This past Shavuos night, I witnessed something that deeply disturbed me—and it wasn’t just the emergency unfolding on my block. A Hatzalah call had brought flashing lights and urgent voices into our quiet street. But as the dedicated responders worked to assist someone in distress, what stood out most was the crowd that quickly gathered.
Neighbors poured out of their homes—still dressed in Yom Tov attire—watching the scene as if it were a public spectacle. Some stood and stared. Others whispered and pointed. One child even walked up to the very door of the house where the emergency was taking place, trying to get a closer look.
The Hatzalah member on scene asked—not once, but countless times—for space, for privacy, for dignity. Those pleas were largely ignored.
And I couldn’t help but wonder: Where were the parents? How is it that children were left to stand outside and treat someone’s pain like entertainment? How could any of us allow that? What kind of message are we sending to the next generation about kavod habriyos—about basic human respect?
So I ask: Where’s the menschlichkeit in our community? Where is our sense of decency, compassion, and respect? At a moment when a fellow Yid was in crisis, we lost sight of what it means to be a true am kadosh.
Hatzalah volunteers are not only first responders—they are sacred responders, dropping everything, even on Yom Tov, to save lives. The very least we can do is honor their efforts by giving them space and ensuring the people they’re helping are treated with dignity.
We pride ourselves on being a community of Torah and chesed. Let’s make sure that our behavior—and our children’s behavior—reflects those ideals, both inside and outside our homes.
Name withheld upon request
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23 Responses
Oh, please stop complaining.This is a normal human reaction.People are amazing.Parents are amazing.Children are amazing, not everybody.Thinks so deeply when something happens while you are correct.I do not think this is warranted
First and foremost, while it’s unfortunate that such a terrible spectacle and Chilul Hashem had to occur for this issue to be brought to light, I’m grateful that you printed this letter. This painful moment can serve as a much-needed wake-up call.
Tragically, this is not a new problem. For as long as I can remember — even from childhood — anyone who looked “different” was often gawked at as though they were part of a science experiment or belonged in a Ripley’s Believe It or Not exhibit. This isn’t just impolite — it’s a deep failure of chinuch.
We must teach our children, from the youngest age, that it is simply not polite to stare. Full stop.
Because we haven’t consistently instilled this basic sensitivity, even at moments of crisis — such as a medical emergency — many see nothing wrong with staring. It feels benign to them, only because we’ve conditioned them that way. But in truth, it adds to someone else’s suffering and strips away their dignity.
Yes, as a community we are often wonderful at responding when someone is in dire need, when the situation is rachmana litzlan tragic. But mentchlichkeit isn’t only for the extreme cases. Sensitivity in small moments — the kind that happen every day — is where true character is revealed.
The nations of the world can sometimes raise absurd sums of money online for absurd causes — simply because a story went viral. Are we not meant to be Or Lagoyim — a light unto the nations? Let’s not wait for tragedy or spectacle to inspire compassion. Let’s raise ourselves, and our children, to act with dignity and empathy at all times.
And again, this starts at home. We must teach our children not to stare. Not at someone with a different yarmulke, not at someone who dresses differently, and certainly not at someone in distress. If there’s a medical emergency outside, we don’t rush to the window. We close the blinds, stay inside, and daven quietly.
Ironically, parents will go to great lengths to ensure their children don’t peek when a young couple steps out — yet often give no thought to how their children react when a fellow Jew, a brother or sister, is going through a traumatic moment right next door.
In the zechus of strengthening our sensitivity and mentchlichkeit, may we be zoicheh to the ultimate Geulah — speedily and in our days.
Omein.
Well when you have sites like this, vosizneias, boroparkScoop, etc that literally live to share news like this with everyone without concern for any sensitivity or if they want their picture taken and everybody just eats it up. How do you expect people to act different in person? Food for thought
Well put
I would like to suggest an idea that might help
Find a Rav that will start a movement called “myob” “inomb” or that sort of thing, make magnets promoting “it’s none of my business”, klal yisrael loves to be part of a (WhatsApp) group and they will learn menshlichkeit that way
Just my humble opinion
Aren’t you guilty of the the things you described? It seems you weren’t just passing by but had time to notice numerous details.
Chinuch starts at home not at YWN.
Thanks for this important letter.
People need to learn and live מוסר. The rejection of mussar in our time by many, ר”ל, and its replacement by newfangled false (frum seeming on surface, but actually incorrect) doctrines like “every Yid is a big tzadik”, and “unconditional love”, has created a mass of frum-krum, hymish-behymish, mixed up, entitled grubbeh yung. Faux frum krum has replaced ehrlichkeit and middos tovos for far too many, ה’ ירחם.
