i can call him out for this inane article. The most appalling part is this:
“Contact every Rosh Yeshiva, Rov … that you know and plead with them”
Sure thing, simple Yid, start telling our leaders what to do. Sure, you’re an am haaretz and they have daas Torah, but you must take charge and badger them, all of them, until they start doing things “right”.
Your chutzpa towards the Torah and Malchus Shamayim seems only to be masked by your ignorance and lack of thinking.
If a rav or family members can’t guide, dating coaches are essential. Many a shidduch are rejected for minor reasons, but wouldn’t be if a wise person who has life experience would guide those involved.
yzj: What makes her a “top girl”?
The Vilna Gaon wanted to end the ban on having multiple wives.
Alexander uses an odd phrase: “shidduchim for girls”. He does not seem to realize that for every girl/woman without a shidduch, there is a boy/man likewise missing a shidduch.
As for the “crisis”, as long as the drum population is growing steadily, there is no crisis.
Allow me to be callous to a non problem. Sorry, but all you presented is anecdotal evidence.
There are same amount of boys and girls being born every year. The rate of assimilation among frum Jews is b”h negligible. This means that the age gap is the only statistical difference. But how much is it really?
In 2000, there were 4,058,814 births in US, meaning there are 4,058,814 22-23 year old Americans.
In 2003 there were 4,089,950 births, an increase of 0.7%. In other words, for every 1,000 19yo girls, there are 993 23yo boys.
Since there cannot be a gap between amount of single men and women, maybe the crisis is how singles look at it. I am a single 35yo man, and I am obviously not “muffled sob[bing]”. The phone never rings for me either, and I quit hazering on the doorsteps of shadchanim a long time ago. I have a job, my own place, and am pretty content with life. So let’s teach girls stoicism, and to be happy with what Hashem gave them, and to make the most of what they have.
your letter deserves a real response but very briefly;
1. the roshei yeshiva WISH they had an answer. they themselves all have einiklach in the same boat
2. despite a lot of data and research there are a good kasha’s on every theory
3. there are weddings every night , and those families didnt do anything diff. than their single friends..
4. money , looks , degrees, size.yichus. although they have a place on the resume if you look at seminary classes its clear that many times those girls didnt go first and the “shleppers” ( chas veshalom) went last
5. the fact that chassidish have much less of a problem can also be for many other reasons
6. finally many sincere woman formed groups & lists spent hours ” TRYING” yet very little home runs
one small eitza which we could take from the chassidishe is that boy & girl get the resume with the same click of the mouse
I was in BMG several times during night Seder this Chanuka. The Bais Midrash had less bochurim there than during Bain Hazmanin…. Why can’t the self imposed freezer end at Chanukah?? Most bochurim aren’t learning well over Chanukah. This would assist in MINIMIZING the Shidduch Crises. Additionally it should not be in place for bochurim over the age of 24…… How can they go against every Israeli Gadol that forbade the freezer. Every single day this freezer is in place is a terrible thing. I personally heard from Rav Moshe Shternbuch that ths is the worst Gezirah done to Klal Yisrael in modern times.
Don’t you guys realize Hashem runs the world!
You guys sound like an antisemitic scientist. Worse than the Big Bang theory. Shame on all of you. Blaming the boys girls roshei Hayeshivas bal habatim. No belief in Hashem
The torah told us already when we are supposed to start dating (and perhaps this was part of the reason). What we want to do is ignore the Torahs recommendation and then say that hashem will take care of everything and there is no crisis and have emunah and there is a zivug for all. Dont you see the hypocrisy? The chassidim who have listened to the torahs advice here dont have a boy shortage as you’ll notice.
Just gonna throw my 2 cents in here I didn’t read all the comments so it may have been said already. Maybe there’s another way to look at this?? Is it possible that all you people so hurt for these girls and eager to blame the world for it maybe your missing a point?? It seems so easy for all the rosh yeshivos to get together and fix this “problem” it’ll take a five minute meeting. All they need to do is to start sending the bachurim to eretz yisroel earlier. The fact that they have not done anything like this yet shows you something. Take a step back and allow the roshei yeshiva and Gedolim to teach us something by their actions instead of asking pointed questions and forcing them to give diplomatic answers. I think if you do this honestly and really try to understand you’ll see this whole situation in a different light
what does Daas Torah say on this? Let us remember that traditionally men have married women who are younger so technically there is always this issue.
