Someone dies by suicide every eleven minutes in the United States and it is reported to be the second leading cause of death for individuals aged 10 to 34. Men are four times as likely to die by suicide as women, and the most vulnerable age group is those 75+. This is in contrast to women, where the most vulnerable group is aged 45 to 64. The greatest risk factor associated with death by suicide is a previous attempt.
It is difficult to find hard, quantifiable and accurate data about suicide specifically in frum communities. Some studies in Israel suggested that religious teens were about half as likely to be suicidal as their secular peers. In broader studies around religion affecting suicide rates, studies indicated that being involved in religious life did negatively correlate with suicidality, which intuitively makes sense. Others suggest that there may be particular stigma and under-reporting in religious communities which may account for some of this difference. Certainly, groups that are disenfranchised and isolated within the frum community are at elevated risk for suicide than those who are integrated. Regardless of the exact statistics, we are becoming increasingly aware of the pervasiveness of suicidality in our own communities and too many lives have been lost and families torn apart to not address the issue.
People who die by suicide are in intense emotional pain that feels inescapable and unbearable. It is not a selfish choice- in fact they feel like they are a burden to their family and friends who would be better off without them. Sometimes those struggling with suicidality have diagnosed mental illness but many do not. Loneliness and isolation is a key factor. Suicide can affect people who appear high-functioning, accomplished, or emotionally stable externally. Pain is not always visible.
There are some common misconceptions about suicide that are important to address. Among these are, “asking someone about suicide will put the idea in their head”, “if someone is determined to die, nothing can stop them” and “people who talk about suicide won’t actually do it.” In truth, evidence shows that asking about suicidality calmly, reduces shame and isolation and can decrease risk by showing that someone cares and can handle the conversation. Many people who die by suicide have communicated thoughts about it before, and all talk about suicide must be taken seriously. Most suicidal crises are time-limited. With support, treatment, and connection, risk can dramatically decrease. Many people who survive attempts go on to lead meaningful lives.
Some of the things that we can do to reduce suicide risk as both a community and individuals are:
- Take suicidal thoughts seriously
- Ask directly about suicide
- Reduce access to lethal means.
- Strengthen social connection,
- Encourage professional help,
- De-stigmatize mental suffering,
- Be a non-judgmental listener and
- Promote hope and reasons for living.
If you are struggling with suicidality please know that you don’t have to carry this burden alone. Reaching out to a trusted friend, family member, mentor, therapist, or crisis resource can create a bridge back to connection when your mind is telling you that you’re isolated. If you are in immediate danger or feel unable to keep yourself safe, please contact emergency services. A suicide hotline such as 988 (in the U.S.) can be called for immediate support — someone will answer, listen without judgment, and stay with you through the moment. You are not a burden, and the world is not better without you; your pain is real, but it is survivable, and help exists, even if right now hope feels out of reach.
Chayi Hanfling is a licensed clinical social worker who is experienced and passionate in helping individuals, families, and couples. She specializes in couples counseling, EFT, women’s health, anxiety management, OCD, trauma, and other mental health challenges. She can be reached at https://chaicounseling.org or [email protected]
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13 Responses
No one cares!! Not relevant to our community.
It’s relevant
Cause many suicides are caused from Fentanyl overdose or guns
But when somebody commits suicide in our community he isn’t used to access of Fentanyl or guns
This means something brought him to do that very seriously
True Conservative, Speak for yourself. Plenty of people care. I’m not sure which community you are part of but is very relevant in the community who read Yeshiva World.
@True Conservative
Get your head out of the sand.
@true conservative it is very relevant. I unfortunately heard news of this happening to a jewish teenager this morning
Stop denying parental alienation. It kills parents amd children. I was menachem avel people…
@True Conservative: Halevai you were correct!
Actually this is quite relevant to our community . Did you read the article ? Do you know that some of the people who passed away who you were told just “didn’t wake up in the morning” actually committed suicide? And part of their reasoning likely was that no one cared enough. So I would recommend that you start caring if you don’t want it to be relevant to our community .
This is a very good article,
Thank you Chayi, this is really appreciated!
Kudos for YWN for posting it.
In my opinion, this article is more valuable than all the other ‘Shtisim’ articles on YWN,
The article may save lives
With great respect to Chayi Hafling and to the editorial staff at Yeshiva World, I want to challenge the purpose and effectiveness of this article.
There are 4 groups of ppl who will pull up this page.
1.people who are clueless about mental health challenges, as neither they nor their close family have struggled. They read this post see alarm bells get an uneasy feeling and say that’s crazy! and the next time they bump into a coworker, friend etc that is exhibiting distress or sharing depressive thoughts, they will grow extremely alarmed, call for help, and grow anxious. When the friend needed coffe, hug etc
2. People who are actually struggling. (Ive been there. All they see in this article is there are many suicides. Yikes that’s frightening. I’m gonna one of them. It’s an epidemic. It’s doomed. Full blown panic which only raises the likelihood of further tragedy.
3. Family members of group 2, who usually respond the same which does nothing to create safety for the struggling individuals…
4. Ppl who are on the other side. Those of us who have made it to drier ground bh. And looking back with calmness and clarity we realize that the only way we made it back was from those people professionals or otherwise who took the time to support us by hearing our pain, davening, meeting us where we were at. Not looking at our struggles as ticking time bombs and community crises statistics, but rather as pain. And that makes the urges and ideation subside slowly, because then we no longer felt the need to run away, from the fear, the pain and the shame.
Awareness is important. Hysteria makes things worse. We don’t have a suicide crisis. We have a CRISIS crisis. People who are struggling need assurance that the world is not crumbling.
May Hashem heal all the broken hearts of our nation, and bring us joy and shalva.
Thank you to Chayi Hanfling for addressing this critical topic with both clinical expertise and compassion.
I want to echo shprintzi’s important point about the balance between awareness and creating panic. As someone who works with individuals facing kedusha and related struggles, I’ve seen how the framing of mental health information can either build bridges to help or inadvertently increase shame and isolation.
A few thoughts to add:
On the communal level: Yes, we need awareness. But more than statistics, we need to build communities where people feel safe reaching out before they’re in crisis. This means normalizing conversations about emotional pain, creating accessible pathways to support, and training our rabbanim, rebbeim, and lay leaders to respond with both urgency and calm when someone shares their struggles.
On the individual level: If you’re reading this and struggling – the fact that you’re still here, still reading, still considering reaching out – that itself is a sign of tremendous strength. Your neshamah wants to live. The pain you’re feeling is real, but it’s not the whole picture, even when it feels all-consuming.
For those who want to help: Sometimes the most powerful intervention isn’t knowing the perfect thing to say – it’s simply being present, listening without judgment, and helping someone feel less alone. If someone shares suicidal thoughts with you, your calm, caring response can be lifesaving.
The 988 hotline mentioned in the article is crucial for immediate crisis support. For our community specifically, organizations like Amudim, Relief Resources, and others provide culturally sensitive support.
May HaKadosh Baruch Hu grant refuah shleimah to all those struggling, and give us the wisdom and compassion to support each other with both urgency and hope.
shprintzi,
This is a very “calmly and clearly” written article, without a trace of hysteria. We all know promising young people tragically lost to suicide and there is indeed a crisis.
Can someone please clarify what is the definition of “crisis” and why every concern is labeled a crisis. I am not trying to be insensitive, I have a child under professional care for just these issues. I just want to know at what point in the game does something reach “crisis” proportion.