Wake up Yidden and change course before things get worse!
Can we please stop publicly complaining about Klal Yisrael?
Sadly, the letter writer is so, so spot on! It happens all the time. A Absolutely not condoning it however, as a people, it’s one of our faults.
I can’t help but wonder. How did you know that neighbors stood and stared and that a walked over to the door? Maybe it is because you were standing and watching too?
The worst part is that this isn’t shocking:(
You’re right and wrong. I thought you were going to write about saying please and thank you or giving a seat to an older person. But sometimes you as an adult expect children or even teenagers to think like adults or have the same feelings and understanding like adults. Do you ever watch children and bochrim gather around police that come to shuls on Yom Tov, Do you know how many bochrim buff Hatzlolah,Shomrim, Shmira. Yes, the reason is It’s exciting. Obviously in you’re perfect thinking as an adult you’re right, but children aren’t little adults they will do things that you may find annoying or uncomfortable Yes they have to be taught proper etiquette but your letter is too strong.
“Our community”.
What City? What town? Which neighborhood? Very vague ambiguous accusation. No need to paint everyone with a broad brush to facilitate your soapbox narrative.
Can I add, teach your kids to throw trash in a garbage can! The amount of trash in our school yard and “heimish trash” (wrappers from frum brands) in our streets is ridiculous. I live in a small out of town community. The non Jewish security guards have commented on the way the vicinity of the school is full of garbage. It’s a chillul Hashem and lack of basic derech eretz.
In town like Brooklyn are different than out of town. If you want to live where no one knows you then live inBrooklyn. Out of town people usually come over to greet you. Why is that. Because in town there are so many yidden you get lost in the crowd. When you’re out of town everyone says gut shabbos. It is what it is.
As a person who went to a hospital in an ambulance a few times…
Thank you.
Is not a chilul hashem to call out a chilul hashem
“I can’t help but wonder. How did you know that neighbors stood and stared and that a walked over to the door? Maybe it is because you were standing and watching too?“
Abgol,
Has anyone ever taught you how to be דן לכף זכות? I can give you two ways
1) they were the patient’s family member
2) they were the hatzalah member
Didn’t see 2qwerty’s post but it applies here too
This is an age old problem within our communities which I take very personal. Years back my wife went in to labor and complications set on very quickly the angels of hatzalah responded immediately but it took a while to stabilize her, time was of the essence, when it came time to wheel her out of the house to the waiting ambulance there were well over 50 people outside watching most were teenagers, hatzalah begged them to disperse may be 5 listened. I believe it’s a lack of entertainment, no tv, no internet, no books so when something like this happens it’s the show they have been waiting for to quench their natural thirst. Very sad.
lets sort this out
1. true -when u need hatzalah its bad enough , the crowds dont help
2. no one is in ” hatzolohs way” even when their are hundreds of ppl.. no one is blocking the stretcher
3 yidden care , yidden are curious, yidden help… try not to yente andfill in the blanks …
4 for starters to the adults ,if u want to watch keep a distance give it 50 feet , if it seems to be psych call go inside and peek from your window if u need to , and take a tehilim sincerly for 5 minutes
5. for kids i dont see a way to be misgaber .. thats part of lifes experiences..
again this is all logic of course if i was in the stretcher in an undershirt my tone would be dif. but logic is still correct
To the editor of the letter and to all responding above that feel so bad-
I assume it’s a big mitzva to go look, gather , whisper etc. This is gives the family of the victim courage and strength making the Impression that people care about him. I had Hatzoloh called at my home and was delighted with every single neighbor that crowded around. It’s a true Gimlas Chesed !!!!
@ Meir G:
New concept:
Aizehu Gibor Hakovesh es Yitzro
You CAN do this.
It’s Never Too Early to Grow Up.
As far as I know, my mother was not a Yid. When I was a child standing at the front door, I pointed at a man across the street and said, “Look, Mother, that man is walking with crutches!” Although the man could not possibly have seen us from across as we stood behind the closed screen door, my mother responded, “We should never point at someone like that because it might embarrass them.”
That wise instruction has stayed with me my entire life. Now 83 and a frume Yid, I still cannot stop and gape at someone in a situation that might compromise their privacy and dignity. If there is a way I can help, I would first carefully and respectfully ask permission.
We can add the person and family to our list of people to daven for, even if we don’t know their names or conditions. The Rofeh chol basar u’mafli la’asos does know every detail of the situation.