If we’re not suggesting to the girls to postpone dating till age 22 or 23 to help solve their own crises, then we have no business laying any guilt, pressure, or blame on the boys!
If it’s not the girl’s problem enough that they themselves should make some changes, then it’s no one else’s problem either.
richashu: Your comment hits the nail on the head. Unfortunately people prefer to bury their heads in the sand and carry on with their comfortable lives- lives which the Gedolim of yesteryear would have been appalled at. Its easier to blame others than to take action with oneself.
If the multiple comments whose answer to everything is “Hashem runs the world”, then we should acknowledge that the shidduch “crisis” is no more a crisis than the “border Crisis” or any other issue about which some yidden mindlessly yell “gevalt” and demand solutions that don’t exist. If Hashem truly runs the world and everyone is matched to their beschert under some version of hashgacha paratis, lets turn our attention to some real problems confronting the frum velt such as little bugs in romaine lettuce or shatnez resulting from linen threads in dollar bills rubbing off on to the wool threads in your shabbos pants.
As someone who was a member of the ABC club for some years, a lot of single girls turn down Shidduch suggestions pretty quickly once they reach a certain age. In fact there’s more of a crisis for the guys. If they aren’t from a perfect family a professional top bochur very hard for guys to get married. Girls today are self-sufficient and don’t feel the need to settle down.
The Bais Yaakovs and partially yeshivas contributed to maybe creating a feminist crisis. They have girls go for a solid education and be marketable for employment. Boys aren’t even qualified to wait by a cash register until a few years in learning if that happens. The girls are more sophisticated today than the guys are up until a certain age. We need to change this learn and get supported system. Maybe it’s meant for a few gifted Talmidei Chachomim; it’s not for thousands of people.
It’s a money issue. Give money incentives to Bochurim rather to shadchanim to make them date older and local girls. That’s the solution.
” The girls are more sophisticated today than the guys are up until a certain age. We need to change this….”
Azoy…the girls are too smart for the bochurim. So lets “dumb down” the girls by denying them an education and job skills and put them all on the same (lower) intellectual level?? That would definitely solve the unshidduch uncrisis.
For those of you screaming “Daas Torah” this and “Daas Torah” that, keep in mind that “Daas Torah” isn’t all you make it out to be.
Some people say that there is no shidduch crisis. Well, that would be a miracle, since the numbers prove that there should be one, because of the age gap!
Let’s try to calculate this:
If the average generation is 30 years (20-40) and the average frum family has 6.3 children, since the replacement rate for a generation is 2.1 (two parents plus infertiles etc.) = growth rate of 200% every 30 years.
So an age discrepancy of 3 years means 20% (3/30 X 200%) of girls have no shidduch for them, 4 years equals 26.7% (4/30 X 200%) of girls with no eligible boy!
How can people deny such facts?
You are welcome to explain why this calculation is not valid!
Even if people really have less children or we take into account people leaving the yeshiva community, this is still a grave mathematical crisis.
Either boys must start looking at a younger age or girls at an older one…
Beit, your math is wrong. Growth is exponential.
First the inputs. To know how many 23 year old boys, and 19 year old girls there are today, we need to see how many frum kids were born 19 years ago, and 23 years ago. I brought numbers for general US population, but you are correct that frum have more kids, so growth is faster.
Here is some statistics: https://www.pewresearch.org/religion/2021/05/11/jewish-demographics Orthodox Jews have 6.6 kids (3.3 per parent), while general US is just replacement rate, 2.1, so Jews have (6.6/2.1) 3.14 as many kids.
Above, I brought US births from 2000 and 2003. Assuming Jewish and general population rates did not change (they did, but I don’t have access to this data, I am not a scientist, and this is not a scientific article)
So growth in Jewish world is not 0.7%, but 0.7*3.14 = 2.2%. Meaning for 1000 bachurim of age 23, there are 1022 girls age 20. With a five year age gap, for every 1000 bachurim there are 1037 girls. So worse than I thought, but still not 20%.
GH that isn’t the point. However this system made the girls feel all powerful. The guys have to have the perfect resume and can’t make a mistake on their first date.
Why is this being hidden from the front page?